I was dating this girl for a couple months. She was raped about a year ago by her boyfriend and had avoided intimacy since until we got close, we went on dates, she slept over a few times and we just made out and talked. We got really close and she would bring me food to work, text me all the time, call me in the night, I really liked it. It was really nice. >user, I think I'm ready to be more intimate with you. I have strong feelings and want to make love with you Her family was leaving the country, and we were gonna spend a few nights together. I wanted to make it super special and everything was great, but then the day of, literally an hour before I am to see her again, I get a barrage of texts >user I'm really nervous I don't think I'm ready for this or a relationship I'm so sorry please forgive me but I can't do this I need to be alone and focus on myself I kinda just was like "okay I'll be thinking of you fondly" and made sure that I didn't seem mad or anything
A few days ago I shot her a hey and she replied immediately and reaffirmed that she was not ready for a relationship and can't talk to me *for now*
I'm trying to move on, and I'm not gonna message her again of course, but I cannot seem to get over this woman. I really liked her and she was just so perfect for me and she would say the same to me. I don't think she's lying about her situation since I know her too well but for now, I need to assume she won't come back to me. I can't stop thinking about her. I've tried writing it out, seeing other women on dates, focussing on work, she always distracts me. We have eachother on snapchat and it's been nearly a month and we still have our heart thing, it keeps upgrading to the new one. She's not talking to anyone else, I don't think.
But I really need to get over it, and in part this post is me trying to let it out, but I also want advice on how to get over her. I've been does before but this one is so different. I don't know what to do.
Give her space for now, contact her on her birthday to wish her well. Her reponse will determine what feelings she may still have for you.
she prolly fuckin someone else so she can say they raped her. you prolly dodged a bullet there.
Sorry man, sounds like she psyched herself out and I guess it's understandable. It would have been nice if she could have just backed down from sex instead of associating the whole relationship into her melt down.
Unfortunately there are no methods for getting over it. You liked her and it hurts and it's just going to keep on hurting until it doesn't anymore. You get over it one day at a time by sticking to your guns and not contacting her. There's no need to go out and try to date again immediately but if you think it'll salve your heart then you can give it a go.
I was thinking something like that. her birthday is exactly 30 days after mine, so part of me thinks if she does not message me for my birthday, it would be safe to say she doesn't really care, but part of me thinks I should anyway. Yeah, I get it too. I agree though. I wanted to suggest maybe just abstaining from the sex but at the same time I knew she was freaked out and I didn't want to push. I've tried going out with other women but I don't think it's the way. I keep thinking about her. I can't touch them or kiss them even when they try to do the same to me. It makes me feel really gross.
Definitely don't message her again. You had one free message, then girls start to think you're clingy. Chill, do other stuff, the pain will fade. Just do what she's doing and focus on yourself. Maybe shell come back but you
You need to assume she won't
Aw shit this sucks Op i’m sorry. Nobody did anything wrong. I’d guess she’s still traumatized and stuff. It will take some time. But don’t message her. She knows you aren’t pissed off at her. But its up to her now. Do not message her first for any reason right now.
Don’t try to date other girls yet. but go and do stuff like be with friends. Watch a film. Just do stuff to occupy your mind so you aren’t thinking and being sad about her. It will take you a few months to feel ok about it. Hang in there.
Thanks user. I'm doing my best. I just miss her so much though, I'm sorta drunk right now but I really wish it could've worked out differently and I wish she was still here to do that thing she does where she presses against my lips with her cheek and snuggles up agh fuck I miss her man lol
I'm such a faggot hahaha
Shut up. you’re not a faggot. Just let yourself feel shit. Or else it will bottle up and come blasting out in a really embarassing way in the future, probably in front of other people and most likely in front of her.
Seriously. It’s fine to feel sad. It’s fine to binge drink but don’t do it too often. If you start thinking about her, smoke some weed, put on a movie. You will be ok. I’m giving you an internet pat on the back. We will all make it
Ty user, it's nice to know for once somebody says the opposite of "OP is a faggot".
I'm going through a similar situation. The relationship was really good, she said she was deeply in love with me and she wanted it to last forever, and then out of literally no where out of the blue she ended it for her own mental health. This thread is helping me.
Glad to hear. I feel like it has something to do with safeguards. The second she sees a red flag, or feels iffy, her gut says to jump ship. I don't know about your girl, but mine was very cautious and it took a bit before she knew that I wouldn't hurt her. I haven't been abused though, take what I say with minimal value
i dunno sometimes u just gotta be a lil aggressive (NOT TOO MUCH JUST A HAIR) but dont be one of those neck beard niggas who get triggered cuz they cant smash
Nah man I don't think that's the right course. She's probably wanting space. If he keeps trying to talk with her, she'll probably permanently remove him. He said that she had him on snapchat/social media still, so she might want to come back to him
She's damaged goods. Dump her and find another girl
Do this but don't look at it negatively. It's not healthy
She probably doesn't want to get back with you. Just move on
Man that fucking sucks. At least it wasn't a year in or something. Just remember you did nothing wrong, maybe you shouldn't have sent the next message but you know not to do it again. You did good