Can't sleep due to existential dread

Or it is just physiological...

Maybe some medication is wearing off, you blood sugar dropped becasue you didn’t eat for many hours, alcohol, dehydration, hyperthyroidism, hormone shifts.

Try an Epsom salt bath, the magnesium helps with everything from anxiety to heart palpitations.

gonna attempt sleep again lets see if I can get a full night.

I don't really do alchol, the rest might be an issue. I'll consider it, thanks.

Do as much good as you can.
Do as little harm as you can.
Have as much fun as you can.

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Know that what you are experiencing is common in middle aged women going through menopause. This is common when there are hormonal shifts.

I doubt your issues are psychological although I am sure someone would be happy to label you nuts and give you meds, never actually addressing the issue.

Onions does wonky things with estrogen and yes guys have estrogen, so if you have stopped or started some protein power or something that is largely onions that might be causing it. Vitamin D is also hormone like. Lots of people are deficient in vitamin D.

Onions... onions... onions, not onions!

Onions doesn’t wonky things to estrogen levels.

I have no idea where onions came from!

Okay the thing replaces the word S. O. Y. With the word onions

k this time it lasted for 6 hours and my body refused to go back to sleep again.

part of the reason this anxiety started was me moving away from my family and starting work in another city. I've left my family for uni before and didn't feel this sense of dread before, I guess things were still new to me back then.
During and after uni, gradually becoming disillusioned with what I'm doing/gonna do in my life prompted me to start thinking about existence and that spiraled out of control last month, rendering my anxiety for taking on a new life almost meaningless. At least that's what it feels like.

I live in Asia and tofu(onions) is a prevalent part of my diet, it hasn't been suddenly introduced into my life in the very least. I have been eating both red and white meat in large amounts tho, don't know if that's an issue.
also yeah Jow Forums filtered out onions because people were using it as an insult and it got annoying.

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From the ground most likely. That's where I find my onions.

Too funny about the whole tofu/onions thing...

The meat may have hormones... I don’t know about where you are but in America a lot of meat production uses growth hormones. Or is it possible you are getting less tofu/onions because you are eating meat? I wouldn’t try to fix it so much as be aware that it maybe the cause as your body adapts.

If you awake and can’t go back to sleep, go take an Epsom salts bath. The magnesium does wonders for sleep and anxiety ( muscle cramps too)

I do get the whole existential, meaning of life thing. I am an oldanon (that female menopause thing is real) and I know you can’t imagine that this is just a stage, like teething, that sucks while you are in it but you will move through it.

You are in a phase of life where no one is telling you what to do next or why, like they have been since you were born. You have to figure out what is important to you. And know that having any goal (riding 100 roller coasters for example) is worthwhile as long as it is important to you. It is about the journey and you give it meaning. As long as you aren’t hurting others your journey and goals (reason you exist) are as important and valid as the next guys. Go do what makes you happy and enjoy life! Realizing you might need a good paying job to fund your goals. (Riding roller coasters isn’t free)

To deal with anxiety I would recommend to be mindful and breath deeply (as in breath with your belly). Basically think about where you are right now and what you are doing try to focus only on the present not the past or future. As for sleeping is there anything that helps you sleep? Sometimes I like having the tv on with people talking because it calms me down and helps me sleep.

I went through a similar phase not too long ago OP, so I can relate with you.

Don't worry about time, or your achievements, about your family, everything will be ok. It may not feel like but it turns out that the future is not as grim or dark as it seems.

Every day, you change a little bit from the person you were the day before. Sometims these changes are good, sometimes are bad, but in the end they average out.

The secret is to keep a high average, you know what I mean? That's why people tell you to do exercise and eat healthy. You truly are what you eat and do, and if there's something that you don't like, you can change it through dedication and effort, no matter how small.

Every day that you get out of the bed, prepare your meals, meet people, work and do your best, you are actually improving the world and leaving a mark on it.

I used to be scared of thinking about stars and the cosmos because the timescales become incomprehensible to us humans. I started to think about the things I didn't see, and the things that I won't be able to see.

But I was born right into an era where I can be speaking to you over great distances. Two people that, if it wasn't for the internet, would have 0 chance of meeting or talking. And yet, here we are.

I sincerely hope the best for you. May you succeed in your job. May you have good friends that take care of you. May your family last you a long time. And most importantly, May you spend a really good night of sound sleep.

gonna look into the bath salts thing once I have access to bathtubs...
I've researched some reality check methods, and they're working to an extent.
I'd bring new elements into my life and feel accomplished, then if I let my mind wonder my thoughts comes back around to the futility of it all.
Trying to build back my sense of value is taking time. I'd think I've had a breakthrough almost everyday yet I revert back to sadness and dread about an hour later. I'd say that I'm progressing and getting better and better at it but I guess it's still a work in progress and I can only see results in the long run.

It makes me feel better when others tell me that it's only a phase. Sometimes deep in the panic attacks I really feel like that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life, that I'll never go back to what I was feeling before this episode. Thank you for all the kind words of encouragement.

Do you exercise? I know it sounds like the normie response but get some fucking exercise.

I do exercise but not Jow Forums tier, just jogging and some light lifting every other day. Is totally tiring myself out gonna help?