New job

>new job
>one of the coworker seems flirty
>ignore because I don't want human resources on my ass
>she keeps trying, though
>slowly warm up enough to her to be cordial
>keep it strictly professional, since I don't want to be metoo'd
>she's still more forward than I would expect from anyone
>me = very tempted
>but the potential backlash is too much of a risk
>one day, we're alone
>she's more touchy than usual
>slight sweat
>heart pounding
>she talks about her favorite positions and how long she hasn't been out on a date
>stuff about how she hates tinder and meeting people through apps
>prefers to meet irl; putting emphasis on this point
>soon enough, she cups my balls and whispers "know what I mean?" before going back to her cubical
>SERIOUSLY consider her offer
>with a chub like a frozen banana
>even smiled
>suddenly lightning strikes
>images of human resources investigating me flash before my eyes
>coworkers get wind of what happened and out me
>word spreads to future employers, friends, and family
>panic. fucking panic.
>dunno what to do
>feel like there's only one way to save myself
>go to human resources and file a complaint
>human resources lady surprisingly takes me serious, even though I feel like a 2nd grade tattle tale
>figured that would be the end of it
>lol nope
>called in twice a week to follow up on report
>sometimes it's just hr, sometimes a lawyer's present, sometimes the bosses
>shit that makes me feel interrogated
>too much of a pussy to admit the truth
>finally, have to face the accused
>she looks at me with eyes of betrayal, and her overall appearance is a wreck
>last of the hr meetings; haven't heard from them in a while
>finally informed that they let her go
>don't know if everyone else heard, but general office attitude seems hostile towards me now
>don't know what have I done...

Fucking hell, I don't think I ever felt this guilty over anything before.

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To be fair, her actions did qualify as workplace harassment.

>Could of got laid with a bitch that knows how to properly cup balls
>Instead you get her fired and now everyone hates you and you have a dry dick
Congratulations, you played yourself.

>word spreads to future employers, friends, and family

That you had sex? Do you know how many people meet romantic partners at work? No one gives a fuck for the most part.

Snitches get stitches. How are you this retarded?

I got a boner reading the story so I don't think it counts as harassment. OP fucked up.

Making moves and advances towards someone who hasn't (explicitly) expressed desire for them is one of the general definitions of sexual harassment. Men often get in trouble for similar behaviours.

>general office attitude seems hostile towards me now
Report them to HR for creating a hostile work environment. Get them all fired. Then start over with the new crew and don't fuck it up this time.

Go read 1984 and cry op

3/10 wtf was that? Larp, pasta or bait?

Tl;dr 2/5

So my this.

In your attempt to not fuck things up, you fucked things up.

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Based op

>this girl I like is offering herself to me
>instead of putting my babies inside her I report her to HR and get her fired

I realize it's most likely fake, but I can see things like this happening in this absurd circus we live in. If you're ever in a similar position, remember, chances of you getting metoo'd are pretty small. Especially if the girl is fucking hitting on you like it's her job. And there's a middle way between pretending you're an asexual being and grabbing them by the pussy. You don't have to jeopardize your job at all for it. You can wait until you're home, hit her up on social media or call her or something and ask her out.

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Good to see that ITT, it's not a big deal when a woman sexually molests a man.

>chances of you getting metoo'd are pretty small
so is being raped and murder. we still try to protect ourselves regardless.

Based, don't tolerate workplace thots

Are you fucking kidding me?

Ah, double standards. Such a fine thing.

Good god dude, what? It's only harassment if it's unwanted. Otherwise, you're two consenting adults, hopefully not fucking at work because that's unprofessional. You over thought this and shot yourself in the foot with an ICBM.
Plus, you're a bitch for going to HR. Talk to her first if you're not into it, then report. You only go direct to report if going to her first causes more grief than it's worth.

Fucking almost got metoo'd twice in the last month or two, but you have to be autistic to metoo them first

Reading this story made me very angry about everything. This is a bad Christmas story.