Am I crazy ?

Been with BF for 3 years
All he does it work never goes to bars or clubs, he has no social media of any kind
I know he wouldn’t cheat on me. Sometime in his group text messages from work one of the guys always sends naked pics of girls or girls in lingerie. He never comments on the pics or sends pics but I’ve told my BF it really bothers me for reasons I don’t want to get into because I haven’t even told him the reason why I get so upset over pictures. It just makes me feel sick and like I’m not good enough...
Am I over reacting ?

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do you want him to hide it away from you or stop looking at other naked women completely? If it's the latter then good luck lol.

No but like I’ve told him multiple times it bothers me so it’s like he doesn’t care about how it makes me feel , why doesent he say like he dude I would appreciate if you didn’t send me these kinds of pics

Like if he’s not going to stand up for my feelings and say something after I’ve expressed how worthless it makes me feel , that’s my problem.

I want him to stand up for my feelings because that’s what I would do for him

OP are you looking at his phone? or are you in that group chat?
Those pics are just from some guy to other guys and maybe the guys like them, it's not pics sent for your bf only, and you are asking your bf to dictate what they can't post in that group chat over your feelings when you peeked into their conversation?

I don't know if it's even possible for you to understand as a woman, but I promise you what you're asking us unreasonable. If these are people he knows from work then of course he's not going to say to one of them 'hey man stop posting sexy pics my gf doesn't like me seeing it.' This runs the risk of creating an awkward situation if the guy refuses, but even if he doesn't everyone still is going to make fun of your bf for being 'whipped' whenever they see him. So the only remaining solution is for him to stop looking at the chat entirely, which brings us back to this: I hope that helps you understand. If not I don't know what to tell you, you'll probably just have to break up.

if hes in the trades (like me) then you need to get over it, it's not like hes looking at other women and making a move on them. hes just receiving an image from a co-worker, several reasons he has ignored your request is probably because with guys, if you don't stare at women they shun you for being "gay" and a few other things. IMHO hes not hiding anything from you so I would not worry about it. it's just a picture. better her than you in that picture and him showing you off to all his co-workers. Just think about it. would you want to be in that picture and have your BF show you off like that. or would you want him to receive an image of some women he will never likely meet?

It's so easy to cheat nowadays. All you gotta do is download a hookup app and bam, getting laid within an hour. If he has a sex drive and he's young, he's probably getting side pussy, I mean most guys in relationships are. Most gfs just choose to turn a blind eye and pretend it isn't happening, that's really all you can do.

>download a hookup app and bam, getting laid within an hour
Sure, happens to me every day.

But then the table turns and the gf starts sleeping around. Bf finds out and rages because his ego is hurt.
Or if you're older, a cylce of affairs and divorces.
Humans are neat aren't they


This. Think of it this way. You're like the home television set. He watches (fucks) you most of the time because you're always available and fucking you is convenient. The other girls are like the movie theater. When he wants to go out of his way to get the full sex experience he goes and cheats on you. It's less convenient but more thrilling than fucking someone he's fucked hundreds of time before.

I get like a bad feeling in my stomach and I look at his phone and I find the pics

One two three four!

Denver - the last dinosaur. He's my friend and a whole lot more. Denver, the last dinosaur. Shows me a world I never saw before.

From the hot hot jungle a loooong time ago, comes a cool cool friend my pal dino. Denver, the last dinosaur. Shows me a world I never saw before.

Everywhere we go, we don't really care, if people stop and stare at our pal dino. From pre-history through the rock & roll spotlight, we got the friend who helps us make it do alright, that's Denver, the last dinosaur. He's my friend and a whole lot more. Denver, the last dinosaur, shows me a world I never saw before.

You should at least tell him the reason you get upset over the pictures. An important part of relationships is being open and honest with each other, talking about things, and working together through life's issues.
Also, therapy might help. It sounds like you've got some pretty bad insecurity issues.

Explain your autistic dinosaur rant intro please.

This involves office/work hard politics bullshit.

You’re basically asking him to get blackballed and made a target—potentially turning his place of work from a somewhat decent one in to a living hell—, without providing any reasonable explanation or context whatsoever.

If you want him to act, you need to:

1) First of all realIze the consequences on *his* end. Because youre taking it for granted that this is a simple fix and he seeing selfish, when you yourself also aren’t giving nay consideration to him.

2.) you’re taking it for granted that he unserstands how much this actually bothers you, inspire not telling him *why* this matters to you so much. If he understood, then maybe he could make the informed decision to choose to risk making his work life miserable, and that’s be fine, but as it stands poking the hornets nest for something he thinks is relatively trivial is a bit of an unreasonable imposition in your part.

It's gonna be okay, he's not gonna cheat on you, those pics are for his friends. Tell him the reason you are somehow traumatized by this and maybe he will consider dropping out of that group chat. He is not gonna fight his coworker over this, also talk to a therapist.

You can't expect him to not ever see any photos of female models etc.
Don't try to deal with this problem by telling him to remove himself from the group chat or asking his coworker to stop sending photos. You need to deal with the real problem, your insecurity and anxiety issues.

Like imagine if you had a shop catalogue, and your boyfriend told you that he wanted you to tear out the pages with male underwear models. It's controlling. it's not healthy.

Why don't you become someone he would want to see naked instead of trying to prevent him from seeing attractive women?

yes, you're batshit crazy. Get your shit together or let him be with someone who is actually mentally stable.

You remind me of my ex, I'm a weeb and she knew it even before we met in person, we start going out and fast forward around 8 months and suddenly she comes out and tell me pretty much the same you write (feeling worthless, betrayed, "why do you NEED to look at them when you have me!?", if you look at someone else then I'm not needed anymore) , but it was all about anime girls (more specifically, i had a phone wallpaper with Lucy from Elfen Lied)
I know from experience that nothing we could tell you would help you stop having such a strong reaction because it's an outburst of pure emotion. No argument could convince my ex that i loved her and the anime girls for me represent art, since i have been a weeb since i was a kid, it grew to be a part of my identity.
So two things
1. No matter what you feel about it, your boyfriend is not doing anything wrong, and whatever pics he receives (and even if he picks them) do NOT mean he is replacing you, betraying you, humiliating you, etc
2. It's not going away, even if he left that chat this sort of problem will come out in any form or shape with any sort of trigger in the future, develop strategies to cope with the strong emotional reaction, and your boyfriend needs to know and be there. My ex told me at those times she just needed me to hug her and tell her i loved her, let your know boyfriend what he has to do so that he doesn't react badly and things don't escalate

>whatever pics he receives (and even if he picks them)
I meant even if he saves them

If he saved them I would fucking trip
Even though I know he’s not doing anything it really bothers me like he won’t stand up for me When he knows it hurts me so bad

lol you guys need therapy

Maybe just me

I would literally drop you in seconds if i saw this autistic rant. And im an autistic neet after psychology degree that means jack shit so i cant have really high standards. Jesus christ my gf told me that if she couldnt please me atm or like was on a job trip i not only shouldnt be ashamed of jerking off to other women and i dont have to hide it like some insecure weeb because im with her and that counts. I get that you guys are close and you might feel like you are not enough but basically you being together is enough, throwing shit rants at him not even about masturbating to other women will only make you worse in his eyes. Your insecurities are not his problems to fix, especially such minor shit. I feel like you are under 20 years old or very immature


So how would you feel if your bf started telling you not to look at photos of other men or turning the tv off if there was a scene with a buff guy?

Why don't you like pictures of naked girls?

Here's the secret - you aren't good enough. Nobody is. No one person in a world of infinite information sharing will take up all of a man's attention.

Even I, married user, watches porn. My wife doesn't seem too distraught because all the money I earn from working my ass off doesn't go to pornstars - it goes to my family. There's a hierarchy of values.

Yeah you're overreacting and you're passive-aggresively communicating with him by not telling him what your deal is.

Why do you care about such trivial shit then? Its literally a pic should he gouge his eyes out or what not talk to his mates because one posts cute girls? I get that you might be jelaous but surely you NEED to understand how unreasonable and silly it is for you to get mad over it. Its your feelings and he should respect them but fucking hell girl if you saw a cute guy on instagram or a girl posted a non gay pic of ezra miller on your group does that mean you dont want him? Please you absolutely need to understand how silly you sound

This. Please explain.

ITT we learn the depths of how stupid women can be.

>like he won’t stand up for me When he knows it hurts me so bad
When you tell him this he will probably not understand (i didn't understand either with my gf, thought she was just crazy/making stuff up when everything else was fine in the relationship just to get attention)
What you need to tell your boyfriend is what he needs to do for you to feel secure and stop hurting (hug you, say that he loves you, caress your hair, etc) and he'll just do it
You both need to understand that this is pure emotion and should be dealt with actions that calm those emotions down, worst you can do is try to argue logically about this stuff because it's irrational

> you're a nigger

Imagine if actual fucking problems start to pop up or if he will glance at somebodys ass for a second. You are reacting as unreasonably as you can and if you really dont see how fucking mental you sound there is no saving it. I genuinely dont want to sound or be mean just kinda help you understand shit. I personally wouldnt bear to keep a relationship like that if such insecurities would pop up about such minor fucking shit. Please talk to your girls about it, vent to friends and let it cool off but dear god dont make big deal out of shit like that

You haven't told him why it bothers you.

That's the problem; there is no real communication.

Seems this is gonna be yet another one of those Jow Forums threads where a woman asks for advice, gets a bunch of decent responses explaining where they've gone wrong and what can be done, then just ignores it all becomes it isn't reaffirming her irrational insecurities.

I'd genuinely love for OP to prove me wrong, but it ain't looking good so far with the way she's ignored most of the critical responses.

Yeah I fucking hate threads like these. You just know she's not gonna change, she's gonna keep right on subjecting her man to her pathological insecurity until it comes to a head and she gets her heart broken. And in her stupid retarded fucking brain, none of it is her fault.

What's there to explain? It's Denver, the last dinosaur. He's my friend and a whole lot more. Denver, the last dinosaur. Shows me a world I never saw before.

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Because when I was 11 my dad had an affair with my aunt (my moms sister )
My dad has all these naked pictures of her and on day i went with my dad to the gas station and I started looking through the middle console and found all my aunts naked pictures. That shit makes me feel disappointed disgusting and sick to my stomach. I think back to that moment of when I found those pics and the feelings I felt. I don’t want to be with someone I’m not good enough for. When I see naked pics in his phone I don’t want to be cuddled or caressed I don’t want him to even look at me with my clothes off I want to be alone. I wish looking at girls wasn’t that important or pleasurable for him it really hurts
I mean I’ve never told him this but I’m fucking embarrassed like why do I have to tell him all this to give up simple pictures and for him to respect me ?

Wow ok. and are right.

Ray is a lib gen retard, will solve ur problems

Let me respect your feelings now
Your traumas and insecurities arent his problems to deal with, he isnt a fucking PSYCHIC to know them too. Please drop him so he can find a stable person

>why do I have to tell him all this to give up simple pictures

If his sex life is good you bf might not even look at those pics closely and just scroll through the messages... it's a group chat. I have similar friends they like to post hot chicks and memes and I don't consider it noteworthy at all

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Thank you this honestly kind of made me feel better , he tells me he does even pay attention to them and he doesn’t respond or comment ... I know I’m crazy but I just need re assurance

Doesn’t *

Cool. You need to find a proper solution to your insecurity problem though. Eventually you're going to find him fapping to porn or something and go berserk. Literally every man does it.

>that’s what I would do for him
No it's not. You just are feeling jealous. Put the mental gymnastics away.

>most guys in relationships are
Hello Shlomo

Ok, first off, if you are turning to here for help then something is clearly wrong in your relationship already.
Best thing to fix things is communication. You might have mentioned the situation in passing, hinted at it, or any number of things. What needs to happen is you need to be direct and talk with him about it without any diversions or distractions, air everything out in the open. If he refuses to do this, you need to leave, if you cannot communicate properly the relationship is already doomed.
If he does talk, but refuses to budge despite your protests, leave. If he is not going to treat you as a partner you want no part in that relationship.
Likely he will try to explain away what is happening, offer excuses for why he can't stop. He can stop, he has no gun pointed at his head and does have it in him to take a few blows on your behalf. If he does this, keep questioning him, bring to light any doubts or holes in his story.

Above all, you must be direct, straightforward, and confrontational in this conversation, do not take the easy way out that will lead down to a messy breakup or divorce several years or months down the line. Put everything out in the open, and if you don't like what you see that is good, since now you know what to deal with going forwards.

And people wonder why we hide shit from our girlfriends.

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Not true.
It is very common, yes, but that is not how it has to be.

No, reassurance is not what you need, what you need to do is have a lengthy discussion before any of this further escalates.
Also, I have to ask, how long have you two been 'experimenting' in the bedroom, was it before or after this whole picture thing started?

>all he does is work
That's sad.

>never goes to bars or clubs
I stopped doing that too. I think those scenes are getting outdated.

>no social media of any kind

>never comments on the pics
I can't tell whether this guy is naturally unique or is intentionally trying to not fit in.

You're being unreasonable. Your relationship problems aren't his friend's concern. You can't control an uninvolved party's behaviour, and all your bf can really do about it is avoid engaging, which he's already doing.
You also haven't told him WHY this bothers you so much, meaning he probably doesn't understand the extent to which it upsets you and thinks it's just standard "gf doesn't like me seeing other women's pictures," and I haven't read the thread beyond this post but I'm not certain from what you've said that you've directly told your bf that you'd like him to tell his friend to stop sending such pics (even though, as I said, that's an unreasonable expectation of an uninvolved party. But my point here is that you can't admonish your bf for failing to do something if you haven't directly asked for it).

>implying equivalent incel threads aren't a dime a dozen
welcome to Jow Forums

I am basically the same dude as your boyfriend, and yes. you are overreacting. I'll put it this way..

When I was young and dumb I had a gf act like you do for years. I cheated on her eventually. My wife doesn't care about shit like that. I go above and mufucking beyond to be faithful.

Your probably right I really should tell him why it bothers me so much...

And we always have a lot of sex and I was the first one to bring up anal and
We have been experimenting since the beginning when we first started dating
I feel like I’m the one who wants to experiment and I always tell him to tell me his naughty thought or his fantasies because I want to make them all come true. He tells me I am everything he wants

You bf is not your dad. Your bf had nothing to do with your dad's actions or their impact on you. You need to understand that this is a problem of your own psychology, that your intense feelings about this are a result of this past event and aren't just a natural result of the situation you're currently in. It's completely understandable that such an event as a kid would lead to trust issues as an adult, but you can't hold your bf to the standards of your warped perception. You can't treat him as if he's a cheater waiting to happen, and you can't condemn him for not understanding your feelings when your feelings are the result of a very specific event in your life that wouldn't apply to most women.
You don't need to change your bf's behaviour, you need to change your perception so you can appreciate the innocence of this issue that everyone else ITT is seeing.

You also need to explain to him that this is what's upsetting you so much, because this is a special circumstance that won't apply to many people. It's understandable that a typical woman would be a little bit annoyed about their bf being sent sexy photos like this, but the extent to which it upsets you is not typical and without this explanation he doesn't have a reasonable change to understand the extent to which it upsets you. Again, your feelings here are not a mere inevitable result of the situation you're in, most women would not feel as strongly as you do and he has no reason to suspect you're significantly different from most women in this regard. He can't be expected to know how you feel without such critical information.

Ok, that is prettymuch what I expected as far as all that goes. I imagine there are a lot more problems than what you are describing here, likely revolving around you feeling like he is not apreaciating you or noticing you and you feel you have to constantly seek out his attention and affection.

A romantic relationship is defined by what happens in the bedroom, the dynamics going on there will be seen everywhere else.
You two are in a dynamic where he ignores you until you change into something he wants, and if you don't put a stop to this there will come a point where you can't change any more for him and he dumps you in the trash for someone who will.
Stop being his willing plaything, boundaries must be set and those boundaries must first be set in the bedroom if you want them to stick.

Are you overweight?

Sounds like you may be overweight. Lose some weight and you won’t feel threatened.

This is bs and will solve nothing as far as the relationship, although if you are overweight it is good to work on that for your own sake.
Just make sure you don't do it for his sake.

I don’t think so lol I’m 5’6 and weigh 118lbs