I hate the fact that I instinctively react against any attempt of normal, casual sex. Even hearing people mention it gives me physical disgust. Most of the time I can act as a normal person and laugh with the rest of the group, but inside I feel as if the person who is talking has suddenly become a subhuman. I'm not even religious, but just thinking of sleeping with someone else without properly knowing them turns my stomach, and the fact that most relationship´s simply begin that way terrifies me because I feel that I will never find someone who isn't insane but also doesn't like promiscuity
How the fuck do I get comfortable with the idea of normal sexual activity?
Needless to say, I'm a virgin and thinking of having a relationship with someone who isn't is scary as fuck.
Honestly knowing your sex would help with answering this question. FYI your position is a lot more understandable and redeemable if you are a man
why is it more understandable and redeemable if op is a man
it's fine. you are just sex negative.
If OP is man: He is suffering from "incel rage." Men have a high sex drive, they are programmed to breed. Denying them this is, in their eyes, bad. Humans are also intelligent enough to feel emotions like envy. So not only does this boy get denied his sex, he sees other higher status males "rolling in it." This drives him crazy, makes him question his self worth, and turns him into the fox who hates the grapes he can't reach. Statistically, cultures with higher mating disparity (fewer men monopolizing more female partners), both contemporaneously and historically, have had higher rates of violence perpetrated by young adult males. Essentially, OP feels existential rage which follows given human biology (considering the fact that we likely evolved in a more monogamous and egalitarian social context, though yes polygamy did certainly exist).
If OP is girl: your problem most likely stems more from a "psychological trauma" of sorts, if that's the right term. You seem to be emotionally damaged from being some sort of outcast (at least in your own mind, if not in reality). This is kind of similar to what I just described, but it differs significantly and I think it is harder to fix.
In either case, the disgust you feel is a part of the brain called the insula. The insula activates in the presence of both physically or socially repugnant stimuli (a rotting piece of flesh with maggots, or adultery). So your disgust indicates that you find casual sex morally reprehensible, and that's not an objectively bad thing. It's just not in accordance with Western society, which views casual sex as ok or even a good thing. You may or may not wish or be able to adjust your moral compass to match the majority's.
I feel the same way and I am in a relationship. I stopped hanging out with someone because I repeatedly told him I didn't want to hear about his casual sex exploits and he wouldn't stfu about them. I don't like casual sex even shown in movies and tv, grosses me out, and my bf is the same way. However, and this is the big thing, it's uncool to view people as subhumans for having casual sex. You don't have to be a part of those discussions but it might alienate you if you start to look down on others and adhere their behavior against your own morals- it's either because of your virginity or another deeper issue. Again, nothing wrong with not liking casual sex, it's normal, just not chill to judge everybody else, it's not like you have to date them and there are plenty of people like us to date
>How the fuck do I get comfortable with the idea of normal sexual activity? Seeing a therapist. Having a negative physical reaction to the thought of other people having a sex life is highly dysfunctional and you should consider seeking the help of a professional.
>casual sex is normal
What kind of exhaust engine did you crawl out of son.
>You may or may not wish or be able to adjust your moral compass to match the majority's. > Again, nothing wrong with not liking casual sex, it's normal, just not chill to judge everybody else, it's not like you have to date them and there are plenty of people like us to date I understand that it is part of the cultural landscape, and I have tried to become more accepting of it. If a friend comes to me and tells me of their last one-night stand, I do try to engage in the conversation and be generally polite But I still can't adjust my own reaction to it, and I think that's my main issue. It's a weirdly guttural feel.
I live in Brazil, user But American media does seem to promote it and by other user's stories it seems quite prevalent
I just think maybe anons feelings towards casual sex aren't abnormal. Not everyone likes the idea of fucking total strangers, user.
Maybe I'm missing something but what is wrong with disapproving of people treating sex like it's not (supposed to be) a special thing you only do with people you already know intimately? It's just slutty and not classy no matter if you're a guy/girl.
I'm not a virgin but I've only had sex with girls I'm considering marrying, so I'm a bit biased I guess
>I just think maybe anons feelings towards casual sex aren't abnormal. They are extremely abnormal. There is a massive difference between not personally wanting to participate in a casual sexual relationship and being physically sickened by another person who has nothing to do with you or your life participating in a casual sexual relationship. Its the difference between not liking the taste of tomato and becoming aggressively angry at anybody who eats tomatoes and think that they're all "subhuman". Understand that calling another person a "subhuman" because they live a lifestyle or have preference you don't personally subscribe to is as dysfunctional and quintessentially Jow Forums autistic as it gets. This is also not even including the fact that OP is generalizing all of this information on his own. He doesn't know the personal sex lives of all the people he meets. He has no idea what the quality of their relationship is or when exactly they decided to have sex or what kind of connection they have. His mentally ill mind is creating these circumstances and filling in the blanks with his own assumptions for the sole purpose of fueling his anger towards them. This clearly communicates that his anger and dehumanizing language directed at these people have nothing to do with them and everything to do with him. He has some serious inner struggle that's going on and it has obviously manifested itself as outward hatred towards people who he convinces himself are promiscuous "subhumans". Again, understand the difference between "not liking the idea of fucking a stranger" and being irrationally obsessed with denigrating people who may or may not have sex with strangers.
>Maybe I'm missing something but what is wrong with disapproving of people treating sex like it's not (supposed to be) a special thing you only do with people you already know intimately? The same thing that is wrong with using religious texts and beliefs to dictate public policy. The same thing that is wrong with the current culture of publicly shaming and doxxing people because they made a racially insensitive tweet 11 years ago. Believe it or not, sex is not "supposed to be" anything. Your individual values and belief systems are not, under any circumstance, to be forced onto other people simply because you have decided they are better. That isn't how life works. That isn't how society works. Not everyone views sex the way you do. People are entitled to have their own values and their own belief system. Whether or not that system is healthy is, of course, always up for debate but the foundation of any argument is developing a conclusion more compelling then "this is wrong because its supposed to be different." That isn't an argument. Define "special". Define "intimately". Define "slutty". You make the classic mistake of using broad, generalized, subjective terms to describe an incredibly nuanced piece of human behavior. Understand the disapproving of something in your personal life is fine. The moment you start exercising these beliefs over other people and using them as ammo to hurl at them is the moment you actually need to develop a cohesive and fucking airtight argument for doing so.
>Its the difference between not liking the taste of tomato and becoming aggressively angry at anybody who eats tomatoes
You sure are mad at someone who likes sex and is bothered by anyone who doesn't like sex, user. Not to mention calling them mentally ill. I made two suggestive lines, you made a hate fueled paragraph son. I'm laughing.
You're either demisexual or your environment/upbringing did a good job of repressing your sexuality
I'm not mad in the slightest. I would say the same exact thing about someone who said the are physically sickened by people who own dogs or any such activity that had literally 0 impact on them. It doesn't take a psyche major to see the clear projection in that. You provided your perspective and I provided a counter-point which I backed up with a fairly objective analysis of OP's thought process and disconnect from the reality of the behavior he claims to be so repulsed by. Any "hate" you perceived from my post is just a weak attempt to dismiss me without actually addressing the specific points I made. Nowhere in my post did I suggest he was wrong for not wanting to have casual sex nor did I imply that he should change. I merely pointed out the difference between having a personal preference and being physically sickened by other peoples' personal preferences. Obsessive, irrational and delusional behavior are signs of mental illness, definitely. What exactly his diagnosis may be I don't know but you feeling insulted by the suggestion has nothing to do with the intent of my statement nor does it invalidate the reality of it. I made a fairly reasonable argument and you responded by criticizing me instead of my argument. I'll let you take a guess as to which logical fallacy that one is.
calm down user seeI understand that the physical part isn't a normal reaction, but I in no moment implied that I'm some kind of Eliot Rodgers and mortally hate "sex-havers". I'm not condemning the lifestyle and wanting no one t have it. I'm uncomfortable for the fact that I can't personally engage with it as a mature person.
The subhuman part was a bit because of Jow Forums language. I mostly just get an irrational lowered opinion of the person, but that's not as edgy to say.
>calm down user Not an argument, but continue. If you want to have a conversation lets have a conversation but lets just drop the "Y U SO MAD BRO" meme throwing and do this like grown ups, huh? >I understand that the physical part isn't a normal reaction That was precisely my point as well. > I in no moment implied that I'm some kind of Eliot Rodgers and mortally hate "sex-havers". Neither did I. >I'm not condemning the lifestyle and wanting no one t have it. I'm uncomfortable for the fact that I can't personally engage with it as a mature person. That is slightly different from what you initially said. Your first post was mostly about your perception and opinion of other people's lifestyles as opposed to your perception of your own. Whether or not its "edgy" is not my intent. I was sincere in what I said and it was not meant as some kind of jab. You understand as well as I do that it is an irrational feeling. You also understand, on some level, that this reaction you have is 100% about you and not them. Their behavior merely mirrors something that you dislike and are uncomfortable about yourself. If this revised version of your initial post is what you sincerely believe then I think you've made an accurate assumption of yourself. Your lowered opinion of other people is manifestation of your lowered opinion of yourself. Start there.
Reasonable find all the fault you want with my counterarguments but in the end you are just arguing with an 18 year old.
>Start there. That's precisely why I've made the OP, user
>How the fuck do I get comfortable with the idea of normal sexual activity?
How do I start doing that?
I'm wasting time on the same scandinavian hackey sack forum that you are, non. If either of us had anything better to do we wouldn't be here. My issue with your counterargument was that you made none. You called me "hate fueled" and gave yourself a pat on the back. You didn't address any of the content of my argument and merely addressed my personal credibility and/or motives which is a logical fallacy known as "ad hominem". Its probably the most common argument tactic around this place. Learning to put together a decent argument is a good skill to have. May I suggest a book called "A Rulebook for Arguments.". I read it in college and it changed my life. Its a very short, valuable read.
High effort bait, low effort reward
>How the fuck do I get comfortable with the idea of normal sexual activity?
Why are you not comfortable, Anons? Is it you inexperience? Is it your body? Or something else?