tl;dr My GF was raped, I want to leave her as in my eyes she was going to cheat
>been with GF for 4 years, she got pregnant and we decided to keep it and get married >had a miscarriage, tried to be there for her but she completely pushed me away >I gave her space, but if I even tried to spoon with her or cuddle with her, she'd push me away >this led to huge arguments, mostly started by her for whatever reason >hadn't had any sexual contact in around 8 months, fine by me but all I wanted to do is hold her >new argument, I don't know what it was about but she storms out of the house >gets to midnight and I call her a few times, send some texts and no reply >call her friends but they're not replying >at 4am get a call from her, she's crying and with the police >rush to the station which is where the story begins
>she'd been talking to her ex during the past 8 months, we were each other's firsts but she'd left him when he kept pressuring her for sex >she'd reached out to hi mas in her words all I reminded her of was her failure as a mother >after the argument she went round to his, they had a few drinks and decided to go out to a club >she got very drunk and willingly/unwillingly went to the loo with him where he tried to fuck her >she apparently resisted quite a lot, started screaming for help >bouncers rush in and find him with his dick in her >police get called, he's arrested
This was 6 months ago, the court case is still ongoing as there's a huge backlog and he's out on bail. She refuses to leave the house and has quit her job because she is terrified. We no longer communicate at all and I sleep on the sofa, the one time I came home from work tired and slept in the bed she started screaming until I left it. She hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks, as in not a single word, after we had an argument where she didn't want to testify because she's terrified he'll be found not guilty and will come after her.
Am I scum for wanting to leave? I want to take her to her mother's and then just leave. This isn't about the fact that we're no longer intimate or talk, but rather because she was emotionally cheating on me and most probably did physically cheat on me.
Honestly, no, you're not a bad person for wanting to leave. Honestly, it sounds like it's already over.
>Am I scum for wanting to leave?
No. Run away. Run far, far away. And never, ever look back, no matter what. 100% serious here
Absolutely not. You clearly have no business being in a relationship with this soulless whore. This is not what love is meant to be like; all that is left is for you to man up and divorce her. Do what you are supposed to do.
>she'd been talking to her ex during the past 8 months
She deserves whatever happens to her. She never respected you
If you said EX-GF I could have respect for you,
It's understandable you feel a lot of pity for her. You've both been through something that no couple should. Whatever you might have done better is irrelevant; you have done what you could and you are a human with your own limits.
You probably feel very responsible for her suffering, but I don't agree with it. She (probably will) victimize herself with an oversimplification that you left her in a time of need, but it doesn't matter. You have the same friends? Time to find out which ones are open, honest listeners and which ones have been brainwashed by the 'women are wonderful' phenomena. She has come to a point where she must accept real help and change; additionally, you are probably standing in the way.
I would write an honest letter explaining how you feel about what lead up to this, the betrayal that is central, condolences for the incident, and a declaration that the relationship is over.
Did you marry?
I've heard this story before. She has regrets so she calls it rape. If it wasn't rape she would've fucked him within a week or two anyways.
"I orchestrated a hidden relationship behind my SOs back for months, went drinking and partying with my ex, went to his house at night after and WHAT A SURPRISE HE WANTED SEX!!! Who could've seen this coming!!!¿¿ amirite ladies!!?"
Sorry OP but, whatever she was... now she's a broken lieing whore. Don't try to fix her it'll drag you down.
>"I orchestrated a hidden relationship behind my SOs back for months, went drinking and partying with my ex, went to his house at night after and WHAT A SURPRISE HE WANTED SEX!!! Who could've seen this coming!!!¿¿ amirite ladies!!?"
This, she was at worst trying to fuck him, at best faciliating them to fuck at some point in the future. It didn't just "happen out of nowhere"
OP get this unstable psycho bitch as far away from you as humanly possible. I'm not being cute, she is as dangerous to you as the man who raped her was to her. There is no happy ending here.
She sounds very abusive. I don't usually advice people to get out, but damn. You should get out.
Damn the tl;dr vs the whole story was super different. I hate to advocate for divorce but based off your story she's a liar and probably a whore. Might as well cut your losses while you can.
All those arguments and shit already killed it user. Its best to break it up now.
>deserved (possible) rape Jesus christ calm down user
She's crazy. Get out NOW.
Its up to you how much shit you're willing to handle user. Sounds like it was bad for a while and you should leave
>>she'd reached out to him as in her words all I reminded her of was her failure as a mother >>she got very drunk and willingly/unwillingly went to the loo with him where he tried to fuck her >>went to the loo with him
HO LY FUCK GET OUT I DON'T KNOW IF THE RAPE WAS REAL OR NOT REALLY, BUT BASED OFF ALL THE OTHER SHIT ALONE GET THE FU K OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN AND ARE STILL A FREE MAN ASDFSFDD
>hadn't had any sexual contact in around 8 months, fine by me but all I wanted to do is hold her You bitch. Should’ve ended the relationship then and there. Anyways, she definitely cheated on you during that 8 month gap and if her running to her ex didn’t make that obvious I don’t know what will.
>no respect for abused man Fuck off user you little cunt.
What better sign do you want? This female is unfit for reproduction. Would leave her the instant she lost child due to her shitty lifestyle choices and even if she did everything right she is genetic garbage.
casually ignore the people saying she deserved to be raped or that shes..... unfit for reproduction
you should leave anyways
>casually ignore the people saying she deserved to be raped or that shes..... unfit for reproduction kill yourself cuck
Divorce her, then consider moving and changing your name. I'm serious.
So many red flags. Deep, dark red flags.
You are a horrible person OP, I hope you get raped...by a man of course.
Fuck off. Forget about the rape, she was hanging out with her ex one on one, drinking with him, she was at his house and went out with him. Just because something bad happens to someone doesn't mean all of the sudden you're obligated to stay with them forever, especially if it undermines the entire relationship.
yes. dont date western girls. find a native asian girl and never worry about it again.
leave her. just read everything you just wrote out lod to yourself. the damage has been done, since a long long time ago. she pushed you away for reminding her of being a failure of a mother, and now she will push you away for being a failure of a boyfriend despite all of this being her fault.
I'm so sorry you invested so much time and energy into this relationship. best of luck
For once the word soulless is used right. Send her packing her shit op. Yeah its sad what happened to her but she bought all of this on herself after the miscarriage.
So before I met her, I my first love got dumped by another guy because she was at a house party and someone slipped something in a drink one night, and she woke up in a bedroom with her panties down and some guys jizz in her. The dumping wrecked her almost more than the rape.
On hearing that story, I genuinely felt like her ex was a piece of shit, because that pretty much broke someone who was an incredibly warm and bright person. I absolutely looked down on him for having no spine. I have no sympathy for guys who bail when the going gets tough.
That being said:
That case is not this one. Your relationship was already heavily damage *before* the rape stuff.
Depression after a miscarriage is not uncommon. THAT is actually where this fucked up. She apparently needed some kind of help, and she never got it, and of that spiraled down in to this.
You're not scum for wanting to leave, no more than you're not scum for not pushing her to get the help she needed it initially.
Her recent fucked up situation has no real bearing on the unhappiness that you guys have had all along.
If you're unhappy and she's not willing to work with you to fix things, it's always been your prerogative to leave. You're not any more scum for leaving now than you were before really, but neither of you are entirely blameless in all this either if we're being honest.
Is what it is though. Nothing in relationships is ever entirely black and white. Even though I looked down on that other guy who left, I can also completely understand how intense it must have been for him and why he would have.
Don't delude yourself one way or the other about this shit to try to absolve yourself and make an easier decision. Those kind of self-deceptions are unhealthy and only last so long.
Just do the thing that will make you feel least shitty about this all and leave you with the least regrets.
She wasnt raped,she was cheating l, regretted it, and made up a story to save face. This is stacy strategy page 2
>Depression after a miscarriage is not uncommon. THAT is actually where this fucked up. She apparently needed some kind of help, and she never got it, and of that spiraled down in to this.
Lmao, so she was too "depressed" to talk to her own loving bf about it, but wasn't depressed enough to not go to her Chad ex-bf's house to drink and presumably fuck and then go clubbing to shake her ass in front of other guys and then go fuck in the bathroom. Roastie holocaust when
Write your post out in a normal way put the note in an envelope. Hand the envelope to her mother, ask her to read it. At the end, it should say "I want you to know all of this so you don't think ill of me for leaving her. I can't do this any more." This, of course, should be AFTER all of your gf's shit is out of the apartment/house.
>too depressed to talk to bf >not depressed enough to talk to ex HMMMMMMMMMM
she will get you next OP run and hide from this crazy bitch
Is this even a question? She pushed you away and came back the moment she got herself into shit. She was never there for her, decided to fuck you over and go back to her ex and you want to be with her now?
What are you, insane? Go out and find a girl that respects and likes you. Because she isn't that girl.
>>too depressed to talk to bf >>not depressed enough to talk to ex >HMMMMMMMMMM
You guys clearly don't know how depression and trauma work...
Yeah. It's actually pretty reasonable that she wouldn't want to talk with someone else *directly* involved in that trauma, who she might feel a culpable guilt (because she lost the child and would loath herself for it) or even a guiltily irrational resentment towards (because he was part of making that child she lost, and she would probably feel resentful about that, but also know that's not fair, and feel guilty about that resentment she can't not feel).
Beyond that, one of the absolute most common responses of depression are escapism and self-sabotage.
All of this makes perfect sense if you actually think about how any of this works.
But no, you'll probably go on some "roastie" spiel because you've got the emotional quotient of a robot.
Shutup stupid hoe
You guys know this is bait, right?
Shitty bait, most of us agree on the same solution lmao
When you can't even figure out I'm the same dude replying back, I believe the appropriate response is:
Rape isn't some barring condition that means you're glued to this chick for the rest of her life. Fuck her. Yes, it was rape, but it was also largely shit decision making that got her raped. She allowed herself to be taken advantage of by somebody she knew would take advantage of her, and was sexually aggressive. I have no more pity for her being raped than I do the idiots that stick their limbs in front of dangerous animals only to have them bit off. Like what the fuck were you expecting? You can't just, "It's a prank, bro!" your way out of dangerous situations. You stay out of them by avoiding them.
Just leave. You can't help her, even if you wanted to. There's no benefit to either of you for staying. She's got her family, let them be there for her.
Are you scum for wanting to leave in this situation? Of course not.
I'd have divorced and left her for making a huge deal out of spooning. Fuck this bitch
>this led to huge arguments, mostly started by her for whatever reason >hadn't had any sexual contact in around 8 months, fine by me but all I wanted to do is hold her I refuse to believe you weren't smart enough to put two together. Your relationship was doomed from the moment she failed to disassociate you from her miscarriage, and the period of time you chose not to do anything about it.
Leave her. She doesn't want you and break up won't be as bad.
Op, wtf man you sound like a complete bitch
Even if she is shell shocked from the miscarriage, she should have the decency to tell you that you remind her of bad shit and you two should at the very least have talked it out, instead she was a) a coward that refused to talk to you b) a heartless bastard who has no respect or empathy for your needs for comfort. What if you were suffering too? I guarantee if you got in an accident or lost a friend, this bitch will not be there for you. c) a cheating whore. She was getting back together with her ex. Secretly. How can you ever trust her again? Who cares if she regrets it, paedophiles probably regret their crimes at some point but they’re still paedos. Same for cheating women.
Move on bud. Your life will take a little dip as you adjust to single life, and then it will soar as you meet someone who doesn’t treat you like scum. You’d better have a prenup
Stories like this make me almost glad I never got any female attention.
It really isn't a guaranteed good thing. I don't know why anyone would think "more humans" is guaranteed to be good. I really, truly, deeply don't know.
She's an incredibly damaged, incredibly lost woman that is in desperate need of some psychiatric treatment and you are an indescribably disgusting, unredeemable sack of human garbage. I think that about sums it up.
>Your relationship was already heavily damage *before* the rape stuff
Totally agree so OP should pull the plug. Nothing to salvage here and simply being raped shouldn't give her an extension. In fact I bet she will be relieved.
Get the fuck out of there. She cheated, got some cosmic reward and is now unravelling as a result, deflecting all her self-loathing on to you. She’s made you the bad guy here and is punishing you for being the only person who gives a shit about her.
Pack her bags, put them in the trunk, tell her you’re taking her clothes shopping to get her something nice, then pull up to her parents and drop her and her baggage (both metaphorical and physical) outside her folks house. Change your locks, sell the house and buy somewhere nice away from her and her bullshit. She’s been an utter cunt and is paying the piper now, but she’ll only get more mental and destructive as her conscience and her toddler-level ego battle over how she deserves all she got and you get shredded in the crossfire.
Know your worth King. You’re worth better than that.
Nah fuck that. You reap what you sow in this world.
>”BELIEVE ALL WAMMEN”
Fuck outta here, roastie
You realise miscarriages are not solely the woman's fault? You realise that a huge chunk of miscarriages in the first trimester are due to genetic mishaps and that the foetus inherits its genes from parties both maternal and paternal, right?
He did absolutely nothing wrong. You're calling him disgusting because he's planning on leaving someone who pushed him away then emotionally cheated on him and now won't even talk to him because he "reminds her of her failure?".
You're insane and your sense of morality is absolutely atrocious.
Dude.... You should have jumped ship months ago
True and fun fact for these guys is that as a man gets older his chances of a miscarried kid goes up. Since this was likely posted by a red pill autist who think women are soiled for any mishap or with age.
Reading only the tl-dr, i was going to answer "fuck you, you abusive soulless shit". Then i read the whole story. How could you suffer it? I mean, she openly cheated on you. 8 months isn't only an error. It can happen, if you had a fight and you are sad you text your ex (yet you are a piece of shit, but it can be forgiven). She continuously texted him. She arranged a date with him, they had sex, she repented at a certain point. And now she's cold, so you don't want to be mad at her. My advice, as a girl with no experience in shitty relations, is to leave her as soon as you can. You deserve better.
OP is a virgin troll who posts this same story over and over again.
Let her down easy, but yes, leave. It sounds as if the relationship is painful for both of you. She is obviously really troubled and needs to work on herself before she focuses on a relationship with anyone. You said "drop her off at her mom's". Maybe suggest that she move back in with her family and get some counseling. If she filed a police report and everything, I doubt that the event at the club was anything but sexual assault. However, just because these terrible things have happened to her (and in the cause of the miscarriage, to you too. My condolences), doesn't mean that you have to stay with her and tolerate being mistreated. I'm sure it will be best for her, as well.
Huh, apparently witholding consent is intent to cheat. Who knew?
Leave her. She is a piece of shit.
1. You should probably leave 2. But, in that case you should probably expect your reputation to be obliterated as on the surface level it looks like she was a victim, and, she is most certainly going to lie about this to everyone 3. Therefore, I would look into trying to get some kind of proof that you're in the right before you leave. Maybe a text message conversation with her that reveals the true events and how she's been treating you, so that you can use that to save your reputation when she slanders you 4. Have you considered taking her to therapy and/or marriage counselling? This situation seems like a combination of her being a very dumb person, with some sort of post-partum depression
OP what the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you let this happen to you? 8 MONTHS?
i know this is bait but fuck you for being such a cuck.
>eyond that, one of the absolute most common responses of depression are escapism and self-sabotage. what else?
Fucking leave in the middle of the night and don't come back, ghost her and start a new life, she sounds fucking insane as it is and this "traumatic experience" is going to be used to justify a bunch of emotional abuse and manipulation towards you further down the line if you stay with this girl.
I can understand if you feel a bit guilty, but it's not your fault at all. She put herself in that position, at worst you should feel pity, but no type of guilt based on your actions.
Leave her while you can, I'm assuming you guys haven't been married for more then a year and since you have no kids leaving her will be easy. Do it now before you fuck up your life.
Just going to jump in and say that any women who has been sexually abused or assulted in anyway should not be considered ltr material.
It's brutal, and I know some part you of you may want to 'help fix' her, but you can't. No one can, ever or will. It will cause problems, it will pop up at the most unlikely of moments, it will come up in arguments, and when it all goes to shit (as ime it always does) it will be used to paint you as the uncaring selfish villain who spent four or six years dealing with it and doing your best to help in some way, even just a shoulder to cry on.
Damaged women aren't even discount goods, they're trash and that's just life.
You do realise most women have been assaulted at some point in their life, right?
And does that also mean that men who've been assaulted are also "trash" and not "ltr material"?
I have been assaulted and I am the very definition of trash.
Check and, indeed, Mate.
This, you are the only one who can come out of this without having your life destroyed. Just run, man...
Men can handle our shit or at least hide it and compartmentalize it so that it doesn't affect us in our relationships and most of our lives. This is because society expects men not to be emotional, that is our role.
The same standard isn't kept from women so when they get traumatized it fucks up everything and everyone around them.