i am 31, gf is 29. been dating 6 years. love her, she is best friend, only person i actually hangout with outside of work. i am thinking we marry and have kids immediately after i start my new job in 2019. it would be able to support a family completely, with her working part time to help with extra things like vacations and new shit in the house. she'd raise kids christian, is wife material for the most part.
but if we werent at this age, if she was 25 and i was 27, and i really sat down and thought about the situation, i think we'd break up. ive always been happy with her and never really thought too far ahead, about the future. right now, i feel like we are at an age where it is both our civic duty to begin raising christian children. is that a fucked up mind set?
So you don’t actually care about her, you just want someone to have kids with because you feel you have to? Yeah thats fucked
>So you don’t actually care about her no, i love her more than any girl ive dated. but the only reason i see us together in the future is to have kids. and for the most part, she wants kids. it would be hard for her to find someone in the next few years to have kids with when she is within a safe range.
my mom had me at 29 and i turned out all right, though i wouldn't wait much longer for the good of your prospective children
Listening to biological signals that eventually lead you to a happy un fulfilled life is fucked up? Okay mate, time to exit moms basement.
>civic duty to begin raising christian children Can you be more specific about this? Wouldn't it be possible for you to adopt orphans and raise them as Christians?
thats true, but then im raising someone elses bloodline. if they are smart, they didnt get it from us. if they are athletes, it wasnt from us
only reason id get married is for child rearing
Yes, this is basic biology.
If you can see yourself vacationing with her in twenty years then go for it! Or going to your mom’s funeral? Do you really want to be facing those life events alone or with some bimbo in twenty years?
So you love her, you want a family, I don’t really see the problem here. Are you worried about marriage being a huge step or about her not being the one or something?
>about her not being the one or something this is pretty much it. feels kind of like settling almost. love her and care about her, and honestly if i broke up with her now, i wouldnt be thinking about children, itd be more about my career, with marriage as an after thought knowing i still have a few more years to find a younger girl to have kids with. she is kind of at a point for healthy children though, and weve been together so long..
also, marriage for a guy is pretty terrible, especially in my state. we get divorced and she gets half my income for the rest of her life, and full custody if we have any kids (plus child support).
What’s wrong with her that you think you’re settling? I feel like people get caught up in the idea of a soulmate too much. There’s never going to be a perfect partner. You’re going to get bored sometimes, you’re going to have rough patches and see her flaws. Can you see yourself marrying her and being happy for the rest of your life, even without kids?
>What’s wrong with her that you think you’re settling the thing that has bothered me lately is she doesnt have a lot of drive to be better.. she settles with an alright job even though the company treats their employees like trash because the work is easy. she has been gaining weight steadily and doesnt diet, just complains that her cloth dont fit. that attitude of complacency is something ive never noticed with her until the last 2 years or so..
>even without kids i wouldnt marry anyone if we werent having kids. and if we couldnt have kids for some reason, i'd get divorced.
Her complacency is something you two could work on if you really wanted. But the fact that you only want her for kids says a lot. You really are just settling. Whether you want to stay with her depends on how badly you want that family.
I'm just going to start by replying to this instead of each of your last posts. But I can't say any more passionately, don't do it. Your "biological imperative" just really isn't that true anymore. Having kids and getting married used to be a very important part of propagating your tribe, keeping yourself and your elders protected, having enough labor to go around and get things done.
Now, you're having kids just to force them into a bland 9-5 workplace where 90% of the humans will have had the same unextraordinary development.
So, kids aside. You'll be getting married out of complacency. She's already complacent. She's getting fat. That fat is just going to get worse and worse as time goes on, with more kids. Soon you'll find yourself repulsed by this cow you share a bed with, and you'll be trapped. Trapped with the kids who keep you up at night and leech your resources, trapped with her not doing enough with the kids, trapped because by your own admission, you have no other friends.
The stress of this WILL catch up, and you'll find yourself staring down a divorce before you're 40, because you'll have gotten into this already uncomfortable and unsure.
How is the sex life of you two?
pretty average. it was never anything crazy, she will try some new thing ever couple of months. her weight gain has been bothering me, have had to think about other girls (some thots from the gym) to get off from time to time.
almost what this supreme MGTOWer said you're starting to think about this marriage and having children as a necessity. she's at a point where kids might not come out that great. next thing you know you'll be stuck with toddlers while observing younger woman (be it at work, bars, events etc), comparing them to your old wife.
take the way out while you still can, get a significantly younger gf/wife
>she settles with an alright job even though the company treats their employees like trash because the work is easy. she has been gaining weight steadily and doesnt diet, just complains that her cloth dont fit. that attitude of complacency is something ive never noticed with her until the last 2 years or so And you haven't done shit? 6 years of relationship and your communication is so far gone down the gutter that you can't talk this issues out openly and reach a compromise? If you can't even deal with those issues like a proper couple how do you expect to raise any decent offspring?
You aren't 27 though. You're 31. 6 years and not married though? Geez
desu you should maybe rethink your ego. In the sense of who and what you are. If both of you are fulfilled individuals without the other (or any other person) you can have a healthy and happy relationship till you die
I'm not an MGTOW by any means. I think kids are fine, but I don't think they're a virtue in and of themselves. I think it's great if you want to have kids, and have a stable loving family to bring them into, where you're financially prepared to raise them. I don't think "I don't like my girlfriend but I feel obligated to pop out kids for reasons" is a smart mindset.
But as someone who has been in a variety of relationships, and is old enough to have observed a bunch of people get into their marriages and see them failing fast on account of doing something similar to OP. Not necessarily kids, but feeling like they had to get married because they were "obligated" by what their parents, church, or some other cultural expectations told them.
I'd prefer the traditional family unit myself, but I'm not going to to force it with some increasingly chubby girl I already resent before I've even given her a ring.
I fucked up that second paragraph, got a phone call in the middle. I meant to say as someone who has been in relationships and has observed a number of failed marriages already, it's not smart to bring in kids or force a marriage when things already aren't right.
OP doesn't seem like a particularly fulfilled person to me, since he doesn't have any friends outside of her.
>he doesn't have any friends outside of her i have friends i could call and have a beer with or play a game of golf with, just no one i talk to regularly. never something i was into. would rather be doing my own thing anyway. though i have been going out of my way to keep relationships up since it was always something i struggled with.
That's good, at least. I definitely have a hard time understanding people in your situation though - my friends are my family. Maybe it's why I don't do as great of a job maintaining relationships... I already have people I trust unequivocally, and it'd be really difficult to be fully invested in someone I just relatively recently met compared to people I've known for 15-20 years that have never let me down.
But you're not 27&25, you're 31&29. If not now, then when? Neither of you will be in your prime fertile years for much longer.
Explain to me - genuinely, because I don't get it, why people view having kids like some commodity that just *has* to happen? It's so fucking confusing to me, why you'd lock your life in with someone you're unsure about, just to add a huge burden to your lives, something you can't ever take back.
have you considered running with her or taking her to the gym with you?