I live in Brazil and I have a bf and I got accepted into university into the UK and I think in September when uni starts I'm going to pack up all my stuff while he's at work, block him on everything, and fly off to the UK. Is this too cruel or better than a nasty break up?
I live in Brazil and I have a bf and I got accepted into university into the UK and I think in September when uni...
Ghosting is worse. Just be direct even if it's bad.
Is he someone who would react badly or dangerously to a breakup? Then yes ghost him. But I think at least a warning otherwise would be kind
Leave a note.
>Hey, I'm going to study abroad and I don't think I'll be seeing you again because I don't feel safe with you. Goodbye.
There. Short, brief, and he won't be left wondering why you disappeared.
(OP)
Disappearing in such a fashion is the absolute worst way to break off a relationship that isn't abusive. It's psychological violence against someone who cares for you and loves you. You're negating and destroying the trust that was cultivated, the time you spent together and the bond that was formed during the course of the relationship. If it's time to end the relationship then end it and tell him directly. It's hard to end relationships but running away from this situation in this way is a sign of emotional immaturity and perhaps even a sign of a destructive personality.
Cruel as fuck.
You clearly don't care about him if you're contemplating that so just do the wrong thing and ghost him. On the other hand if he's a abusive or some shit, ghost him top
You make it sound simple but
>nasty break up
OP's bf clearly wouldn't accept her decision to study abroad or have a LDR. If she wants to avoid the stress and anxiety of a nasty break up, then let her. There's nothing cruel with ghosting someone who's unwilling to support your difficult life changing decisions.
Some message would be better than none, but there's nothing wrong with it.
That's not clear at all you butt hole
Neither of us know the circumstances, but it's clear OP doesn't intend to stay with the guy.
Regardless of what happens, the relationship ends the moment she gets in the plane.
Where did I say it was simple and where did i say it was wrong? What I did say is that it is psychological violence against another human being if the relationship wasn't abusive. Whether it's right or wrong has no bearing here and such a notion delves into a philosophical explanation that's out of the scope of this discussion.
Ending a relationship is an emotional experience, there will be tears, pain and everything in-between. It's part of being human. You're making implications here because she used the term "nasty" which is nebulous and could mean anything. It could even mean nasty for her to deal with because hell with the trust in the relationship and the love that he has for her. You have as much of an idea about how much he supports her as I do - which is you have none.
Ghosting someone that you've been in a relationship with is psychological violence. You're violently severing the connection between the two of you and leaving the person that loved you in the dark and in a psychologically destroyed state as they frantically try to figure out what happened and why. People who evoke the dark side of humanity tend to ghost others in this way because it gives them power and control over their ex while allowing them to be able to leave the devastation behind them without a care. There's not enough here to say that OP exhibits these darker traits but it's no secret that people who tend to lean towards this spectrum conduct themselves in this fashion.
I disagree. For it to be violence, implies abuse.
Some people just don't want to deal with the stress of break up. It's more like cowardice than violence.
Abuse is inherently wrong, therefore you are implying OP is wrong to ghost.
You just said yourself we don't know enough context, so it's not fair to label it as violence.
Not everything is black and white, and unfortunately for OP bf, he doesn't have much of a say. It's over for them and it's not rocket science to figure out why exactly that is.
Which university?
Fuck you.
First of all she should break up with him now and stop wasting his time. Blocking him is fine but she owes him an explanation first.
Tell him in a letter: "Pau no cu de quem tá lendo"
Wow you're fucked up for actually thinking about doing that. It hurts more to ghost then breaking up because he won't have a single idea why you decided to leave him. It's better to tell someone why you're leaving then just leaving, at least give the man some semblance of closure. If you're genuinely thinking about that then it shows you give no shits about how he feels and honestly he can do better, and I don't even know this dude
Faça o que quiser. Tem muito brasileiro como você, que esquece todo mundo quando surge a possibilidade de chupar um pau rosa. Azar de quem cruza.
If you can pack up all your stuff in one day, you must not have that much stuff.
If your name is on the lease, there may be legal consequences for you for not giving proper notice. Just sayin'.
Then again, if you can't be bothered to wear matching sox, maybe he's well rid of you.
cunt
That’s so shitty just tell him, you obviously don’t care about what he feels for you to do that. Rip the band aid off and be an adult
You're confusing right and wrong with terms like violence and abuse. As I said, whether these actions are right or wrong moves the conversation into the philosophical and the metaphysical and I'm not going to go down that road in this thread.
Is ghosting cowardly? Or is there something in the subconscious that prefers this type of destructive behavior? I think there are some aspects of cowardice for those who are emotionally immature but, more often than not, comorbid narcissism or sociopathy are somewhere affecting the ghoster's conscious mind. This type of cowardice, as you're describing, is narcissistic in nature because "you" don't want to deal with the nasty process of a breakup so it's better to hurt the person exponentially more by ghosting them than it is to break up with him in person. Ghosting, in this circumstance, is psychologically violent, whether it be through cowardice resulting from emotional immaturity or not.
Mutual trust is powerful, it's arguably the most powerful force in the known universe. It's a force that closely represents life itself. When two organisms trust each other a tangible energy is created that can spring forth the lighter energies in life. When this connection is severed abruptly, by one side or the other, a sharp, acute pain and sadness occurs. The level of this pain and sadness equals the intensity of the trust bond between the two organisms, the more trust, the more pain. When one of the organisms completely and abruptly severs the mutual trust bond it offloads all of the pain, grief and sadness onto the companion organism. This level of destruction, depending on its severity, could even lead to the end of that organism. Can you see now why ghosting in a healthy relationship is psychologically violent?
There are 2 possibilities here:
1.You are fucking retarded and you just don't realize how bad this is
2.You are a fucking cunt.
I prefer to see the first possibility as being the case, because at least, it means you are not a bad person, just dumb as hell.
Clearly underage
>this question
>22 replies
>nothing from op
clearly bait.
You sound very underage.