Why is getting a gf so impossibly hard for me? How come something like 99% of men achieve easily by 25 or so...

Why is getting a gf so impossibly hard for me? How come something like 99% of men achieve easily by 25 or so, realistically one of the simplest things to do in life pretty much the hardest thing you could possibly ask me to do? I'm a regular person otherwise, but I have no idea what's so fucked up about me in that regard.

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I have a fair amount of experience and I still have trouble getting the girls I want consistently. It really is a numbers game.

How many girls did you ask out in 2018?

I feel like it goes deeper than just playing the numbers. Do you get girls that show interest or do you just cold approach?


Nigga I could walk outside tomorrow morning and ask out the same number of girls it took you a WHOLE YEAR to ask out

Fucking go outside and TRY AGAIN. If you want a girlfriend, PUT SOME FUCKING EFFORT IN

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>getting the girls I want consistently
What does "getting the girl" mean to you? It sounds like you've "gotten" more than just a couple.

>2 girls in a year

I asked 3 or 4 girls out TODAY

I'm wary to talk openly here because incels will freak the fuck out, but yea, it means sex.

after you have sex you can decide if you want her as your gf, because she'll be the one chasing you for more commitment.

I don't know if that's just how I am but i can't just fucking go around asking every girl and getting rejected without completely annihilating my self esteem.

Is this really the only way out? Knock on every single door until one opens?


You asked out two (2) girls

No one's asking you to go out there and ask out a girl every day, but at least fucking try to ask out more than one girl every 6 months for fuck sake

What the fuck are you doing? Burying yourself in your pillows and crying hysterically for a few months every time you get rejected?

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>i don't even have any opportunities to even ask out a girl
My life is a sausage fest, I literally am not friends with my female. And no, picking up girls on the street is not an option in my country.

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>Any online dating site
>Going to a bar with male friends and meeting girls as a group
>Literally just fucking making friends with girls, who can then introduce you to more girls

Stop making excuses, weeaboo

>completely annihilating my self esteem

it's called ego death my friend , and it's a good thing

I asked those two girls because I liked them and I actually got to know them somewhat. I don't think I even meet enough girls to ask out a different girl every week what the fuck.

As for what I do inbetween, living and stuff.

Destroying your self esteem is definitely not a good thing

>Destroying your self esteem is definitely not a good thing

Transcending the need for the approval of others is

I mean you aren't wrong, but my guy friends are mostly nerds that doesn't interact with a lot of female friends too.

Tinder experience be uninteresting shit like "my hobbies are sleeping, eating" how tf am
I supposed to continue the convo?

Being in the army really does have no fucking ways to meet girls, it's not I am in college at the moment.

Look user. If you’re asking “why can’t I get a gf when everyone else can”, there are only two answers

1. Luck
2. Effort

You either need luck or effort. Luck would be if you didn’t put much effort into meeting and asking out girls, but just happened by chance to meet one that you click with super naturally and form a relationship with organically.

You haven’t had luck so far. And that’s okay, because the vast majority of men do not. What you, and most men, need to do is put in the EFFORT. That’s going outside, expanding your social circle, meeting girls, asking girls on dates, using dating apps, building your sexual confidence.

If you don’t want to do those things, you’ll need to rely on luck. And luck is something we as mortal humans have no influence over.

This is true. You suffer because you still hold on to the idea of the self. Let the self die so that you can be free and truly live

I guess that does sound mostly correct. It's still depressing to have to look at it pretty much like a job to undertake, though. Maybe I'm too clueless but I don't feel like most people need to put as much effort as I'd have to put.

It's just all so overwhelming for me. Just talking to people is hard at times, navigating dating and intimate shit is almost impossible

You have to re-frame the way you look at the whole process.

Don't look at is as drudgery that you need to suffer through so you can snag an avg frumpy gf. The approaches and the interactions and the rejections are an OPPORTUNITY to build up your social skills and confidence and turn you into a better person. You will grow as a person and that is more valuable than any gf.

I agree with what you're saying but I guess the main difference for me is that the process isn't enjoyable.
For example other self improvement activities are fun for me, I enjoy going to the gym and seeing progress. I enjoy my piano lessons .

Dating on the other hand is miserable. I've experienced it in a much more reduced scale by virtue of being an unlikable idiot but I know other people agree with it. Meeting new people makes me anxious. Even though I know it's good for me it's just so miserable to put myself through that when I know failure is almost guaranteed.

>Meeting new people makes me anxious.

Yea, me too. I used to be afraid to walk down the street because I thought the people in the cars were staring at me, and now I have a fulfilling dating life. It takes work, there's no way around it.

Oh and I also used to eat my lunch in a toilet stall at uni because I felt too uncomfortable sitting in the cafeteria commons.

How old are you?


Get more hobbies and do shit, that's unironically how you become more interesting.

Do you have autism? Not trying to be funny, I mean you genuinely might be on the spectrum. Worth looking into at least.

Don't start this shit. He'll worry he actually does have autism, which he almost certainly doesn't. It would be pretty damn obvious.
Even aspergers gets diagnosed super early on.

Hey, my advice would be to get good at meeting new people, if you're introverted af like me, use discord go onto a random server and chat with random people, try and understand how people converse and try to bring up the right topics so that the other person can truly express themselves in what they're interested in. If you're lucky, the girl that you might be talking to (irl preferably), happens to be interested in your personality, ways of knowing is if she take initiative in talking to you. This is kinda the mindset that helped me meet new people and girls. Also girls usually are attracted to guys that play music I've gotten attention with my guitar a few times


To the people saying that it is a numbers game. I agree with you that that is the best way to get a gf. However, I am 26 and I could count the girl's I've been interested in on 1 hand. I can't just go around asking as many girls as possible, because I don't want anything to do with an overwhelming majority of them. Sure it's picky, but to me it's not worth getting intimately involved with generic girl #3,784,948.

I honestly don't feel I'm so bad at smalltalk, I'm just very bad at talking with girls I'm attracted to (probably because I see myself as below them)

Similar issue to op

I dont meet enough women (only work store and gym)
Also the few times i was somewhat close to girls i didnt act or get my message through and they got disinterested of friendzoned me.

Also somewhat scared of romantic / sexual interactions but uts getting better, im practicing on single moms and coworker girls lol

What? People do this? I rarely encounter girls I like enough to want to ask out. Plus I honestly hate flirting for the most part

I love flirting and saying weird ballsy shit just to see how they react. Girls are like little laboratories for experimenting with social theories.

first of all, not 99% of men can get a gf
second, either you are butt ugly or completely autistic If you can't get one

'cept it seriously ain't worth that effort. It either happens naturally or not at all, either is fine.

Honestly I think you have to be at least a little bit sociopathic to have this mentality. Not saying that it doesn't work or that that's a bad thing, but I think certain people just aren't wired that way.

So why do anything? Just lie in bed and wait for good things to happen to you. Otherwise it's not worth the effort.

Because other things are much more predictable and have better effort/reward ratios. I think coming to terms with being single and being happy with yourself is ultimately more beneficial than trying to find your happiness in another human being, who are notorious for being fickle.

Even when it's going well it's not really something I enjoy. Most forays into romance left me feeling like it was a complete waste of my time. Maybe I can't open myself up in the way I need to. I dunno

Why are you rushing It then? You will either find a girl or you simply might not want one and that's fine. My aunt was never married, same goes for my grandaunt and neither of them are unhappy.

I think you're just terrified of rejection. Talking to girls is fun, an end in itself, basically pure upside. You just have to learn to let go of the outcome.

Not him, but it's not about being wired. This is a strategy for overcoming OP thinks that if something feels bad once or twice, it'll continue to spiral in the same direction exponetially until it destroys him.
Not the case. He'll get used to it, to the extent that he'll experience is as less scarring with time. If you ask 20 people out in a year, the 15th girl you ask out won't affect you as much as the first. People aren't simple machines, we develop with time and experience, not only because we grow thicker skin, but because we have the ability to reflect and think about what such things as rejection inherently means. It's only bad for you, if you have the mindset that it's *about you*. There are numerous reasons why girl A would turn someone down, all ranging from situational, her mood, bad timing, sivil status, body language, wording, eye contact, creepiness*, clothing, odour, and of course genetics.
*Most of which are malleable; stemming from a lack or overabundance of some of the qualities listed.

You LEARN from your experiences, rejection included. When you get to girls 10 through 20, you'll stop repeating the same mistakes as the first few you asked out, if you stop taking it personal and understand that it's what'll teach you what to improve. If you punch the first girl you ask out in the tits, and she rejects you, you might have to consider not punching the next girls you ask out.

I want to have sex and eventually get married and have children. I obviously can't do that without some relationship experience

> I obviously can't do that without some relationship experience
First time hearing something like this, why do you think you need to be ''experienced''?

>If you punch the first girl you ask out in the tits, and she rejects you, you might have to consider not punching the next girls you ask out.

So you're saying they don't like that??

Not OP but do people actually walk up to girls out of the blue and ask them out?? And this is susposed to work?

Maybe. I'd just say I'm introverted, pragmatic, and from personal experience know that ultimately the juice ain't worth the squeeze. I have no desire to make small talk with anyone, regardless of their gender.

How can I be a decent husband and thereby provide a loving environment for my children if I don't know what I'm like in a relationship? Also, I think a positive experience might make thing seem worthwhile

Just bring in the money and shut the fuck up sweetie

Not out of the blue, usually, but some people talk to strangers they think are fit and/or interesting for reasons. The part where they ask for their number (more common than asking them out specifically) usually come natural for them, because they got experience doing so, and it's no big deal. However, you're missing the point, which is to gain experience in talking to women, and asking for their number (or adding them on social media), and how it becomes easier the more you do it - as long as you pick yourself up after the inevitable rejections. You know those pickup artists that make seduction part of their characters and lifestyles, right? Those folks have been rejected literally thousand of times before they got to the stage where they create youtube channels teaching this stuff.

I encouraged my friend to do this just the other day. “Hey I think ur really cute can I have ur number?” She said yes they exchanged numbers and he left.
Turns out they have a lot in common.

I probably meet fewer than 10 girls I would want anything other than conversation with per year. I dont know if it's my location or my standards, but it's hard to make headway when there are so few options.

You need to check those stats. Easily at least 15% of the male population will never fuck anyone much less be in a relationship.

Not for everyone. For me talking to girls is the most stressful thing in the world, I'd take a work presentation over that any day.

It's not the easiest thing to do. It's painfully hard to get a girlfriend. Difference is the 99% of people you're talking about are meeting women constantly and if you consider every girl they say hello to an "attempt" conscious or not, they're trying a thousand times until their number comes up.

The only people I've ever met who had serious problem with women stay inside and do the same thing every day or go out to the very wrong environments where their people are not.. as in Star trek mouth breathers going to night clubs to bug girls with magic tricks. Instead of klingoncon

This is very much not correct in the least it's more like 0.3%. getting laid isn't easy for anyone, it's about constantly trying, and playing the dice roll game. If you're a lifelong virgin, there is no personality or physical trait you can blame because someone just like you in either respect has done it. More like you are not exposing yourself to the right people, or not enough, or you are really seriously very unlucky.


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The problem is that the klingoncon is gonna have like 2 women for each 10 men. So it's just a numbers game at that point.

This is what makes it so hard for me really, most of my hobbies are super male dominated.

>super child dominated

Most hobbies in general are male dominated. At least where I am things like book clubs and yoga are all middle aged women.

What the fuck do young women do with their time then?

Some put very small dogs into purses and sit at cafes talking about them.

>It's just a numbers game
I've totally made two posts saying this exact thing that applies to everyone regardless of social "caste". So.. you get it champ!

Funny thing is what make some stand out in a crowd has to do with their behaviour. Those that don't talk to women, won't be.

I have this theory that women are generally very antisocial. They get all their validation from social media and get bfs from online dating/tinder, so thats why they're so hard to find in public.

You're not physically attractive enough. Everything else is cope. Relationships are inherently sexual, and women rate 80% of men as unattractive (5/10 or less).
Also don't try to get to know a woman first, making friends into girlfriends doesn't work (it CAN work just most of the time it doesn't, idk, what the fuck do you want from me? With 8 billion people there will always be exceptions, this is just a general purvue of advice). You're treating a girlfriend like a leveled-up friend, when in reality they're completely separate and exclusive things. When talking to a woman for the first time make your intentions immediately apparent (through implications, don't flat out say "I want to fuck you," or "hey wanna go on a date?" (although you should ask them out)), waiting longer, becoming her """friend""" and then trying to become intimate is what women mean when they say "nice guy."

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These are all facts.