I took some advice and today I went out of my comfort zone and went to an even about exchange students and studying abroad ( I'm high school senior ).
Everyone there went with someone besides me so I had no one to talk to. My only contact was with a guy who needed a pen.
Is this a step in the right direction or just a hail Mary of desperation. What's my next step? Should I go to a con that's in about a week alone?
Bump
Another one
I honestly don't know, bump to help OP.
Thank you. Yeah I've made a mistake, I posted Kaiji instead of a cute girl.
No. It doesn't help. I am 29 years old, and I spent my entire 20s going to concerts, raves, bars, clubs, meetups, etcetera, but since I was never able to talk to anyone, I never got any better. I thought that exposure would gradually warm me up to approaching people, but it did not. All the shameful, embarrassing nights walking around the club by myself, sometimes even getting laughed at, wasting money at a bar sitting by myself, was for nothing. I even learned to give stupid glove light shows at raves, but as soon as my shows were done, I would just walk away and never talk to people. I didn't know what to say. You need something where you engage with people. If you are not engaging with people, then you are not improving.
My twenties are over. Do not make my same mistakes but learn from them. Mine has been a truly terrible time thus far. I would have been better off just staying home watching anime and lurking instead of desperately trying to socialize and get laid and be normal. The results would have been the same. So much suffering for nothing.
Damn you just shattered my hopes.
I am able to talk to people though. If someone comes up to me randomly and starts talking to me I'll talk to them 100% and enjoy every second of it. I'm not that far gone.
Since you are a man, banking all of your hopes on others to approach you is going to be a very disheartening experience.
It's not banking all hopes but when someone is talking to their friends I'm not just gonna invade and join in.
You shouldn't wait for someone to come up and talk to you, try to start a conversation with them instead. If everyone had a friend in that event, you should have at least try to talk to the group who looked the friendliest or the ones with 2 or 3 people in it.
That's just too much. Small steps.
Nigga you're going to have to take leaps sometimes in life. You should have at least talked to the group with 2 or 3 people in it.
Talk how exactly? They are talking across the room from me and I just at them saying "HELLO BE MY FRIENDS" ?
Delete this
So I'm guessing you sat or stand next to people in this event? You could turn around and talk to them
And that I did, to the guy who needed a pen.
If you found people, then the next step is to find common ground with them by talking to them. You were at the same event, so having small talk about your shared interest in foreign exchange would have been a stellar place to begin. Just look around in those situations and try to find something you might have in common with the people you're with, then build bridges by talking about those topics.
Stuff like that only happens in movies. You can't do a 180 on your character like that. I need to go step by step.
Why do you think that only happens in movies? Dude if you want to make everything baby steps, then you won't have a friend until your 40, stop fucking around and do small talk with people and then ask for their contact info.
Your first baby step is going, and you did a good job. If you're not ready to talk yet, keep going to thing a couple more times. But talking to someone is the next step. It's supposed to be uncomfortable, just uncomfortable in a controlled way. That's how you grow.
It doesn't have to be a massive conversation or anything. Just say hello to someone. Chat to a cashier. Get comfortable with initiating a conversation, even if it doesn't stick.
If a guy / girl ( depending on your gender ) came up to you while you and your friends were talking and started awkwardly sliding himself into the conversation how would you feel?
Sure if it's a hot dude / girl you would be more likely to like them but what if someone's not that lucky. I don't know if I look good or not, I want to say that I do but I don't know so I'm not willing to take that chance.
Remember when you were a kid and there's always that one annoying guy that invites himself to everything they are not invited? Well this is like that except you don't know the people you're looking to talk to so the chances of it going well are even smaller.
Look dude, I know how you feel, I have social anxiety, but I still try to talk to people. I'm not telling you to stand in the middle of the group and interrupt them. You said you were sitting next to people, so when the group stop talking, ask the person next to you a question about the event and what they feel about it. If they're inviting, you can keep talking. If they don't mind, they will answer your question positively, and one of their friends might join too. This shit is hard, but you need to take leaps in life sometime.
Here's how I did it.
>look for martial arts gyms
>join a martial art gym
>train 3-4 evenings a week
>see the same people every week for months there
>eventually you warm up to each other
>talk casually, about the day, their training experience etc. Basically smalltalk.
>the more you know about them the easier it is to find stuff to talk about
>end up making tons of acquaintances there and a few friends after two to three years
Exposure is good, but if people get exposed to you and you to them for only a brief time it's basically impossible to make friends. The anxiety just doesn't let it happen. Friendships normally form after longer periods of time spent together, it's the most natural way for 90% of people. No wonder the user who went to concerts made no friends. But like I said, it takes 2-3 years of consistency at least
>antisocial people want the benefits of being social
This is mental panhandling, it surely is.
So should I go to the con alone? No one has answered that yet.
And how do you keep it going after that? How not to stop only at an answer?
I don't have money for a gym.
Also, 2/3 years? That's too much.
>Exposure is good
That's exactly where I'm coming from. Being around people even for a brief moment is better than nothing.
Ask them open ended questions, eventually, they will also ask you open ended questions. If its get dry, change the topic.
Hey i think im the dude that told you do get out of your confort zone
KEEP DOING IT, but do it with the proper mindset, like i told you, this is a means to an end, whats the end? stepping out of the confort zone without an objetive won't give you enough fuel to do things man.
Start with SOCIAL MEDIA, download TINDER, take good pictures!
But it seems that it has to be too specific for it to work. They have to like you and you have to have something to talk to them about, otherwise you're just an annoyance.
Even if it's a good interaction it all ends when the even ends, you all go your separate ways. Sure you can get their social media or something but that seems too pushy, and even then, that guarantees nothing, good, now you have 2 more instagram followers or whatever.
>Tinder
Literally the worst post on Jow Forums right now, bar none, absolutely none
I got a gf for 2 years thanks to that app
Glad you saw this post then.
Well end would be getting a girlfriend? Wouldn't it?
I have a couple of opportunities coming up, the con in a week and a new year eve party to which I'm going with 2 friends.
Not sure about the con though because it would be solo.
>2 years
Not that long a time. I'm working on 8 with the girl I met in person.
Tinder is a terrible place for people with low confidence. The chance of an exception to the rule exists, but in that case, just fuck off and buy lottery tickets. You'll have more pussy than you can dick down once you win the lottery.
Well i met my first gf on a guy birthday, at age 21
and met my second and current gf, by tinder at age 23.
I had no sex prior to that, sometimes planet align and you get it, but you won't get it if the day that planets align you are playing video games on your bedroom.
That's how i see it
Look man, if you keep overthinking about what people you may never see in life think about you, you'll never get anywhere in life. Just talk to them and ask for their number, the worst thing is that they will tell you no.
How would you use social media? I hate social media because people always tend to post pictures of the good part of their lives and not much else. Mostly you just talk to the same 10 people. Ever since I deleted social media since my breakup, I felt much better.
I know that very well, that's why I'm starting to take every opportunity I get.
I actually love when someone like you comes who did all that stuff later in life, it gives me a lot of hope. I can't be THAT abnormal right?
But why get the no? It hurts.
Why not gather more information and then go for it?
This is how i would use social media if i was single.
>lay in bed
>turn phone
>swipe right 100 times
>check ok cupid for non feminist women who are autistic like me
>use facebook to add girls i have friends in common
>use instagram only if im photogenic
Women are vain, just play the charade with them
>I can't be THAT abnormal right?
I mean you are autistic like all of us, but yeah it's not abnormal, the breach between the guys who get laid and the ones who don't gets wider each year, as far as i know.
MTGOW movements are not a coincidence
Absolutely. Have fun, do a thing you like, enjoy yourself, talk to people.
yes
>>use facebook to add girls i have friends in common
And what do you expect after you add them?
The autism is a given, I'm on 4channel after all
No idea what I'm gonna do there, guess I'll just wander around and maybe buy a keychain or something.
It's depressing to be the only one that's going alone to something like that.
To see if they like my shit
I would comment on her memes, maybe we could chat and ask for her phone, then casually talk to her some nights and see if we click
Also, facebook feels like funnyjunk or 9gag nowadays, normie meme app
You get the best information when you ask for their number and hangout with them. You will get rejected dude, you must go through this and you will get better.
You're definitely not the only person. And this is a chance to meet new people.
Going alone to something isn't sad unless you make it sad. You're doing something you enjoy and you're gonna have a good time, fuck everything and everyone else. Own it. Wear it with confidence. It's a good thing.
Not OP but still, are you fucking kidding?
How old are you? 50?
Do you seriously think that asking an already established group of friends to hang out with them ( exactly like that ) can be anything but pure desperation and retardness? OP would get laughed at, if not in face then between the friends.
Stop giving OP shit advice and instead just lurk the thread like I do.
Too high of a risk, I'd rather do it with someone 1 on 1
It's a small con, not many people will come so the % of those that will be alone are really really low.
>Going alone to something isn't sad unless you make it sad
I know exactly what you're talking about, I used to cry because I had no one to watch movies with in the cinema, I found it really sad and depressing to go alone. But I did, and now I go from time to time although it is still extremely depressing.
Also
>And this is a chance to meet new people.
Meet yes, but how do you befriend them.
I never told him to talk to the whole group and interrupt them, I told him to talk to one of the members when they sit next to each other and when the group stopped talking . Why are you getting so offended? What do you suggest then?
>Why are you getting so offended?
Because your replies might have been helpful in 1970, you're out of touch
>What do you suggest then?
Nothing, I have the same problem, that's why I'm here.
This is what I have been told and learned through experience and it's been helping me so far. I used to be scared shitless just as OP was in my high school years. I couldn't even talk to clerks in stores. I know how he feels, but sometimes you have to take risk that make you uncomfortable to get results. I still have social anxiety, but not terrible as it was in the past.
It's great that you've been going out of your comfort zone OP, I was scared shitless too when I went out by myself. Keep going places by yourself and try to talk to people when you have the chance
>when you have the chance
That's all I'm missing, I never have a chance. I don't consider going to someone randomly and talking to them as having a chance.
Your real mistake was posting Kaiji when Kurosawa is the closer analogy to your situation.
I haven't read Kurosawa yet. Maybe I will after I finish Zero.
You said you're going to a con, was it about? I'm guessing its something you know about right? If there's someone standing in line that's alone, you can chat about the con and the stuff you know about it.
It's just general stuff, games, star wars, anime, manga, everything of that kind...
It STILL feels bad to do it, maybe ask where a certain thing was and then continuing from there but just randomly talking without a reason feels like it's annoying to that person.
Well you have some ground to talk so that's good. I mean going out by yourself is a huge step, I know how I felt. Yeah ask for a certain thing and try to have a small talk with them about the con. You need to gain exp OP, I still have my troubles too.
Well that is my plan. To keep going out like today and this one, even if nothing happens it still gives me experience
Yeah keep going out to have fun and try to meet new people, don't go out just to meet people because then you'll be disappointed when you don't meet any. You're still in high school, use this time to learn more social skills and being used to going out by yourself so when you go to college you will be more better at socializing.
That's what I plan to do. I'm preparing for college when I will hopefully start my life anew.
You did good! One step after the other. Go to the con and give yourself a challenge which you would rate a 5 out of 10 in terms of anxiety. A challenge could for example be to ask at least one person a question, or give a compliment or whatever. As long as you keep challenging yourself, you will learn. And that will improve your chances at making friends.
I will.
The thing is, I need instant feedback about how I'm doing and I can't have you guys camera over my entire life. Without the approval and gratification from others I feel like I'm running in place.
That's good. Don't be like me, I didn't try to make friends in my first years because I had a gf and thought that's all I needed. Make friends when you have the chance.
Will do.
Also, nice quints. Shitty post to get them on because no one will notice
Well good luck OP, I'll be in your threads if you post more and if I have free time.
Well see ya then.