I’m 25 and have only been serious with 3 men in my life...

This, up for a 3-pair

So where can I, as a 33 year old single man with no children and his shit sort of together, find people like you? Where do you hang out? I don't care about a lack of social skills, I'm just looking for a cool life partner. Not contactfagging you, where does your type pick up dates? I genuinely like mature, socially awkward people. They tend to be free of all the brand shit of the younger class and are still chill as hell. Where do you find dates? I'll go there, my initial social skills will carry this off.

Well, i think I just dont want my time to be wasted. With my exes they have ended in this order; 1) i got cheated on, 2) the guy stopped growing as a person and had no job no degree and still lived with parents at mid thirties & was addicted to drugs. (I did my best to support him & give him options on what to do with life but he just wanted to stay home and do nothing). 3) We were at 2 different points in life and werent compatibile anymore.

After all that, I think i just dont want to waste my time anymore. For all 3 I was supportive and loving and they’ve all let me down after 2/3 yrs into the relationship. I even tried to make things work with them.

The guys who approached me didnt interest me, however the 1 guy that did interest me was my last ex & yes he approached me first. We hit it off immediately. Maybe when I meet new people if the conversation isnt great or interactive for me then i see no point in continuing it further and wasting both our times.

Is that you, Nikki? Total shot in the dark, I know.

What makes them not interesting? If you're unable to answer this then it's literally trial and error from here on. Also if you want to get serious stop dating children? Flaws like #2 should be obvious

Haha no but I wish I had that name, its unique and cute and reminds me of that movie Little Nicky or something with adam sandler i think

How come girls are the only threads that get replied to here?

>its unique
fuck no it isnt

#2 I dated when i was 19 and had my first job, i didnt really know any better.

What makes these men not interesting?...I guess they dont make me laugh as much. It feels like our personalities may not mesh as well as it could. One random guy stopped me on my way to class & said something like “You look sad? Why are you sad, you are pretty. Smile more because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile.” I bursted out laughing bc that was so ridiculous but really sweet. Couldnt really pursue anything with him though because he stated he was entering the service and would be gone for a time.

Other than that, I’d like for them to maybe subtly show off any confidence they may have. I crushed on 3 pharmacists once because they took shit from no one and were assertive. I had great laughs with all three of them. Unfortunately, 1 already had a gf and 2 were married, so I just left it at that.

I guess i just dont know any nickys in my life. Maybe nichole, but not just purely nicky as a name.

>You look sad? Why are you sad, you are pretty. Smile more because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile.”
Hang the fuck on, I just heard this recently. Is this a really low-burn LARP?

How did they let you down? Except 1, that's obvious. 2 would have taken longer to figure out, but three years is excessive. What do you mean when you say you and 3 were at different points? I think your standards off, but only in the case of 3. You stuck with 2 for entirely too long and would've stuck with 1 for longer if he hadn't cheated, yes?

I can't tell if it's retarded or the average woman

Or both

Well this is what I hear from people, the best men and women are almost immediately taken when they reach their prime so if your standards are so high you want the elite of elites chances are you won't get what you're looking for. I see it all the time when I go out, men, women, constantly looking around from the corner of their eye if someone they find attractive is close. It's not easy finding the ideal guy/girl, I've seen a lot of people end up disillusioned because they don't find their match. I hope you find yours, I'm assuming your expectations are as reasonable as you claim.

What??

Unlike #2, #3 was very self sufficient, responsible, ambitious, and had goals. But that was it. His goals took main priority in his life and he couldnt really commit to a relationship anymore. It was unfair to me bc I wanted something serious and longterm, possibly marriage. He was also much, much older and thus we had different mindsets and maturity levels. Things just, didnt work out in the end. I wanted to make it work, though. Because other than those two things we had great chemistry together in every aspect.

If #1 hadnt cheated then yes, i would still be with him even today. He was my first bf and very special to me.

To myself it seems there is an underlying issue that isn't not being able to relate or click with someone. You're going to have to get to know someone of you'll ever understand how they click with you. Try socializing more with friends, hobbies, or wherever. You like manga, why not go to cons, I have made good friends there but beware beta orbiters

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What about these men, especially 1, were you attracted to? 25 is young. You'll find more people to date, but if you can learn from each relationship, you can narrow the odds. 3 years with 2 seems too long. Why did you stay that long?

How important is ambition to you? Be as specific as you can.

#1 was just my first bf that asked me out. Nothing about him really stood out to me. I was actually madly in love with his best friend who was a lot more charismatic and outgoing and super funny. However, i did eventually crush on my first bf a little bit bc he was obviously very very sweet and lovable. So, being 15, i said yes when he asked me out. I really grew to love him immensely. just wish he didnt betray my trust like that.

For #2 I stayed with him because for the first 2 years he showed promise. He made me laugh and i felt like i could rely on him for anything. But keep in mind i was 18 ish when i first met him. Then yrs go by and i start maturing. From what I saw, he stayed stagnant. He was incredibly immature while i continue to grow and mature. He would get upset at me for the most crazy reasons. Ex: I asked a male classmate for help on HW. BF #2 would get angry at me for doing that & telling him to ask HIM for hw help instead. Despite not taking the class, not knowing the topic or information, or even being in school for the past couple of years. When i would comply he would google search it for me, but thats obviously not going to help me when I needed another classmate’s help. I started realizing all this as time went on, and towards the end i just didnt see my life with him anymore. He was a failure in life and had no ambitions to pursue anything. I tried many times to help him be more proactive, seek a better job, maybe go back to school, something. I stopped wanting to try and stopped wanting this guy in my life; especially after he lied many times about his drug addiction. I thought he was so great and reliable when i was 18, but by the time i was 21/22 i realized he never grew nor changed since we first started going out. While I matured and became more self reliant, he was stunted.

The person has to have a goal in mind at least. Goal to get his degree, start a business, work out, eat healthy, Something, anything. Ambition is important to me because I am an ambitious person to begin with. I need someone who is determined to make something of themselves

That's perfectly understandable, there are a lot of people out there like that. Just be open and have patience, eventually you'll find someone you can click with but it's up to you if you want to take off from there or not.

Okay. I mostly wanted to qualify what exactly you considered to be ambitious. Mine are much more muted than they used to be. If I had the foresight to go to college like I ought to have, I'd have a tech startup right now. I'll just be taking some classes to brush up on electronics, and some classes on modern programming and software development. I used to be an ambitious self-taught tinkerer when I was younger, but I've let all my skills atrophy to almost nothing. I want them back.

Its never too late to make something of yourself. As long as you are self aware and actually make steps to improve & to reach your goal, then thats all good.

where are you from?

Well the problem is that I don't intend to take it anywhere. Sure, I'll be damn good at making just about anything you can think of, but I don't have the drive to really build something and see it through anymore. If I was 19 again I'd have the world at my fingertips, but now, I'd settle for a well stocked garage and enough yard to cast aluminum.

central NJ :(

wanna hang out with me?

Its great to at least want to do something for yourself. Do you currently have stable income to support a family if you wanted one? As long as you have something to support yourself than thats good. What I found is that what really makes me doubt a guy is when they are all talk and no action. A coulda-shoulda-and woulda type of guy. If you want to do something, then do it. Hobbies are great to have, but as long as you achieved in having a stable career, stable lifestyle, happy life, then its all good!

I mean I'm not in the position where I can financially support a family yet but I moved out 6 or so years ago and my career is pretty much set. It's not a very lucrative one but it's stable, reliable, and I'll always be able to find work if something happens, which I doubt will. I actually got kind of self conscious about being all talk and no action but I have to remind myself that the reason I haven't been able to do anything for some time is I've always been under some kind of financial burden. I'm finally ditching my last roommate later this year for my own solo place though, and with him go the last of my problems. It's just been a lot of hurry up and wait with a side of extreme budgeting. I'm really just insecure that people won't want a guy who sees nothing wrong with making, maybe, $50k a year at an unskilled but very stable job. Cost of living is low enough that that's considered lower middle class, but it's not going to do me any favors with anyone.

OP I'm you but male. 26 years old, trying to finish school, working all the time, and not one for parties or socializing normally. I like to go home, record guitar and synth stuff, watch historical documentaries, go to gun shows and collect world war II memorabilia (axis powers are my boys). I had a serious gf for 4 years who was very interesting, more interesting than all the other women I've met, but I have a auto mechanism in me that just ruins anything happy in my life. All I want truly is to have a good woman, take care of her as best I can, love her every single day, make her a happy mother, and be able to just be my fucking self with her.

I mean, sure if you’re actually close to my area!

50k is perfectly fine, though? At least the way I see it! Because you wont be the only one bringing in income, you will have a partner that will also be making money. And a partnership where u can trust each other to support each other, make a nest for yourselves, and live life happily is great! Sounds like you have the ball rolling & I’m proud of you for that!

What happened in your relationship that ruined it? Was it really your fault or did she also have a play in it?

With the second guy, you outgrew him. He was fun at first, but fun don't last. What about guy number three? 25 is still young. It doesn't start getting choosy until 40.

I appreciate it, but the bigger problem recently, aside from my roommate being 6 months behind on rent because his luck is really, really fucking bad, is that leaves me a lot of waiting to do. Sure there was waiting to do before, but there was always a need to keep moving forward to get my footing and build something permanent. Now that I have my path set and stability in reach, I've been ruminating a lot more on the fact I'll be turning 30 in only a couple years and I'm still alone. My lack of experience is starting to become much more apparent, and my body is starting to age rapidly. It's getting hard to stay enthusiastic about the future.

motional commitment is a major investment, and from what you have decribed it hasn't been worth it in the past. I think your disintrest in men now may be rooted in anxiety.

yes, women are afraid of being cucked too, we just see it in differnt terms.

I know it's not easy hearing this because you're 30 but try not to ruminate on thoughts on what happened in the past and what can happen in the future too much. Trust me, it'll slowly eat away your vigor and confidence. Try to keep your mind on the present and just keep moving, right now you're not that bad off trust me. I've seen guys older than you take turns and 10 years later they have their families and are pretty stable. I'm talking about guys that owed society and had to pay their dues.

I'm a 21 (turning 22) year old guy, I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years, I am still in university and it started when I left for university, I was living around my cellphone, I did everything I could and all the effort I could "not hanging out with friends or going out, which resulted in me losing friends and stuff, I got tired of putting in so much effort because I was the only one in the relationship putting in alot of effort, it killed me, I was starting to become paranoid that she would leave me, I was working a few jobs so I could take her on a good holiday, when I say a few, waitering, driver, etc. Anything you can do after 12 and still make money. And she kind left me when depression hit me, point is, you don't know if it's the one, and you might wait around for a long time. Just be patient and do your side and make an effort to meet new people

I never considered that I may feel anxiety from having the investment wasted, again. It sounds accurate though. I just dont want to be committed to a person for another few years only to have both our times wasted in the end. I subconsciously started to come to terms with being alone forever, and i dont want that at all. I keep forgetting that I am still young and that i still have some growing to do. But in the back of my mind i have this desire to love and be loved in return by someone. Everytime i meet a guy i gauge how much i enjoy my time with him, how much he makes me life, his goals in life, appearance, and how all that can mesh with my life and who i am as a person too. I want a stable partnership where we can support one another and grow together, from each other, etc. I hope im not asking for too much..I’m jus lt really feeling so blue about all this

Yup, thats exactly why I made this thread! The ending of your post is how I’m feeling. And realizing how much I want YOU to think positively about yourself made me wish it was easy for me to do the same for myself! You sound like a great person and I do believe you will find the one eventually. Good things come to those who wait, after all

If you were in Georgia I'd say let's do something together.

She made me feel like second best really early on, which was crushing for me because she was the first woman to ever tell me she loved me (this is terribly oversimplifying things). Long story short I was heart broken by this and developed a really miserable and angry side from the feelings of hurt that I had in me that she eventually got tired of dealing with. I don't blame her, but I've realized that someone you love has the power to do the most damage.

How many guys do you talk to?

You just said you ghost men when they approach you and you wonder why you are single. What are you doing? Why did you post this? You answered your own question...

How many guys? Like, friends or coworkers? I have 0 guy friends. Frankly I dont have friends anymore bc of how busy i was with school. I consider my family as friends, though, as lame as that sounds. My brothers, cousins, i vent to them and talk about things that trouble me. Coworkers, i talk to for work and thats it.

Hey thats what cars and planes are for! I’ve traveled to stay with my ex for a week multiple times bc he went to school out of state. Anything is possible if you have the means to make it happen imo.

First sentence made me feel really sad for you. That sounds so toxic and awful. You should never bring down the person you love. Both of you were wrong but you sound like a good person that had a person shit on you as a whole. I definitely agree that the people u love can do the most damage. Thats why I seek a person I can trust fully. To trust each other to not hurt one another.

Eh it happens. My heart is still in pain, but it makes me feel better to talk to a nice girl, even if it's anonymous and there's no face involved. We'll both find the right one I think, someone who I can watch anime on the couch naked and wrapped up in a blanket with haha. I can't take a relationship any way but seriously at this age.

You meet the right one by aiming for the long game. That probably means not being so hard to please at the beginning. You're not aiming for pua guys who have the tricks learned. There's not much else under them.
You want traits that are going to be good for longterm commitment.

For the first five minutes, be the easiest chick in the world.

>All I do is work full time and go to school part time. I hang out with family sometimes bc I also consider them friends. But when i come home I start feeling empty and lonely. Any anons my age have any advice? I’m not a very sociable girl to begin with. On my free time I just watch my favorite gaming streamers, browse, or read manga.

So basically you are incredibly boring and all you have to offer is your (ageing) vagina. Give up, it’s game over.

I’m 30, male, like anime and manga, and only been serious about two girls. Once in a great while I’ll make a date with a girl or get her number, but then I absolutely dread going or contacting her. It’s a worse feeling than going to work.

There was one girl I really clicked with. I told her I wanted to be with her, but she told me she just wanted sex basically, and wanted to cheat with me. She wouldn’t leave her guy. After she finally convinced me, it wasn’t enjoyable at all because there was no affection involved, and I completely gave up my self-respect and dignity for it because I would have done anything for her. I have to live with doing something so low, and it bothers me.

The other girl I was serious about was never serious about me, but not upfront about it like the other. She just got pregnant and told me it wasn’t mine, and that she cheated because I couldn’t satisfy her. I don’t know if it matters, but this girl came first chronologically.

Love is the the most damaging and hurtful thing, and yet I’m not happy alone either.

I don’t know if that helps you relate, and I don’t have any advice except keep trying. I have a desire to connect with someone, so I empathize with you. I don’t think it’s weird. It’s the most normal thing to want that.

That makes sense. I might try that.. I just dont want to be fake and pretend to enjoy myself around the person when I’m not.

Wow I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you for telling me your stories and advice. I guess i should keep trying and not let my negative thoughts keep me from enjoying life without a partner for now. I’m glad to know someone else also feels that same dread I feel.

Well, as a guy of faith this is a tricky one, but the wisest thing I've heard is:

>There is no such thing as 'the one'. More than one person out there wants you. You decide who you trust and makes you happy. Over the years, through all life's trails they become the one.

In short, you often won't know who's the one till later in the relationship. You just have to try.

My advice: find out what you like, who you are and what you really want in life. Also, find a community or group where you think you can identify yourself with and you are in passionate. Like a non profit or charity association, when it is that what you can identify yourself with. Then the magic will happen more likely. When you know about yourself and in what kind of community you feel safe and home, where you really like most of the people, it all will happen easier. It is hard to find the fitting person on the street. Hope you understand what i mean, this thing changed my whole perspective. Hope it helps you