Am I an idiot?

gf gets drinks with her ex
they're at the bar till it closes at 2
they were both awake at communicating with each other at 5 AM
she says they didn't fuck and i need to trust her bc relationships are built on trust

am i an idiot

Attached: dame tony dumb dumb.jpg (400x400, 21K)

if this is real yeah, you are an idiot

or maybe not, do you have any backround story about them?

(being open minded here though i think nobody should have anything with their ex)

ya that's very sketchy . Ask her how she'd feel if you (or: "your partner") were out until 5 am drinking with their ex. Ask if she thinks it's normal behavior and if she really thinks you have no right to be concerned. Then break up with her.

Relationships are also built on respect, and she obviously has none for you

Well when we started dating he was mad at me because we used to be relatively (but not really) aquainted in high school. He was just being super possessive of a girl he dated over two years ago, so we're all relatively immature as college students.

They broke up after they graduated and they had sex every time they were in the same place for about a year and it ruined her emotional state. She regrets every time she's been with him, and it makes her really scared of commitment, and it was really difficult to get her to be exclusive with me. Before we met, he told one of our mutual friends that he was "definitely going to have sex with her," and that pissed her off to no end. It pushed her right into my arms.

Before we met and after they stopped having sex, she eventually had a thing with another guy in college, but that didn't pan out, and then she met me and we hit it off just fine. Since we met, months ago, we've been the only people we've had sex with, except for maybe now.

She's told me that she would never consider having sex with him ever again, but she also talked about him sympathetically as if he was misunderstood and she accepted an apology.

When I asked her about it, she got really defensive, told me it wasn't anyone's business but hers and his, that they didn't have sex, and she told me that I should trust her. She was really angry and we almost broke up over the fight, she called me possessive and presumptuous for asking if they had sex, she said I was making assumptions and she didn't appreciate it.

I don't mind that they got drinks and talked and reconnected, but I am worried about the fact that they were both awake at five in the morning. What were they doing for those three hours after the bar closed? Did they continue talking? Did they drive around? Did they just go home and talk for a while? Sex seems to be the only explanation.

Ay lad here's the real redpill:

Once a girl has voluntarily had sex with a fella, he can have sex with her again.

Therefore your girlfriend cannot be in contact with anyone she's ever had sex with who wants to have sex with her, otherwise she will inevitably cheat on you.

well fuck dude, she doesn't sound stable and/or trustworthy

I say brake it up until you are too deep in love

This sounds like an absolute shitstorm, run for the hills OP.

she's still fucking him OP and deep down you must know this too.

You aren't an idiot for wanting to believe she wouldn't fuck him but are an idiot to believe she isn't. You must consider her relationship with him survives to this day despite saying she is with you and she is willing to force you to be ok with her dating him. Make no mistake, when she is confident of fully resuming their relationship you will be her ex.

I hope not, I mean we go to schools miles apart in completely different parts of the country, and it's been over a year since they had sex last.

If your woman spends ANY time alone with her ex, or at least without you, you should be wary.
Her being alone with any man is something you should be pretty cautious of really.

Idk I think that's an immature way to look at it, she has male friends that are totally dickless and they get meals and drinks together all the time. She like gives them dating advice and shit.

With exes though I agree. this guy is her ex though and they dated for three years, she obviously still has feelings for her, and I don't like feeling like I'm competing with him for her intimacy.

Plus she's preety NEETy. The reason I'm still here is because she is absolutely insanely good gf material.

She's a 9/10, she cooks and cleans, she is the most intimate and vulnerable person I've ever been with, she's really intelligent, she is graduating with an $80,000 dollar salary, she doesn't go to parties, and she has like eight friends who she spends time with.

She's immature obviously though. I'm thinking about asking her to go into an open relationship so we can just not worry about shit like this until we grow up and graduate. I'd have sex with other people, she'd probably sleep around, but I think the freedom would be good for us at this age. We go to different schools, so I'd visit her often, we wouldn't talk about what we do with other people, we'd build trust and keep building intimacy, and then when we're mature and ready to give each other everything we can date and consider where we're going to live.

Perhaps a boundary set is most appropriate, that she isn't to be alone with other men outside of public, and that in private there should be at least 1 other trustworthy person there also.

>open relationship
If I have to explain why this is a bad idea for a long term relationship, then I have a deep and abiding pity for you user.
Just sit and think, really think about that idea and it's long term implications.

>I'm competing with him for her intimacy
You are OP and she is aware of this and doesn't care

I also think the same about men. Don’t agree with the cheating part necessarily, though.

People have no business keeping contact in any voluntary manner with people they had sex with, and I also extend it to having sexual attraction to.

The long term implications are that we aren't mature enough right now to be in a relationship and I think we need some time to not be dating to grow up.

I get how you feel but I really don't mind if she does have sex with other people while we're open, I don't feel very possessive and as long as we're having sex and stay really close I couldn't care less what she does while we're open, especially because it frees me up to do whatever the fuck I want.

nigga just DO THIS :

One nigt go out, alone or not, do whatever the fuck you want. and told her that you met an old friend ( female) or ex I dunno. Don't make It too obvious cus she'll know what you about to do.
tell her that you were out , and try settle the same story ( quite the same not EXACTLY the same...)

If she don't ask anything about how it was and shit or If she overreact , she's cheating on you, and you just opened a door for her to get the fuck out of your relationship.

But I think she took a dick that night. It not respectfull from her to do that... If my girl did this. I would kick her out instantly.

that'd be a good plan but I think she's smart enough to keep her composure no matter what

Something I'm kind of realizing is that she's not a very sexual person and that just because they were up till 5 doesn't mean they had sex, knowing her. I guess sometimes it's hard to realize that not everyone is an incel stereotype? Like not every girl likes to have sex? Idk I don't know the full story so I guess we'll just have to have a conversation about it later.

>Something I'm kind of realizing is that she's not a very sexual person

> they had sex every time they were in the same place for about a year


She souldn't even be seeing her ex in the first place, let alone having drinks with him.

shouldn't of let her go in the first place...
she's still into him even if they didn't fuck

>Pretty NEETy
she's going to school, sleeps around and has 8 friends (a normal number). you're saying this to try and make yourself feel better
I understand wanting to take care of someone but it's clear her vulnerability is only from glaring mental issues (caused by her ex or not)
>doesn't go to parties
but she goes out drinking with her ex and probably cheats on you? wow, what a keeper.
>open relationship
so you're okay with being a cuck, got it. face it, you are the dickless male.

>and I don't like feeling like I'm competing with him for her intimacy.
That is grounds enough to break up so just fucking do it.
>she has male friends that are totally dickless and they get meals and drinks together all the time. She like gives them dating advice and shit.
She keeps them around because she likes the attention. I was one of these types of girl's "male friends." They want to fuck her, she won't fuck them but she'll hang out because she likes the attention.

Come the fuck on, man. What the fuck, when you're married to her are you just gonna be okay with her running off and hanging out with men willy nilly? Her defensive reaction to your questions
>I'm thinking about asking her to go into an open relationship
What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't ever do anything halfway. Break up with her for your mental health.

>Come the fuck on, man. What the fuck, when you're married to her are you just gonna be okay with her running off and hanging out with men willy nilly? Her defensive reaction to your questions
I got sidetracked by the open relationship part. Her defensive reaction to your question shows she doesn't care how YOU feel about the fact that she hung out with her ex that long. The fact that you made this thread is enough to break up with her - the trust is gone. It all piles up and you're too stupid to notice the glaring garbage fire behind her and run.

she doesn't sleep around, up until this point im the only person shes had sex with since we met, she was cellibate an entire semester for me

seeing an ex is fucked up, but she is genuinely the type of person to not fuck him anymore. they couldve honestly just caught up and talked about life and stuff for a few hours after the bar closed. idk i haven't talked to her about what exactly happened yet

open relationship isnt a cuck thing dude, its just letting go and making her a less important part of my life, detaching myself, and seeing if we can get back together at a later date when we grow up more. im not so insecure that if a girl i like fucks another guy i shit my pants, its fine, im not a very possessive person. cheating is different bc its a violation of trust. i get to fuck other girls too, and i have plenty of game so im fine. ill definitely outfuck her anyway, im cool with casual sex and she needs a legitimate long term connection to have it, so there's a good chance she won't even fuck anyone while she's at school. her ex is the rare exception bc they dated for three years and she's young and immature and most likely still has feelings for him. but again, she said they didn't have sex. im going to decide to break up with her after a conversation with her about boundaries and what exactly happened that night and see what she says they were doing until 5 AM. she doesn't know that i know that they were both up at that time so i'll see how she responds. we're young, if this is a one time thing after she understands my boundaries and she explains herself sufficiently ill let it slide. if it happens again after the conversation i'll dump her.

girls having male friends is not that big of a deal, it's not always for attention. these guys have pretty much told her they're glad they're her friends and nothing more multiple times

if i was married to her and she had male friends why tf would i care? as long as she's not fucking them

>she says they didn't fuck
Did she come to you and say this unprodded? If she just brought this up randomly, they probably did fuck and she just needed to clear her conscience.

nah i mean its different with this thing

>her feelings were really hurt by him after he pushed to stay in her life
>he has a history of being possessive after they broke up, which is why she says she'll never fuck him again
>im the one who she says has fucked her the best and made her the most comfortable during sex, and even she says sometimes i make her feel objectified, she's just not completely comfortable with sex and she needs proof that there's something more to a relationship than just sex to have sex

so i can see it going both ways, and if its just a boundary thing we can talk it out. i have mutual friends so i can find out if she cheated on me pretty easily

no i asked her upfront if they had sex bc she went without telling me

At this point you aren't asking for advice. You're justifying to random strangers on the internet why you're staying with Redflag McGee. Either shut up and go to her, or take the advice.

good point user

i guess more information is good tho if the advice may not apply

ill think it over, im not trying to give her a chance she doesn't deserve, but im also not trying to overreact to something that could be not that big of a deal considering our maturity levels

I would not be okay with this. In fact I would be incredibly upset. You need to put up firm boundaries, or she's going to cheat you. More than she has already, I mean

Maybe she did, maybe not.
Most likely she is testing the waters.

Depends what you want out of the relationship, if you're OK with an explanation for something like this that "you have to trust her" than by all means, but if you gotta alittle bit of self respect there are soooo many amazing women out there, just that they are hiding in their rooms, like us most of the time so you will not find them easily, but still, go get em' tiger.

relationships are brutal

people can be so close and so distant at the same time

someone you've known and trusted for years can do something that you now need to analyze

its nuts