So im an adult virgin but I dont think I can say Im an incel. Because I have had plenty of girls attracted to me, sometimes extremely so. Im just never attracted to them back.
>Have had girls approach me in bars and clubs, flirting with me heavily, literally stroking me as if im a dog and complimenting me >Have been told by mutual female friends that several girls I know have a crush on me and think im really cute >Some of my female friends have come on to me when im drunk, trying to get off with me, but i rejected them >I once got invited to a party by a girl thinking it was just for fun. Then when I got there she led me to the garden and instantly tried to make out with me, she just lunged at me, but I wasnt into it
And the most fucked up one >One female friend of mine got really drunk around me and kept HEAVILY flirting with me >The heaviest most blatant flirting I've ever seen >She was telling me point blank "you're so fucking attractive", "why dont you have a girlfriend" >But I just wasnt into it. I wasnt attracted to her
I almost think that maybe girls showing attraction to me is a turn off somehow. Like every single girl who has flirted with me or made a pass at me, regardless of how hot they are, I have no attraction to them. But at the same time, the girls who I actually am attracted to and have crushes on, never show attraction to me and Im too scared to make a move on them
Am I too picky? I kind of just want a cute, nice, slightly edgy, hipster girl. None of the girls who have been into me openly have fit this image in my head. There was only one girl who did. I met her in a club once and she came on to me, bought me a drink and we ended up making out. She pretty much initiated everything. She was exactly my type physically and seemed really cool and interesting. But i forgot to get her number
What do i do? Do i need to lower my standards? I dont want to be a virgin forever... Please
well go to places where cute, nice, slightly edgy, hipster girls congregate and just stand there
if it worked once it'll work again
Carter Green
It doesnt though. Ive tried that. The girls im into who have that kind of look and personality tend to be really cool, calm and collected types. Not the type to come up to guys and start drooling over them
The girls who approach me are just... I dont know, too innocent. For whatever reason really innocent girly girl types tend to be into me. Just really "normal" girls. They're nice and all and I'm very happy to be friends with them but I just dont feel an attraction to them, even if they're really cute or hot
Easton Perez
are you gay?
Cameron Barnes
you need to become an alcoholic and grow your hair long then
Eli Morgan
No i dont think so. I might be bi, but I've never felt sexual attraction to a man. I have massive crushes on some girls that i know but those girls never approach me
I dont think long hair looks good on me. I do fit the hipster image though, I dress that way
Brody Green
why don't you approach them?
Daniel Sanders
Im too scared. Like i said the girls im attracted to are very cool and calm. Im scared they might turn me down. Plus, every time im attracted to a girl she ends up getting a boyfriend within a couple of months...
Lucas Perez
To be fair you don't really know them all that well so you can't really make that kind of assumption.
Here's the thing, you can date a girl and decide you don't really like her after a few dates and stop calling her. That's what everyone does. That's what women do, too.
Nolan Garcia
>Turn down girls that want to date you. >Don't approach girls you want to date.
I mean either take up an offer or give one out mang you can't do neither.
John Green
well there's your problem then. you gotta break through that fear.
Aaron Murphy
there are only 6 looks you can have as a man
normie, jock, manchild, exec, intellectual and mysterious
my guess is those types of girls are attracted to the mysterious type, which is characterized by problematic behavior/worldviews (like an addiction or mental illness, nihilism) and artistic inclinations
you can be an unremarkable mysterious type but you just come off as an autistic robot (closest to the normie type, which is why you're attracting normie girls in droves), so you need to tone way the fuck up the problematic and artistic aspects of your image
even introvert girls will tell a friend to introduce you to them or just drop their number and leave, so you don't even have to make the first move if you're doing it right, but yeah shy girls are probably not going to approach you
Justin Johnson
No but im just not into them at all. Some of the girls who approach me are just not a fit for me. Like they're into completely different things to me. For instance one girl who approached me was a christian conservative type. Another wanted to be a lawyer. Do you get what i mean? They're just not my types even if they're cute
I dont know. I just dont feel anything for some of the girls who are into me. I need more than just looks to be attracted to someone. Plus, the girl who spent all night flirting with me, REALLY put me off. I just found that level of extremely overt and incessant flirting to be really unattractive. Sorry if that sounds rude
>you can be an unremarkable mysterious type but you just come off as an autistic robot (closest to the normie type, which is why you're attracting normie girls in droves), so you need to tone way the fuck up the problematic and artistic aspects of your image
Okay this makes sense. Yeah "normie" is the best way maybe to describe the girls who are attracted to me and make moves on me. They're usually just ordinary girls. Like thats okay but i dont think they share my interests and sense of humor etc
So do i need to do something really edgy? I think i already fit the "look" of the mysterious type. But do i need to like join a band or something? Start writing poetry? Idk
Nolan Peterson
The thing you know what you want, which is fine. But you also shouldn't turn down opportunities as they arise. If you're not gonna ask out the girl you want to date, you might as well see how things work out with another.
Also, ehh type is kind of hard to assume after just talking or flirting with a girl for a few mins. I'm in the camp that if I got nothing better to do, I might as well say yes to a date. What you're like in a social situation vs. 1-on-1 with another person can be very different, especially with the opposite sex. Things could go better than you expected, or worst case they don't go so well and you stop calling her. Not a big deal.
Alternatively you could just ask out the girl/type of girl you want and still have a backup if she shoots you down. Again everyone does it, not many talk about it.
Wyatt Ward
Some of these girls just make it really hard to be attracted to them though. Like how socially oblivious do you have to be to not realize that just drunkenly clinging to a guy and repeatedly telling him "omgggg user you're HOT" is unattractive?
I also dont think its a good idea for me to date a girl I have opposing views to. Which is why the conservative girl was a no go right off the bat. There'd be too many arguments
Am i immature for just waiting around for this cute cool hipster girl to arrive? I know some girls who are like that but they all have BFs now
Triple 1's wow. Anyway, you're either gay, low sex drive, possible but unlikely asexual, or they are all uggos. Do you watch alot of porn? That can fick you up too because you can find your perfect fantasies or perfect looks that youll never find irl.
Leo Clark
my goofy autistic high school friend grew his hair long, started playing the guitar and doing drugs on the reg in college and through the duration of it he was swimming in pussy
he started attracting the attention of those types of girls you are into and from there he just became a player and went for it all
he's now out of college and maintaining 3 concurrent girlfriends in open relationships and they all look like siblings of the paramore lead singer, he has cornered the market
Easton Wood
Well a girl approaching you out doesn't always imply a girl drunkely clinging to you, so yeah I can feel that.
Also views vs. preferences is different, so you're not wrong in writing off the conservative one.
Waiting to be asked out by a girl is a bit immature, also not likely for a cool, collected type to do. She might also just not be in the market and you were waiting for nothing to happen. Just work up your nerve and ask her out for coffee. Best case you get a date, worst case you're not waiting with a thumb up your butt and can instead look for a different girl or call one of the ones who already was interested as a backup. Either way being passive is the worst thing you can do.
Lincoln Phillips
The funny thing is i only watch amateur porn really. The professional stuff doesnt work for me. And when i say amateur i mean genuinely. My favorite videos are the ones where its obvious that its just been recorded by an ordinary couple and uploaded onto the site
And im not into really super hot girls either. Like some of my male friends will talk about girls we know who are getting into modelling or some shit and gush over how hot they are. But im just not that crazy about them. Also i notice that a lot of people i know are really harsh about girls appearances. Ive heard some guys describe girls as "ugly" who I happen to think are really cute, which i think is kind of cruel
I dont know whats wrong with me. Its like i just have a really particular type of girl im attracted to. And none of the girls who approach me fit that type, either physically or culturally
I'd try to find a picture of the kind of girl im into but when i google shit like "hipster girl" I just get these hyper-attractive model types. Just imagine like a hipster-ish girl, maybe dressing in like leather jackets, maybe a couple tattoos, kind of edgy looking, but not hot, just kind of cute maybe. Physical appearances as in face are not that important me, but a sense of style and personality and cultural values similar to mine are VERY important to me
Kayden Perez
>Either way being passive is the worst thing you can do.
nope
my entirely life my dating strategy has been
>go outside >focus on having a good time >eventually girl who likes you and likes having a good time approaches you >????? >profit
literally no effort, but requires confidence
Thomas Carter
Well, not every girl is going to do that you know. And you wouldn't be asking for advice if your usual strategy was working. Again, if she's not in the market to begin with you're also completely screwing yourself. Maybe she's in a relationship, maybe she's not looking for one. Hell, maybe she's a lesbian. You could very well be screwing yourself by being passive. If it works - great. When it doesn't - do something about it.
Xavier Perez
I think your standards and expectations may be a bit too high. Seizing initiative or taking an opportunity is probably the best thing for you to do. You don't want to miss out on a good relationship, or even just good dating experience, because someone doesn't check all the boxes (which in your case seem to be pretty specific in the first place) within your first encounter.
Hudson Cooper
You have some pretty specific boxes to tick, you're no different from those other guys who like hot girls.
Aiden Cox
Are they really that high though? I just want someone who fits my personality and personal ideals. I'd rather date someone who was physically unattractive but gelled with me excellently and had a good sense of style, than date someone who is hot but the opposite of me personally
Often times it isnt just they dont tick all of the boxes, they dont really tick any. Like they might be cute but that isnt enough for me. Im not attracted to their "soul" if you get me... Some of these girls remind me of girls i went to school with or something
Yeah I think they might be. Standards aren't limited to attractiveness or money. I think you're just limiting yourself to a smaller pool of candidates you're not actively pursuing to begin with. It's nice that you want a girl you have a genuine connection with and all, but that kind of thing is something you can't easily distinguish from just casual talk and flirting, anyway. Hence your standards are a bit too high.
Either become more active in pursing the girls you want, or lower your standards a bit to girls you might not feel are ideal, but can still be decent people and/or girlfriends you end up enjoying your relationship with.
Luis Wood
Idk. I just dont see how it'll work. How can i for instance, be with a girl who wants be a lawyer, if i dont even like lawyers to begin with?
I just wanna know why im attracting these kinds of girls, because im not trying to
Camden Carter
You don't have to "be" with them for more than a cup of coffee if you don't want to be. Dating is a numbers game and you shouldn't turn down opportunities if you aren't even actively going after the girls you want in the first place.
Brandon Williams
Hmm. Are you saying i should use these girls as "practice dates" then? Is that morally right if im probably never going to be attracted to them on any meaningful level?
Jason Campbell
I'm saying you don't know until you try. You yourself said these girls were nice. And you can't assume you'll have a "meaningful attraction" to someone just because they check some boxes you made in your head.
Just put yourself out there, have fun, and see what happens. Anything is better than standing in place waiting for something that might not happen, and you just might really enjoy yourself or at least learn something from the experience.
Nicholas Richardson
Nice doesnt mean ill be attracted to them though
I feel like those girls who always have "nice guy" orbiters. Like yeah they might be nice, but that doesn't mean they're attracted to them. Its the same with me. I have "nice girls" attracted to me.
Jose Thomas
Try drinking.
Benjamin Parker
You're not an orbiter if they show interest. We're going in circles with your indecision, so you have 2 options:
1. Ask out the girls you really want to date, or else nothing may ever happen between you.
2. Take the opportunity to see girls that are interested in you and see what happens.
This is my final response not because I'm angry or anything, but because I don't want to fuel your indecision.
Oliver Moore
If you dont want clingy drunks disgracing themselves all over you, stop going where people go to get drunk.
Either this, or you have a weird mental thing where you're turned off by women who are into you. I had a friend who was like that. Played up the "i'm just shy" thing online to people who didn't know him, but was a raging narcissist to everyone who actually knew him.
Blake Lee
>holding out for someone who matches everything on your checklist enjoy staying a virgin forever.
Tyler Hernandez
I enjoy drinking though. One of my favorite places to be is just at a cool bar with a chilled beer and a few mildly tipsy friends
I mean im not offended by that girl doing that to me. She's a friend of mine. I just didnt find it attractive. Its good for my self-esteem, from a selfish perspective. But i dont know what she was trying to achieve
I think I do lose attraction to women the moment they start showing attraction to me. This might be why i only have crushes on girls who have never shown any attraction to me. But why is this? How do i overcome it?
Adam Parker
>but was a raging narcissist to everyone who actually knew him I think you've nailed OP. His destiny is to date no one.
Brayden Taylor
Man i just dont want to date girls who are not my type
Like these girls dont fit my style at all. I get these girls who are into me that are really conservatively dressed types and are studying to be lawyers or have ambitions to be politicians and shit. I think i'd die of boredom dating a girl like that
Brandon Smith
A few dates doesn't tie you to them forever. Just see how it goes. It's better than dying a virgin who never tried at all because they were never approached by the right person who checked all the right boxes.
Josiah Foster
Drinking shouldn't be a hobby, or you're going to kill your liver sooner than later.
Beyond that, you cant help what you're attracted to. I dont think you'll be able to overcome it beyond "lowering your standards", which wont change the way your brain makes you feel about them.
I think its terminal, user.
Parker Price
So do i have no hope of attracting a girl who is my "type"? Like i said i dont mind if theyre not physically attractive, just as long as they're my kind of girl and have a good sense of style
Jacob Hall
Have you thought about getting to know them more? There's usually more to people than the passing small talk they give when they first meet you.
