Someone talk some sense into me. I'm 30, and I'm seriously considering asking out my 22 year old coworker. At work I enjoy a position of some respect amongst my peers and management, and I feel it'd be compromised if I'm misreading the girl and rumours of my autism spread through the business. Even if I'm reading her right, which I think I might be, an eight-year age gap isn't insignificant, and success would probably have the same effect as failure. This is a situation fraught with danger and I should probably avoid the whole thing, right? Or am I overthinking it? In the past I've maintained a lower age-cap on dating partners at like two-to-three years younger than myself, and usually date women my own age (or older), so this has kind of taken me by surprise and I'm a little conflicted about the whole thing.
Someone talk some sense into me. I'm 30, and I'm seriously considering asking out my 22 year old coworker...
You're in a role senior to her, I'm assuming. If so, what you're thinking of doing is not professional and is fraught with risk.
Maybe, it could work if you're in diff departments.
If you have any superiority or ability to help or hurt her advancement you need to avoid this at all costs!
>people having affairs at work
life isn't a sitcom and it will not work
We're both the same 'rank' officially within the business, but it's a business with a high turnover at the entry-level, so I've attained a level of unofficial seniority by virtue of having not quit within nine months of getting the job. Management knows my face, so they interact with me over the others and trust me to disperse orders to the newbies. Likewise, the other employees, who are all technically the same rank as me, defer to me due longevity rather than any real seniority. So I think I might be good on the 'professional' front, but I still feel I'll lose face amongst the other entry-level scrubs.
Doesn't affair imply we're otherwise engaged? We're both single. Though to be fair I did date a cowoker once years ago and it was kind of a shitshow. Having a fight and then being forced to spend six hours together is not fun.
Sounds like you can wait until she quits and then reach out to her. If management asks you how she is doing and you are dating you are now in the middle of a mess.
Just be sure you get her cell number or email.
Don't shit where you eat
Good advice. I can always bookmark her on Facebook or something and then hit her up later.
Eh, it's a basic job until I finish college in six months.
Semi-related: is 30 to 22 really as big of a gap as I think it is? Or is it sort of within the acceptable range? I've been going back-and-forth on it from an ethical perspective over the last few weeks, and at times I think it'd be almost immoral to date someone with comparatively so little life experience. Like it would give me an unfair advantage. But that might just be my jaded old ass considering anyone sub-25 as being not-yet a proper adult.
Don't shit where you eat
Masturbate to her Instagram pics and NEVER ASK HER OR ANY COWORKERS OUT.
alt: when are you going to get to tap a 22 year old ass again?
i get that aphorisms are fun, but this isn't a universal truth. a lot of couples meet at work. that's just how it goes.
15% isn't a high percentage. Just wait until you or she leaves/quits/gets fired.
Girls mature faster than guys and if you are just finishing college and working the job that is only temporary (not the career) then the two of you are probably in about the same place. Women bring youth and fertility to the relationship. Men bring stability and protection (aka money). An older guy and a younger woman works, that is why you see it all the time.
Now if you have an ex wife and two kids, maybe you have a point.
Don't get your honey where you get your money. Though they do manage to find SO in the workplace, you won't know if it will work out. If she rejects you or you guys breakup, it will be very awkward and you will always see her hitting on guys and talking to them
>alt: when are you going to get to tap a 22 year old ass again?
This is the same argument my dick keeps making, but the thread is making a compelling counter-argument.
No ex-wife or kids. Luckily. Dodged that bullet in my mid-twenties.
>An older guy and a younger woman works, that is why you see it all the time.
I’ve seen it rarely irl. I know it’s just my anecdotal evidence, but I think Jow Forums kind of exaggerates the phenomenon.
Go for it! Same rank ok.
It's only awkward only if you make it.
Even if she puts you off, is there something to be ashamed of by asking?
If she says no, just continue to be friendly. She'll know you like her,
so what? Turn it into a friendship. The only thing you don't wanna do, is then turn into a lurker, or downtrodden creep.
Just by letting her know you are in the market, you can take a "L",
and still be friendly & optimistic is good. Maybe you guys can become friends to talk about
relationships, maybe she can hook you up with a friend. Maybe she says YES!
Just be cool, tell her what you like about her, don't even lurk about asking her relatinships, and ask if she's available if she wants to do [something fun].
Job seems basic, so who gives AF what others think?
"OMG user asked a girl!?! THAT IS FORBIDDEN! KILL HIM!"
it's sort of common.
>"OMG user asked a girl!?! THAT IS FORBIDDEN! KILL HIM!"
I think the major stepping stone for me is that I think she's too young for me, that's where the potential for shame comes from for me. I might be projecting my own feelings there onto my coworkers, assuming they'll feel the same way if they find out.
Yeah, thinking too much.
Thought experiment -- 'reverse roles/inversion of place' and see its no biggie.
Would you be outraged or mortified If some 30yo dude at worked asked out
some 22yo hottie? It worked, they fucked, or simply became firends?
Especially if he's a decent dude? Probably not.
Regarding what she thinks, as long as you aren't really pushy like I indicated before, or creepy/ lurk mode, it's really not a big deal at all, nothing to be ashamed about. Just tell her how you thinks she's cool and if available would be fun to do [whatever with]
It's really only akward if you make it. Make what you ask her to do something low-key, not a lot of pressure.
Don't - "Hey you're sexy AF Femanon, wanna come back to my place?" Then procceed to lurk/creep.
Do - "Hey Femanon you are/seem cool/lot of fun/funny/ if you're free wanna [low-key fun thing THAT YOU WOULD DO ANYWAYS so that you not making designs upon her]?"
If yes go out, have fun, talk, see what her deal is, flirt a little,maybe make a move, advance.
>Would you be outraged or mortified If some 30yo dude at worked asked out some 22yo hottie?
Yes lol. But I take your point.
You're not proposing.
Just find something fun to do, and ask.
Make it something that she wouldn't mind telling others you and her went and did, a sort of plausible deniability angle to judge your planning.
I would highly recommend some public event. Not some setting where you guys are isolated etc. as thats too much pressure.
She can always say you and her went to [new art exhibit, low-scale indie band at pub, try new restaraunt in town, museum, etc]
If she asks why you ask her, say why not? seem fun, cool.
Do some hooliganism. Be like hey femanon! You seem fun Wanna help me tag all the deer crossing signs with red noses and take pictures?
Half your age +7 is the internet suggested equation...
Make sure you adhere to the rules laid forth in the employee code of conduct and that you are not potentially creating conflicts of interest. Every work relationship is going to be different and play out differently for those individuals involved; ultimately, you just need to be prepared to shoulder whatever extra burden that comes along with it. I’d imagine at 30 years old you’re well-equipped and mature enough to do just that. I have faith in ya, man.