It's hard for me to get into my relationship. I love my girlfriend very much, and she loves me very much...

It's hard for me to get into my relationship. I love my girlfriend very much, and she loves me very much, but I don't think I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have my face be carved open like a jack-o-lantern and have acid poured down the holes. Maybe my severed head can be stuck on the porch for Halloween and children will call it the ugliest pumpkin they have ever seen and smash my brains out with a baseball bat.

That is what I deserve. I'm disgusting and don't deserve love. I wish I could be present for my own death so that I could jump and cheer, and attend my own funeral so that I could high five the other attendees and do a happy little dance on my coffin.

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Well, now you know your issue, you have borderline personality disorder! Don’t worry, OP. You deserve love, you were likely emotionally abused or neglected in some way as a child that lead you to believe you are inherently worthless. You’re not! Work on that, it isn’t cute.

People like me don't deserve love.

I just wish society was kind enough to euthanize us upon diagnosis.

Hey now... I can't have BPD. Those people are crazy.

How do you have a girlfriend? Are you just a good actor?

Now listen here, being kind and understanding with my ex didn't work so i hope i put some sense into your head with those words

Stop being a goddamn fucking idiot. I don't know who hurt you but stop being an idiot and letting the memories laugh at you, fucking live. If you have a girlfriend you have everything to fucking live. She's expecting you to be here and now do stop drowning in self guilt and fucking being defeated and fight. We all went through shit, some went through really harsh shit, seek therapy if thats the case and i hope you get better but goddamn if you let this chance pass you'll probably regret it for the rest of your fucking life.

>People like OP can get girlfriends despite being brutally suicidal and violently self-loathing
>People like me are eternal incels for no reason despite being mostly normal

The fuck is this shit? Can you people stop saying shit like "hurr you cant get a girlfriend if you're depressed" and "girls can sense self-hatred" now? Evidently there are women willing to put up with retarded weeaboos like OP.

Fucking end my life. How has this pathetic sack of shit got a GF while I cant even get a first date?

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Its about personality mostly and not looks. Search more.

>Its about personality mostly and not looks

How does this explain OP having a gf with his hyper-depressive autist personality?

It sounds like you're drowned in self hate by making such a post.

>people like me are eternal incels
Because you want and keep this kind of mindset

This is way worse, because op can be as insecure but still be nice, loyal, kind, etc and make up for an amazing person. Are you all of those?

you think beta's don't get laid? depression can do wonders for your sex appeal. are you an incel? use it as your charm.

>It sounds like you're drowned in self-hate by making such a post.
Nope. No self-hate. Just mild insecurity regarding the fact that I'm an incel.

>op can be as insecure but still be nice, loyal, kind, etc and make up for an amazing person.
He literally wrote an entire paragraph about wanting himself to be tortured, cut up, and beaten to a bloody pulp. OP is NOT mentally well. It's impossible to know without him telling us how stable his relationship is, but his writings (combined with his vapid anime girl reaction pic) lead me to surmise that he is probably the type to be relentlessly depressive in a relationship and to constantly bother his girlfriend with his own problems and self-hatred.

>Are you all of those?
Niceness and kindness are not prerequisites for being in a relationship. I'm nice when people deserve it. I'm loyal to people who deserve it. Having not been in a relationship, I don't really know how I'd behave, but yeah, if I really cared for a girl, of course I'd be those things.

I know betas get laid. I'm asking why I can't get laid, especially as I'm not even a quarter as beta and hilariously pathetic as OP is


Responding to this a second time, but Borderline isn't impossible. I have been diagnosed professionally with CPTSD and Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I got used to dealing with any kind of emotional pain on my own by the time I was 9 or so, so I tend to keep any negative feelings I have bottled up. On the outside I present as someone who's quiet, but friendly and pleasant when spoken to. My girlfriend doesn't have any idea about the fact that I'm often a storm of emotional chaos and self-loathing rage on the inside, nor does anyone aside from my best friend, my former therapist (I only went for a short time because I don't like being open with my feelings), and my parents.

Also, Isla is a very smart girl and not vapid at all. Hmph.

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I just dont understand. How does a weeaboo freak like you get a girlfriend meanwhile I'm practically a "normie" by your standards and yet have been an incel for life?

Fucking hell.

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I just got lucky and met a girl on an anime message board with bad enough taste to become interested in me.

>practically a normie


OP isn't even remotely a "normie" and yet he has a GF

Self pity gets you nowhere in life user. You don't know who he is as a person or what he's gone through so shut the hell up with your incel bullshit.

Your post reeks of insecurities. How is a girl supposed to get into you when all you're worried about is your self image in comparison to other guys? This guy seems like someone who just needs some help. I feel for him as someone with major commitment issues, mine are different, but we all have issues, including you. The difference in the world is that those who deal with them in a constructive manner float to the top while self loathing assholes like you ferment in your own pity and float to the bottom

Get off Jow Forums, in the real world no one cares if you're a normie or a weeb. His depression is just one facet of his life, but. I'm sure it doesn't define him. On the other hand, youre allowing your "incel rage" to define who you are. Even if you think it doesn't affect your real life interactions, it shows.

>The difference in the world is that those who deal with them in a constructive manner float to the top while self loathing assholes like you ferment in your own pity and float to the bottom

Mate. Mate. OP is literally describing in vivid, grotesque detail the horrific violence he wishes could be inflicted upon his body. This is not "dealing with his issues in a constructive manner". This is toxic. OP is deeply mentally unwell, or is going through some kind of episode. I don't know in what realm you think that he is more mentally stable or secure than me.

>His depression is just one facet of his life

Again, he is going into vivid and violent detail about the extent to which he wishes pain and torture upon himself. Whether he is showing it to his GF or not, he is consumed by his self-loathing. It is dominating every facet of his life.

Whatever. At this point I'm more fed up and confused than anything. I can't understand why there are women willing to date hysterical depressives like OP, yet I can't get a date just because I'm an inexperienced and mildly insecure virgin.

Because he is willing to talk about his insecurities in order to find out what's wrong/how to deal with them. Op may be mentally unwell, but who isn't. He's deciding to deal with it in an semi/open fashion.

You are using your insecurities as a crutch, an excuse for why you are the way you are. Nobody cares if you're a virgin except you. Think about all the good Christian boys saving themselves for marriage. Girls hate insecure girls the same way dudes hate guys who can't take a joke. You're not a sex good, but so what 99% of people aren't. Deal with it he's getting better by talking about his issues, you are attacking him and using your "insecurities" as a scapegoat.

I'm sure youre a good dude, I just need you to change the way you look at life. Maybe take some shrooms