Is the friendzone a real thing?

One my friends recently said the friendzone isn't a real thing and the girl was never really interested in the first place. Is this true?

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My therapist told me most women know if they'd date you or not when you first meet them. So in the sense of that yes your friend is right.

However, the whole idea of the friendzone is that there is a pool of datable or non-datable (friend) people that a girl meets. You want to be in the dating pool, if you're not, you're in the friend pool. Or, the friend zone. So I consider the friendzone to be a very real thing, and one that appears to anyone who has ever wanted to date someone not interested in them.

The friendzone is real because some men/women refuse to accept the other person isn't interested. So they manipulatively do things for the other person in the hopes that changes, which 99% of the time it won't.

Most people know after the first interaction if they're interested in someone. First impressions are very important for this very reason.

The friendzone describes a very real situation that practically everyone has found themselves in at some point in their lives. But people tend not to like the term because friendzoned people typically use friendships as a deceptive means to get romantically closer to another. And so a person lamenting the friendzone is understood to be a lying coward

>One my friends recently said the friendzone isn't a real thing and the girl was never really interested in the first place. Is this true?

It is just a word to explain what it means when you meet a potential mate and go past the point where romance is likely and they start to see you as just a friend

People start off as acquaintances and either move towards friendship or relationship from there.

Very rarely does something else happen after this point.

"The best of friends make the best of lovers" isn't practical.

If this is true than i am fucked. A short stocky guy that is below average in looks.

The friendzone exists but no one can put you there. Only you can put yourself in the friendzone. The stark reality is that people who stick around pining for a "friend" in the hopes that they'll wake up one day and suddenly want to date them do it of their own free will. Nobody is forcing them to be friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate their romantic feelings. Nobody is forcing them to remain in a relationship, romantic or platonic, with someone who isn't giving them what they want out of the relationship. A lot of guys want to complain about women "leading them on" but, again, nobody is forcing them to follow. Nobody is forcing them to hold onto false hope. The reality is these people who complain about the friendzone aren't mature or self-aware enough to give up on their fantasies. They desperately want to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary, these women will suddenly become interested in them and ready to be in functional relationships. If you express interest in a woman and she doesn't reciprocate then fucking bounce. If you are in a relationship with a woman and haven't expressed interest in here then stop waiting and pretending to be her friend and fucking ask her out. If a girl says no, doesn't respond, or otherwise gives you confusing signals then you. Fucking. Bounce. If you follow these simple rules you'll never be in the friendzone.

This is all very true. Friendzone is 100% a real thing. You need to be very direct in asking her out after the first few times of hanging out with her. If you take too long to express your feelings then you're fucked. You also shouldn't submit to her every need in general because it'll make you look like a friend rather than someone who is sexually attractive.

I personally think most women are pretty fucking boring and don't have many hobbies besides social media and make up so if I ask her out and she's not 100% into it, I just cut ties with her completely. Sometimes that'll make her attracted to you because women crave attention.

I agree with most of what you said except this

>A lot of guys want to complain about women "leading them on" but, again, nobody is forcing them to follow.

Mostly because I have been in situations where a girl did things like went out on what would otherwise be considered a date without saying something like she had a boyfriend

A lot of women will keep a guy interested enough just so he keeps chasing; whether or not she wants to date him. This includes not letting certain information be known such as a boyfriend or something.

But it is honestly a guys' personal responsibility to cut those ties once she either says no or other information is revealed.

>I personally think most women are pretty fucking boring and don't have many hobbies besides social media
How old are you? As a side note I find it endlessly depressing when guys think this way. I understand being in high school or college can really limit your social pool but if you're over the age of 25 there's really no excuse for believing something so one dimensional and objectively false. There's a ton of awesome, talented and multi-faceted women out there but the majority of them are fully grown adults and also require some kind of concerted effort and substance to interact with.

>and she's not 100% into it, I just cut ties with her completely.
This has made my life so much easier

Here is a good article on it:
markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Your anecdotal experience isn't enough to explain the majority of female behavior. Maybe she just wanted to hang out with you? Maybe YOU had unrealistic expectations/assumptions? Delusional basedboy.

Oh, my man! That is a brilliant answer, you just saved me time I wanted to type the same ideas.

>Your anecdotal experience
Man, the internet is filled with stories like this. Lrn2Google.

>Maybe she just wanted to hang out with you? Maybe YOU had unrealistic expectations/assumptions?
>You moron
Right - and it's just so much like friends for the guy to pay for everything and hold the door open and give her his jacket and go on a romantic walk on the beach JUST AS FRIENDS because that's what friends do the first time they hang out

Seriously - if the person is just a friend then there is no reason to not tell him you have a boyfriend.

You're either a stupid woman or a beta-orbiting man.

That article was one of the most stupidest shit i read. The so called "law" is just turned into a wishy washy concept later in the article. Making it useless to use in any regard. Waste of time

I disagree. Think of it as literally any other relationship. Think of it as if you were an employer. You hire an employee because you like them and think they're capable of the job. Maybe they tell you they have certain qualifications or availability and you believe them. Things start great but they slowly start to show up late, not completing tasks and displaying very poor performance. You speak to them and they promise to get better and improve and start coming in early and work harder but they just keep failing. Whose fault is it if you keep "chasing" this employee, hoping that they suddenly start improving? We can talk about their failures and lies all day long but its completely irrelevant in the context of whose responsibility it is to make sure the job is being done. The responsibility is yours. Sure, no one likes being tricked or deceived but if you don't have the maturity, the awareness or the courage to put your foot down and reject people who aren't capable of giving what you need out of a relationship you have nobody to blame but yourself. Complaining about what they've done and their behavior is a great self-soothing technique but it solves nothing and gets you no closer to your goal.

Are you the kind of girl / guy that never really has anyone that is really into you?

A lukewarm kind of fella?
The bridesmaid, never the bride?

Or I'm more rational than you, know people better, and a lot more mature. You sound delusional. Read your post! You clearly made some silly assumptions about this girl.

A friendship can become a relationship.

>Whose fault is it if you keep "chasing" this employee
I agree with you to a point - that a person shouldn't just keep chasing without trying to make sure where the person stands.

Honestly I've gotten to the point where I just say flat out 'My intention is that this is a date' so there's no confusion and my intentions are clear.

Redpilled

>Or I'm more rational than you, know people better, and a lot more mature. You sound delusional. Read your post! You clearly made some silly assumptions about this girl.

Is it so hard to believe some women just want validation? To be desired, even after having a boyfriend?

I'm really curious; are you a boy or a girl?

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People lead people on all the time, that's why it's such a common phrase

I'm not saying that being deceptive, misleading or just plain shitty to someone should be excused or isn't terrible behavior, I'm just saying that its a waste of time to put any effort focusing on that end of the relationship. Of course it feels terrible when someone gives you the impression that they're more interested in you than they really are or if they lie to you. Of course its okay to mourn that loss or to feel that pain but at the end of the day the choice to have that in your life is yours. The choice to move on is yours. Once you're done mourning you have to kick that bitch to the curb and move on to better things. Rectifying your fantasy and/or hope with reality is always a difficult thing but the focus should always be on you. Being flat out honest about your intentions towards someone is the best way to make sure there are no misunderstandings.

No i am just pissed i wasted my time on an article that basically says.

>dont have doubts in your actions when you commit to them.
>actually talk to people about the situation and dont just drop hints

Done, i save you 9 minutes.

>No i am just pissed i wasted my time on an article that basically says.
>>dont have doubts in your actions when you commit to them.
>>actually talk to people about the situation and dont just drop hints

If that's the message you got you either skimmed it or just flat out did not understand it.

You explain it than. I mean it, because everything he says at the first parts are invalidated by the later parts.

>be fuck yes about relationship or just drop it
>be fuck yes to be willing to wait a few months to see where stuff goes

These are directly opposite stances. But do explain what i missed.

>You explain it than.
Sure - here is a 9 minute summary located at:
markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Nice zinger, ouch.
It just shows you dont know what it means either.

Look the guy has some points, but it still is a stupid article. I agree with when he says if you are not enthusiastic about sth dont do it, although it actually is a really bad philosophy in some aspexts of life where hard work is mandatory. But i get what he means, the whole package of branding it in a "law" is stupid tough. Since he just wishy washes what he says earlier in the articl.

>It just shows you dont know what it means either.
At least you are admitting you don't understand it

>if you are not enthusiastic about sth dont do it, although it actually is a really bad philosophy in some aspexts of life where hard work is mandatory.
It's just talking about dating and how you should approach it. If you aren't wowwed over someone you're wasting your time, and if someone isn't wowwed over you you're wasting your time.

I already told you i find the article stupid, it means i dont understand its points. There is 2 outcomes from this, either the article doesnt make sense or i misunderstood it.

Ok fine, but he later refutiates that point by saying "oh if you are fuck yeah about waiting fo that".

Whatever mate, the article has some kernel of truth granted. But it just says nothing in thr end other than "if you are enthusiastic go for it" even that it says in a silly way. I am bailing from this thread for a while have fun

In the end of the day, whether or not a girl wants to date you comes down to if she's attracted to you. That's it. Now obviously, this isn't only about looks. Looks play a factor, but other factors include: social status, money, social skills, overall vibe you give off etc. If a girl has friendzoned you, it means you are not the type of guy that gets her pussy wet. She likes you as a person to spend time with, but not as a potential sexual partner.

Nice larp mate. Most people are awfully broken and drag their shitty emotional luggage with them. This is especially true for women, who normally turn out to be one dimensional, even if they put on a persona of culture and taste.
t. A guy who has dated a wide variety of women, including different cultures/races.

The friendzone is 100% real, but with the help of these posts I'm starting to realize there are two sub-zones that make up the collective friendzone. The first sub-zone is the manipulative side. That side of the friendzone is mostly created by women, who despite knowing a man is romantically/sexually interested in them and not feeling the same way, keeps them around for the purpose of inflating their ego. We all know it exists, don't bother arguing otherwise. It takes a very special, very self-serving, narcissistic woman coupled with an insecure, non-aggressive male to make this zone happen, but it indeed does happen. Then there's the more benign, unrequited romantic/sexual feeling friendzone, where despite there being no mutual attraction, there's still enough in common where the two are able to spend time with each other platonically. It's anecdotal, but I've found myself in both versions at some point in my life, and there was a very clear, very noticeable difference between the two.

But how can you tell whether you are in the friendzone or not? I think that’s probably a problem for a lot of guys who don’t really “get” the signals and mistake signs of friendship for signs of attraction (and vice versa), myself included.

“Friend zone” is just a slang term for unrequited love, which is a pretty damn common phenomenon. Everyone gets sad at some point when someone they’re attracted to only likes them as a friend. However, at the point it’s better not to use the term “friend zone” irl since now it’s too closely associated with fedora-wearing incels. Using the term “friend zone” around women is definitely going to lower your attractiveness in their eyes.

>“Friend zone” is just a slang term for unrequited love
I would say it's a very specific kind of unrequited love where you are seen as only a friend.

Unrequited love can extend as far as even an ex holding onto an old flame, one cousin being interested in a cousin he would only see during the summer at his aunt's house, being a secret admirer, etc...

>But how can you tell whether you are in the friendzone or not?
You man up and say something along the lines of 'hey I want to make sure we're on the same page'. Not only do you stop wasting your time if it's not felt on her side but you appear more attractive to women because of it.

Friend zone is a made up term made by men to explain to themselves why they are not orbiters

This is a good post.

Excellent post

"Lets be friends"
"Nah"

The "friend zone" kinda exists, but has been manipulated over the years. Still, what I think as a guy who has friendzoned some women, and has been friendzoned himself, is that one of the biggest things is letting someone see all of your flaws and vulnerabilities before you've really shown them your strengths.

I'm good friends with a girl who was Campus Heartthrob, Prom Queen, and we hooked up multiple times. Thing is, I know by being her "friend," that she's got a bunch of major issues that would never make me want to go out with her. As a friend, I can walk away from her when she goes on one of her fits. As a boyfriend? I'd have to stand around and try to work it out.

The same for the girl I fell in love with in college. We were plenty fine fits, but if I had just hooked up with her night one instead of giving her my jacket and dropping her off so I could wait to "confess my feelings after being such a nice guy," maybe it would have taken more than three years before we hooked up and she really ripped my heart out.