Depression in relationships

I'm just wondering how other people handle it. if you and/or your partner suffers from depression or any other mental illness, how do you manage it?
if one or both of you are depressed, what are you supposed to do?
especially wanna hear from people who are in long term relationships

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She was. I managed to handle it for 4 years. Then her negativity, manipulation and lack of hygiene finally made me leave. It's not fun to be around a depressed person.

What kind of manipulation?

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Tears. Starting fights and blaming me for it. The old suicide trick.
It was a life lesson. I will not bother with women that show signs of mental issues again.

I managed it by taking care of her for 12 years then getting blamed for enabling her and dumped for another depressed person.

Pic absolutely unrelated though I happen to know she wishes otherwise.

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Depressed people are not human. Let them suffer

Sad but true. They're like wraiths of some sort that suck joy and energy out of you with their constant complaining and negativity.

To be fair it's not like we're trying to be awful. I take my meds and I try

That's good I'm just very jaded due to my own experience. Dont forget the needs of your partner.

Oh poor you, you have it really bad having to talk to someone who might literally feel no joy in life. That sounds so tough. How did you get through that? Do you wanna talk? I went to a support group for "people who spent a lot of time around someone with a crippling mental illness". Maybe I can refer you?

I'm depressed(also have phycosis but thanks to the wonders of medicine I don't experience it unless I get really stressed like when it's. 70+hour work week)according to my doctor I'm depressed because I have a negative outlook on the future and I'm aggressive if people treat me like shit. I don't really buy that crap without pills sure I'm alittle but sad or grumpy like once a week in the morning, but still I take my pill because they're the reason I don't punch any shit talking coworker. But in my last team at work I was really nice without any pills because they were nice to me. My gf for 6 months is depressed, she's in another city so that gives me a break from her negativity but since she started taking pills she's nice to be arround. Basically just take your pills although we have quite nice doctors that helped us try a few types before we found what worked, for anti depressants I found one I like the second type I tried only side effect is it makes it harder to climax (30min-2hours) for sex, anti phycosis drugs took me about 10-20types of meds to find what I like, makes me sleepy for 3days a month and can't sleep on the side it's injected in for about a week

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Not just talk. Live. After years of trying and them not doing a damn thing I abandoned ship. Let some other guy deal with her crazy.

Is this sarcasm or no

Injected?? What do you take user?

My partner and I both are on meds and even though we take them as directed that still doesn't absolve us of deep depression episodes.

Making fun of someone for not wanting to be a slave to your malfunctioning meat suit. What exactly gives you the right to enjoy another person's companionship in return for nothing? Literal fucking NOTHING. Do you think other people's lives are some kind of infinite renewable resource for you to suck on? And if they deny you their company because you give nothing in return, you're getting a raw deal. Not fair!

Poor baby. Learn to provide something of value in return for value. It's how the world works, and there is jack shit you can do about it except complain and maybe occasionally muster the effort to stare off into space. Parasite.

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My long term ex girlfriend has depression. I didn't know she was like that until I started dating her. To make a long story short she broke up with me twice and it was always a constant struggle with her in regards to sex. She thought I was not attracted to her. It was really bad, I think she had body dysmorphia. I loved her but she actually believed I didn't try in our relationship and was not attracted to her. I handled it by being really nice & there for her, checking on her at her house when she had episodes and didn't want to talk to me, trying so hard to be over sexual but nothing. Don't do it, they bring you down. Never again will a date a girl like that. She refused to take her medication. You can't save them.

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>if you and/or your partner suffers from depression or any other mental illness, how do you manage it?
I suppress my negative emotions so I don't let them see how pathetic and weak I am. I do my best to keep the facade of a cool guy who is capable of anything, has a lot of friends and is generally respected and successful. I keep my paranoia to myself and cry alone, and when I'm with her, I do my best to be encouraging and uplifting and convince her I'm not a depressed sack of shit, even though most of the time I'm trying to convince myself more than her.

That makes me a little detached though, since the same emotions I suppress are the ones that make the relationship interesting. I'm constantly afraid she is going to leave me, and sometimes I think it would be easier if I were alone. But I love her, I think.

Oh thanks, never asked for your help either.
I’m taking this downstairs of hell alone.

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This is the kind of bullshit what makes people hate being around depressed people. Its your own fault that your life sucks. Stop being negative.

>tfw been depressed for over a decade
>never been in a relationship due to avoidance and isolation and low self esteem
>tfw going to be on meds for the rest of my life because I will otherwise kill myself

Is there any hope for me? I'm not negative or a whiner, I'm just tired and in pain most of the time when I'm depressed. I've had little to no support from anyone because I don't talk about my illness, which is why I avoid getting too close to people because the subject would inveitably come up. I planned on killing myself twice this year, but chickened out both times. I doubt most of the people I know IRL would guess how depressed and suicidal I've been for the past few years.

Still, I'm terribly lonely, even before I became depressed, so should I even bother?

Only truly depressed people will feel this massive sarcasm.

>t. truly depressed peep

>Its your own fault that your life sucks.
just like you chose to be a gay manlet
sucks to suck user

Gf pushes others away in her depressed state while I just turn on autopilot and am apathetic toward everything. The result is usually a quiet few days until one of us comes out of it. Seeing one down gets the other down since there's nothing we can really do to help and seeing one snap out of it makes the other feel better that the other is going back to normal. Other than that we're a normal couple with a solid relationship.

This is what makes things worse for me, it seems like we just make each other worse

If you're not a whiner then honestly, don't be afraid of it coming up. Some people will cut contact, sure, but fuck them. It's the ones that will see you for the person you are, and not through the prism of your illness, that matter. Make sure they enjoy spending time with you, and don't make everything revolve around your depression if that's not how you want to be seen. Even a simple 'thank you' every so often is enough to show them your appreciation for just being there with you, they will know what it means. Trust me, for some people the best thing you can do for them is to show them they are needed and appreciated. Godspeed user, you are stronger than most and by that virtue deserve to be happy.

>t. one of them, also after a suicide attempt

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Femanon here, i made a thread about this a few weeks ago

I felt really overwhelmed for a while, trying to think what could i do. I accepted the fact that i'm not a therapist and i can't help my bf by just 'cheering him up'. I asked him if he would be willing to see a doctor, he said yes. He's not with me now, he went to visit his parents, but he told me he would like to start seeing a doctor when he comes back. He even started eating more healthy food and looking for some jobs. I'm really happy i could talk about this with him without major problems.

Thank you.for your encouragement, user. Godspeed.

Femanon, I'm glad it worked out for you like that

My last 18 months came crashign because she couldn't communicate, would end up depressed and lonely, and wouldn't go to therapy (free since we're uni students) with or without me to seek help. It took us to break up before she decided to go to therapy.

We pick eachother up when the other needs it, even if we feel like we can't. We have a good thing going on where we both try equally hard to help eachother while working on bettering ourselves. This doesn't work unless you both are working equally together. Seen so many relationships where one person was the emotional black hole and never wanted to help their partner because muh depression even though their partner was struggling the same too. Save yourself the pain and get out of any relationship like that.

I love you, keep going brother

Yeah we both have therapists and take meds but it seems like that's not enough
Thanks for this ill see how we can work on this sort of thing. Its hard to help someone when they become distant or nonresponsive and you can't be there physically and that's the biggest challenge I think

>T. Been depressed with a depressed partner for 7yrs
We support each other in the lows, and we bolster each other in the highs. The point is to push for those good times with all you got in those shoulders of yours.

It's hard, but honestly it was harder dating someone who didn't understand depression and what it does. For the two of us who relentlessly have fought back against ours, it's a good situation for us to have one another.

Saying that, if one of us were unwilling to fight as we do, we'd have ended years ago. The only things that got us here were strong, clear communication and common, communicated intent. Depression can lead to people being closed off, but you have to fight against that.
Further than that, depression tends to be very individual.

How old?
When did you learn to keep it to yourself?

Where do I find a depressed girlfriend to at least co-exsist with in misery?

How do you support each other? Thats what im struggling with, how do I help? Half the time I can barely help myself Just be open about your depression

It's my anti psychosis drug that injected, I take a pill for depression,
But what I get injected with is basiclly the chemical rispirdone breaks down into idk the name. But for depression I take sertraline

I was with a boy for two years on and off before my current boyfriend. After him I swore I would never date anyone with depression again, I can't deal with someone who isn't really ready for a relationship. Then I met my current boyfriend. He told me after few months of dating that he had depression.

It's been almost three years and I'm definitely going to end it in January. We've had a lot of bad fights and the whole first half of our relationship was him not getting help and being depressed and toxic. Then he moved and he's a lot better now but still has a lot of toxic behavior and I can tell his whole worldview is kinda fucked because he never got actual help for it (even though I asked him to numerous times). I've tried to bring it up before like he got cats because he was lonely and I'm like ok but what are you gonna do when they die or life gets hard out here or back at home? Being able to survive doesn't mean you're cured or even really dealing with it.

I just cannot with this shit anymore. I don't wanna have to put something like "don't date me if you have depression" on a dating profile but I'm definitely never dating someone with depression again. It's frustrating and sad because I want to help but I have tried to my limit and it's so fucking unfair to the person in the relationship. It feels extremely hypocritical because I have some pretty bad anxiety but I at least went to therapy multiple times and have made strides with it. I also chose this, I thought things would get better and stayed when they didn't and thought he would learn. He doesn't even see how it colors his behaviors, like he still has a garbage sleep schedule and without social pressure to keep up appearances things are pretty empty. The alcohol is cause of the emotional volatility when he's drunk according to him, when the reality is the other way around.

I strongly believe pic related and that you should not enter a relationship until you have your shit under control.

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Fuuuck literally going through this right now, but I love the girl and I don't want to leave her. Pretty sure she will actually kill herself if I break up with her as well.

Honestly brother just stay with her until she breaks up with you, that's what I did. Because if you love her why stop it? Especially if you don't want her to kill herself. My ex girlfriend was suicidal too so I get what you mean. The other option is trying to address & talk to her about the "problems" she has with the relationship. The second one probably won't work cuz she's depressed. Cheers

>Pretty sure she will actually kill herself if I break up with her as well.

That's 100% not your responsibility and not the reason you should stay with someone.

That was the first year of my relationship but then she just stopped and got better.

Honestly it depends on the situation. Sometimes we need to be whipped into moving but sometimes we need to be coddled and told it's alright. I'll admit it's pretty touch and go but that's a relationship too, at least of this nature. There's always an unpredictable element involved that will complicate everything just a little extra bit more. For instance, her family is like as not to cause bouts, that'll happen. I'm pretty powerless then and am honestly just a shoulder to cry on. But then she'll get down about her lot in life and we just sort of talk about how we got there and how we (intend to) keep fighting.

I guess I'm not explaining it well but the fundamental principle is that we stay as open as possible and we recognize that it's gonna be a difficult haul. That's really half the battle.
I'll tell you right now few people understand us terribly well. But that's what's kept us together so tightly-- she's one of very few people to try understanding. And it's important to recognize: her (and my) understanding is a product of her, not her depression. Without that understanding, the depression would fully rule us.

We've also both seen therapists and crossed hurdles, and we're both fairly true to our principles, we both have managed to stay true enough to our words. Any rifts between us are far and few between and are not things like "I fucked 39 people before I fuckin settled for you, which basically gives you the 'you participated' privilege to my genitals." They're things like "My hard-line stance on discipline makes her worried that I'm just going to instill fear" in regards to our cats.

I can't stress enough that both she and I fight against our own selves quite thoroughly; as best we can we dislike to involve others simply as a matter of being no burden to others. That characteristic is a strong one to find in general.

I guess tldr: be, and find someone, who fights and looks past their depression and that of others. Does that work??