Please help me decide whether or not to kilil myself

In college I had a best friend who happened to be a girl and we would have long talks about our insecurities, issues, and fears in a completely platonic way. One night I asked her to rate my penis because I had been feeling insecure and unsure about it after an experience with an old girlfriend and went upstairs to the bathroom to privately jerk off to get hard. I had taken a bunch of benzos beforehand but I don't believe drugs make you do or say anything you wouldn't do sober. She followed me and waited outside at the door as I did. I opened the door with it out and asked her to rate it and she did and looked really uncomfortable so I quickly put it away and apologized profusely and she said it was okay. This was all as non-sexual and clinical as a man showing a woman his penis could be and there was zero romantic or sexual attraction involved in our friendship.

I didn't see her for a few days after that and soon got called in for a meeting with the school sexual counselor who ran through the chain of events with me and said my friend wasn't pressing charges, though the counselor thought I should start going to therapy for my social anxiety disorder and body image issues. I saw her on campus a few times after that but never talked to her again because I was very confused, guilty, hurt, and unsure of what to do.

This is my only regret in life and this has been gnawing away at me for years. I would never have done anything to intentionally hurt her or make her feel bad or uncomfortable or ruin my only friendship in college, and the possibility of this coming up as an accusation of something in my future hanging like a knife over my head, makes me want to kill myself. I did get her consent but I also feel like shit and don't know what to think about any of this. I would greatly appreciate some feedback.

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Sorry for saying this but who thinks about showing your dick to a female friend to rate it?

But anyway, Did it happen a long time ago?

Did you seriously ask your friend to rate your hard dick because of the fact that you're self conscious about it? Jesus christ dude I think I got a small dick but I'd know socially that isn't the best course of action. Sometimes what people perceive isn't the reality. Don't kill yourself because you showed your dick to her and regret it, that's fucking more stupid than asking her to rate it in the first place. It'd be wise to seek therapy, or at least have enough self awareness of the fact that most of the shit you think isn't real. In the end it's the person, not the dick, just for the fact that even if length matters there are positions to help go deeper. Just move on and make more friends, and before you say something like you're autistic or something just know autistic people have friends, and excuses only hold you back. Oh well though it's your life so what you do after this is whatever. Godspeed OP, but hell you should've known that doing that wasn't a smart idea. You don't see the mentally challenged do that

Like I said, we talked a lot about really, really personal insecurities and this was one of them for me so it didn't seem that crazy or over-the-line considering there was zero sexual or romantic intent of any kind. I think I made the mistake of treating her like "one of the guys," no matter how different from other girls she was. This happened almost five years ago but I still think about it all the time and want to die.

Well given the fact 1)as you claim she was your best friend & you shared shit 2)she agreed 3)you didn't do anything with that thing; Doesn't seem like too big of a deal honestly

But if you're thinking of offing yourself over it you probs got some other serious problems you should look into

>This happened almost five years ago but I still think about it all the time and want to die.
Because you think that she is going to accuse you of something? Why would she do that? What would she win of it? Are you rich or famous?

I just feel like I can't have any kind of life or career now because this could come up one day and ruin my life. I don't think I did anything morally or legally wrong as she consented but I still feel terrible about it and awful for making her feel uncomfortable and it's the kind of thing that ruins people.

yeah I don't think you'll ever get anyhting harsher than laughed at
the only way it's gonna ruin your life if you'll keep obsessing over it into your 30s, and one day realize life's gone by

But she agreed to it beforehand? You should go to therapy only cause this bitch made you that miserable which means you clearly have other issues. And this is even coming from another woman

Here's how you see it.
>be friends with person
>share a lot of shit with each other
>really personal shit, insecurities and all of that
>deep friendship
>feel insecure about dick
>take drugs
>ask her to rate
>go upstairs to get it hard
>she looks at it, is uncomfortable
>shit falls apart

Here's her
>be friends with person
>share a lot of shit with each other
>really personal shit, insecurities and all of that
>deep friendship
>one night, friend is acting really weird
>ask me to look at his junk
>runs upstairs to get it ready or something
>is this a joke.jpeg
>he comes out with it fully erect and just stands there
>wtf.exe
>report to school

See how weird it is? Don't kill yourself, but taking a dick out to show someone else is always sexual.

I know what it looks like from her point of view but god fucking dammit bro I swear I didn't mean for it to be weird. Do you think she hates me or something?

You didn't, but it was. You haven't talked to her in five years? Move on already. Take the lesson. Never show your dick to someone unless it's sexual. It always is for them. Your other option? 'Oh hey, I'm that guy who showed you my dick five years ago. Sup?'

The fucking captchas are ridiculous.

If you kill yourself, you're going to miss out on life and lots of awesome food! My suggestion, don't do it. Please?

>Did you seriously ask your friend to rate your hard dick because of the fact that you're self conscious about it?

You'd be amazed at all the insecurities believing everything you read on Jow Forums can give you. This guy is just one of many examples.

Can you give us a step by step rundown on how exactly it went down ? Because from your story alone it seems the blame's mostly on the girl for not stopping you before it was too late. Did you say "canyouratemydick4thxbrb" and then ran to the bathroom before she could say anything ?

I mean I never asked a strictly platonic female friend to look at my dick simply because I'm insecure about it but I've done some goddamn cringeworthy and regrettable shit in my life. I'm pretty sure everyone has.
It bothers you less with age. And you aren't even a bit alone on this. Chill man.

Also I doubt this'll come back to sting you years later. Don't freak out about the hype on fucking television. Probably literally every politician and actor has done something skeevy at some point. Like 0.1% of them are getting burnt.

>penis size is a meme

It would have been socially acceptable if you had a big dick. Unfortunately for you it sounds like that wasn't the case.

She was a bad friend, OP. If she would have felt uncomfortable seeing your penis, then she should have said so to you before you showed her, but instead she agreed and then told someone else about the event, she betrayed your trust. Forget about her, you can get better friends. Please do not kill yourself, OP.

Why would she contact the counselor, when you both agreed to do this? This is fucked up.
Why would she feel uncomfortable all of a sudden, after agreeing? #JustFemaleThings I guess

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OP, you're not getting out of your mental state by thinking. Because thinking is subjective too, and you're probably a very neurotic person.
Many people have more reason to be concerned than you, yet they don't worry because of different brain chemistry.
Don't let this ruin your life. It's a bagatelle. The safest way to be safe though would be to contact your old friend again and come to good terms with her. And don't approach it from your neurotic point of view, but rather "Oh hey, I am so thrilled to see my old friend i shared so much with again. And yeah, this thing back in the day, that was so fucked up LOL."

This?
Its not like you did Luis CK. You asked her and she agreed before you pulled ya dick out. But then again shes a woman so you cant trust her word.

Stayin aliveeeeeee

This. A friend asked if he could blow me once, and I declined, but never told anyone because I respect his expectation of privacy. And we’re still friends.

>trusting women
If she told a counselor that imagine what she told other people. Never keep a girl you fucking or trying to fuck, around. Hindsight is 20 20 tho. Nothing you can do but not fuck up like this again

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