TLDR mum is going senile. She stinks of piss and has had rotting food in the fridge for over half a year that she hasn't cleaned out and constantly gets sick. I don't believe her capable anymore to take care nor of herself nor of our dog but she doesn't listen to me and gets irrationally angry when I bring it up and verbally abuses me for any help I offer I'm lost and confused and want some advice.
I've been living alone for the past year or so in another country, so today was the first time I've seen my mom in a long while. I forgot how bad it was. See, we never got along under the same roof. We would always scream at each other. She would hit me often. But then I move out and she became super nice and so everything was swell and I found love for her again.
My mom has a very high paying government position. Shes very good at smiling and pretending everything is going great.
The whole time I've been living abroad, I saw the stress she had to hold on herself. She had to take care of my grandma, our dog, her stressful job. She'd often come home late. She started getting sick often. I was worried. I always asked her if everything goes well and she always denied anything getting to her. I guess I trusted her, because what else was I supposed to do. I thought things were better now.
It was when I saw her that I realised it's only been getting worse. It was so heartbreaking I started to cry. She looked absolutely awful. She was wincing from back pain (she said she fell but she always seems to have "accidents" these days).
When we entered the house... Holy shit. Bugs everywhere. Clumps and clumps of clothes. The smell of rotting food that can be smelt from the staircase. (mom said she hasn't opened her fridge in 3 months, because of the smell, so it was all rotted there already before. She now keeps everything that needs to be refrigerated outside the fridge.) (1/2)
I tried to bring it up on several occasions, but she just ignores it. The last time I tried to bring it up, she snapped. She started yelling at me asking me why I'm bringing it up, am I trying to make her out to be the worse guy again? She started calling me names, calling me a monster, saying I shouldn't have brought it up and it does no good anyway. She said that she would never forgive me for the cruelty I was showing her and she wouldn't even help me out ever again in life. Every time I try to reason with her, she deflects. The more I reason, the angrier she gets.
Really, all I did was bring up the smell of the house again. All I did was tell her I did not want to be in this house vecause it smells and there is mold.
I told her I wanted to leave. She said go ahead, I don't want to see you anymore. She's sick now. Again. So I took the dog out. The entire time I was getting ready she was verbally abusing me and saying I'm only doing this because I want to feel superior to her.
Every time I try to do anything nice she thinks I'm awful for it. I understand most of this is probably because of overworking at work plus so many obligations but if she refuses my help or to accept that there's a problem what do I do?
I came here on my holiday hoping to relax after a very very tough semester. Meanwhile I keep wanting to vomit because of the smell, and I can't even take a shower because the bathtub is too full of crap.
I'm so lost and confused and don't even know what to do. I want to help her but what good does it do if she refuses any help, verbally abuses me for it, and will just go back to this eventually.
Dad is dead BTW. We have nobody else for help.
Merry belated Christmas adv, thanks for being here to listen.
Jackson Powell
Call social services. They will help you with your situation with your mother. By the sounds of things all they have to do is walk into the house and things will be set into motion.
Stay strong OP.
Elijah Davis
No social services in my shitty slav basically third world country. Nobody will care. And I know mom would despise me forever.
Jaxon Gray
Which country, which city. If you are serious I will find something.
Adam Gonzalez
Less talk more action. Go clean her house. Stop telling her what to do and just do it for her.
Elijah Adams
Stop being retard. Clean house, get her working out (best treatment for dementia,altzheimer) get those vitamine D injection from neurologist and everything will be fine in like month. Just stop being bitch faggot son and do it.
Connor Butler
I find myself constantly thinking what is the point, man? If she will just go back to this anyway when I'm gone. How many times I tried to help when we lived together.. She always goes back to this.
"the house stinks" "it doesn't stink for me"
I'm tired. I was basically burnt out from end of semester. I just wanted a little moment to relax. Back home where I live and study, I have to take care of everything and it feels like I don't have a moment off.
I'm tired. I probably will help her but with great bitterness knowing my effort is basically in vain.
Xavier Cruz
exactly my prediction. Bitch ass faggot with no will. Do me a favor and let her die. Im slavic too. This kind of mentality needs to stop.
Cameron Harris
What mentality? Hers or mine?
The thing is man, like, I study alone in another country on my own money. I never got a shred of help from her, only abuse. It makes me bitter that family is meant to help but she just is an additional problem on my pile of problems. I've been indépendant since I turned 18 man, just wish I had more support in life or at least not this. It just makes me so bitter.
Jaxon Sullivan
Kyiv lol good luck
Adrian Russell
You just came here to talk shit didnt you? You dont need help you know how to help her. It takes very little to help person you mom has early stages of mental illness. Hoarding and not taking care of herself is schizophrenia or something easily manageable. I suggest to you to get her into asylum for few months.
Isaiah Wilson
She doesn't believe in psychologists. Thinks they're a waste of time. I think she's been mentally ill for a long long time. I don't think they would have her stay there. Shes way too intelligent and is able to fake very well no symptoms. She also has a very good job so nobody would believe she of all people could be mentally ill.
Believe me when I say I'd love to but I really doubt it would do her any good, if she doesn't listen to any of her family around her she won't listen to a stranger.
She doesn't think there's a problem, period. Any attempts to be told there's a problem she blocks out
Gavin Garcia
>She doesn't think there's a problem, period.
You fool this is exactly what mentally ill says. If you will go to doctor with her im pretty sure he will convice her. And if he wont she will get drugs to manage her illness. Belive from this point on it will be worse until she will tear her hair out and starts to scream in shopping centre. You have to trust me in this one that getting her help will actually help you more than you are helping her. If you help her you help yourself many many times more.
Brandon Clark
She's the type to not believe in doctors. She's anti vaxx, the whole deal.
After I leave back to where I live she will stop going. Or she won't ever go anyway in the first place, knowing her and her promises.
I'd love to but she doesn't see any reason. Aside from pushing pills down her throat, she will never take them even if they're prescribed or accept them or anything...
Just tell me how, tell me how I can make her.
Like I'd genuinely love to agree with you user but I'm trying to be realistic. I'm only here for another week.
Julian Scott
Clean the house. You can hire someone else to do it if you have money. It's going to be like $50 max to clean the whole house.
After you get the living environment in order, try to talk to her.
Basically, do everything you can to reduce her stress level.
>dat nozhdachnaya bumaga toilet paper tho
Josiah Nguyen
Oh I have money alright, but I don't know if mom will be okay letting anybody else into the house at all. Last time my best friend helped me clean it up she screamed at him and barred me from seeing his family again because they're "too nosy"
I'll look into it though.
Yea mom has forgotten about quality of life long ago.
Jacob Ramirez
>Kyiv
Yea, literally $50 or less, though try to find someone through friends so she doesn't get robbed. Get it done today.
The only thing you can do for her mental health is reduce stress and get her to do cardio.
Evan Lee
Does she not have any relatives?
Logan Watson
I will be straight with you. No more jokes. I dont give a fuck if your mom croaks or if you will leave her die in shit and piss. I genuely dont care im just here to shitpost. But belive me you can bet all of your money on this one that when it happens and she goes full postal schizo insane cat woman you will hate yourself and you will eventually dvelve into the same state as she currently is because mentally illness such as this is hereditary. So tread lightly young one.
Samuel Walker
Does she ever leave? If she goes to work tomorrow (today for you), just get it done.
I know I am repeating myself, but I want to help a bratan out to do the right damn thing.
Ian White
It's 2 am. I'm on it rn tho. What about a professional cleaning thingy? They won't steal right?
I mean I say that but they opened up my suitcase in the airport and searched it for money. Before the bag went to baggage claim. All my panties got looked through :(
You seem to be of slav origin, knowing about Kyiv prices and proper slav names for toilet paper
Wyatt Morgan
My grandma.. Who had a stroke and is bedridden... Mom used to take care of her but I convinced her to let her live elsewhere because I saw she was slipping and just couldn't.
My uncle, who is an alcoholic and can't take care of himself.
That's it.
Бpaтaн :D
She is meant to have work tomorrow, but she's sick.. So.
The other problem is the dog. He's very very territorial. He might attack randies who enter the house. I can't really tie him up on the balcony because it's fucking freezing, I can't go out on a walk with him because I gotta survey the gypsy pickpockets...
Eeehhh
Colton Gomez
>What about a professional cleaning thingy? They won't steal right?
If it's a large and reputable company, they likely won't outright rob you. Doesn't mean they won't steal little things. If you go this route, don't give them any information on you living outside of the country, make sure it's a female cleaner, etc.
I don't know if you can get these in Kyiv, should be able to - but you can get a "Wyze" cam for $20 in most electronics stores. Might be worth putting up - they take two minutes to set up, and the point is that it looks like your house has security, which it does, unless they cut wi-fi, which is a pain to do for a noob.
Even if you don't get the cam - this is worth doing.
>The other problem is the dog. He's very very territorial. He might attack randies who enter the house. I can't really tie him up on the balcony because it's fucking freezing, I can't go out on a walk with him because I gotta survey the gypsy pickpockets...
Any friends who can watch him? You can probably find some professional place to watch him for cheap too. I know this is all annoying as shit, but it's worth it.
>Бpaтaн :D
Udachi =/
Ser'ezno nadeyus chto s nei vsyo v poryadke, ochen vozmozhno chto eto vse prosto stress.
Don't get robbed ))
Caleb Bailey
Such detailed elaborate plan :D I could use the cam too to fuck with my buddies. Great ideas, man.
Ta вce пoнимaют чтo этo cтpecc кpoмe нeё. Гoвopит, "мнe нopм". :| нo виднo ж чтo eй нe нopм.
Cлyшaй, V, ты мнe cимпaтичeн. Хoтeлa б пoдpyжитьcя. (: я ж нe вceгдa дeпpeccивнaя тaкaя.
Cameron Flores
Da, ya v tebya nemnozhko vlyubilsya. No eto vseyo konechno xuinya. Izvini chto tak dolgo, normalnii email konechno ne mogu tut dat, delal novii. Pishy na:
You could try an emotional approach for example old family photos taken in the house when it was clean to soften her up, then mention you love her and want to help. Sas thing is, if she is mentally ill (she seems to be) and is unaware or in denial, I doubt you alone can make her do something she doesn't want to do. If you were really devilish you could say you have a serious boyfirend but don't want him to visit with the house as it is.
I assume you are the only child, which makes things hard mode (no siblings to gang up her on with). Does your mother have any living siblings you could talk to?
If I had a serious bf card, then she just wouldn't invite him over lol.
Yea, I'm only child. Her only living sibling is an alcoholic worse off than her. No help there.
Sebastian Phillips
realistically you might just be fucked if you have no outside assistance with her, cleaning service will likely get screamed out, but give it a shot. Reminds me of my mother's 84 year old former employee. Her house is full of old shit, cats, and pee spots and we just recently convinced her (after YEARS) to let a cleaning lady come over. She keeps doing stupid shit and has been very lucky not to have accidentally killed herself for no good reason.
Persistence may be key, but I would expect major resistance for some time. Your mom sounds like the mean irrational crazy type, sadly.
