I have been friends with this girl for a long while...

I have been friends with this girl for a long while. Everyone says we should get together but I have always viewed her as a little sister. I had a party at my place and after everyone left she and I got hammered and she gotreally emotional. Apparently there is something bad going on in her life right now, what I do not know as she never explained. We got really drunk and her to the guest room. She ends up on the floor as she begins to breakdown. She wont let me leave so I stay rubbing her back and trying to calm her down. One thing leads to another and we are making out. She kept desperately asking for more and more and I end up going down on her and fingering her a bunch. This had to have lasted for an hour and a half. She was insatiable, biting me all over, pulling my hair, and asking me to fuck her. Even in my drunken state I knew that was a bad idea and kept telling her that. Eventually enough of the first 3 bases gets her to calm down into sleep. I too drunk to care just left for my own room.

The next day she wakes me up as happy as she always is and heads home. I text her saying we should talk and she agreed. I ask her what she remembers and it turns out she remembers nothing. I confess and tell her everything. She never got mad just depressed and down on herself. I promised her we were both drunk, didn't go all the way, and that it was a two way street the whole time but I have no idea if she believes me. How could she? After a lot of breathy sad talking and me repeating how much of a shitstain I feel like and trying to get her to tell me what is going on in her life, she eventually says maybe soon she will tell me, that we are still friends, and she is more mad at herself than me.

I'm a mid 20s virgin and have no idea what to do next or if my friendship is fucked. I don't even know if I have feelings for her even though she is hot and out of my league.

What am I supposed to do next? Call her tomorrow? Go meet with her somewhere? Please someone help me.

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Bump. Somebody more competent than myself, help this man.

Uh you just confessed to raping a girl

My honest opinion is that you are a stand up person. Not many people would not have taken advantage of her. Thumbs up to you for that.

Otherwise, everything seems fine. I would just continue on as normal. Life throws a lot of twists and turns at us. Don't overthink things too much. Be there for her. You seem to be okay with just being friends, so keep it there. If you want to try a relationship then by all means try it.

Honestly, if she’s open to talking about it more, talk about it, but she may need space to process things. Tell her that if she has any questions or wants to talk about it again, you’re an open book and totally willing. If she’s not a shitstain herself, she’ll realize that you were both wasted and shit happens when you’re drunk.

Inb4 am weman

Meanwhile, you need to take some space for yourself and process your feelings about what happened and how you feel about her. Right now, you’re insanely worried about what’s going on in her mind that you’re not even giving yourself a chance to breathe and figure out how YOU feel. Honestly, if I were her, I’d feel super gross and embarrassed that I tried to pressure you into sex.


You should have fucked her while you had the chance. You missed out on your only opportunity to lose your virginity. Shame on you.

> Tell her that if she has any questions or wants to talk about it again, you’re an open book and totally willing.

That is almost exactly word for word one of the things I told her on the phone today. It's just really hard for me not to worry. I love her like a sister and I fucked up so hard. I have always been the guy who worries about everything when it comes to people I care about and a majority of the people who know me consider me a goodygoody and I have been regularly been called a boyscout throughout my life. My only excuse was that we were both drunk, I refused to have sex with her, and she asked me to do everything I did. What I fear is that how can she believe anything I said? How can she every trust me again? Even then it is no real excuse. I am the man even if we were both drunk and I am older than her and supposed to act like her older brother.

Also, I asked her to talk 2 hours after she left I was not trying to hide anything.

Do you have any suggestions when and how I should act? Wait few days than ask her to go somewhere like a park to talk? Or am I supposed to just never bring it up again unless she does first and go about our days like normal? Can I just never take her to a place with alcohol again? On the phone she said it's bullshit for me to think our friendship is over. We just normally hang out so much and get along so well everyone thinks we were dating. I am just not sure how to just go about things as normal.

That comment made my heart sink. What else was I supposed to do? Just lie to her and pretend nothing happened? That would be even worse than me acting on my urges. I feel like an even worse person because mentally I don't feel like I raped or took advantage of her because we were both drunk and she asked me to do everything I did and I refused the last step into the deep end. Again, I know is not how I am supposed to think and I should consider what I did rape. I hate myself.

You think she has a thing for you? Sure seems like it.
I think you guys really need to talk honestly.
Are you comfortable with what happened? Do you feel like she assaulted you?

hello OP, I seem to have been in the exact same relation, on the exception that she had a super cute and passive boyfriend, so i disguised my feelings toward her as loving her as a little sister since she is 4 years younger than me.
I eventually started to sleep with her everyday, and we eventually started making out every day despite not having sex up until months after when she properly broke up with the guy, yet I still feel like shit when I think about him since he literally has not a single connection with another human being other than this girl.

still, the personality is the same, what you can do is offer to either take the blame on you when you can, and try to reassure her as much as you can through various means such as complimenting her, telling her you would have done the same thing, using deterministic world theory, and helping her as much as you can.
the breaking down phases are a lot tougher to deal with, after a year I still have no idea how to deal with them and there's probably nothing to do, they are homewer less. frequent the more I help her and the more I get her to laugh about it by getting overly more conscious about how she feels and how she thinks in each phases, laughing and comprehension is the key, but you can only drop a few bombs at a time. take a problem, talk about it, laugh about it, wait for a day and repeat, never say things like you understand how she feels because you don't, never say that you would have done something else in her position.

Now for the harder part, eventually a day will come when you will start actually going out with her, and I can assure you that given the kind of love you have toward her, it will feel weird as fuck for you in the beginning then eventually get better as time goes on, and of course, going out with a girl prone to breakdown is EXTREMELY stressful and there's no magic trick to it, so be sure that you won't ever explode alongside her one day.

tell me if you have any questions

I honestly do not know if she has feelings for me and I have no idea if I do to her either. Like I said I have always viewed her like a little sister. It has passed through my head on occasion as so many have suggested it. Even the day of the party a friend of mine she had never met before kept making jokes and made it into a group conversation with several guests asking me about when our wedding is. I just have never been in love before and my track record with dating has been very limited and miserable.

I am a 26 year old virgin and have only dated: a girl in highschool who dumped me the day before prom for her ex and was just using me to make her ex jealous, a girl who was so crazy and into Jesus she wouldn't even let me kiss her, and a few dates with an older woman who was very mentally unwell. After all of that I just kind of gave up on girls. It isn't like its so major social phobia or anything, most of my closest friends are women. I just didn't feel like it was worth the headache. For the longest I just told myself I will just wait till I find a perfect girl then throw all my eggs in one basket and say I was saving myself for marriage.

>I think you guys really need to talk honestly.
Should I ask her if she does have feelings for me even if I don't have those feelings for her?

>Are you comfortable with what happened?
I am not comfortable in the slightest as I feel like a heel for what I did. Throughout the phone call I constantly apologized and told her that everything that happened was my fault even though we were both drunk, we didn't go all the way, she never did anything to me, and she asked me for everything I did. But again, how can she believe me?

>Do you feel like she assaulted you?
Not in the slightest. I am the man, I don't think that is physically possible. The most she did was tempt a starving man with with a five star meal. Eventually he is going to dig in. I am just lucky I smartened up enough to skip dessert.

what you did isn't rape in the slightest, this guy is just messing with you through memes. there's not a single reason for you to stop this relationship, not to stop drinking alcohol with her.
the fact that you are older than her doesn't even bring up anything more to the table, you'll know what rape is when you see it and it absolutely looks nothing like what you described
actually, leaving her now would be the absolute worst kind of thing you could do to her, if anything consider this a stepping stone for getting closer if you like her, and don't worry about joking about it until it eventually become something fun for both of you to remember later on

again, what I said for her also applies to you, you can't regret what happened neither you can feel sorry about it since you had zero malice intent, it was literally just consensual love expressing itself and you are forcing yourself to see it as something horrible because society wants you to tell you it is, so don't worry about being comfortable with it.

this might actually be the perfect girl you are looking for, the age difference is nothing to be feeling ashamed of and I strongly feel like this will only be wonderful for the both of you

Okay that’s good. I wanted to make sure you didn’t feel like she assaulted you. People get drunk and their inhibitions are lowered. It happens.
Take this with a grain of salt because I’m a stranger on the internet but I think it’s very possible she has a major thing for you. That may also be why your friends keep joking about it. It may be obvious she’s got it for you bad and maybe they’re trying to clue you in.
Maybe talk to someone you’re both close to and see if they know if she has feelings for you?
If that is the case she probably feels very embarrassed and confused. And kind of rejected because you wouldn’t actually have sex with her, and wouldn’t let her touch you? She’s basically pining away for you and stuck in your friend zone.
It’s human nature to avoid embarrassment. She’ll probably lie and just say she was really horny and try to pass things off as not being a big deal. Maintain your friendship. Go back as if nothing happened.
But it’s not really fair to her if she has a thing for you. If she does and you’re not interested in reciprocating you need to distance yourself. Most people can’t be close friends with someone they love. It just doesn’t work.
Let her find someone she can have a relationship with.

Also thank you all for the advice so far. Though I am still not certain what I will do next, it has calmed me down a bit.

Dude Im a virgin myself but that was pathetic. She wanted it and now YOU apologize for her wanting to fuck you? Are you brain damaged?

First, I don't know if I love her. Second, I have always seen her as a little sister. Third, although both of us were drunk things like pic related terrifies the shit out of me. That's why when I began to sober up my brain stopped me from going further. What I did was wrong no matter how plastered I we, how far we went, or that she asked me for it. I betrayed her trust.

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There is one other thing too. She left the Christmas gift I gave her that night at my house before she left. Should I maybe use it as an excuse to see her and talk? I still have no idea how long I should wait to meet with her for any reason.

Clearly she's the anime kind of "little sister."

She is actually small and Asian.

as I told you, just go and meet up with her, what you did is no being deal for either of you and there's no reason to be ashamed or feel culpability for what happened, you'll still be on good terms with her no matter what happens, so go and give her that gift, act a little embarrassed, and stay as friendly as ever because by making those things bigger than they really are you're just making it worse for the both of you.

Treat her nicely, onechan.

Onii-Chan is the term for older brother.