Should I tell my fiancee the whole truth

When I was 19 I cheated on my first ever bf for half a year with another guy. At that time I had been with my bf for a year and I was a fucking idiot, really immature and selfish and despite loving him I had no sense of our future because I was too young to even realise where it could go. At the time I confessed to him that I slept with this guy once whilst drunk but not the rest of it because I was too much of a coward and didn't want to loose him. Fast forward 6 years and he proposed a few weeks ago. I said yes, we both really want to get married and have kids. Our relationship is in the best place it's been for a long time. However since he proposed I think more about what happened six years ago, I wasn't completely honest with him and I'm racked with guilt over it. I hate myself. Should I come clean? Honestly what would people do here.

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No. Stop fucking things up. Don't cheat again, don't plant doubts in your fiance's mind, don't confess shit like he's your priest or something. Just be a good person and live a good life. If you have guilt issues then see a therapist on your own time.

The time to come clean is in the past. The time to keep it inside for all eternity is neigh.

Confess if you want to lose him.
Don't confess if you want to keep your relationship with him.
I'm generally in favour of honesty, but you fucked up bad. Thankfully, you got away with it, you didn't get punished, and you can still make this work if youshut up.

OP here, I really love him and grew up so much in those 6 years and never did anything like that again. If I tell him, I'll probably have my bags ready packed and probably kill myself after because he's the love of my life. I feel suicidal, I was 19 and so stupid and arrogant- I don't even recognise the person I was.

You need to calm down, it's not that big of a deal. He doesn't need to know. If it makes you feel better I cheated on my husband 4 times when we first started dating. I was young and I regret it now of course but it doesn't matter anymore, he never found out. It's just sex anyways.

Lol at the amount of roasties in this thread.

If you were in the same position what would you do, honestly?

If you don’t tell him now, he’ll find out later, and it will be way worse. WAY worse. Trust me, guys talk and you’re not the only one that knows this. It will come out.

You deserve the worst

It was 4 years ago buddy, people change.

I mean... god, you guys got back together, planned to get married, and you didn't mention this shit already?

Damn, you're stupid. Might as well keep it in now, I mean you told him the worst of it. Telling him now would only fuck everything up. Just devote your life to him from now on and don't do anything stupid anymore.

I have two conflicting thoughts.

On one hand, it's probably already over OP. With how much this is stressing you out now there's no way you will be able to live with this for the rest of your life. It will come out sooner or later from someone else or from yourself. It will be even more messy down the road. Do yourself and this dude a favor and just come clean. There's a chance he will accept it since you already told him you cheated and he's still with.

On the other hand, you already told him you cheated and he stuck with you. You can use this information to spin your wheels and trick yourself into believing you were completely honest with him. You cheated. You told him. he accepted it and stayed with you. Does it really matter how many times you did it?

Cheat on him again, dude sounds like a cuck lmao

You fucked up big time like honestly. You can’t claim you love him and then go and fuck some dude just all of the sudden and then keep it from him. You should tell him he deserves to know the truth you would want the same if it was you. If he leaves you that’s what you deserve for being a piece of shit slut. And if you kill your self because of it welp that’s your decision.

You're a dumbass. Nothing bad is gonna happen if she keeps it from him. There's no point sabotaging a healthy relationship just because you fucked up years ago. The past is the past

Relations at 19 years old that work out vs those that don't because you're fucking 19 and basicaly retarded with no life experience.


if you actually love him then take it to the grave and make sure to cut off all communication with the dude you cheated with.

OP don't take advice from this board, 90% of the people here are bitter incels with no relationship experience. Truth is, most people cheat at some point in a long term relationship, and the only long term relationships that last are the ones where they shut up about it. Forget about "muh honor" and all this other bullshit incels invented, the fact of the matter is, you and him will be happier if you keep quiet.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. You're preparing to commit to him because you love him and he makes you feel good. Are you prepared to make that same commitment to a lie that makes you feel terrible?

You can either marry this guy without saying anything and take this information to your grave, or you can confess before he commits to you under false pretenses. Those are your two best options. Marrying him and then confessing or him finding out some other way down the track is going to be the biggest clusterfuck of your entire lives and you want to avoid it at all costs, possibly even if that means the risk of losing him now.

Until he inevitably finds out his wife is a whore that was fucking some dude for like a year. Then it won’t be in the past. She fucked up. It’s over. That’s the way it should be.

That's assuming the guy she cheated on him with has any connection whatsoever to her fiancee and that he still remembers her or even thinks about her 6 years later. That's a huge stretch, obviously nothing will happen to her and you know it, you're just a triggered manchild.

You're a whore

You feel bad because you fucked up. Don't drop that in his lap to make yourself feel better, that's just even more selfish. Deal with it, suck it up, and learn from the mistake.

He deserves to know regardless. Id hate to know I married a bitch that gave so little of a shit about me she was fuckin a dude behind my back for so long and won’t even tell me the full story. Marriages are built on trust so this is already fucked. You’d wanna know if you were him and if you wouldn’t care then you’re a cuck. And I’m not triggered over anything you whore apologist

>That’s the way it should be.
Christ that sounds angry and pathetic.

I agree with him completely

This women does not deserve a husband

You cheat on your SO, you deserve to get dropped on your ass. How is that angry or pathetic?


>I'm not triggered


Tough. She asked for advice, and the best advice is stop being shit and improve, not kill yourself for being shit. You're both angry little shits trying to serve up your childish idea of justice and you're not helping the dude in question either.

Funny thing, last time I saw this was on /u/. 70 posts of u should confuss ur sins u hore and exactly 2 posts worth listening to with some thought behind them, one in each direction. Guess which group of posts you two sound like.

people here an encouraging you to marry this man, live a lie your entire life (one that you still feel incredibly guilty about even though you're not married yet), and calling anyone who disagrees incels. I'm not sure you should listen to them. Given your current state of guilt, are you prepared to spend the rest of your life feeling this way? Moreover, if you were able to get past your guilt without actually resolving this issue in an honest manner could you really consider a good person worthy of marrying this man?

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I use all those words on a daily basis. Go to any thread on this site and you’ll see all those words being thrown around and more. That doesn’t mean they’re “triggered”. Welcome to Jow Forums, nigger.

>people here an encouraging you to marry this man, live a lie your entire life (one that you still feel incredibly guilty about even though you're not married yet), and calling anyone who disagrees incels.
And they gave no rationale to that whatsoever, amirite?

>I'm not sure you should listen to them.
Hey, FUD. Cool.

>Given your current state of guilt, are you prepared to spend the rest of your life feeling this way?
You should dump it on him instead, that's much better. And remember, your current state is permanent, of course.

>Moreover, if you were able to get past your guilt without actually resolving this issue in an honest manner could you really consider a good person worthy of marrying this man?
Objection, your honor. Guilt-tripping, irrelevant.

Buddy? Imma girl. And you’re a cunt for cheating on someone you claim you love. Hope he finds better.

So 70 posts of people agreeing with me saying that what she did was wrong and she needs to confess vs 2 just thinking it’s ok for her to live a lie. Lol ok that just shows I’m in the majority and for good reason. You can’t do something like that behind someone’s back and just get away scott free. I believe that people should be punished for their selfish actions.

Bad Lawyer is Bad

Ok. Stay triggered.

>i'm happy to be a kneejerk emotional retard along with all the other sheep
Sounds like you need to go back to tumblr, then.

>You can’t do something like that behind someone’s back and just get away scott free. I believe that people should be punished for their selfish actions
Angery. PUNISH. Muh feels better now.

I'd rather fix it than set fire to it, but opinions I guess.

If that’s your definition of triggered then yeah sure I most certainly will.

I love how in this thread you can tell who the female and males are.

>men: tell the truth to your soul mate. Honesty is important and if you’re truly soul mates he’ll forgive you.

>women: continue to deceive him. Better that he doesn’t know. You know what’s best for him, and he wouldn’t stay if he knew the real you so continue to lie.

Are all women cheaters? God I’m glad I’m gay.

Not only did you misrepresent both points of view, but you got the split wrong as well. Should I infer you're female?

Pretty much all yeah, some less than others but they see the dumbest thing as reasons to cheat. They also will never say what's really bothering them and just let it stew.

>Angery. PUNISH.
nice counter argument retard

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It isn't a counter argument, it's a lampoon. The counter was one line down, do you need me to highlight it for you or can you read it all the way by yourself this time?

banged girl who was cheating on her bf because " he hasn't touched me in 2 weeks"

Have girl that is just friend who is also thot, told me she cheated once because he made her pay for dinner.

One of my x's cheated on me because when her car broke down I couldn't leave work yet and had to have her wait an extra hour.
I do beleive there is good ones out there I just think they are growing more rare by the day.

You're acting like I cheated on him yesterday. It was 4 years ago and we had only been dating a couple months, who gives a shit? I'm not cheating anymore. He's happy, I'm happy. Does that upset you?

You said it was 6 not 4! Caught the thot!

This thread isn't going to have anything more useful added to it.

>You're acting like I cheated on him yesterday. It was 4 years ago and we had only been dating a couple months, who gives a shit? I'm not cheating anymore. He's happy, I'm happy. Does that upset you?
Why are you even here? Do you want us to pat you on the back for not gagging on someone else's cock in the interim?

It's not OP you imbecile.

You can’t fix something that the thot already destroyed. Did you get my point this time, or should I add another funny image to hold your short attention span?

It upsets me that there’s a poor man out there who has no idea who he’s married to. It’s disrespectful and I’d never do that to my man.

I’ve known plenty of women like you and they all end up cheating again at some point.

Like I said, I hope “your” man finds his soulmate some day.


Nailed it.

In her mind she is clearly proud of herself for not cheating after an entire four years. 100% chance this girl will cheat again. Feel bad for the guy in that story.

That's not a point, it's an opinion.

You know, reading this thread, I'm realizing the internet white knight has a counterpart, and it's just as lame.

To each their own I guess

Yes, do not let that bit of ugliness fester.
Bring it out into the light where it will have no power, if you don't it wil, forever be in the back of your mind, tainting the foundation of your marriage.

The truth will get out eventually, and it will have grown in the darkness into something worse.

I can see one way this will go, you don't confess, you get married. The memory will stick in your head, never dealt with. You will pull away from your new husband, thinking yourself not worthy of his affection, and in return he will do the same. Eventually, you or he reach a breaking point, and one of you repeats the mistakes of the past and cheats on the other. I think you know where things go from there.

Stop it before it starts, love can conquer all if you let it.

For the record, I'm a woman and advocate confession.
I can see getting past the cheating, even if I think there's never an excuse for it, but getting past that is a result of both parties in the relationship trying to make it work. What I can't see getting past is the lying, it puts both parties on a different page with one in the dark and the other on edge. Anyone who thinks it won't impact the tone of the relationship is lying to themselves as much as they are to anyone else. And I can't get past the morality issue of depriving someone of being able to make an informed choice on whether or not to stay with their partner. You're either tricking someone into wasting their time on you, or you're lying to someone who would want to make it work. It's just stupid, that relationship needs to either end or heal, and withholding such important information so you can have your cake and eat it too is insanely selfish and distrustful.

this sounds so fake lol but if you dont spill the tea now youre gonna fuck up and bring it up while married and wew is that gonna be worse

Yes, people change, the fact you haven't come clean to your husband to what happens is clear evidence that you have not.

You're acting like you never did anything stupid when you were young. I've already come to terms with the fact that I was a different person back then. There's no point in telling him at this point except to start drama. You're a fucking loser if you're so insecure you get upset about being cheated on YEARS ago

>Healthy relationship
The fact she is this worried about it lets me know that this is not healthy, she needs to come clean now for her own good.

Do you think he would want to know?

I’m not the person you’re responding to, but are you asking this man to spend the rest of his life with you?

Dedicating your life to someone is serious. You only live once. He has the right to know the person he’s deciding to pledge his existence to.

No, no she does not.
Of course, no one deserves the good things they have. That doesn't mean you can't be charitable, feed the mouths that bite your hand.

>Implying there was ever anything useful added to it.

>I've already come to terms with the fact that I was a different person back then.
And you've denied your husband the same chance. If it was really no big deal, there's no reason not to let him know.
When I was a kid, I once broke a window and let my little brother take the blame, even though he caught absolute hell for it (and didn't know it was me, so there was nothing he could really do about it). Years later I admitted to it to him and our parents and they all laughed, because it was a long time ago when I was an idiot and it's not something that reflects on my present character.
So if you really think cheating on your husband is in the same vein of a dumb young mistake that's really no big deal, there's no reason to keep it a secret.
And yet you do.

>You're a fucking loser if you're so insecure you get upset about being cheated on YEARS ago
So you're not afraid of being judged, just scared of possibly finding your husband is a fucking loser? This just gets better and better.
Unless you think there's a risk you're married to a fucking loser (in which case surely you can do better right?), then there's yet another layer of 'no reason not to admit it'.

Genuinely, I don't entirely disagree that after that many years it could be considered a stupid mistake not worth getting worked up over. Lots of people do something silly in a youthful relationship, it's just that for most people that relationship ends and they get to start fresh with the person they spend their life with, and no one has a moral issue with that. But if that relationship continues after the mistake, you can't exactly undo it, that's just the way it goes. But there's no reason, years later when you've matured together, to continue keeping the secret after it no longer means anything. I'm only holding you to your own standard.

Here’s the sad part: when your husband is banging you, in his mind he’s sharing this intimate experience with someone he trusts absolutely. He has no idea that the trust has been betrayed, even though it was so long ago.

You need to resolve this and tell him. Otherwise, your relationship will continue to be a sham.

Women generally use language differently than men.
Men use language to convey thoughts, ideas, and knowledge.
Women use languange to convey emotion, navigate social systems, and smooth over disputes.
These are generalizations of course, there are outliers.

A woman's first instinct when it comes to a situation where people are upset is to do whatever possible to make those people not upset, wether through actions or through words. A woman will typically not think twice about lying if it will stop a dispute, the truth matters less than peace to them.

Thisis not to say men are better, only different, men have the tendancy to value truth and law over any suffering they may cause, which is a problem in its own.

You guys can take your pseudointellectual bullshit advice and shove it. It doesn't matter at all. It has never been a problem and it never will be. Screwing a couple guys years ago before we were even serious has zero bearing on the future of our marriage. End of discussion.

lol ya go to bed to night telling yourself that. You’ve got a year left before the divorce. Guaranteed.

Im gonna tell this to everyone here, if you think that OP should tell the truth, you are going to hell. OP needs to take this too the grave if she wants to get married, if you tell him kiss your relationship goodbye. I am assuming alot of things about your relationship though so I may not be completely accurate, so dont take my word on it. But there is my two-cents on the issue.

>relationships should be based on deception

If the relationship can’t withstand truth, it shouldn’t result in marriage. End of story. Simple as that.

>If you think that a soon to be married couple should not continue to build their marraige on a rotten foundation you are going to hell.
You can pave over the issue all you like, eventually those skeletons will find their way out of your closet.

>if you think that OP should tell the truth, you are going to hell.
Imagine being so twisted in the head you think telling the truth to be wrong and basing a relationship on a big fat lie that would break it if it ever came to light to the morally correct thing to do. So correct in fact that not doing it or even recommending against it would result in being sent to hell. You make incels look balanced.

I agree strongly with all of these.

Here’s where I would change my point of view: if kids were involved. If the marriage included kids, I’d say keep living the lie. Divorce is messy and expensive and puts kids financially at a disadvantage (harder for divorced parents to pay for college), and the kids don’t see both parents as frequently.

But, if kids aren’t involved you damn well better resolve this this by telling the truth before you even think about having kids. Because all that stuff I just typed out in previous paragraph.

Who hurt you?

you should keep it secret if only to keep you out of the dating pool and away from me

good example of how being untruthful can result in creating a fucked up dynamic whether the truth is conscious or not. you should have admitted this a long time ago and now you will just pay with further suffering, good job roastie

Perfectly put. Posts like this are good

Tell him. Who the hell wants to live a life bases on a lie ? If you can, good for you, you're a terrible person. I'd like to know who I'm gonna marry and yes, I wouldn't marry a girl that cheated on me.
desu, when you do such a terrible thing to someone, just tell him within the year, don't make him loose more time with you
>t. someone who have been cheated on

Maybe he'll forgive you, who fucking knows

It's not punishing and fixing shit.
The one you cheated on will do whatever needs to be done. Forgive you or tell you to fuck off. When you're a terrible decision maker and cheat on your gf or bf, stop taking decision for both of you.
How much of a terrible person are you to not feel guilty and live along in a lie ? How can you say you love him when your lying to him all your life ?
I hope you'll never find someone. I pity him

>You're acting like you never did anything stupid when you were young.
Well, when I love someone, I don't usually cheat on him no.
>You're a fucking loser if you're so insecure you get upset about being cheated on YEARS ago
The looser here is you for being a whore. You cheat on him, lie to him, and then brag around as something to be proud of and completely normal. Something everyone does. Make ourselves a favour and don't commit to anyone in your life. And ask your bf and next bf if they are okay having you cheated on them too

You must tell him. It’s important that he knows, wouldn’t you want the same?

The worst thing about someone cheating on you and lying about it isn’t the cheating, or the lying.
It’s them taking agency away from you to decide whether you want to be with the person who did this to you.
You’ve stolen six years of his life, you banshee.

>for half a year
If you had only fucked the guy once or twice, confessed and your bf forgave you I'd say this is a foolish young mistake and go ahead and live happily ever after.

However, you fucked this guy for 6 months. What you were doing is enjoying the benefit of having two men and humiliating the one that believed he was your bf and finally decided to marry you. You said you were immature, arrogant and selfish 6 years ago but by accepting his proposal only proves you are still arrogant and selfish.

So you know you are never going to tell him and your whole thread is bullshit.

My only question is why did you confess in the first place? It makes no sense. You were fucking the other guy for so long there was some type of relationship there too. Were you just trying both guys out and the other guy ended it or you didn't think it was going anywhere or was it getting harder to hide it from the fool? Doesn't make any sense.

Bruh nobody's gonna give you any sympathy points because you felt bad about what you did. That's the baseline, you SHOULD feel bad about it. You got what you wanted, you rode another man's dick for a year while this poor sap was committed to you. You hurt him for a year by doing that, you hurt him again by confessing once, and he still loves you

Stop hurting him, don't tell him shit. If you want to stay with him forever: You've gotta carry this with you forever and tell NO ONE. that's your punishment for being a dumb slut.

If that sounds too hard and you wanna wipe your conscience clean, then tell him and be ready to break up as you said. You'll potentially lose him, but you'd be able to go onto a new relationship with a clean slate and learn your lesson. You'd also hurt this poor bloke again but then, this is up to you

If you want to stay with him: Say nothing. Take the secret to your grave. This guy doesn't deserve to be hurt again by his fiancée. Just be a good wife to him from now on

Just a heads up to all of you guys.

The gf or wife you are committed to, perhaps even worked through together one of her "mistakes", has done this same thing or worse. Worse is the woman that become impregnated by her "other" yet for selfish and arrogant reasons passes the child off as her bf or husbands. You must understand, women do not view their infidelity as a deal breaker but as a normal part of her life journey.

OP here, I cam here for judgement/ opinions and you gave it thank you. We had been dating a year when it happened and at the time was too immature to realise that he was soul mate. It was for half a year with the other guy. I regret even more than I did at the time. I told him that I cheated so he would know what I'd done. I was too cowardly to confess completely, I despise myself for that. I never did anything like that again and devoted myself to him since. I will tell him after New Years and after that accept that my life will end because I'll have lost the only person I was keeping myself alive for.

>I told him that I cheated so he would know what I'd done
But you didn't tell him what you had done by having an affair that lasted half a year. You also didn't tell him why your other 6 month relationship ended?

>I will tell him after New Years
Coward, why not today?

The 6 month thing wasn't a relationship. I'd moved for uni which was where I met my bf but ended up being alone a lot. My bf made a new circle of friends and I was left out, I had less friends - was more awkward and the other guy paid me a lot more attention than my bf and so on a handful of times I slept with him because I was lonely. Pathetic I know. My 19yr old brain handled loneliness horribly.

I'm away from him atm and don't want to do it over the phone.

Girls don't even count kissing as cheating. This is why I don't feel bad for mistreating girls, but the sad thing is that a lot of guys are desperate enough to settle for useless cunts like OP who in the Roman days would have been murdered as she deserves.

OP here kissing is cheating, girls know that - don't start with some weird bro fact. I screwed up, not all girls do. Guys also lie and cheat don't make it sound exclusive to women.

My parents when they got embroiled in a messy divorce that lasted two years and in the end left my family scattered to the winds and me basically an orphan.
If you don't deal with this shit now I can garuntee you will have to deal with it later, only then there will be far more conciquences than just calling off a marriage.

To be honest, that's way less bad than having a solid affair while he was still around and seeing you. I'd probably forgive you in his shoes from what you've told us, but I'm not your fiancee (...hopefully) You are still right to tell him because he deserves to know, but it might not be over.

You're 25 and thinking of suicide over a boy? You haven't grown up that much.

Either way big secrets like that can ruin marriages... The best course forward is to be honest with him. If you decide to keep it a secret forever have fun living with that for the rest of your life.

If that was all it was you could have told the whole story when you confessed but even if you slept with him a handful of times you spent a lot of time with your side guy. Did you end it with the other guy or are you still in contact with him.

Also, saying you are going to die without your fiancee will be your ace manipulation tactic if you finally do tell the whole story.

I dunno OP I feel like I'd forgive you in the same situation.

I've been married 3 years and if my wife came to me and said she cheated on me 7 years ago when we started dating I'd probably try to leverage some special sex from it or something. I mean I'd actually be pissed she lied to me for so long but I don't think I'd torpedo the relationship over it.