I'm a 20 year old who recently lost his virginity to my best friend who I've know for 12 years and for 8 of those years i was in love with her but i gave up my feeling for her because i knew my chances were gone due to a friend who stole her away so we just stayed friends till recently when she broke up with her finance and now I'm confused on how im supposed to feel and i just need some helpfull advice I've never felt this lost and conflicted with my own feelings before
I'm a 20 year old who recently lost his virginity to my best friend who I've know for 12 years and for 8 of those years...
So, if I get that right, after she parted ways with her fiancé, she had sex with you?
After the break up she came to me to talk and vent and just hang out for a couple months and then it just happend after we we're talking about old times
I'm sorry to hear that you are conflicted. I'll let you know now that I believe what she did was wrong. She has known for a long time that you liked her and she wasn't mature enough to end your relationship respectfully with her future in mind. Instead she took advantage of you on a rebound. Theres a very high chance that she doesn't care about you or respect you
Now it takes two so you are also to blame for indulging in your one sided fantasy. This is fucked up. Take a look at the bigger picture. I honestly think you need to move on and remove her from your life.
OP, can you confirm she knew about your feelings? In which case that's kinda fucked up indeed
She did know i had feelings for her
Then, is absolutely right. She didn't have the maturity to end this relationship and she even came back after she ended it all with her fiancé, that's a garbage move and even though you'd be to blame for indulging in said fantasy, that's understandable. Part ways with her, she didn't even respect you enough to do the right decision.
>took advantage of him
No she didn't. She acted on attraction for OP and was a mess herself. OP felt the attraction too and sex ensued.
I get your tactics - you are trying to make OP feel better by making her out to be the villain of the pantomime, a clearly defined evil who doesn't even respect him. This clearly isn't true. I don't like the word as it is hijinked by leftists and sensitives and terribly overused, however this is you projecting your misogyny onto user, and trying to convert him to a 'women are all evil,' mindset.
Women are complicated creatures (like men) with all sorts of issues, but at their core they are fellow people trying to get by. They poise an absolute mortal threat to men, so we come up with
I recently got out of an 4 year relationship with my highschool crush and followed the red pill advice, and it's pure nihilism. Plain and simple. Check out some Marlon Brando interviews and see how a true alpha male acts and what opinions he has regarding women.
My advice to you OP is to not get bogged down in these emotions. Go about life, and realize you are unlikely to have a relationship together. Keep your mind occupied on fruitful activities, read a good book or go for a run. Journal about your feelings, face them and come to terms with them. With regards to the issue at hand, it was rebound sex, she obviously has some level of attraction to you but this is unlikely going to be a long term thing. Meet more girls and enjoy life.
Does she know she took your virginity?
What/how has she acted after it?
Have you two discussed it?
If months have passed since the break-up this isn't as bad as a rebound fuck right after, which was what the OP sounded like, more like casual sex between two consenting people who probably shouldn't have done it because of the history but did it anyway.
You should probably just talk to her about what happened. Albeit, in my opinion, I doubt that this is going to end with you two getting married instead and having kids so you should probably distance yourself from her after this since she ultimately was using you for emotional comfort and you allowed this to go on for months.
She’ll never want to be with you. She’s just trying to forget him. You’re literally her rebound. This person isn’t your friend.
She dose know she took it .
She acts normally but more attracted to me in a way.
And we have talked about it.
You're fucked if you actually believe any of that. Why are you on an advice board if you have given up on existence and decided to turn your back on life and giving it any meaning. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out. Doesn't mean you have to attack me. I don't know if she's evil or not. That's hard to define without context because everyone has different ideas of evil. But her actions were wrong. And she should feel shame. So should op for not being strong enough or smart enough to dodge her rebound drama. Most likely inexperience. He was a virgin afterall. She was not. She knew what she was doing. Take your toxic femininity liberal garbage and shove it up your ass.
>they poise a mortal threat, so we...
come up with all sorts of sub optimal philosophies to protect us from this danger. OP is a vulnerable 20 year old, and feeding him this woman hating shit is disgusting and will set him up for being an isolated, sexless, angry man.
I further recommend OP you talk it out with this girl, don't just let it go after you had sex with her, that is cowardice. Be honest - if you think there is a possibility of a relationship (which is unlikely by the signs I can pick up on) go in that direction. If you need time to get to checks with your feelings, be honest with her and say so. I think this is the best strategy, she may say she likes you or apologize and say it probably wasn't a good idea. If she is flippant or rude in her response, sleep tight knowing you have dodged a bullet. You are the master of your universe user.
I don't know then OP, I feel like there might be a genuine chance for things to work out then. I'd suggest reciprocating how she acts towards you for 1-2 weeks to get a sense of where things are going, but the ball is in your side of the court now so if you think you two could work together then act upon it.
>Why are you on an advice board if you have given up on existence and decided to turn your back on life and giving it any meaning.
How have I implied this? I am advocating for sheer compassion and love. I am saying that the girl is not 'wrong,' or 'doesn't respect OP,' as you say, simply that women are highly neurotic, unstable people who take actions without realising the extent of their actions. I am saying there is some mutual attraction here and the girl isn't bad or hateful of OP, she's just abit of a mess at the moment, hence the bad decision making. OP should take this angle.
You are saying statements like 'She knew what she was doing.' like she is an evil party trying to inflict misery onto OP. This is simply not the case, she's trying to find that love and attraction she had in her past relationship, and obviously sees something in OP. She probably sees his romantic desire for her as something to build her esteem up. Maybe she likes another characteristic about him, maybe he's a good looking lad. OP is inexperienced, hence he's stumbled into this emotional mind field, however I hope he comes out stronger and compassionate and not a bitter, fearful man.
>Take your toxic femininity liberal garbage and shove it up your ass.
I have no idea what you mean by this, care to elaborate? I'm socially quite conservative, just advocating self awareness and compassion.
Hey guys i appreciate all the advice and all the angles you guys come from but i think I'm gonna try my chances at relaying my feelings for her and if things don't work out it's just a learning experience and will better help me grow as an individual so i wholeheartedly appreciate you guys for time and opinions on this situation
Honestly my friend, that is the best decision you could've come to and it makes me happy to hear it. God bless.
I disagree. He's naive as fuck and a dreamer. Most people can't take advice. He will learn the hard way like many others. She didn't date him for 12 years. What makes you think she really wants him all of a sudden? Maybe it is good though. Because he can get over that first relationship ignorance once it ends badly and learn how to be an adult. Or fail and be back to square one. Or worse. Good luck OP.
I agree this will be a learning experience. I entirely disagree with the pessimistic realism you adopt, although you do want well for OP.
>What makes you think she really wants you think she really wants
There are lots of indicators of interest. He says she seems excited talking to him. They had sex too for crying out loud. Better to act on his love then spend a lifetime regretting it or not asking 'what if.'
One word: Don’t.
Find you a girl you never knew before, maybe an aquaintance from a friend or something. Get to know them and start over.
Meh, that's a machiavellian and OP's friend hasn't shown us any signs of that pattern of behavior yet. Sometimes we just need to make a choice between two people we like and end up distancing someone you know you would be happy with as well. That's just what monogomous cultures are like