What does it mean when a girl tells you that she wants to have a pause in the relationship? Some context: >we both where in relations, me 1 month, she 1 year and a half >we broke up each relation so we could be together >her ex bf has some baggage and legal problems where she was helping >she feels bad because he is abandoning him >her family also doesn't approve of her decision >she had a rough year, filled with events, mixed emotions, etc.
She sometimes is a loner. She's like a cat: when she is wounded, she hides alone to lick her wounds. So today she told me she wants to have "a pause" in the relationship (we have been together like 3 weeks roughly). She doesn't want to fool around or anything, she just wants to limit her social contact to a minimum and retake paused activities such as studying and working out. Is this a red flag? Is it the typical "I want a break"? I am happy it was sooner than later so there are no hard feelings involved yet, but I'd like to have some reassurance in this. Opinions?
She isn't over her ex. Leave. You're only going to regret this relationship. Do you want to be with someone who isn't concrete in their feelings for you?
Nolan Rivera
>She isn't over her ex I don't think that's the issue, she was going to leave him anyway, he was a mess of a person. But the rest makes sense. Noted, thanks user
Blake Rogers
shameless selfbump
Cameron Reed
If I was in your situation I'd want to talk it through. Why does she want this? Does she not have enough time for herself? Is your presence stressing her out? It just seems weird. If she doesn't have the time to study then she can make time for that even though she's in a relationship right?
James Powell
We talked today and to sum it up, she said she needs to be as much alone as anyone can be (she does this regularly) Everyone's presence is stressing her, and yes, that's weird. She wants to enjoy being by herself, working out and studying (we have a big test coming up for a better job). She has had too many stimuli this year, and she wants to have a vacation from that.
Henry Evans
>take a pause >been together 3 weeks
What? How is that even being together if it’s only 3 weeks. Your relationship isn’t that serious. You aren’t even a couple. And you’re saying you broke off a one month relationship to chase this one? Dude, no.
Cameron Butler
You should feel ashamed, the other user already answered your question. Would she put her relationship with Brad Pitt, or the best athlete at your school, on pause? She likes your attention (not you, but your attention), but is not into you. Leave and find someone who is.
Asher Carter
It's just a figure of speech, we are not together as bf/gf, we are not a couple Yes it isn't serious yet, but I was hoping to be one, we made active efforts for it, but I won't die if it doesn't work out. And the other relationship was not that important, was going to break it anyway. >She likes your attention (not you, but your attention), but is not into you. Interesting, you may be right. I am leaving but want to give it a last checkout first.
Justin Roberts
>a pause in the relationship
When someone says that they want a pause or a break or some time apart or some time to themselves or whatever other synonym it 1000% means that they're planning to get some fucc from someone else and in their mind if they get caught with them it's not technically cheating cause you guys were on hold or w/e they wanna call it.
>in b4 females reeeeeee
I've seen more men do that than women, it can go both ways.
Connor Reyes
>When someone says that they want a pause or a break or some time apart or some time to themselves or whatever other synonym it 1000% means that they're planning to get some fucc from someone else and in their mind if they get caught with them it's not technically cheating cause you guys were on hold or w/e they wanna call it. Yes that was exactly my thinking, but I don't like to generalize. Although my first fiber told me exactly what you're saying, my second thought was that every rule has exceptions and maybe she has an honest request here. I don't know how to say this but I'd like some advice to distinguish between those 2 cases
Jack Brown
That's always the issue. This is why you don't date girls with loser ex bf's that they talk about. It's a massive red flag. Every girl wants that story of how she saved her lover the world just couldn't keep them apart. The fact that he has baggage is a positive in her eyes. I don't know the whole story but from my own experience, I'd say it's a 80% chance she goes back to her ex.
Caleb Hughes
I'm a guy and I was in a year-old relationship with a girl who was relatively clingy, and I was working like 55 hours a week or some bullshit, at night, and on top of that had friends who were twice as clingy as my girlfriend so I had no time for myself whatsoever
Even then I never told my girl that I needed a break or a pause or distance or anything. I just like declined her invitations to come over or wouldn't make plans I'd just flat-out tell her that I was exhausted from work and having a flipped sleep schedule and I was just gonna spend the day in bed at my place and be gross and smelly and not do anything particularly interesting. She had an open invitation to come over and do nothing with me during my one day off a week.
Also as far as your circumstances go, calling for a pause in a relationship after three weeks is some bullshit. Three years? okay, perfectly understandable. Three months? Yeah again, depending on the circumstances I could see that happening. Three weeks? That's like the amount of time that some people take with casual dating, that's barely enough time to declare yourself in a relationship let alone to have to put it on hold.
Just pull that band-aid off and break up with her. Three weeks, man, that's a joke. Especially that she says she needs to "study and work out" yeah you can do all that no problem and still be in a relationship.
Hudson Ward
Some ideas on why I don't think so >the guy is 30 but a father of 2 children, he can't see them because the mother is doing parental alienation on them >he defines himself as a sad person, antisocial and complicated >he doesn't talk to her, always on his phone, never giving her attention >he became a bitter person while being a boyfriend and stopped minding of her Ok, you make a lot of sense. Three weeks is still honeymoon, we can't fuck because we have micosis but everybody would still want to be together. I think the reasons sound like "whatever you want to hear". She said 3: (i) deal with all the emotions from this issues, (ii) workout and (iii) study. The first one is the only one that makes sense. Thank you so much for your input, you opened my eyes
Angel Butler
Sorry but that doesn't convince me of anything. I've known girls that refuse to leave complete scumbags. Abusers, criminals, losers, it doesn't matter how big of a piece of shit this guy is, the girl still might be attached to him.
I used to hang out with this girl and every time I saw her she would talk about how bad her ex boyfriend treated her. The guy was in prison for as long as I knew her. As far as I knew, she hated this dude. Then one day we were hanging out like usual and she tells me that the next day he was getting out of prison and she was going to pick him up. I was completely shocked, I couldn't believe she would do that when she had been talking so much shit about him for so long. Don't expect women to make decisions like this based on logic.
As for your situation I can't be sure. I guess if you want then you should just wait it out and see what happens. When you are infatuated with someone it's almost impossible to see red flags. You are just going to have to learn through experience.
Angel Howard
I'll have that in mind, she has manifested somewhat honestly she doesn't feel for him anymore but this may be all a setup for me to stir that pot. I do see her red flags, she has so many. I started as a fling, so that is the first. Thanks
Colton Perez
> 3 week relationship > Taking a break > If this a red flag
No, this is the red flag: >we both where in relations, me 1 month, she 1 year and a half >we broke up each relation so we could be together >her ex bf has some baggage and legal problems where she was helping >she feels bad because he is abandoning him >her family also doesn't approve of her decision >she had a rough year, filled with events, mixed emotions, etc.
Also the fact that you're worried about a breakup of a 3 week, THREE WEEK 'relationship' is a huge red flag, for her. Maybe she's just seen that you invest in things too strong too early?
Christian Taylor
>Maybe she's just seen that you invest in things too strong too early? that might be the case, is there any reason in particular for you saying that?
Ayden Brown
Because the possibility of a 3 week relationship ending rattling you so badly implies that you're clingy. I figured this much out and I don't even know you.
Also, the fact that they dated for a year and a half means she is NOT over him yet. Doesn't matter what she says, doesn't even matter what she thinks, unless she's a straight up psychopath she is not over him. That's just how people work.
Look, when you see someone for 3 weeks, that's not a relationship. That's not even your girlfriend. That's just some chick you're kinda seeing. The earlier you invest in something, the more desperate you come across. And chicks smell that a mile away. The reason being is that relationships are a value game. Not in the way those red pill nut jobs will have you believe, but not entirely different from that aswell. You gotta have more respect in yourself to grab at the first affection that comes to you with everything you've got. Stop trying to hold onto it. Just ditch her and walk away. Play video games or something
Jonathan Martinez
I agree with most of that, but I do have observations about being clingy. She left her boyfriend without me telling or insisting her to do so. She asked me to be her boyfriend. I never expressed intense feelings for her without her doing so first. I am very physically affectionate yes, but no more than she already was. I do know that I like having a couple and have some degree of autism, so your words may be true, but I don't think I split my spaghetti over her, nevertheless, your comments make a lot of sense to me and may be right, thanks
Connor Clark
You may not have spilt your spaghetti but if things progressed as you say that they did, she is a big red flag. You know that forwardness thing I was just talking about? Well she's doing that. And that's not a good sign.
