Am I an asshole for not wanting to help my parents out financially?

Am I an asshole for not wanting to help my parents out financially?

Parents owe $350,000 on their house which they purchased for in 2006 for $480,000. My dad makes $90,000 a year and also has 5 figured in debt on top of his mortgage. My dad told me my mom doesn't work because she only wants to work a job she enjoys.


Basically my parents are fucked and have no way to retire. My parents are also devout christians and my mom firmly believes God has plans for her and my dad, but in my eyes it seems like they are slightly delusional.

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Absolutely do not help. Parents that have kids for their own later financial gain are scum.

They dug their own grave. Not that it's the most important thing, but you won't inherit shit from them, and the money that you dump to them is only going to put you in their situation (or worse) when they're dead.

Fuck that mate, actual parents don't beg their kids (even if they are adults) for money, especially if they are really struggling your mum would be forced to get an actual job.

Do not fund their mistakes, they know what to do to get out of it and are using you to make it easier.

>a jew on a stick means ill win the lottery!
Pretty sure you're going straight to hell if you cant manage money in an (((abrahamic religion))).

Seriously though, they arent responsible with money. Paying their debts wont fix the underlying problem you'll just enable them for a while before they sink you too. You should be there for them, but not financially

I was the user that replied first, but this guy has a good point... you can be there for them without the financial insanity. Maybe help with some food, invite them for dinner, commodities that you can occasionally say you got as a gift, like towels, shirts, silverware.

But never provide them with a straight up cash donation so they can continue to mismanage it.

It's pretty hard to let your parents down like other anons are saying, but don't help them until your mom gets any kind of job. Help means exactly that ""help"", you shouldn't take all the responsibility on yourself, if they really want to find a solution they must do everything they can first and if that is not enough then you can hold their back

The most help you could offer them user is a budgeting plan and some truthful words.

What you have posted is the definition of a boomer. Probably 75% of them are like this.

I would have sympathy for them, but they royally fucked the American economy and they expect the under 30 crowd to work for 10 or 15 bucks an hour.

They can get fucked.

Unless you have a ton of money and giving them 100k is nothing to you, then fuck em.

I'd post my own story but it's way too long. I'm 32 and I own a small business in a major city. I don't give 2 fucks about someone over the age of 50. They can pay me the max payment and do what I want or they can fuck right off from my company. I have the best experiences with customers under the age of 35, I find them polite and willing to pay a fair wage for my services.

I completely agree with you!

In an example-giving money to homeless folk is not necessarily the best idea. They could have an unknown addiction that can be used with money. Instead of giving that panhandler your fiver, offer to buy them a meal or a jacket instead.

No. Sounds like your parents are bad with money and don't have any plans on changing. A $480,000 house is outside your dad's means and your mom is a lazy cunt for not contributing when she's probably aware they're pretty much housebroke.
Christ. Take this as a lesson. don't take payday loans or whatever shit your dad did and ever live outside your means. The most you could do is help with any debt that's high in interest (>8%), but nothing else.
>t. man who lives well below his means in a $250k house even though he makes $150k.

Your mom has to work, or tell your father she is devorce him when the going gets rough. God will have nothing to do with it.

Sell the home.

just to be clear they never asked me to help, but i just have the slightest feeling that they want me to help them, especially my mom because she thinks I have some secret stash of money after buying them expensive gifts this christmas when in reality I just saved up for a while

yeah I told my dad that mom needs to work and he said there's no convincing her

I figure thoughtful gifts and taking them out to dinner wouldn't hurt, but I have 30k saved up and had a serious crisis because one part of me thought I should help them out and the other part of me said fuck no.

this is EXACTLY my issue. It's just laziness in my eyes. IF my mom was working her ass off and my dad was actively trying to pursue higher paying positions, I would feel better about helping them out but the fact that they expect money to fall in their laps makes me question their sanity (really).

I would like to have a serious conversation with them, especially my mom, but I honestly have now idea how they will react, well mostly my mom. My dad knows he's fucked and I think he's pretty much accepted defeat, and my mom is still hanging onto her delusional fairy tale of hope. They have no retirement funds either....

when you say 75% of boomers are like this, do you mean they're lazy and delusional like my parents, or simply that they are just financially fucked?

i live pretty well below my means and plan on never going in debt because of them. My tuition is all paid for, I own my own car, but basically I'm deathly afraid of debt even if it's 100 dollars.

honestly I would like to tell my mom to get a grip of reality, but would this be uncalled for? I'm scared of how she will react. I think she is seriously delusional. I remember she used to talk about how she went to heaven in her dreams, or how god told her he would give her a new house...i think she's lost her goddamn mind.

I've never been in this position OP, more like in reverse where I'm in my mid 20s and my mom still helps me out, I'd die/be homeless without her. Maybe help them out a bit if you can afford it, just don't go over and inherit their debt. I'm sure your parents will do the same for you if the roles were reversed. You haven't given enough information for me to deduce that they're dicks.

God helps those who help themselves.

they're not dicks at all. Judging by the replies, I think my post made it sound like my parents are cunts, but they're not. If anything, they're just terribly irresponsible with money and have an unrealistic view on how life works.

Yes you're an asshole. They raised you from when you were a little baby. Now it's your time to help. People make mistakes. Don't be a selfish little shit like everyone on Jow Forums and help your parents.

What country are you in?

If you were in Ausfail I would suggest getting them to read the book "the barefoot investor" It was written to help people in you parents situation, but the advice in it is very specific to Australia so irrelevant anywhere else.

If your Dad earns $90k a year, that should be plenty to pay off the mortgage if they were smart with the money. How old are they? How many years left in working life?

In any case, you shouldn't help them by giving them money from your own pocket. You should help them by getting them to be smarter with money. Sounds like they're both pretty irresponsible/uneducated how to handle their expenses from where I'm sitting.

usa. dad is 55 and mom is 58. I believe the retirement age here for full social security benefits is 65.

Helping them by being smarter with money is something I honestly 100% agree with. Even if I had a million dollars, I wouldn't give them any money because they're head isn't in the right place. It would be like sweeping their mistakes under the rug, and allowing them to continue keep making the same mistake if I were to help them by giving them money.

I am assuming you are like 25 and have your own job and home.

Retirement isn’t until 67 and social security is based on what you put in. Hopefully mom has worked enough and there are other retirement accounts. But I doubt it.

You need to protect yourself first. You do not want creditors to think you are tied to their debt. When they pass, you aren’t responsible for their debt.

Now 55 and 58 are young. I would encourage mom to go get a job at Target. The house is harder, depending on the interest rate and where they are in paying off the mortgage they are probably best holding onto that. It might be worth getting it refinanced and helping them pay down a credit card so they can get the house refinanced might be an effective way to help.

close, but i rent and don't own a home. i appreciate the pragmatism and will keep this in mind

Your parents are shit with money. I only found out a few months ago my parents were in the shit too. My sister found out first and harassed them about it and they’re getting a financial planner. They have no savings at all and are in over half a mil in debt. They have a decent amount of money in assets and shares though, but they are literally just using those as a safety net. If they actually had to sell they’d be out of the shit, but have nothing left. It’s a shame for sure but you can’t solve their money problems for them. Btw your mom thinking god has plans for them shows she is completely delusional and could end up truly broke one day. Keep an eye on that shit.

Talk to mom about getting a job. Coming from you is different than coming from dad.

Touch on how you would like to see her get out and have some work friends. Ask what she did before she had kids and what she thinks might be fun? If she is a devout Christian maybe chick fil a or Hobby Lobby.

Next holiday get them an appointment with a financial planner. You don’t need to be the bad guy in all of this.

The house is probably the best chance at a retirement nest egg. If you want to help, although no you don’t have to, help by making repairs needed to the house. Keeping the gutters clean, making sure things are working and if you need to spend a couple hundred at Home Depot, that is where you help.

>be anons mom
>be a lazy cunt
>believe in "God's plan"
>son helps out financially
>God's plan worked

renovations are something I would like to help on, but everything that needs work is a bit costly and I would have to save it, the manual labor i don't mind at all.

I was thinking of being extremely blunt in hoping my mom will just snap out of it, but your approach is probably a smarter move. I definitely will help on renovations and such, only issue is that they're kind of major jobs that require a bit of saving up.

lol i hate to say this but she went to art school and no longer has a passion for art. My dad told me she's extremely stubborn and i'm starting to see it as she is never objective about anything and takes a very extreme stance based strictly on emotion on whatever it is she wants to do or doesn't want to do.

You have no obligation, moral or otherwise, to help your parents at any point.

Tbqh I would help them, but I would put terms on them. First of all is mom should get a job. If the family is struggling everyone should help, this is not the 1950s anymore. Mom can put 100% of her salary into debt payments, dad can put a % and you can offer to put the difference.

But if you decide against this, you are not an asshole. However, even if you are an asshole you should think strategically. Help them out and that property is guaranteed to be yours after they die. Pretty nice if you ask me.

Yes, you need to think strategically and long term. You probably have at least 20 years but what is going to happen when dad dies? Will mom stay in the house? Can she afford to? When they pass will the bank take the house? What does the will look like? Do not unload all this onto mom, she likely can’t handle it. Just try to encourage her to get back into the workforce. It will increase what she gets for social security.

the lord will punish the lazy (your mom).

Seconded.

OP don't do it. My whore of a grandmother successfully emotionally manipulated my mother to be her slave, and so my mother has been sending her a good portion of her wage since 1991 + bringing lots of stuff whenever she visits her (which is thankfully only 5 times a year because she lives 400 miles away), while grandma doesn't lift a finger. In numbers we've given her well over 100k€ for literally nothing.

Unless your parents have lavished you with money and gifts in your youth, fuck them. Call them occasionally before visiting and subtly ask if they need anything like groceries etc, but don't take it further than that.