Is anyone here a true loner? Why are you a loner? Is it sustainable to live without friends or a partner?
Most of my life I've had few friends, but even when I've had friends I just can't tolerate being with them for very long. Maybe I've just always been meeting the wrong people? I'm starting to think I need to accept a life of solitude or extreme distance from others, because people drain me.
Depends, I don't think I've ever been one because I always had my two parents and my sibling. Other than that, yeah I've never established solid connections with anyone else. These people are all I have in my life for over 25 years.
20/F i’m the same way
i live alone and go days without opening my mouth to speak
i do have a partner, but he lives 3 hours away from me and i only see him twice a month
i have some friends but i rarely see them/want to see them because like yourself, i like being alone because it drains me
i’m probably like this because i have anxiety/depression/substance abuse problems & i really only interact with people if i have to at school
if you don’t have mental health problems this is probably fine. some people are just solitary beings
yeah, pretty much since i hit puberty.. I can't for the life of me figure out why, i have been in croud with shitty people and it took almost 12 years for me to meet some decent human beings. Not the backstabbing lying cunt kind.
Things should be rosy, but they ain't..
there are moments i rather would avoid them, i constantly think i don't belong in with them (even though they tell me otherwise) and yet i see them being closer with the people around me than with me.
Another thing is in my teen phase i could go like years just gaming, not giving a fuck about anything else, people came and went, some established friendships fell apart, and i didn't felt anything. I was like: "Yeah, ok whatever."
I often wish back that time, because feeling lonely sucks, going through this world alone sucks, even when i'm being around people i know that it's a fleeting feeling of 'completion' and then feeling lonely again.
I'm even a totally different person when around people, alone i'm a mess, i complain sometimes, be rude, and be distant, just not feeling at all the will to text people, i find it annoying. But soon when i'm with friends, i'm a happy guy, funny, affectionate, witty and oppurtunistic.
Don't know what causes this in my head, just feels like a false reality.
33 yo and I Haven't been with a girl in about 8 or 9 years and the last time I had friends was about 11-10 years.
I do miss it, sometimes, but back then I was pretending constantly to be someone I wasn't. I had it all, and yet even during the best of times when I was out partying until 3AM going to weird new clubs I've ever even heard of, I always had this nagging feelings of "I wish I was at home playing video games".
That said, the number of years I seubsequently spent as a shut-in NEET were bad, obviously objectively worse than making myself fake just to have friends and girlfriends.
Lately I've accepted who I am and started to reconnect with people who are similar to me. That's the best advice I can offer you, you should obviously always improve who you are but don't try to fundamentally change who you are or try to live a double life. Accept who you are and find others like you.
I've always been a loner I guess?
I mean I've always had friends and was popular in highschool and out of highschool. Always had a gf since the age of 13. People always want to hang with me and girls always want to date me. But.
I like being alone. Came from an abusive home and prefer to keep to my thoughts and play wow or watch anime. Work requires me to talk due to being an installer in other people's houses. But once I'm home or weekends. I don't talk to anyone really or do anything.
I just chill and do my own thing. Single by choice right now. It's lonely alot but I also have no expectations of me from anyone outside of work.
Fuck it
Literally me
I'm like a Chad around people. But my true self is disgusting and sad when I'm alone.
Graduated college, no girlfriend and a few close friends
Got a new job and dedicated my life to it.
Didn't have much spare time and when I did, I was too tired and uninspired to go out with friends.
Eventually the extent of my interaction with them was playing some online games.
They ended up playing WoW again and I didn't have the time or patience for it
Now I'm at the point in my career where I can be more laid back but I have no friends
I wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home and watch tv or play video games for 8 hours then go to sleep.
I've entertained the idea of going on tinder but I feel like I'm too old for that at 32 and I have an irrational fear that people will think I'm a loser for being that old trying to look for companionship on a booty call app
Well I've talked about it before, but I tried killing myself a bunch of times in high school after mildly psychotic depression. Used to have low tier visual hallucinations and episodes of catatonia. People stopped talking to me and genuinely allowed me to try and off myself as a 16 year old.
There have been very few people in my life that genuinely cared for me , I grew pretty bitter and betrayal at this and became a sociopath out of spite. Got in a lot of serious fights, burned a lot of bridges for myself socially. It's taken some years to get over this to take chances at caring for anyone again.
I am. I literally have zero friends. I go through phases where I'll feel lonely and seek people out but I always end up pushing them away and going back to my old ways.
I think it's because I feel as though I need to pretend to be someone else in order to gain acceptance within a group. The only time I ever feel like I can be myself is when I'm by myself. If I ever met someone who I felt like I could be myself around I would want them in my life, but I haven't met a person like that yet.
I'm about to graduate from university. I've made 0 friends. After the first semester, I gave up talking to people. I'm on too many medications to count. They numb me decently. I have no desire to have friends.
oof...
I was born with pretty fucking bad social anxiety that is still affecting me to this day
As a child i was a fucking STATUE, i didn't speak to anyone at school, litereally no one unless i was spoken too
Being quiet made others perceive me as weird, and by the time i got to middleschool i was bullied for it, plus i liked to be nice, a little too nice
Before i got to highschool i didn't really give a fuck about social interaction or people in general, but when freshman year started, it's like a switch flipped in my fucking head...
I cared SO FUCKING MUCH, but i did not know how to socialize with these people... that plus my shitty hygiene from walking home to school in the shitty humid florida weather
I messed up countless times and people already saw me as that awkward kid, so the possibility of making friends in the later years was zero to none, also i didn't even graduate highschool because i put more focus into people then my academics because i'm a FUCKING IDIOT, i got my GED though.
Now i'm in college and it's no different, i fucking hate, I HATE IT SO MUCH, i wish i could stop caring about it but since we are social animals we kinda crave it.
I'm only 20, never had a gf, still virgin, no friends... I hope things will get better for me
>TLDR: Born with shitty social anxiety, become the quiet person throughout child hood, missed out in highschool, currently suffering in college, it really sucks
>i do have a partner
>i have some friends
What made you want to enter this thread?
She's another dumb roastie who will never understand the eternal struggle of men.
I’m 30 now. Been this way for a long time. Really, it’s possible if you have a pet. Without any form of bonding with another lifeform though, you’ll get very depressed after a year or so.
from one 20 yr old in college to another i’m rooting for us both man
2k19 be good to us
I dislike others. I like myself.
Other than my parents, I've pretty much been a loner for the past three years, but haven't had a social life in over a decade. It's quite easy actually as I don't perceive time. To me this decade was essentially one long summer break.
Looking back at my friendships, my biggest problem is that when someone likes me enough to interact every day, I become crankier and crankier and everything they do starts to grate on me. I don't let them know though. I think subconsciously I want them to leave me alone for a bit without outright telling them to leave me alone, but those cranky quiet periods turn them off from wanting to spend as much time together and then we drift apart.
>yet i see them being closer with the people around me than with me.
I hate this so much. The few times I've been a part of a group of friends, it's like the small feeling of being normal is dashed when I realized I'm still on the periphery.
You pretty much described my life to a tee. Quiet, people thought (perhaps correctly) that I'm weird, poor hygiene, rarely spoke unless spoken to. Even have a vivid memory of my grade school teacher writing I was very conscientious on a report card and thinking that was a good thing.
Let me tell you right now, it will ABSOLUTELY NOT get any better. Not without really trying on your part. I only tried, really really tried about a year or so ago when I was about 25. I made a few friends here and there that I pushed away and stopped contacting for one reason or another. I'm hanging out now with another group sometimes on the weekends, but we'll see how long that lasts.
There's more I want to write, but I'll leave you with this that I've never seen mentioned. The biggest obstacle when you enter your mid to late 20's is hiding the fact of how little of life you've lived. It can be a major turnoff even for your straight male friends. Small things you wouldn't even think of that they are picking up on that shows your inexperience when it coming to interacting with them or other people. Not telling you this to make you paranoid, but it's something you should be aware of when you do start getting people/women to actually like you in some capacity and you start hanging out with them.
Lastly, don't make my mistake and waste years drinking alone in your room. I'll be pushing 30 if I'm lucky before I get much better at this, but you have plenty of time at only 20, just don't waste it.
Kinda, back in hs i used to have a group of friends of around, 5-6 people, and i could be myself with them, which i really liked, but when we graduated we stopped talking completely
that was like, what, 3 years ago? now i only have like 2 friends to whom i can speak to at anytime and tell whatever i want without them feeling weird or anything, both of them are girls and i only see them like 2-3 times a year, and even then i dont message them that much, maybe once or twice a month, mostly because i dont like talking a lot and i like going out to places alone too, talking too much with someone ends up either annoying me, or making me feel tired as fuck
Which is kinda ironic, because these last 3 years i have been working on and off the call center industry, and i have met a fuckton of people but i never feel any connection to them.
>There's more I want to write, but I'll leave you with this that I've never seen mentioned. The biggest obstacle when you enter your mid to late 20's is hiding the fact of how little of life you've lived. It can be a major turnoff even for your straight male friends. Small things you wouldn't even think of that they are picking up on that shows your inexperience when it coming to interacting with them or other people. Not telling you this to make you paranoid, but it's something you should be aware of when you do start getting people/women to actually like you in some capacity and you start hanging out with them.
This is true, same thing happened to me. Don't waste your years during post HS and around your 20's. They're crucial.
>d. The biggest obstacle when you enter your mid to late 20's is hiding the fact of how little of life you've lived. It can be a major turnoff even for your straight male friends. Small things you wouldn't even think of that they are picking up on that shows your inexperience when it coming to interacting with them or other people.
Could you give an example? I'm a 30 year old loner and I cannot think of one thing that I should have done in my 20s that would turn someone off today that I didn't do, other than I guess have a live-in girlfriend.
If you reveal things like say not partying much, not drinking or knowing anything about the fun life if you get me that's already an example.
If you never had a girlfriend and reveal you're a virgin you get looked down upon by some guys.
If you don't have friends and don't go out much if at all, they'll eventually pick up on this. It's bad enough with social media like Facebook being a thing, they'll find out or get the idea you don't have a social life.
Last but not least, what you've been doing with your life. Worst thing you can reveal is being a NEET, I guess you can hide this to an extent but if you let people get too close to you and the people that know you, they may find out.
Was always a quite kid, but was mostly normal in elementary. In middle school and high school I started to become more socially akward I guess. I had friends but I was always a bit of a third wheel and didn't do much out side of school with them (didn't help I didn't have a car till I was 18 too). College is/was even rougher. I went to a local college and I didn't make any new friends and lost contact with all my old ones. Now I'm 25, live with my parents, have no career and no real friends except one cousin.
>There's more i want to write
Please user by all means spill your mind, and yes i kinda figured that i would have to lie about my shitty life...fuck
I havent had a friend or a girlfriend in 8 years.
Thanks for the response, I get what you mean. But I think it's not much of an obstacle to socializing, as long as you can spin the truth in your favor. Like spending weeks doing nothing vs mediating lol. Or make their normie experiences seem like it was always beneath you, without offending them, of course.
For example, drinking. Even if I was the most social and extroverted person, I wouldn't drink because I don't ever want to get drunk. Someone in my family was alcoholic. Usually normies completely understand that one. Is that the actual reason? Not really, but it works and it's not a lie.
Well in my case, yes that's why I don't drink I've had family members die from it. You shouldn't be concerned with the drinking part, it's always more or less on experiences you've had with other people.
You could as you say spin the truth or tell the truth, a lot of people don't want to hear the truth but being the guy I've always been I probably wouldn't be able to hide it. My subconscious thoughts wouldn't let me do it but I would still hide things that have nothing to do with what they want to know.
haven't had a real friend in 3 years..... I will die a loner
>If you never had a girlfriend and reveal you're a virgin you get looked down upon by some guys.
This is a good example I learned from not to recenty. Guy friend is telling me about his recent break up and attempts at getting back in the game. Only after our second conversation did I realize I never spoke to him about my own possible relationships. Week or so later after I casually bring up how things have been going and passingly attempt to quickly mention my admittedly fake somewhat similar situation did he just give me a credulous/puzzled look. And it wasn't some outlandish story. Just that I also attempted to date a single mother but she rushed things to much for me and I ghosted her. Took about as long as it took you to read that sentence.
>yes i kinda figured that i would have to lie about my shitty life...fuck
Just don't try to pass off being some guy that went out every weekend drinking and partying with friends and picking up girls. They can see through that clear as day. But don't also outright admit to being a homebody who missed out on all major life events. When possible and/or they start asking questions about what you do, imply you are/were a bit straightlaced, mostly just drinking with a small handful of friends occasionally on the weekends. Especially on the on the holidays, never say you were by yourself, say you hung out with a few people, and nothing to crazy happened. Seems they were perfectly fine when I admitted only having a few girlfriends with long stretches in between. I strongly suggest learning a few misdirection techniques to use if they start asking about your personal life, that or just bring back an interesting conversation topic from earlier in the evening.
As for revealing things about your inexperiece. I invited a 22 yo girl for a drink to a popular spot near my job. For some idiotic reason at some point I ordered a martini. And no, I had only order one drink at that time, I just couldn't imagine how stupid drinking a martini at 5pm with her would look. Typically I stick to run/vodka with coke or beer. Anywheres, she's telling how she doesn't doesn't go out much as before not that's she graduating soon when the bartender comes back and mentions that he didn't mention if I want the martini wet or not. I say "Sure, wet" and instantly realized my mistake. Not two minutes later, she has this sly smile on her face when she asked me if I knew what a dry martini was. I casually said yea, but no doubt came out as "y-yea". The next half-hour though were perfectly fine though just shooting the shit about work and whatnot, and I try not to ruminate about the small slip-up she probably forgot about.
Another is just to straight up admit to not having taking any drugs if it comes up/ is offered to you. The most I've done outside of alcohol is some weed here and there with my older brother while in high school. This is DEFINITELY an area you will show clear as day that you are lying when you inevitable fuck up snorting/inhaling/ingesting whatever it happens to be. Months ago, after some small party with another group, some coke was brought out. When it was snorted, I casually asked if there was some more I get as well. My friend, I think innocuously, although my obsessive ruminating mind thinks otherwise, asked if I had even done coke before. This for sure is a time to just admit to living a sheltered life and saying no. But only no, don't explain why and just go with the flow.
Most people just call having a hard time relating to their peers "being a loner". True loners are almost invariably insane to some degree, whether it's malignant or benign. Enjoying the company of others, but getting burnt out on it, or fearing big crowds/parties just means you're an introvert, not a loner. Trust me, keeping even the most glib and shallow of relationships is a benefit if you have no one to talk to. Voluntarily isolating yourself is a meme, and is ultimately pointless. It's literally social suicide, and is just a form of surrender.
Making friends takes energy. Keeping friends takes energy. Having entertaining, bonding group experiences takes energy. But the benefits are worth it. If all else fails, withdraw for a year or two, just talking to people online, and move to a city where you know no one, and try your best to find someone you can relate to in that place. Don't ever bring up that you dislike people or feel drained by them, just be pleasant and apologetic about not knowing anyone, and before you know it you'll find someone who genuinely enjoys your company, and is on your "wavelength", and can give you the space and understanding necessary when you're not feeling like seeing anyone.
I dont call myself as a loner,but independent person is.True loners are person who always denied himself,friends,family and others.Together with friends and keeping them takes energy.But the benefits are worth it.Be a pleasant and apologetic about not knowing anyone.Because i already experience what are true friends can approach you ups and downs.
Bump
Are you in college? They're really shitty places to meet people because students are largely a group of arrogant shitbags who only care about drinking.
I got so much more social after getting a shitty part time job it's not funny, and at that point I started wanting more social contact because I had met good people at work. Maybe you just need to meet more humble people?
I'm not really a loner but if no-one ever reached out to me I would never do anything. I enjoy being alone way too much. I would totally just ghost everyone and everything if I had the chance.
Being a loner is not wrong, but being a loner for too long is not mentally healthy neither.. H. sapiens is a social animal, our ancestors are hunter-gatherer which relied heavily on social skill to cooporate, to survive..
I also feel that socializing is an exhausting activity, but I really benefited from it.. I know how to bargain, to influence people, to be cooperative.. We should manage our time better between being alone and socializing, but introvert like us perhaps need more time being alone that socializing..
In socializing, maybe some of your friends aren't cooperative, not kind, etc.. but that is normal, they are similar as you, as other person, not perfect..