I'm struggling here with this one.
Seemed previsible, but now I have a certain date. I live in SA and she's moving to Germany to live the "chase after your draems, I need liberty" meme.
I consider myself a good husband and father, and she even says so. Besides the excruciating pain that comes with the end of this relationship, she's taking our son with her. I don't intend to hinder her from doing so - even though I could, why bother?
The thing is how the hell am I going to be a father to a kid that lives in Germany. Little boy is 4. He'll soon no longer even speak my mother language, and my german is broken.
Even if it wasn't the case, just how the hell do you do it? Am I supposed to believe being a father through skype or something is possible?
Am I going to be that guy he calls once a week to make small talk or get petty advice? The one that has no impact in his life whatsoever?
Would really like to hear the input on this one. Thanks.
Wife moving to another country
She's ditching you and taking your son to Germany of all places? And for what? To chase some fantasy?
Good riddance I'd say. Too bad for the son though. He'll be fucked with this kind of mother.
She isn’t chasing dreams she is chasing dick. You sure she hasn’t found someone in Germany?
See, this is odd. The fact that you’re married means you are a team. You are responsible to work as a team. It is very strange that she think it’s totally fine to just take your son and move to Germany...
What did she say about what you’re suppose to do? Something about this seems very off
Le ol' "enjoy life n shiet" meme quite literally.
It may be good riddance. Part of me thinks that right now, and I think in the future I'll see I dodged a bullet.
But it still pains a lot because she has good qualities and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her.
We're not legally or religiously married though.I was pushing for that lately.
I think it's likely.
But to spend a week in a country, find dick and decide to move... that's too farfetched.
I don't think she would act in such way. She has no instances of cheating in 5 years.
I didn't understand your question.
If you let her take your son, you're doing a disservice to him. Do you think he will have a happy life?
His mom is both stupid and a slut. She will be brings lots of strange men home, all of which will hate your son. At best he will me marginalized. At worst, he might get abused or beaten up. Also lots of foreign sluts who fall on hard time end up as prostitutes (very easy when you're away from home, where none knows who you are). Or she might fall in with the wrong crowd and your son will end up living with a crack head. And the best case scenario is she marries again and your son will merely be ignored by her new family and will always wonder why his dad abandoned him.
Also don't believe her promises. Once she's abroad she will try to cut contact between you and your son.
When she told you she was moving to Germany, what does she expect you to do? What did she say to you regarding your marriage and all?
Did you not communicate this with each other?
>I don't think she would act in such way. She has no instances of cheating in 5 years.
come on man were you born yesterday? There’s a chance she won’t cheat and actually just chase her dreams but the chances of her cheating are much much greater. You won’t be there to fuck her, to comfort her, to handle her emotions and sooner or later she’ll find someone close by who will do it. After that all she has to do is ignore your calls and cut off contact and call police if you try to forcibly meet with her.
German police in general is very feminist in nature so if she complains about you and calls you a stalker/wife beater whatever you’d be directly put in jail on abuse charges.
The fact that a married woman wants to leave her husband behind and take her young son to a foreign country tells me either she’s really delusional or she already has made contact with someone in Germany and this is her grand plan to meet with the man and eventually settle with him.
Is she an artist of some sort? Does she have frequent contact with foreigners or Germans? Maybe she fucked some German artist/business guy and they hatched this bullishit plan to leave you behind.
The best thing you can do is to keep your son with you (if you care about him, ideally get his DNA tested, I doubt he is even yours)
Then convince your hoe of a wife to go alone and you don’t want to risk a little kids life in a foreign country.
Or propose to move to Germany with her after you find a job there. Your wife’s dreams can wait a few weeks or few months. It’s winter season, if you find a job you can move to Germany next summer
Either way this is a very weird situation and I’ve never heard a wife doing this with her family. She doesn’t even have anything concrete in her hand.. she’s not a child, how is gonna take care of a kid and herself when she doesn’t even have a job
I agree with this poster. I have several questions.
1. Why does she want to leave (you)? Because that's what she's doing, even if she doesn't realize it.
2. Why is she taking your son?
3. Why aren't you going with her?
4. How long will she be gone for? Indefinitely? Even a few years means a lot for you and your son's relationship. Five years and it's like he grew up without a father.
If there's no firm plans for you to move to her or her to move back, this is in paractice a divorce. Doesn't matter if you still love each other and talk weekly or whatever, your essentially divorced when you live like this.
You should keep your son with you man he doesn't need that shit. When I was boy and my parents separated I 100% chose my dad. He was the coolest motherfucker I knew.
Ill communicated.
She still seems as if this is quite a painful decision. But I'm supposed to carry on with my life.
I THINK at one instance there was a talk of me "waiting" for her, but I refused to do so.
This is not a "I'll be waiting while you fulfill your dreams" thing. It's a break up. I couldn't care less what she does after she leaves.
I don't care about Die Polizei. They don't have jurisdiction in my country. And I won't be calling her. After she leaves, she's dead to me.
I think there's a possibility she made contact with someone there, but I don't think this is likely. As you said, I think she's just delusional.
She's also not an artist, and has never had contact with foreigners.
I can't move to Germany. I have an investigation ongoing against me for alleged "hate crime" on the interwebs.
It's been 5 years without a lawsuit. Kindda weird if you ask me.
I thought about keeping the kid with me, but that means she'll be around. And I don't want her around.
Also, I don't want to risk her judicializing this in any matter. Financially I'm getting off the hook unscarred.
so, she expects you to just stay in SA?
>”wait for her”
Ok. So this makes it very clear she realizes the marriage is over
1. I THINK it is because she wants to pursue a career in Germany - even though she doesn't have a college degree.
Her job is unfulfilling and I'm a routine kindda guy. I don't think she appreciates that.
But I'm the kind of guy that would tidy the house, do the dishes, pay the bills. No cheating, no beating, no drug abuse. I also recently got my MBA in criminal law and criminal processual law, but I'm stuck at a dead end job. Will probably end up working for the government after a rough selection for which I must prepare myself for.
But this is what they want, right? Financially stable (I don't have debts of any kind and I own a flat in which we live. Not on my name though. Not that stupid), somewhat bright (speak 2 idioms, plus I know german to some degree; I write poetry and am constantly reading), loyal, good keeper for our home and a good parent to the boy.
She even says so. She says it's not fair that she's doing this because I'm such a great guy. But we've all been there, haven't we?
I think she's leaving because she's unsatisfied with herself. Her job is stresing, her routine is shit. Her friendships don't last and her relationship with her family is non-existant.
I think she's picking a convenient route in order to solve her own problems by the flick of a wand. Maybe she thinks she belongs in that place after spending her vacation there.
You ask me, I think it's the folly.
2. Because she wants to raise him, and because women develop those kinds of bonds with young children.
3. a) because I'm realistic. I know this immigration issue in Europe is going down the shitter and I can't start a life anew there; b) because of the pending investigation against me, which makes me persona non grata.
4. Indefinetely, I think. He'll probably grow without a father, or will have a "german father", prolly some beta cuck she managed to find for herself. I don't think that's the case, at least for now.
(cont.)
(cont.)
Regardless, that's the harsh reality, my son will grow up without me. You can't be a skype dad, that doesn't happen. You have to be there to show him the way, to teach him stuff, to push him toward his goals.
He'll probably end up as some eurocuck. She's fond of leaving him unattended watching shit on TV. I don't think she's a bad mother, but that really grinds my gears.
Not on account of this cowboy. I did what the protocol prescribes. It's bullshit. I'm thinking about going MGTOW or something. A waste of time.
>hasn't put a ring on it
>still calls her his wife
Big mistake. Despite acting like this was a serious-serious relationship, you never made things official, so of course she emotionally checked out, and now she's literally checking out.
Too late to pretend husband-wife-meant-to-be-together-forever now. And you suddenly pushing for it just made her emotionally-checked-out-self scared af.
She can't just kidnap the kid. I'd fight for his custody. If I was in that position, I'd tell her to fuck off and fight to keep my son and daughters. She sounds like she doesn't have a fucking clue as to what she'll do for him if things turn out for the worse. Kids simply turn out better if they're raised in a more stable and less uncertain home, so he probably won't turn out as well if she raises him.
>alleged "hate crime" on the interwebs.
>It's been 5 years without a lawsuit. Kindda weird if you ask me.
Lmao are you a Jow Forums autist? How did you manage to get a police complaint against yourself in Germany
not him but I assume he joined and/or posted in right-wing groups and got himself on a watchlist. german police did watch social media happenings a little bit after a few AfD party communities started toeing the line of natsoc sympathies, big no no
But he’s South African why would krauts care about him and how’d he know if he’s on a watchlist
Aren’t those things kept secret
Pity about the kid.
May I ask how long your relationship has been from when you became friends/consistent contacts, to here?
I've been pushing for marriage for more than a year now.
Calling her wife is just a thing people say down here when couples start living together.
I lurk there sometimes, but I don't buy into the racist crap.
The complaint is in my home country, and it's a nuisanse when talking immigration.
Never been a part of any group.
Most of it is some un-PC memes to be fair. It's a overblown crap if you ask me.
they don't care, that's why he never got a lawsuit
a few germans did get lawsuits, just cash penalties tho
We've been together for almost 6 years. Little guy is 4.
We met each other and messed around for a couple months before getting into a relationship.
Oh. Well your relationship is over either way.
lol she's gonna fuck a "german" muslim with a bigger dick then you.