What's the deal with when you stop having sex with your partner?...

She did and i know it does that, it could be the after effects

I haven't had sex with my wife in 2 months...

I've tried talking to her and she just gives me the "I don't really think sex is important right now"

Shit sucks man. At least you have the option to leave your girl. Do it while you can and make sure whoever you find is on the same book as you.

What the fuck, how do you deal with it?
You can't even say "but it's important to me"

Say it is important to you even if it's not all, talk about it seriously, put your relationship in questions and get a common solution. Be prepared to leave her if she doesn't take it seriously.

If it's not important for her (not every girl is a sex freak, I fully understand if she's intimidated) she must understand it is for you. It's a matter of trust and understanding as much as a purely sexual matter. Also hotels.

>You can't just ask for more sex like it's their responsibility to please you
uh yeah you can, it's called initiating
and it's not 'to please you' it's to please each other. If you've thus far treated sex like a favour your partner's been doing for you, I think I can guess why it's dried up.

How did you have sex before then?

Married 11 years. I haven't had sex with my broken unit of a wife for going on 4 years. I have just stopped caring and lead a meaningless life.

>You can't even say "but it's important to me"
why the hell not?

dude wtf divorce already. It's 11 years now, do you want to wait until it becomes 60 years, or do you want cut the shit now so you'll have a shot at spending 40 years with someone you're actually in love with?
Stop throwing good time after bad, it's over.

I did. She knew from the beginning. She just doesn't care about sex anymore.

Priorities changes. Sex drives evaporate.
A lot of marriages end up like that.

The woman had uterine cancer, lost her uterus, had to go on hormone treatments, was diagnosed with systemic lupus and developed Hidradenitis suppurativa on her inner thighs all while being on chemotherapy.
If I leave her I'm not only maybe Satan himself but also royally fucked in divorce court. Luckily though I happen to love her and she treats me with respect. Just sex has become a nonstarter.

I think the problem there is that she was never interested in sex in the first place. She just pretended to be for you to marry her.

bless you user

You're... probably right.

I'm like Divorce just isn't worth it. There's a relationship there and plenty of affection, a marriage in every sense of the word. Just no sex.

There's also some history behind my wife but it's more emotional than physical.
I just always thought we could get past it.

My gf has intermittent vaginal pain that takes her out of commission for sex 75% of the time and really messes with her head even when it's not bothering her. Certainly poses a huge challenge to our sex life and definitely isn't what I'm used to in relationships, but I care about her more than I have anyone I've ever dated so we deal with it.

Sex isn't everything, but love is. At least to me.

I have no respect for anyone who would leave someone they love just to get their dick wet.

Tried a hotel. Worked for a few mins at 3 in the afternoon.
Negative, not the way I went about it.
Please no. PLEASE NO.
God damn, dude. All the best. Well if you love them, you wouldn't leave over a lack of sex

Oh I see, I thought you'd just stopped fucking because you weren't interested in each other anymore, my mistake

Loving someone generally comes with wanting to fuck them. If you don't want to fuck your lover, something's very wrong, and it's very possible you no longer love them.

What does that have to do with ?

If you cut sex off for no good reason I'm going to lose romantic interest in you. Even if you don't care for it, for my sake if you love me, let me have a couple thrusts. After all I put up with your demands to go shopping and sniff roses even though I really don't care about it.

>"I don't really think sex is important right now"
To her maybe. It sure seems important to you. If she's satisfied with something and you're completely dissatisfied with that same something that is a big fucking problem in a relationship. Why don't you tell her that?

I took that comment to imply that it's wrong for someone to leave their partner due to lack of sex. But if their partner isn't sleeping with them anymore, it's probable that said partner is no longer in love with them. In which case, it only makes sense to leave (if reconciliation isn't possible), whether you yourself are still in love or not.

She can still have sex without a uterus and good skin.

This. If you replace sex with literally anything else, it makes sense that it'd be a relationship issue (my partner no longer kisses me, shares a bed with me, tells me they love me, goes on dates with me, asks me about my day, does things with me, speaks to me, smiles at me). But oh, how dare someone want their relationship to have a healthy sex life, that shouldn't be something that people need.
It's just another example of how ingrained sexual shame can be, like it's some dirty, unacknowledged thing on the side that doesn't exist alongside every other aspect of a relationship. And yet sleeping with someone outside the relationship is considered the most egregious betrayal of a relationship - and rightly so, because it's fucking important.

>But if their partner isn't sleeping with them anymore, it's probable that said partner is no longer in love with them

You're assuming that said partner is not sleeping with them because they simply choose not to due to lack of interest.

Plenty of people in this thread are citing examples where their partner physically unable to sexually regardless of desire, or mentally unable to muster the desire due in a normal way due to other circumstances (depression, stress, etc.)

I'm pretty sure is talking more about cases like that. As you yourself said, loving someone does TYPICALLY (though not always with wanting to fuck them. However, you often simply can't due to adverse circumstances, and I took to be more about how shitty it is to treat all the other elements of love/relationships as null and void because the sex life is floundering.

That shit happens in relationships. It just does. Being a partner means not jumping ship because of challenges.

Why this makes me horny

She's one of those types of people who doesn't know what to say when pressed for their feelings on hard topics. She starts crying.
Depression, anxiety, worthlessness. The whole piñata.

It's a complicated situation, and one that I unfortunately have to deal with. Honestly, depending on how much patience I have for her emotional baggage, our marriage is probably doomed.

I agree. I floated the idea of an open relationship but nothing would be worse than me being with another woman.

It's not important to have sex, but it is important for me to be with someone else, I guess.

Dump that crazy broad. Depression and anxiety don't get better with time. She's genetically unfit.

If she was my girlfriend, that would be straightforward but we're married.

It's my mistake for thinking things would get better. It's just more of the same.

Its true that depression and anxiety never gets better overtime, have she went to get therapy and medication? What mental issues does she have? Has she been doing this since you two started dating?

She's visiting a therapist and takes a daily dose of Sertraline. She's also on birth control for medical reasons.

To be honest, I couldn't tell you what issues she has. Depression and anxiety are the big ones. Suicidal tendencies and self harm creep up during bad episodes. I deal with them pretty well.

She actually hid the depression from me from the start, which I can't really blame her for (she told me afterward it was because she had lost hope in finding someone), but I did know she had issues. None were red flags, and the positives far outweighed the negatives when we got married. I probably wouldn't have married her had I known this is where I would end up.

It's good she's getting therapy and medication, try to help her and understand how she feels. How do you two communicate when she starts breaking down during issues? Did she face any trauma or grew up in a bad household during her childhood?

This is just not true. They won’t get better if you don’t try to fix yourself, but they do go away if you rewire.

She usually has her episodes when we're talking heavy stuff, like kids and relationship issues we're having, and maybe some other times when I'm not around. She hides it pretty well most of the time, but there's only so much one can hide from someone you're living with.

And yeah, she was abused as a child. Child prostitution, drug addicted mother, issues that play a deep part in her views of sex.

At the end of the day, I don't hate her for it. I just don't know if I will like to be like this for the rest of my life.

>And yeah, she was abused as a child. Child prostitution, drug addicted mother, issues that play a deep part in her views of sex.
After hearing that you didn't turn tail and run for the hills? Baka. She's a nutter for life.

Yea the trauma messed her up badly, I hope she's taking the therapy seriously and the advice she's given to change, she has to rewire herself with the help of a therapist explaining her the problems and how to change it, therapy isn't a magical cure.

The reason why she starts crying and get depressed during serious topics is because she hardwired herself to do it as a child, which makes it a hard habit to get rid off. Her parents probably also did this to each other, which is why people always treat their partner the same way they treat their relationship with their parents or how their parents treated each other. She has to start realizing the way she acts isn't normal and it's not permanent, it's going to take a lot habit changing and therapy to get over it.