I just broke up with my GF of 3 years

I just broke up with my GF of 3 years

It's a long story but in short, I was in the wrong, she took it a step further, and I went from being unaware of a problem on Sunday and now we've gone out separate ways

I've lost my best and only true friend, my life is kind of without direction, and I'm sick and scared and angry and sad as shit

Before she left my house she said she wanted some time apart, that she still loves me, she still wants to be friends, and that she doesn't know if she's making the right choice. My question is if the person you care for the most went aloof and tentatively broke up with you, would you wait for them to come around or try to move on asap?

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>I was in the wrong, she took it a step further
Explain or we can't help. Did you cheat on her?

move on with your life man, it’s awful but for real just save yourself from the painful limbo phase of are we friends are we back together, does she love and trust me the same. Fuck that shit completely. If she’s all that stuff to you than she would’ve stuck around and worked through the problem that’s what couples are supposed to do not call you out and run out. Hang in there OP

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Why wait anyway? Like what's your recourse when you wait, and she decides eh-- I'll just move on anyway?

THINK, man, your life has so much going on and you wanna sit here and play high school games with someone who walked on you
Jesus Kentucky Fried Christ buddy

wise user here
I've lived enough to tell you, never ever wait for anyone.
This, however, doesn't mean rushing into a new thing asap.
work on yourself.

No, I was going through some rough shit and kind of shut her out, she got sick of it and, as she admitted herself, was petty and shut me out of how upset she was with me. She kept it snowball and then got upset enough to want to pull the plug on the whole thing.

Should I not be friends with her at all? I want to move away from the relationship now that all this damage is done, but honestly she was a good friend, is it bad to keep her in my life?

wise user here
It isn't a bad thing at all if you can be mature about it. But before even thinking of accepting her as a friend, you have to know that the intimacy you shared with her is no longer possible.
will you be comfortable seeing her fall for a new man, presenting him to you, will you be happy for her?
Don't feel shame if the answer is no, you have to do what you know is best for you, and for that, you have to know yourself. Ask yourself these questions and any other that you can come up with, and most importantly, be honest with yourself when you answer them

Thanks user, that's actually really helpful

Ignore those anons, they didn't even read you post completely.

She's just taking a break so both of you get over your negativity instead of reflecting it to each other. Don't do anything stupid now. She most likely comes back in a week or a few if you two keep talking and forgive each other. If you managed to be together for 3 years it sounds like pretty good relationship that shouldn't be ended for a little fight.


you're welcome fella. Whatever it is that goes down, I hope you're happy in the end

She seems so unsure and I thought I had talked her down from breaking up but honestly it feels like the real deal. I hope she comes back, and I am giving her a week to decide but I really can't wait for her to chose like this. I love her so much and it agony bring in this purgator, so you think I should try to keep talking to her or let her be completely until she's ready?

When a girl says that "She wants to be friends", you"ll lose her forever.


You both did mistakes right? From your story it looked like she already apologized. Just admit you were difficult and apologize too.

Trust me the apologies were plentiful on both sides. We both admitted our faults and I told her I wanted to work to fix it but she says she doesn't know if she even wants to try, that's what I'm waiting on

her name is Sarah Lemons. You're welcome.

If you want her back, just don't contact her at all, she needs all the time and space away from you. Did she dump you?

Unless she specifically says she wants space or a break I would keep trying to reach out to her. Show her how much you care and communicate with her clearly what you’re saying to us faceless no names.
Go after her, treat her right, give her attention and don’t stop. If you really can’t do that and don’t want to let her find someone who does.

You aren't telling us everything OP. No girl breaks off a 3 year relationship without another man involved.

Not true. Some girls have vicious friends.

My gf of 5 years and I just broke up a few days ago. I am in the same boat as you user. I have lost my best friend. I was completely in the the wrong as I am a fucking loser NEET and she and her family supported me while I got nothing accomplished in the last few years. I understand why she is over it and has moved on. I am going to move on as well and hope that I can get my life together and we can continue to be friends and both move on.
it hurts a lot, but I think it will be better in the end. I can move away now and spend the rest of my twenties in peace fucking skanks. so I guess thats cool.

I would agree with you if the relationship was up to a year but this is a 3 year relationship. Friends didn't cause this, however the friends may have encouraged or even helped her hide the other guy from you.

Why is everything about infidelity with you people?

Is it weird that I find her chest repulsive?

Because it usually is but don't totally focus on the physical part. She likely has met a man and she is interested and is going through a risk and reward process which includes an assessment of her existing relationship. New and shiny with butterflies or old and mostly reliable and she knows all the faults.

Unless OP is abusing her or put them both in financial ruin the number one incentive for her to end a 3 year relationship is the prospect of a new and shiny with butterflies, man.

>she still loves me, she still wants to be friends, and that she doesn't know if she's making the right choice.
Plain and simple, she wants to bang other dudes for a while.
When it doesn't work out, she'll likely come crawling back to you with a sob story user.
If I'm right, she isn't marriage material; in which case: what are you even doing with her then?

Broken up with too, seven days ago.

Relationships work until the second they don't work anymore, I guess. One day you're making plans for a trip at the end of next month, and she's really excited and pushing for anal, and the next day she still loves you but there's something about the way she feels about herself and her life on her own and she doesn't think that discussing or entertaining possible solutions would be a good idea for any of you.

>I'm sick and scared and angry and sad as shit

You an me both, OP, you and me both.
It's mostly the sense of impotence and the feeling of "That's it, and I can't do shit about it".

> she still loves me, she still wants to be friends

They always do. And this user is right.
Honestly, I managed to stay good friends with every girl I have had a meaninful relationship with because, like, I'm not going to write you off just because I don't fuck you anymore.
It surely took a bunch of buffer time (from a few months to more than a year), in which we saw each other very little, but chatted kinda often or at least regularly, until we slowly but surely created a new basis for a friendship that was close, and even if a bit loaded by us have been together, surely not defined by that.

So, only you know if you'll be able to stay friends, but if you want to try, AT THE VERY LEAST don't keep things exactly as they were, because they are not.
Think of the distance from her you are comfortable with (it doesn't need to be a all-or-nothing choice) and fucking stick with it for as long as it feels right.

Not OP.

God fucking damnit, I really don't want to fall into this line of thinking but I can't seem to shake the nagging thought of something like this actually happening.

Not even some specific shiny with butterflies, just a generic, potential "shiny with butterflies" that her group of friends would find more appropriate.

I relate this because I've lived it as well as many of my friends.

To be fair a man can chase new and shiny with butterflies too and not every relationship is doomed because neither the girl or guy fall for new and shiny with butterflies. They see it for what it is, a temporary fantasy.

However, back to my original comment. If you aren't abusive and not financially irresponsible and she starts creating drama resulting in some break or break up, she has a new man in and on her mind and she wants to try him out. Keep in mind, she may not want new and shiny with butterflies as a serious bf or she finds out quickly he's not what she imagined after they fuck a few weeks and then she'll come back as if nothing ever happened and expect you to act as if nothing did.

I flat out told her if she starts seeing other people I'm cutting her out for good, she told me she wanted to try focusing on school for a while to figure things out.

I hope we can figure this shit out anons, she was my future, all my plans revolved around her for the most part, starting from scratch is going to be ass.

what the fuck were you doing planning your life around a girl you're not married too?

Got too attached too quickly, yeah I know it was stupid and I tried to avoid it but she sort of started it with all this "I cant wait to live together" bullshit. I knew it wasnt a good idea but it felt to right at the time, safe to say I've learned my lesson

Never get attached to quickly, she needs to earn your attachment. You need to have a "let's where it goes" mentality. You also shouldn't have told her you were going to cut her forever if she started to date people again, you both technically have the right to date others since you're not together anymore, you sounded very controlling saying that.

I know how it sounds but I didnt want to lie to her or put myself through having to see her happier with someone else. I should me more mature about it and maybe I'll change my mind, but well have to see

Well guys stop trying after a few months...

You telling made it worse, she will eventually find someone else because she's single. She will tell you either you two are not a thing anymore or it just happened. If you want her back, do no contact, reflect on your relationship, and move on, this is the best way for her to come back, IF she does

Skanks are gonna make you miss your girlfriend even more.

This is so stupid, if he doesn't contact her, he doesn't care. Self worth will make her leave that.

If someone breaks up with you, they want space from you. Why would you keep trying to talk and persuade someone who wants space from you? When my ex got distant while we were dating, I thought by showing more love and talking to her, she will start being more active in the relationship again, she broke up with me and told me she wanted space. Doing more doesnt always make it good.

It's not always that, sometimes it's an ultimatum because he's doing something wrong. But she's not going to come back if he doesn't first.

You don't go back to someone who dumped you. If she wanted to be with him, she would have not broken up with him and would've worked it out with him. If you keep talking to someone who dumped you, you'll keep pushing them away and will look needy, she will have to figure out if she wants to get back together. OP didn't say he did something terrible to warrant this.

I guess that when you get dumped, the compromise lies in like, being available but not necessarily actively keeping contact.
Being the one who goes "What's up?" every now and them but mostly keeping to yourself.

Not as a trap to "See how much she'll be the one to contact you", more like to let things find a different balance, if that's even possible.

Semi related

Is it fucked up to ask an ex to be fuck buddies after the end of a serious relationship? I work in a factory and dont want a tinder std so my options are minimal

Not much, but be fucking clear about it beforehands and just don't even approach it if anything looks iffy or asymmetrical because thing could get very messy very fast.

How much time as passed since breaking up?