So my wife recently told me that she isn't in live with me anymore and thinks about ending it

So my wife recently told me that she isn't in live with me anymore and thinks about ending it.

Background info, and I posted here a couple days ago. We were in a long distance relationship for 5 years, got marries 2018 and she says for more than half a year she isn't feeling it anymore. She doesn't feel in love, and also isn't sexually attracted to me anymore. She told me just a week agoml. We usually see each other for a week or two every other month, but had phases of being together for months at a time. We finally married so that she can move in with me, and now she isn't surw that would be a good idea.

To clear it out immediately, I don't think there is anyone else, and objectively looking, moving in with me would benefit her a lot, financially and otherwise, so I don't think the reasob is anything shallow. I also didnt get fat, quite the contrary.

She tells me that she just kinda lost the passion, and isn't sure why, and doesn't know if it can be rekindled. She also tells me that it isn't my fault and she doesn't know if sonething can be done about it. What do you think, can I do something here or should I just abandone all hope?

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Bump

Passion =/= love and a marriage must survive that.

>getting married

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Well, this is my thinking. She tells me she still loves me, and we talked about all of this without a fight or anything, there is no violation of mutual respect. But also, her fear is that the passion will never come back, and she doesn't want to live like that, which is understandable. We are still in our early 20s and it is unexpected for us that it happens now.

A marriage/family isn't a relationship. It's this package into which you place a relationship for various cultural, legal, etc. reasons. But if the relationship inside isn't rock solid, it's obviously going to get even worse being put into a dark box with all of the attention placed only on what's outside. This is why getting married or having kids never ever fixes a messed up relationship.

Regardless of what people might think about LDRs, it doesn't sound like you had a good relationship before you dropped it into a marriage. Either the LDR was a "fake relationship" or it was real but you didn't grow it in person first (ending the long distance aspect) before getting hitched.

Talk to her and see if she agrees with that. Then ask if she's willing, even though it's done in the wrong order, to try to work on that relationship now and not focus on the marriage part for a bit. She may well have given up or not care to put in the effort.

Ignore that and think of it as a long term relationship. The marriage was just for the documents, it's a complicated story.

You think people 20 year into a marriage have passion like a couple dating for 3 months?

I never said that. But it isn't that long, and the issue is not it being this way, it's can it be fixed. Neither of us would be ok with it continuing like this forever, and years are no excuse for it.

>getting married just for documents

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Unfortunately it wasn't a choice to make it a LDR. My thibking is also that weeks spent together like this are not the same as living together, and that things will work out eventually, but I am not the one having these issues so I can talk differently about it. I am not as passionate as I was but it's still there, and I am comfortable with it. Then again, I am a guy with simpler needs regarding passion.

Thanks for your contribution.

>Unfortunately it wasn't a choice to make it a LDR
Of course not. But if you didn't ride a bicycle for 5 years, should you immediately register for a bicycle race? Or should you maybe work on refreshing your skills first?

>things will work out eventually
No, that's like trying to remember how to ride the bike in the middle of the race.

>I am a guy with simpler needs
And your simple need is based on her, which you're about to lose. So you're actually in the same boat she is. Neither of you are having your needs satisfied in this relationship. Yet regardless of the reasons why, you got married anyway. Honestly, if you had chosen to not get married for the documents, how would that have been any worse than it is now?

All I can say is, getting married is a bad idea. Getting married in your early 20s is an even worse idea. And getting married, in your early 20s, and just for the documents is a horrible idea. I would say just give up and move on. You’re still young so you can find someone else, or even better learn your lesson and never fall for the marriage meme again

We wouldn't have been able to live together at all, and "try it out". It was either get married and move in together, or be LDR forever. Both suck, we picked getting married now. Just to be clear, I would have married her regardless, if this didn't happen ofc, but there was no way to be in the same country, not even same town, if we are not married.
I get what you are saying, but as I said to the other guy, treat this as a relationship. There will be no harm in divorcing, the issue is that I want to save the relationship.
And what I meant with I have simpler needs is that even thought the passion is a bit less, sexually I was still satisfied, she wasn't.

I don't think it's a meme so we disagree there quite a bit, but just to correct you, we are in our late 20s.

>we picked getting married now.
That was the wrong decision. You should have moved on. You're trying to rationalize an unhealthy way of handling relationships. I'm worried that you're going to just do this again in the next one.

> the issue is that I want to save the relationship.
Then go have that talk with her.

>sexually I was still satisfied
I didn't misunderstand you. You're just not getting what I'm saying. You need to go to your wife and tell her "Hey, we're in the same boat now. We're both not getting what we need." Because your sex life is about to dry up and her passionate life is already gone. Work together on this.

kek'd

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Well, we did talk about it. For days actually. My proposal was to move in and try to fix this. She isn't so sure about it and may decide to end it before we have a proper chance to fix it.
Also, you are telling me that I shouldn't have had a LDR relationship in the first place, which is maybe true, but it is as it is now. The decision to get together rather than end it was already made. If this didn't happen now, it would have been a good decision. And I don't think that just marriage made her lose her passion.

Okay. Break up and find a better relationship where both of you will have your needs met. Done.

Are you saying you married a foreigner so she could get into your country? If so you got swindled mate.

I married a girl from my country. We met 7 years ago. I then got a job in a country where she can't just come, and she can't find a job here because of her profession. She eventually found a job, not in the country where I live now. Since my career is important to me and I want to stay in this country, where the living standard is like 5 times higher, we decided to get married so she can join me and move in with me. The paperwork takes ages though, and she could move in in 3 months or so, but now has doubts if she should quit her job and move in with me to try to fix this, or if we should just get a divorce. Everything clear now?

Bump one last time. I would be interested in people who managed to rekindle their relationship/marriage, and how they did it.

>didn’t even last a year
How do I avoid becoming you?

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Look into an annulment. That way, no messy divorce and no attorney telling her she is owed half of your things...