She recently brought this up during a fight and I mentioned that men want a woman that takes care of herself.
Tonight she asked "if I really didn't think of her as arm candy".
IDK how to bridge the gap between her reality and mine. What mechanisms are in play when a morbidly obese woman thinks that her husband is proud of her looks? I don't want to crush her, but I have told her that I unapologetically expect my wife to take care of herself.
How can I get her to face reality other than leaving her for another woman?
next time you're out with her, after walking for a bit, just before she gets to the point where she's too tired to keep walking and makes an excuse to sit down (maybe a few hundred feet) start walking slightly faster. no explanation, just faster. she'll try to keep the pace for a few seconds, tire, and then complain that you're walking too fast. call back to her "i don't know what you mean, honey! come on, what are you waiting for?" and pick up the pace some more. you'll want to stop, but that's weakness. start to jog. jog away, and leave her panting for breath. she'll be hurt and confused, but reassure yourself that it's for your own good. stealthily jog around on a different route to the car, and move it slightly away from where you parked originally. the extra distance she will have to walk is what you're aiming for. then, run back to where she last saw you (she's probably sitting and eating or crying or something by this point if it's the first time you do this) and walk up to her like normal. say you got distracted, basically just gaslight her. she'll be sad, upset, whatever. women are easy to deal with, just deflect until she calms down. the key is on the walk back, she'll be exhausted, panting, sweating. and because you moved the car, now she'll have to do an extra effort to get there. the goal is to fill her with shame. not just shame and confusion that she was abandoned on a whim, but also the shame that she's more or less physically unable to walk like a normal person back to the car. she'll feel all the world like a sack of crap, the furthest thing from arm candy (which is the goal)
now here's the kicker - you parked the car in front of a gym, and now you're walking up to the car, you have a female friend in gym clothes run up and greet you. introduce your tear stained wreck of a wife, and then have a light hearted conversation with female friend, and talk about going for a run together some time. shame/jealousy is the goal. rinse and repeat as needed.
I'm honestly not trying to come off as harsh, but I'm assuming you're both overweight. If that's the case, this can be a great opportunity to workout together, she won't be discouraged because she isn't competing with an athelete.
Even if you aren't fat, you should still make some effort to influence her excersise habits her into working out, test the waters.
Considering the whole "if I really didn't think of her as arm candy" thing, it sounds like you're being too nice and sugar coating. I cannot tell you what you need to tell her, but deceiving her is the worst. You can almost tell how bad it is because of how comforting it is, for her to hear, and for you to feel since you dont have to be brutally honest.
No one should be 300+ and this is coming from a chubby chaser.
Kevin Sullivan
Absolutely based and unironically good advice
Gabriel Bailey
mad man
Ian Robinson
How did it get to this point OP? Please explain??
What did she weigh when you married? Was it arranged? The more I think about this story it sounds like you may be from India
Justin Scott
She got pregnant on purpose in high school. She was hwp then. Not quite thicc.
She promised to lose weight when we finished having kids. That was over a decade ago and she's gained ever since then.
We are white, Americans.
Eli Long
OP here
I'm fit/muscular, been lifting for years.
The usual bullshit "let's get fit/let me cook a healthy meal/ let's go for a bike ride" didn't work. It never does. But overall I like your advice.
Logan Roberts
>She got pregnant on purpose in high school.
yikes
Carter Martinez
based
Angel Walker
Tell her you love everything about her but her physical form, and then say that you don't want this to ruin your relationship. Then give her advice and start to take care of her food and exercise.
If she doesn't accept it then just beat the shit out of her and make her take the fuck out of your house.
Grayson Brooks
insanely based but quite wise advice listen to this bro, oh I almost forgot fpbp
John Martinez
>We are white, Americans. Why am I not fucking surprised, should have dumped her when you had the chance nigga
Brandon Rogers
>I have told her that I unapologetically expect my wife to take care of herself. Then how the fuck did you marry an obese woman?
Adam Jackson
>I don't want to crush her Well it's either you or her going by your situation
Jace Kelly
Divorce
Tyler Kelly
Go to a couples therapist. She needs someone else outside the relationship who is neutral pointing out her delusions. Sorry you're in this spot, OP.
