Male best friend

>implying what I said was about sex
He was there for her at an emotionally vulnerable time in her life, whatever connection they have is going to supercede the one between her and any potential boyfriend pretty much completely. I guarantee you that if you asked her who the most important person in her life is, the answer wouldn't be her partner. At that point why date her when you're just playing second fiddle to he best friend?

She would constantly compare me to him, cancel our dates to attend activities with him, texted him a lot more than she texted me (often while we were together), things like that.

It was a joke, user.
>At that point why date her when you're just playing second fiddle to he best friend?
It's not the case for me. I won't deny that my best friend will always be extremely important for me, but it never made it hard for me to care about a partner or to make them the centre of my life.
I make a conscious effort to give my partner priority over anyone, including my best friend, and to confide in him so I can bond properly (even if especially at the beginning I get autistic and find it much easier to talk to my friend about shit). If I date someone, I'm really serious about it.

That sounds awful, I'm sorry it happened to you. I hope you find someone decent and can be happy.
I don't do any of that, if that's of any consolation. The only time I cancelled a date with my ex to hang out with my friend was when my friend ended up in hospital and I had to assist him. Other than that, I never did.

Have you ever cuddled with you male best friend?

No, never. We hugged a few times when we were crying, around the time my brother died, but that was it. We have no physical contact beside greetings.

>Would you date a girl whose best friend is a guy
If it's her father or her brother

Usually no but in your case maybe.
I'd be 100% sure you two fucked at a certain point though, and it might be a problem.

I would need proof he wasn't trying to have a relationship with you or sleep with you.
>Be with you
>You text him how you miss him
>Say you've been thinking about him a lot lately
>Say you are embarrassed to ask, but if he would like to go on a legit date
If he said no, then I would be okay with it.

We never fucked.

That'd be extra awkward, but if it was necessary, why not.
Honestly, from the second I'd text him something like "I miss you, I've been thinking about you a lot lately" he'd know I'm bullshitting him.

Most men are uncomfortable with the idea because of how common beta male orbiters that exist around women simply to get close to them and sleep with them. They probably wouldn't put up with it and find someone else even if it was platonic, that's the opinion of about 70% of the guys you're going to meet. Even you asking is a sign it's weird.

I had a girlfriend who's best friend was a gay male "celebrity" whos was incredibly feminine, I mean superhero gay with a cape, you could hear this guy a block away 24/7. I wasn't intimidated or jealous at all, she was constantly surrounded by gay feminine men of women and needed a masculine guy to come home to, so I understood it. But best friends tell each other everything, I'm not comfortable with another dude knowing my personal romantic details, and barely tolerate other women knowing my business, as a man it's none of his fucking business. She would also cuddle and be in her underwear around this dude, when I found that out I told her I wasn't interested in being around a girl who dressed an acted inappropriately with other men--gay or not and i bailed.

>Even you asking is a sign it's weird.
It obviously is a weird situation, I don't know many women who have a really close male friend and it is genuinely platonic between them.

We're not like that at all. The only things we share about our SOs are stuff like how they're doing, funny stories or if we did something cool together. That's really it for the most part.
We never share details about our sex life and relationships, the only time I talked to him about my ex in any specific way was after I broke up with him.
I'd never cuddle or be in underwear around him, that's just weird.
We share plenty of interests and we have better things to talk about than "oh Jimmy has a 7" cock, he fucks me so well" or shit like that.

>We never fucked.
You see, almost every girl would say this even if the opposite was true, just to let me feel better. Not gonna lie, Id feel better indeed but still would be extremely cautious.

>I don't know many women who have a really close male friend and it is genuinely platonic between them.
The point is women keep men around, where it is platonic from the woman's perspective, but not from the man's. A guy dating such a woman wouldn't put up with her keeping her orbiters.

user, it's your best friend. If your girl isn't ok with that, then she's not the one.

I'd want to meet him and judge his feelings for you myself before I was ready to commit to you. I also would never say that to you in so many words, it's just something that I would be keeping track of.

Well, I pinky promise. I never had his dick anywhere near my orifices. None of them.

I mean, I was single for most of our friendship. If he was into me, he'd at least try to bed me. He never did.
I had guys orbiting me before, they don't act like my friend does. They eventually try and fuck you.

That'd be perfect for me. Honestly, when I was with my ex we often hanged out together with him and his girlfriend, it was great.

test

you're a fucking stupid roastie
the best end game is to date your best friend

>dont date best friend, still stay friends with best friend = making it hell for third party male boyfriend always feeling anxious you will cheat on him with your best friend

>dont date best friend, cut best friend out of the picture = benefits third party male not having to worry about constantly feeling like they will be cheated on, while you ruin a life long friendship for a shitty relationship

>date best friend = best outcome
you fucked up when you became friends with a male you weren't intending to fuck
>t.had female friends who complete cut me out of their life when they get a bf
females were a mistake

>actually asking Jow Forums for advice in 2019

Jow Forums ruined this board thinking it's their second incel home
you'll never get real good advice

if that is reference to my above post, you are most likely a virgin who has never had a female friend

This guy is your surrogate brother so no problem. Maybe use those terms instead of best friend that is male.

Nope, not ever. Call it selfish, but women think exactly the same way.
The bottom line is, if you have a deep relationship with the opposite sex it spurs on jealousy whether it's strictly platonic or not. And the jealousy is 100% justifiable.

I don't blame anyone for thinking like you do.

>the best end game is to date your best friend
I don't want to date him tho.

Not if you're going to put him first before me.
Reverse the roles. You meet a guy who has a close female friend. They travel together and do most everything together. He even lets her tag along on your dates. How do you feel?

I don't want to put my friend above my boyfriend. He has his own life, his shit to do.
We like hanging out, but I have no problem if my boyfriend comes. We like travelling, but would be super happy if my boyfriend came along (his girlfriends often did).
My boyfriend comes first and I obviously would make time just for us as a couple.

>We like hanging out, but I have no problem if my boyfriend comes. We like travelling, but would be super happy if my boyfriend came along
But see, you can't word it like that. Any guy would be pissed and feel like the tag along.
Honestly you'd have to prepare to take said trips with your bf alone. Hangouts with your friend is alright, but I would never feel comfortable letting you go out of state/ the country with him.

I read your whole thread and your relationship to him sounds trustworthy.
But describes why someone would have a problem with that relationship and he's spot on. Your future boyfriend can come to terms with it and the longer and better he knows you and your friend the easier he'll trust you but it's a hurdle to overcome nonetheless

>But see, you can't word it like that. Any guy would be pissed and feel like the tag along.
But he would be the tag along. I want to hang out with my friend, and I'd be super happy if my boyfriend came along as well (his girlfriend does sometimes).
But it wouldn't be a date with my boyfriend where my friend comes, it'd be me hanging out with my friend, and my boyfriend comes.
We do it every couple of weeks, it's not like we do it every night and I have no time for my boyfriend.

>hangouts with your friend is alright, but I would never feel comfortable letting you go out of state/ the country with him.
We go hiking, mostly. We stay away for a week. We've done it every summer since I was a teen.
I have no problem if my boyfriend comes, and I'd like to travel alone with my boyfriend too, but

>I read your whole thread and your relationship to him sounds trustworthy.
Thanks for taking the time.

It's understandable, I get why a guy would be jealous, I don't blame anyone for feeling like that. It's not like I can't see what's weird about it. I just love this guy dearly.

As a guy I'd ask the question, "ya done it with him?" A yes is a no from me, but sadly a no is "requires further review." It was mentioned that lots of girls would sell the lie, and unfortunately-- having used language to weasel out of the truth myself-- I agree to having a bit of the ol stinkeye.

That said, there's gonna be guys who are happy you can interact with a male or bring a male around and then there's a nice thing, two guys and the gal, killing beers, shooting the shit. I've been there a few times (though it's my friend and my girlfriend rather than her friend).

I never fucked him, and never even wanted to.
I understand that, especially at the beginning of a relationship, a guy wouldn't believe me and have no problem with him taking measures to check out. Beside reading texts, because I feel like that's a breach of his privacy.

My ex liked my friend a lot. Unfortunately he's an asshole and a cheater, but beside that, it was cool to hang out all of us together.

holy shit I get it now, Jow Forums is the single worst place on earth to ask for relationship advice. No one gives a shit if your best friend is male as long as you're not weird with physical contact (of which there is none ) so why the fuck would anyone care ?

I understand why a guy wouldn't be down for it, I don't think it's weird. Our friendship isn't weird at all to me.

desu the honesty of a yes might be better than a no. Better to have a gf you know you can trust hang out with an ex, than to have one you can't hang out with a "friend".

But I've never fucked him. Why the fuck would I say yes to that, when I never had sex with him?

The popular conception is that guys will view him as a threat, but that's not necessarily true. The real problem is that in that situation, the other guy shares a deeper, lifelong connection with your partner than you do. It's an inverse of the norm- You're more "just a friend" friend to her than he is, even if you're the one putting your dick in her.

The dynamics of male/female friendships are different- Guys don't tell each other fears and insecurities the waythey feel comfortable with a guy, and vice versa. So you always have that feeling that she probably tells him stuff she wouldn't tell you, she might be going to him first for advice, and that makes the romantic partner feel jealous in the long run.

Clearly the real answer is that you should actually be together.

I make conscious efforts to not get in this situation. Beside things about my brother, I always share with my boyfriend first and I tell mostly to him.
I go to my friend mostly about things that concern my brother's death.
We have a pretty normal friendship. We talk about sports, watch stupid tv shows, play videogames, make fun of each other, hike, drink beer and talk about work.

I was friends with a past ex for about a decade. I finally had to break off my friendship with her because it made every single one of my partners (justifiably or not- That's pretty much irrelevant) were jealous and it always eventually came up at some point, sooner or later, no matter what.

I'd known this girl more than a decade, we were high school sweethearts and yes we had fucked each other. But that was in the past, people change as they become adults and there was no chance of going back to it. For me to get back with her would be like quitting your adult job and going to work as a cashier at Hot Topic again.

But nevertheless it caused jealousy. It got in the way. It wasn't fair, we were strong, lifelong friends until all of the drama from this started coming between us. But the other women in my life tore me away from her.

You honestly need to reverse the situation. If you wouldn't be jealous, fine, but I am warning you that jealousy is something you're gonna have to be prepared to deal with, and it's hard. Good luck.

But I never fucked this guy. There wasn't, at any point in time, a moment where I thought "wow, I'd suck this dude's cock dry". He's taken the place my brother had.
I wouldn't be comfortable with an ex, but with a completely platonic friendship like mine yeah.
I also don't blame a guy for being jealous, it's absolutely understandable.

Yeah it might be a little hard but you'll find someone who will be okay with it. Might take a little while to weed out the guys who are (somewhat justifiably) insecure, but your ex was okay with it, you'll find another that'll be okay with it.

I think I'd be okay with it, but I'd be anxious as fuck, at least as first. I like to think I'd get over it eventually. Idk, though, because I've heard SO many fucking stories like, "don't worry user, he's just a friend". Yeah, just a friend until his dick ends up in side her.

I honestly don't think you're like that, and a lot of guys have yet to have those sorts of terrible experiences, so I think you have a shot at finding someone who doesn't have that intense anxiety, but yeah it might not be easy. Good luck.

Basically you're gonna need to find someone willing to take a gamble on you, because this ends badly for a LOT of guys I know, and most of them have sworn off ever having a girl who hangs out with literally any other guy one on one.

>admits she wants the boyfriend to be the tag along
Can't tell if you're baiting, retarded or naive.
Either way it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Not to be mean, but life's not that simple.
I feel like you're not ready to fully invest in a boyfriend until your friend gets married himself and fucks off to live his life. For now you should just stick to fuck buddies or something

I'm just saying I'd feel more comfortable with a girl hanging our with an ex boyfriend than your situation. I don't think you should lie, it's just that if I'm asking, it's because I'm uncertain about your relationship with him, and 'no' leaves us exactly where we started, but 'yes' resolves that insecurity while proving you're trustworthy.

what he said but in my case it was real physical cheating. been there, done that. i wont judge OP but i am done with the "male friend" meme for good.

>holy shit I get it now, Jow Forums is the single worst place on earth to ask for relationship advice. No one gives a shit if your best friend is male as long as you're not weird with physical contact (of which there is none ) so why the fuck would anyone care ?
It mostly just helps to write out a problem and get a few view points.

I'd be cool if you told me the background like in this post, or at least hinted at it. If you just went "heyo this here's my bestie *hug*" I'd feel a bit weirded out. Not a deal breaker in any case.

Depends.
If I'll see he's less "manly" (?) than me and I see he's a cool guy and I see how you guys act while next to each other, then I'll probably be cool with that.
If I'd see he's a chad and you would spend nights at his place then I probably wouldn't be cool with him.
Also, I would like to see your chat histories. If I'd see that for the last month you were speaking about casual shit and sharing memes then that's fine. If I'd see lots of hearts, calling each other cute names or flirting to some degree, then once again, forget about us getting together.

No

If I plan a date with my boyfriend, I wouldn't invite my friend to come over.
If I plan to hang out with my friend, I'd invite my boyfriend to come. In this case, my boyfriend would be tagging along.
Our dating life wouldn't be mostly hanging out with my friend, but he'd be tagging along when I hang out with my friend and he comes, too. My primary reason for going out would be to hang out with my friend.
I don't see why it'd be offensive. I often tagged along when my ex hanged out with his friends. It wasn't like we got on a date and he invited his friends, his friends were going to do something and he asked me to come, too. But he'd go regardless of me, and I was tagging along.

And yes, life is that simple. There's nothing super complicated about this concept.

I'm usually pretty open about it with guys I'm dating, since I understand it's an odd thing.
Thanks.

I never sleep over at his place. I did sometimes when I was 17-18, but never now.

> I would like to see your chat histories
That's never happening. There's so much private stuff in there about his health, his mother's health and stuff and I'd never let anyone read any of that.
I don't have anything I'm ashamed of, but I'm not willing to trade someone's privacy for your security.