I can understand why they stay. I just don't understand why they date them in the first place. And I REALLY don't understand why they keep getting into relationships with men who eventually turn out to be abusive. Over, and over, and over, and over again.
Not bait. Thirty years down the line, and this still boggles my mind. I don't get how they managed to keep meeting such guys; how they always find them. I don't get what it is about them that's appealing enough to date. And I don't get how the women in question haven't analysed these guys enough to pick up on the early warning signs, and avoid them from the get-go. Instead, their usual approach is to assign abusive behaviours to the male sex in general, and avoid them entirely. Which puts in mind the image of white people avoiding black neighbourhoods.
So either attractive men are almost guaranteed to be abusers in secret. Or maybe violent behaviour really is an inherent trait of the male sex.
Crazy dudes give women lots of attention and praise. They also aren’t afraid of rejection.
You on the other hand are afraid. Women can smell your fear and desperation.
This attitude is roughly why the education system here in the States is complete shit.
>They also aren’t afraid of rejection. >You on the other hand are afraid. Speak for yourself, incel.
I don't get it either man... I had a roommate who was working two jobs, and working on her BA, supporting a heroin junkee, who it turns out was shooting her up while she slept. (she use to be addicted to the shit herself) I kicked him out, after I found out what he did, and she went with him. Now 10 months later, she's selling herself online. Probably to support him, and her recurring habit.
Most people gravitate towards the kind of relationship that was modelled to them by their parents growing up. Women who keep winding up in abusive relationships often do so because that's the kind of home they grew up in. They see that sort of behaviour as normal, or at worst 'better the devil you know,' and don't see themselves as worthy of anything better. It happens to men too, look at all the men you see getting bled dry by gold digging whores. And both of these groups will often complain that the entirety of the opposite sex is garbage, because that's their perspective based on their experiences. They don't see that they're the common denominator in their shitty relationships and just see "100% of the men/women I've dated are trash, therefore 100% of men/women are trash." This either leads to swearing off relationships entirely, or resignation to the idea that abusive relationships are the only kind of romantic companionship that exists. They don't seek good partners because they don't believe such people exist. And even if they were to find them, they're usually too fucked up themselves to ever win/keep them. A lot of abusive relationships are also something of a two-way street, at least these days where shotgun weddings are mostly a thing of the past. A woman who stays with a man who physically abuses her is liable to have a psychology that would see her being emotionally abusive if she found a good guy (simply because she's not well adjusted enough for healthy communication, or is arcing up in fear of being abused because she's been trained to expect it, etc). And a good guy who grew up watching parents in a good relationship generally isn't going to put up with that. So all the fucked up people are left with each other, and the well-adjusted people likewise. It's hard to bridge that gap.
>while she was asleep
Sure thing And she also wasnt aware of anything im the first place
Oh, I can answer this.
>liked them as people, like there were genuinely good things about them >tend to date people who make a move boldly because I'm shy and have bad self-esteem and need skywriting in caps to get that someone is interested >those people tend to have control issues and codependency and gravitate to someone who seems like they have emotional problems to clean up after and is easily cowed >used to authoritarian shit, emotional abuse, and generally being treated like shit from childhood >sorta don't care about what happens to me anyway >warning bells about people are always on anyway because of (C)PTSD, so I tend to ignore them and doubt myself if I think someone is dangerous: "probably it's my fault; I'm just scared of everyone; it's all in my head"
basically, if you have problems, like attachment problems from a fucked-up childhood, you attract nothing but people who are also fucked up in some way, and you're more likely to find their behavior acceptable or at least tolerable.
>And I don't get how the women in question haven't analysed these guys enough to pick up on the early warning signs, and avoid them from the get-go
You do sorta get to know what they are, but like I said, it's like the alarm is constantly beeping anyway. If I listened to all my gut feelings about people's behavior, I'd be blowing up at my friends left and right about minor things that made me feel unsafe or belittled. I try to act like a sensible person who doesn't have emotional problems, so I grit my teeth every day through stuff that feels like someone is trying to hurt me.
And the more shit happens to you--the more beatings and threats and dressing-downs and rape you take, the more you get kind of apathetic about life and stop seeing much of a bright future. People's lukewarm or disbelieving reactions to what happened to you and the abuser in question walking off unpunished makes you feel like the whole world is just...like that. Especially if your childhood was like that anyway. My mother and sister have both been in multiple domestically violent relationships. Nobody has ever been arrested.
When I told my sister I'd had to literally run away because of how bad the battering got with my ex, she said, "Yeah, guys do that. I don't feel too much about it any more."
>Or maybe violent behaviour really is an inherent trait of the male sex. My higher brain says: not violent behavior like /that/. DV is like opportunistically beating the shit out of someone who is probably smaller than you who is not fighting back--limp and crying--over some minor irritation.
How you doing gurrl? You wanna get some drinks later tonight? You gonna have to pay tho, cos’ I misplaced my wallet. But you stay sweet and don’t annoy me with your woman shit, and daddy gonna take REAL good care of you girl, you count on dat.
Good thread. It's gonna suck watching it get pushed off the catalog for being honest about women >the ultimate sin
lol. More like "I think we should date. Come see me some time."
The only thing I wanna see come off your lips is kisses, not back talk. I don’t wanna teach ya hard, but best believe we gonna be sweet when you act sweet.
Is this a song?
Nah baby, that’s straight Gospel
If women like abusive men, how come incels exist? Incels are violent psychopaths who would be very abusive to any gf if they ever got one.
I can't imagine incels being able to punch through styrofoam.
Im a guy who grew up in a non abusive family and i recently dated a girl who grew up with a turbulent family situation and an abusive mother. She had only been in abusive relationships before and despite being in about 4 relationships she was never told that someone loves her. She'd always back off, saying she doesn't deserve me, and even getting rude with me etc. I'm not a needy guy so I never chased her when she backed off, nor did i blow up her phone and annoy her. She'd push me away then wonder why i wasnt texting her. Such a shame because she's perfect otherwise.
because its full of DRAMA like an soap opera im similar to my ex-gf was adopted and they treated her badly but she would still stand up for them. she pushed me away said i was getting to close to her and i never looked back. month later she kept spamming me to get back with her. but i don't fuck with crazy.
>guy treats her like shit >she leaves >he begs her back and say he'll change like normal >things go okay for awhile >she starts abusing him back >cycle continues also dont think its a one way streak where the guy is doing all the shit. they both abuse each other its just guys get physical and women will do it mentally
Absolute truth. I’m a romantic thug. I was abused by my dad and my brother and I hate them both. I’m straight, but I hate a fear men. And I’m most attracted to men who are terrible. I was doomed by my family the day I was born. I wish I was dead.
Greentxt about what they did to you, user.
>Instead, their usual approach is to assign [x] behaviours to the [group] in general Sort of like you're doing now?
can also kinda confirm, though i've never tried to hurt my significant other and abuse them emotionally or any other way.
i had low self esteem and a bad life growing up. the last three were pretty bad relationships. i've always tried to be optimistic and think that there was good in everyone. i know that to be a lie now. i empathized with my abusers and tried to heal them when all they were doing was gaslighting and manipulating me. in my last relationship when i tried to leave i was nearly held hostage when he changed his mind about the break up. he destroyed my phone in half and crushed my fingers to bruising. my spine is damaged because of the incident. he raped me earlier in the relationship when i had just moved to be with him. i was alone in the area and he always said for me to forgive and forget. others tell me i sounded like i had stockholm syndrome, it's kind of fucked up. nearly blocked out the rape. it came back once i realized how terrible it all was, in the doctor's office learning about my back.
but has any other anons experienced abuse and think it may be tied to a hatred of women like a confused sexual identity? or like the abusers had issues like an oedipal complex or were promiscuous before they got in said relationship. i found that all three of my bad relationships were raised by religious, right wing people and were conservative themselves in some form too.
I'm the abusive type, not all the time ofc but it happened, but 95% of the time I'm the sweetest guy ever, funny, understanding, reasonable, calm etc.
I'm with a gf for 11 months, and I like everything about her, exept one anoying, shity thing that she do when she wants to argue with me becouse jealousy, low self esteem, and crazy hits her... first couple of times I didn't act on it, just waited till it pass, swallowed the ugly and disrespectfull words, calmly talked to her, after that she didnt want to stop one time, and it was an hour of that shit, or even more where I snaped and hited the wall with my fist, throw her phone on the ground and then slaped her acros the face, and it happened at least 10 more times until it stoped.
To answer the question why I didn't broke up, or why didn't she.
We wanted to do it, sometimes her, sometimes me, sometimes both. But we never go through with it becouse we have strong emotions for one another, and its not just love, we have such a strong connection, and like everything about us. We know we are both crazy and are working on it. So basicly we do not brake it up because we both think its extremly worth fighting for.
I do not say that any of the violence is ok, so dont ever hit your SO and fuck them up phisicaly, or be a total disrespectful bitch to them and fuck them up psychologicaly. It hurts you both.
Women will always prefer drama over stability and boredom
>three times nah somethin is wrong with u also sweetie
It is almost built in to abusive men that they can be extraordinarily charming and seemingly loving when they want to. That's how they catch women, and that's how they keep getting forgiveness after every bit of abuse
oh hayyy permanent spinal damage from abuse over here too.
I too flipped a shit when I got my MRI results years later and heard about the extent. I already have pain from it every day and my legs stop working from nerve problems some mornings.
>i found that all three of my bad relationships were raised by religious, right wing people My most abusive ex was not conservative but he was raised by a very conservative, man-is-head-of-household dad who raped all his children and his wife. Both of his parents were incarcerated for molestation and physical abuse, actually.
Brb going to end myself.
Every relationship I’ve ever been in has been awful for everyone involved and I’m starting to see it’s bc I’m a piece of shit and I attract other pieces of shit
I wish I had never been born to such horrible parents. My life was laid out for me before I even got to start it
There is probably 100 different psychological and social factors that contribute to this. Some people will just say something like 'women like be treated that way' which may be true is some cases but it's more complicated then that.
>Attraction to 'danger' >Father issues Issues with the father spawn a litany of other issues, such as low self-esteem, rebelliousness, masochistic fetishes, etc. This is why family is so important. There is nothing more telling about a person's mental state then their relationship with their parents. >Aggression mistaken for Confidence >Naivety leading to being manipulated Another reason why family is important. Father's are supposed to be able to protect their daughters from predators. >Stockholm Syndrom/Fear of retaliation When a girl winds up in a abusive relationship it can be hard to leave it because they are either scared of what the guy will do to her if she tries, or her mind has been warped into thinking he is actually a good guy.
It comes down to looks, attractive men get away with more shit.
Also, it's pathetic how all the dumb cunts here try to put the blame on everyone else except themselves. If you can recognize redflags, you'd stay away from them(similar to how I stay away from bitches with dyed hair and tattoos, piercings), but the guy is probably good-looking, so you allow it. I mean, can you imagine an ugly guy treating you like shit? You'd leave instantly.
The reason is simple: women are more primal than men. This means, in a nutshell, that women are driven more by their instincts than by their conscious choices (I'd even argue women never evolved consciousness, but it's not like THEY will ever let anyone try to test this hypothesis and publish their results).
This may sound far-fetched but think about it. Back when we were cavemen (and this was only a few thousands of years ago, which means that essentially we have not evolved significantly since then) who were the useful guys? They were the big muscular guys who were very, very violent. Because in a violent time the guys who survived the longest were those with the most reactive and impulsive personalities who would get defensively violent at even the slightest signal. These men have the most sensitive and advanced fight or flight response and thus they survived the longest, and thus women evolved to be attracted (and attractive) to those guys.
So let's imagine what it is like dating the guy who has the most sensitive fight or flight response. Fight or flight is activated when something is endangering you. This could be physically or socially. Imagine you are that guy and your girlfriend is being disobedient (denying you sex, maybe). That is attacking your social status, and because you have a very sensitive fight or flight response, just that tiny attack activates it. But a woman is smaller than you, so the "flight" part is out of the question. It is the "fight" part that kicks in, and thus you beat her. And it hurts her. But the woman has evolved to enjoy that, and thus she stays with you.
Pretty simple biology if you break it down.
Typical incel bullshit. It's not about the looks. Incels are usually normal looking people. It's their toxic, psychopathic mentality that keeps women away from them. It's funny that you would say
> it's pathetic how all the dumb cunts here try to put the blame on everyone else except themselves because this is exactly what an incel is, blaming everyone except yourself for your own faults.
incels are fucked in the head also i agree. but if somebody male/female keeps finding themselves in abusive relationships over and over. something is wrong here.
Not that guy but, attractive people are treated better on average, that's just common sense. Incels are crazy and looks are not absolutely essential but don't pretend that looks don't influence opinions.
Right. There's something wrong with the woman and her psychology. Which is often the result of upbringing. It's not just that all women are slaves to Chads.
>If you can recognize redflags It comes down to naivety. They see the red flags but they think 'he may be violent but he would never do that to me'. This kind of thinking makes them feel like they are special. This is why people used to ask permission from the father before marrying a girl. The father is supposed to make sure his daughter doesn't make incredibly stupid decisions about who she gets involved with. Stupid feminists are throwing women to the wolves just because they don't want to be told what to do.
>If you can recognize redflags, you'd stay away from them
Women hate boredom, men love boredom. Some men pretend to not be boring to get girls, but they hate the life they live and take it out on their woman because she indirectly made him do things that weren't boring.
On the flip side, some men are genuine nice guys™ who go to a reasonable job, have "clean" hobbies that makes him involved, but doesn't make him dirty. He can't figure out why girls won't talk to him as he is pretty well rounded and would never hit a woman, maybe he even respects wamen so much he doesn't even ask them out on dates. That guy never gets the girl. Women would rather get the shit beaten out of them than go for a guy like that.
Because at the beginning they're all nice guys (tm)
I know what you are trying to say but tbqh I think nice guys (tm) are only able to verbally assault you. I don't see those bitch ass niggas ever actually hitting a girl, as much as they want to act tough and shit when they get rejected.
Interestingly, those weak ass bitches may be the safest guys to date, but also the ones with the lowest probability of actually getting a date because of their weak personalities.
>Interestingly, those weak ass bitches may be the safest guys to date, but also the ones with the lowest probability of actually getting a date because of their weak personalities. pretty much
>the alarm is constantly beeping anyway. Then it is broken. Do you still not know what to look for in order to find out what kind of person would hurt you? It sounds like you have been through a lot and I don't know how you can shrug it off as "stuff happens", I would think it is a small minority of men who are like this. If you think you are about to get beaten every day, there is something wrong. At least tell your friends to stop their "hah, you blinked" humor if you get flashbacks to 'Nam every time.
Me and every guy I know would beat the living shit out of a guy if we knew he hurt his wife/gf, even if the police isn't able to do anything, your friends sure as hell would intervene.
i know, that's why i mentioned my upbringing. i'm told i'm way too nice for my own good. like a light surrounded by moths. the first two weren't nearly as bad, it was more so emotional stuff and throwing things here and there. and yelling. i just really hate conflicts, and try to deescalate.
whadduppp twinsies. my results were more recent, this year. i've got some fucked up nerve issues too with my legs. recently tried picking up stuff, my torso and thigh shot up in crazy pain. still in physical therapy. it really sucks. pelvis/sacrum/hips the whole thing swells and stings sometimes.
my most recent one had an abusive dad too, at least verbally threatening from what i saw.
pretty much this
that's because they can do it at home behind closed doors. nice guys/chads can be incels and have a carefully curated persona on the outside to help cast doubt on the other. my ex is an elected official for example.
>nice guys/chads can be incels incels are ppl who dont get laid. u have no idea what u are talking about. seek therapy and dont get into another relationship until another 3-4 years.
probably over exaggerating, but you can date and get intimate with someone who hasn't been laid before who is reminiscent of that title.
>but you can date and get intimate with someone who hasn't been laid before who is reminiscent of that title. the whole incel movement is based on never getting laid and not even trying anymore and spend their time hating women. the person u describe is just somebody with a toxic personality incel is becoming the buzzword for any male whos "bad" on the internet. needs to stop.
This. When you grow up in abusive situations, you're gaslit constantly. You learn to do it to yourself, to not believe your perception, early on as a coping mechanism to stay sane. It easily allows for further abuse down the road.
>normal person Your boyfriend hits you. A normal person tells him to get the fuck out, calls the police, and stays at a friend's to dump him safely. You do not listen to any of the bullshit he spews, because he hit you and you don't deserve that.
>abuse victim Your boyfriend hits you. You immediately start wondering what you did wrong to deserve this because you inherently believe that you are deserving of abuse. He tells you it's because you insulted him a week ago. You don't recall doing it, but you believe him because you're afraid your misremembering, and don't want him to be mad at you. You apologize for upsetting him to show you're sorry for the nonexistent reasoning. He hugs and kisses you the next day, telling you how much he loves you. You take this as a sign of safety. It reinforces the abusive relationship.
it really sucks too because i'm already a quarter and i just want to have a happy family and raise the best little ones to make the world a better place. i wasted my time with these terrible guys and i have to heal, it takes a while to date and consider marriage with someone. i don't know, i'm generally a good, happy and optimistic person despite everything but i'm embarassed to seek love. like, would anyone really want someone who is considered "damaged goods"? because i have this stupid spine thing right now, i hope i fully recover.
>And the more shit happens to you--the more beatings and threats and dressing-downs and rape you take, the more you get kind of apathetic about life and stop seeing much of a bright future. People's lukewarm or disbelieving reactions to what happened to you and the abuser in question walking off unpunished makes you feel like the whole world is just...like that. Especially if your childhood was like that anyway. My mother and sister have both been in multiple domestically violent relationships. Nobody has ever been arrested. >When I told my sister I'd had to literally run away because of how bad the battering got with my ex, she said, "Yeah, guys do that. I don't feel too much about it any more."