My senior year of high school and my freshman year of college I was in a really abusive relationship...

My senior year of high school and my freshman year of college I was in a really abusive relationship. He got me to do some really degrading things with him and his friends but it culminated in me fooling around with a dog a few times. I’ve been in therapy for two years since, and I changed therapists because of the first therapists reaction to the dog thing. I’m shouldering a lot of shame for it and it’s my life’s biggest regret.

I’ve finally met a guy that I trust, and we’ve been dating for 7 months. We’ve told each other all about our pasts and fucked up previous relationships. I told him everything except for the dog part. He didn’t act weird or bothered by the laundry list of other stuff.

I want to tell him because I love him so so much and don’t want to hide anything from him and don’t want him to ever hide anything from me. And I trust him and I want him to accept me for everything I’ve ever been, and I just want to be able to tell him about the things in my life that I regret and keep me up at night.

So I guess my question for the guys is, how many of you would be bothered by that if you heard it after dating a girl for 7 months? Assume everything else in the relationship is perfect.

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wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole

If this isn't b8
You're not obligated to tell him everything. Heck who knows even if he told you everything. 7 months isn't that long and I'm sure he has some nasty little secret. But who cares, the past is in the past. I wouldn't ruin it.

Who is Ramona Flowers.
>You are correct. Congratulations, you won Jeopardy!

I went through the same thing OP. I messed around with a dog for my ex at the time for just under two years. I stopped shortly after heading to college.

I never told anyone about it, not even my next two boyfriends. I really saw things going places with my next boyfriend and after a year or so of dating one weekend we were both drunk, I broke down, and told him. Not everything, just that I messed around with a dog for my ex. His reponse was that ‘it was hot’ and it killed me inside. All the shame and things I felt were hot to him. We didn’t last much longer.

I later told my now fiancée. He responded with if I want therapy, that he doesn’t see me as gross, and was more supportive. He doesn’t know the extent of it, he knows it happened a few times, not over the span of 22 months or so.

I don’t know what response you’ll get. Hopefully it’s supportive and understanding.

Christ, how many dudes have dog fetishes?

But anyway OP to answer your question yes, you should disclose this.
You keeping a secret like that is going to eventually lead to trust issues in relationships.
You'll always be paranoid that maybe he is hiding something too because you are, and it could end in a break up or worse.
You're going to therapy so that's great, just keep doing that and stay away from sketchy dudes.
If that's the only blemish on your relationship he'll probably be concerned for you, want to kill your ex, then forget about it eventually.

I wouldn't mind but I'm weird

I don’t know how many desu. My ex asked several times if one or two of his friends could watch me and the dog and I was firmly against it. I don’t know if it’s something about me or just plain bad luck :/

desu = desu

Autocorrect eh

I guess I have to type “to be honest” out lol :/

No, it's wordfilters that were shitposting defense mechanism

Wouldn’t mind but I’d want details.

not gonna lie but i think that’s pretty fucking hot

It sucks but I guess this is a common response from a lot of guys :/

That chick had been playing way too much bloodborne.
Also don't tell him. He's holding back things too. It's just not necessary. A party of having self discipline is knowing that some things are better left in the dark.

You're fucking retarded. Only a mentally unstable person would get this dramatic about a bad experience.

OP here

I disagree and would tell him. You'll know if the relationship will be worth keeping from there. If it goes south, you know to break it off eventually. If it doesn't, it's a relationship worth expanding.

You do not have to tell each other everything.

There IS a difference between speaking an untruth and not burdening him with more truth than he needs

You might want to talk to your therapist about your insecurity, for help in deciding whether keeping something private is being disloyal to him.

What kind of dog was it?

>my boyfriend liked my past instead of being repulsed by it so we broke up

Absolutely peaked as a retarded cunt guaranteed to be lonely forever with cats

to be fair, the mentally stable don't fuck dogs either.

It was much more than that.

I confessed it to him hoping it would bring up closer and repair our relationship. His response was pure horniness but that was just a few things among many that lead to the breakup.


is op there

i am mentally stable, my bf talked me into things i wouldn't normally do. just not liking the shaming coming from here sorry

Gross how many girls have let rite bang them??


Not OP but perhaps 1/10 - 1/15 or so? i haven’t met another girl that’s done it

A dog is better than a nigger.

>t.OP's ex

What did he make you do?

If you didn't want to do it why did you do it

Dumb roastie

I agree with these two anons. OP, what you are talking about is just gross, not sexy or exciting, but being a victim of sexual abuse and coercion does not make you a bad person, that's in the past and the present belongs to you.

I think, though, that they are some things that are too terrible to be said. When my gf told me some of demeaning things that she did with other men, I was supportive and understanding as I could be, but on the inside I was horrified, it had sullied my ideal of her and slightly changed the way I saw her. Eventually we developed our own private kinks and I grew past those feelings, but I think relationships would be easier if people live stuff like that unsaid. I would prefer not to know that she had been used by two guys at the same time, so that I wouldn't have to think of it, and I'm sure her current boyfriend wouldn't be happy to here that while she was with me, she enjoyed snorting cocaine and having me piss on her. It would just be an ugly mental image.

You don't have to tell him every ugly secret you have. If he doesn't know about, then it's like it didn't happen. I think that the risks far outweigh the rewards. Ask yourself what you really have to gain by revealing this. If things are good and he already loves and respects you then just let the shadows of the past fold over those ugly times and treat them as though they were only nightmares that were never really real.

It would be that sort of 'what if?' scenario. I'd certainly never want a dog in the house, poor thing.
I don't really agree with 'holding secrets' in a relationship but in all honesty, there's no good way about this. You just have to hope you're with someone who can accept it. And some people won't be able to and you have to accept that.

This is what we mean when we use the word 'regret.'

I once saw a goth girl blow a dog at a party in high school. She was normal in junior high, got all weird freshman year, then was blowing a dog to impress a bunch of dudes suddenly. It was high drama after it happened then she ended up going to another school. It was pretty much the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen and she was clearly not mentally stable. It was gross, messy, and gives me icky feelings just remembering it.

tl;dr - girls who do it have mental problems.

I disagree that they must have 'mental problems' but may suffer from low self esteem or a desire to please the people they love, even if it humiliates them.

>girl sucks dog dick
>swallows dog semen
>mentally healthy

Ya ok


look if i was dating you and you let some asshole have his way with you. but u giving me all this resistance. i 'd dump you. just keep it to yourself. no respectable man would let his soon to be wife let some guy have his fun with her and have to deal with all your "walls"

>look if i was dating you and you let some asshole have his way with you. but u giving me all this resistance. i 'd dump you. just keep it to yourself. no respectable man would let his soon to be wife let some guy have his fun with her and have to deal with all your "walls
This guy is right

Even if you didn't enjoy it, for whatever reason you let a guy have fantasy after fantasy and now you aren't given the 'love of your life' the same thing.

Even if you didn't enjoy it, that aspect alone would make me resent you.

Yeah nah I would probably not go too into detail. You told him and he was supportive but concerned. Unfortunately screwing around with a dog for 22 months is pretty fucked up and much longer than a reasonable person would put up with. You might (perhaps not inaccurately so) give him the idea that you like fucking dogs. 22 months is - yikes I would run the fuck away.

Jesus Christ that's seriously fucked up and i'm a guy and i for the life of me never even thought that was a thing that people even did.

The thing is however, the past is simply that- your past. The only thing you can do now is look towards a future, and if this person is someone that you truly trust it wont matter what your past is. Due to the fact that your future is together. And youll never have to worry about that level of abuse ever again , if this truly someone who loves you and cares about you.

Also, the big thing is that you need to tell him only if you're ready too , obviously this is a very sensitive subject and if this person is as good as he sounds- he will understand.

He should understand that it still hurts you, and he will and should be there to comfort you and allow you to get it off your chest. Relationships are there so you don't have to go through things alone, and that extends to memories of the past as well.

If he loves you he will be there for you no matter what you tell him, for what matters is that you're with him now and i hope and pray he will support you and be there for you.

Personally if my girlfriend were to tell me that , it would mess with me desu. but i could tell how it affects her , and i would be there for her and tell her that she never has to worry about any of that again, because i have her now. And that right there is what love is , its unconditional and it understands each others pasts.

was the dog stuff filmed? and how many people saw it/know about it? if it wasnt filmed and only your boyfriend saw it, then i'd just say it never happened.

personally, if i found out about a girl fucking a dog, the relationship would be over. sorry. but i prob would do the same for other things on your 'laundry list' too. gangbangs, pissing, servicing friends.. all that stuff would be an out for me

>and i for the life of me never even thought that was a thing that people even did
what the fuck are you doing on this website?

also, my girlfriend has had a fucked up past , and when she told me literally everything it broke my heart and nearly destroyed me. The thing is i realized how hard it was for her to tell me that , and i saw how destroyed she was from it.

Now her past is just that, her past. we've both grown so much and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She let me in her walls and that vulnerability allowed myself to be vulnerable. She still struggles some days, but she always comes to me and i know when i struggle i can come to her, no matter what.

Why? Why would you feel the need to tell him? If its not videotaped and its not something you have a desire to repeat just let it lie. This idea that love means a lack of secrets is foolish.

What happened isn't you, it isn't a risk, it doesn't matter at all. You've got this idea that real love means being completely exposed, but literally all you're doing is testing the relationship by seeing if this thing you're ashamed of will break it. You want to know if he really, truly loves you and you believe that telling him this ugly thing from your past will be proof.

The problem with this logic is that it makes your perception of his love conditional upon your degradation. You're not using his behavior, or what you feel, or the connection you have to measure your relationship, you're finding value only in how much trauma it can take.

Let it go. Be happy.

I don’t know, because it bothers me and is something that still haunts me. It impacts the way I behave with him and I guess I want to clear the air. I hate to be the girl that gets “triggered,” but some things do trigger me and put me back there. He playfully likes to do light degrading play. Triggered. He’s told me to beg like a puppy. Triggered. These things would be fun if I didn’t make fucked it decisions in my past, but I just turn off immediately and it’s not his fault, but he thinks it is.

Therapy hasn’t worked. My first therapists reaction was enough for me to leave, and my current therapist has outright said she doesn’t know what to tell me.

And he’s mentioned getting a dog. I used to really like dogs and have chemistry with them but I can’t do that. Even a female dog.