Jealousy and Insecurity

Jealousy and Insecurity


I know men have the right to look at other women and be sexually attracted to them "because that's just how men are and you just have to deal with it". But I cant.

As me and my fiance are in a long distance relationship, he visited me for birthday. However on those 3 of those days, I had work at my unit (I'm in the army), so he stuck around me. When he couldn't be around me, he hung around my friend, that looks like a prettier version of me. Immediately they hit it off and he invites her to go and eat dinner with us. When i asked if she had invited herself, he replied "no I did. She seemed kinda sad. She said her boyfriend had cheated on her".

She had told me this herself. But this happened 4 months prior.

After he leaves, i go on Instagram and see he has followed her account. He regularly comments on her pictures and likes them all.

When I sent him a meme that went the lines of "men that like other girls pictures are just looking for their attention". He said "lol no. I'm just being polite." And I believe him. But it still bothers me. I did mention that it did bothered me he liked and commented on her pictures. But again he said he was being polite. Which I agree he is and I know hes right. But fuck it bothers me. Even after telling him it bothered me he still does it, which he has the right to, but ughhhh.

I know all of these interactions alone mean nothing and even together mean less. But I just cant get it out of my head. What should I do?

>inb4 communicate with him
I have and he sees no problem because really there is none. It's all me.

The original picture I was going to post was of her picture of her pointing her ass at the phone (second picture) but I dont want to manipulate this picture as him being the bad guy.

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Man here.
Dump him. If a man doesn't go out of his way to be on your side above all, he doesn't actually care about you.
Only a beta male would disagree with me.

Listen here little baby. You're gonna get a lot of hurtful and degrading comments, but that ain't what I'm about. Let me just say, you are perfect the way you are. You hear me sugar? PERFECT. Don't ever change. You deserve anything and everything you want. Stay safe for me, baby girl.

>mfw thinking of you hurting

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Sounds like your bf is about to be your ex.

This is bait.

This is not bait. I really am this fucking insecure

So its true army girls are sloots

Then get over it or leave him. He can talk to whomever he pleases and being friendly with a friend of yours is not crossing a line. Most girls would kill to have a boyfriend who get along with her friends.

How would you feel if he came to you and said hey I feel really jealous and uncomfortable because you liked something some other dude posted on facebook. Would you be flattered that he got jealous over something like that or would you think he was being petty and controlling?

I can promise you he thinks the latter of your behaviour. He's tolerating it clearly but isn't going to change it or he would have done it already.

If you had read my post I am trying to get over. I know it's wrong and it's not his problem to be friends with a girl (I am not her friend. I am more of her friendly acquaintance).

This post is for advice to get over it.

>inb4 its dumb and you're a bitch
Thanks I know.

I did read the whole post, the solution to your problem is to get over it. There are no tips or steps you can follow, you use your willpower to decide to ignore the things you cannot change.

Tell yourself that your behaviour is dumb beyond belief until you understand the truth of the statement.

>I need help doing thing.

>>Just do the thing.

>If a man doesn't go out of his way to be on your side above all
>Only a beta male would disagree with me.

Wait.... What?

I think the concept of "Alpha" and "Beta" is complete and total bullshit... but isn't that.... kinda *exactly* what a "beta" male would do?

You seem to be sending mixed messages with your insults here sir...


Anyway...

You're right in that this pretty much boils down to a you problem, because that is always the root of insecurity.

Regardless of him, you need to fix that for your own sake.

>my friend, that looks like a prettier version of me.

This right here, this is a fairly revealing line. This is a line that speaks to the crux of your insecurities.
This is a line that is reflective of the flaw in your current mental state.

You need to both try to work on the things that make you believe that you need to be comparing and elevating other people above you.

You need to start re-adjusting your internal value system to be more about your own accomplishments and goals rather than superficial metrics.

And you need to learn to change your internal vocabulary so that you are less pessimistic, self-deprecating, and negative towards yourself.

Small things matter. The way you choose to frame words matters. The way you choose to look at things matters.

If you're always being negative and saying that this person is better than me, or that person is prettier, or whatever, you're always going to be stuck in a negative mindset, and it's always going to create an inferiority complex, because you won't ever able to focus enough on your own life to make it self-sufficient.

Be mindful of the way you speak about things. Be more positive. Use words that empower you. Do actions that make you feel better about yourself (gym, art, hobbies, whatever). Strive to become someone that is proud of themselves.

That is how you kill insecurity (and subsequently, jealousy)

It's literally the answer though. It's like asking how to blink or breathe. Just do it. Second guessing and looking for some handy method is going to get you nowhere and is mostly just stalling on having to make a start.

I also disagree with that first comment.

While I do think calling one self less physically attractive than another person isnt self destructive in itself, I can agree that I'm using this in a negative that reflects on my fiance.

I do, like I said before, have insecurity issues. She is prettier, friendlier, more active than me. Tonight I will start activities to help me gain at least a bit of self confidence. Thank you.

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No. It is beta males that seek extras, that don't select their favorite and stick to it in the firts place. If you made such a wrong choice that it's not good enough, you fucked up.

>tell boyfriend that something he does and derives little enjoyment from makes you feel insecure
>boyfriend basically says "haHA you're having feelings that means I get to ignore them because they're irrashunul"
You should clearly work on your insecurity, but your boyfriend should also clearly not do things that make you feel bad when he has little reason to do it in the first place. Politeness is a shit excuse. I don't think it's impolite when my Instagram posts don't get liked by all my friends.

>me and my fiance are in a ldr
Strike 1
>bf flirting and inviting other girls out (with or without you)
Strike 2
>downplays your gut reaction to an usual closeness
And that's 3

He's lying to you and fancies this girl. He thinks of her often enough to check on her shit and has already had alone time with her. You're being sized up for a possible new model.

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he's into the other bitch. Thats for sure.... sorry

>Only a beta male would disagree with me.

lol that's something only a beta would say because they're not alpha enough to fight their point

>I have and he sees no problem because really there is none. It's all me.

In a relationship it’s never “all you”. If you feel like that he’s most likely gas’s lighting you, and he’s not serious about you. In a serious relationship, people compromise to build up their partner, it’s sick that he should prioritize “being polite” to your friend, over not causing his gf distress.

I can see that he should stop doing what makes me uncomfortable but dont you think he should be allowed to have female friends? It's unfair for him. Especially since my only true friend, besides my fiance, is male. My fiance is a natural at socializing and has once made quick friends with a 50 year old male janitor while I was away using the restroom.

He shouldn't have to compromise putting a polite innocent comment on her profile that's public anyway. She had even tagged me to say bring me along. But I'll tell you what. Hes visiting me again on Christmas, so I'll try to search his phone and make sure hes not lying when he said he only follows her on Instagram.

So, you know that it's silly to be jealous over something so petty, but you feel that way anyway.

That's natural. It's actually completely natural to feel like that. What you need is a way to properly cope with it.

Here's something a lot of people don't realize. Too much jealousy from someone can be creepy, controlling. But a little bit of jealousy? It can be cute.

So tell him it makes you jealous, but do it in a fun, playful, teasing way. Let him know you know it's silly, but you can't help but feel it anyway. It doesn't mean he'll stop doing it. But it will feel better with both of you knowing about it, knowing that it's a bit silly, and it will help both of you realize it's not that big of a deal.

1500% this guy
This is the thing here. Especially in an LDR he should know full well what he's doing.

You're the backup. You're just more convenient right now, that's all.

I dont think he fancies her.

He forced me to tell him.

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