Tl;dr GF is angry I "hid" my wealth from her

she only cares about herself and how much you can give her in monetary terms, that's some base beast gold digger behavior

Look, if she demands an expensive wedding and can't handle money and stick to a budget but you seem to be very conscious about that and it's important to you not to waste money, your relationship will never work. Just end it.

But
>the day is meaningless
Holy shit what? You think the day you become legally and socially bound to another person, hopefully out of love and commitment and hopefully forever, is meaningless? You think the day that you take vows in front of everyone you know to love and care for another person for the rest of your lives is meaningless? Can you imagine how that would make your partner feel? Like showing your commitment to her and celebrating your relationship and your intention to pledge your lives to one another is meaningless? Then why take vows at all? Why even marry her? I don't get it. What a horrible thing to say if you actually said it.

I'd dump you for that belief alone if you're serious but it's a moot point because your different ways of handling money would make the relationship a disaster anyway without this so you should just end it.

Also yes you hiding that you had money was weird but if she behaves this way and this badly with money I kind of understand.

So do not marry this person and let them take half of what you have, break up right now. It's over.

The friends thing is another huge red flag, if she brings shitty people into her life who treat her badly and aren't good for her then she's never going to stop doing that, find someone with all around better judgment. End this relationship, it's not going to end well if you go on with it.

>Why does my financial situation matter to a woman who I am going to marry?
It's not about whether you're rich or poor, it's about the fact that you allowed her to assume your startup was all there was. Like I say, it's not like she's pissed because you won't let her read your receipts or something. It's a pretty big deal, and if you're going to get married you're going to be tied together economically in a huge way. If she can't trust you to be honest about your financial security, what the fuck can she expect of you as a husband?

Is this a bait thread? So much incel logic... Sure, if she's a gold digger get rid of her. As of yet that's unproven, you just breached her trust.

She doesn't support you, you don't like her friends, she lashes out and ghosts rather than have a healthy discussion to understand each other.

Why are you even with her?
Sounds like you can do better

This stinks, I wouldn’t trust her. What kind of reaction is that? She probably expected you (maybe with an influence from her friends) that you provide your resources to her under some false notion that it also belongs to her. Bye bye and good riddance.

OP this isn't incel advice, we just genuinely think you could do better. Most people don't get angry, sure they may not appreciate but they talk it out, not ghost you for 2 whole days like a child.

Also incel logic would be like
>hur dur, dump her, she ghosted you for 2 days, prolly fucking big dick nig as revenge and make you get a black baby

>What do I do?
Firstly, calling your wedding day "meaningless" is never going to go down well, there's no coming back from that.
I'd point out that you fucked up by ever bailing her out and paying her rent, if she can't afford her basic living costs then she is a bit worse than "not good with money", if she is spending her money socialising before she pays rent she isn't a good choice of partner and will spend any money you have.

She has some idea of the money you have access to which is why she let her friend talk up a £70k wedding (the most expensive wedding I've been to was £40k all in with suits/dresses, accommodation for everyone, meal, buffet, hog roast, etc), you can get last minute wedding locations at VERY nice places (a friend got married at St Audries wedding venue in Somerset for £15k).

If she is willing to move out to her friends' place after a row she is probably fucking someone else or waiting for you to sweat so she can come back making demands (namely spending loads on a wedding because she won't see your trust money as "earned" and thinking she is entitled to it), don't get hung up on her being your first love or the girl who punched your V card as you're better off without her, she doesn't believe in your investments, costs you money and won't talk like an adult.

I can say this relationship is actually over the way you talk. Like paying a rent seems to annoy you. I know the feel..

Be brave user...

Some girl are just crazy and now she will talk to her friends about his loney and they will be on your back for the rest of your life.

For me, its over..

abort

walk brother. she sounds like a divorce waiting to happen

I have a job that pays all the bill,s my startup idea is just that, an idea I'm pursuing. If not wanting people to know that I've got a nest egg that I can fall back on makes me an incel then I'll happily claim the title. Not telling someone you have money is not a breach of trust as it has nothing to do with them. This seems like a really stupid line of thinking, do you share every aspect of your financial life with your partner?

I'm sorry that you seem to need public approval or a special day to make your relationship worth something, i don't need an expensive day to realise I'm in love with someone

Fucking feminist bitches spotted

It IS meaningless. It only has meaning if you force it to. A marriage doesnt need to be anything more than a 20 minute trip to city hall to fill out the paperwork and have some religious nutter say a few words because ????.

if i had to guess, getting married is more than you're in love with the person but do you guy's support each other's futures. not just like emotionally, like she'll talk to you if work sucked, but also like do her goals and your goals compliment each other.

i would just keep your money to yourself and not help her out with ludicrous spending, and she will either adapt and handle finances on her own or she will keep griping to you about it. if the latter, one of you two will end up dumping the other eventually.

I didn't say it needed to be expensive either dipshit. It could be the cheapest thing in the world, it could be just going to the fucking court house with her and some close people as witnesses, but the important thing is that you said your wedding day is meaningless. You're making a pretty fucking meaningful commitment and taking vows. If you meant something else then you should've said something else because if you said that a wedding day is meaningless to her then you fucked up and you're wrong.

It doesn't need to be big, it doesn't need to be anything, but taking vows to be with someone forever and signing a legal contract of your intentions to share your lives is definitely not a meaningless day like OP apparently told his girlfriend.

The fuck are you on about? A feminist would not be singing the praises of the institution of marriage. I just believe those vows should be taken seriously and that it's a meaningful day when you take them. Don't get it twisted.

None of this is to say I think OP should stay with this person, OP, just get out I'm trying to make that clear with this statement. The important thing is that you end this.

You need to dump this greedy thot. Marry her and she will eventually come after everything you have.

Wahmen here
Dump her ass RN
Irresponsible with money, friends that give her horrible life advice out of jealousy, ghosting you....
This relationship is already over. Don't be sad, be THANKFUL that you broke up so early and that this haggard didn't get married to you and thus entitled to half of your shit when she herself is super financially irresponsible.

It is meaningless. You sign the marriage license long before the wedding. My grandparents have been married 68 years. You know when their wedding was? Three years ago, for their 65th anniversary. It STILL probably clocked in under $1,000, despite the fact they're stinking rich.

Don't listen to anyone who says that weddings are relevant to anything even a *minute* after they end.

Eh, big weddings are more or less expression of wealth and status. Which can be very important depending on your social climate.

Money is something very personal. It's one thing to share when you're planning to raise a family or doing a project together when you both have an income, but otherwise, the amount you have or make is very personal.

My girlfriend every now and then tries to fish for this information and she still says "I'll have to know one day". She'll probably make more money than me in the long run, but she's not very good with money. She can either judge me by this or go crazy if she calculates how much she thinks we can spend together instead of me.

The best thing to do is keep this private to a certain point.

Society feeds good people with very superficial and materialistic values to replace their traditional ones, it's a tragedy. She admitted once she was materialistic.

Not to mention, you are a man with your own planning. Men and women are different, they see responsibilities and obligations by different angles.

Give her an honest talk if you feel like saving this relationship, but be aware of who you're getting together with, sometimes we overlook red flags over feelings. And her friends are horrible. If she's impressionable, you'll be marrying them instead of her.

I think wait, she left you after a bad fight but wrong words, guy so wait. She reaches out first, accept. If you reach out first and she refuses, drop her. No begging, be adults and talk it out. Discussion, however long it takes.
If she can be separated from the influence, not necessarily the people, then it may be worth it. How you get her to understand that her friends aren't trying to help but are just selfishly rambling and damaging your relationship, I don't know.
There's a difference (the wedding) between a special day about you two and financial expenditure, if she doesn't or won't get that I don't think its worth it

And I'm sure they still remember the day they actually signed the license as meaningful to them.

Break up. You don't trust her, don't commit to her long term.

>Why does my financial situation matter to her though?
Because she's your future wife.
I disclosed everything about my financial situation to my boyfriend when we got serious. Because your financial situation is important, and I hope we're on the same page when it comes to managing it.

>You think the day that you take vows in front of everyone you know to love and care for another person for the rest of your lives is meaningless?
It is. If you love someone, are committed to someone, you don't need to throw a big party and spend money you could save for the education of your children or a house on something that will be away in a day.
I want to take the vows because I want to promise it to my future husband that I'll be there for him, not for a big party with friends and family. I actually just want my parents at my wedding.

Wedding "traditions" are nothing more than marketing tactics pushed by marriage companies. Fuck her and her friends.

It's also part biology.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handicap_principle

>Israeli """scientist"""
>"""discovers""" flaunting wealthy stuff makes you more attractive
oy vey

Time to say goodbye.

Poor people spend ever hot penny that comes into their lives, she would ruin you.

Why do you have to hide money? It doesn't matter for her to know about it, the fact you hid it says something about you not her, if she knew about the plan and it never came up i understand however it's definitely a trust issue with you and her if you're going to hide facts about your financial security to her.

You do realise even if people know you are rich you don't lose the right to tell them to fuck off when they ask for money, right?

The party might be meaningless but the people you want there to share it with and the day you take the vows itself is definitely not.

It's completely meaningless.
I make a vow to my husband and to God, everyone else doesn't need to be there.
The day is just a day. I will remember it, it will but it's just a day.

looking at this story, i mostly see reasons to break up:

>lost virginity to each other (imo you should be with at least a few partners before marrying, which isfor the rest of your life)
>she is not good with money butshe wants to spend a lot on a wedding because it's her day, interesting show of character.. also uses the expression "OUR" money
>relationship is also tainted forever by you not mentioning the family money
>throws a temper tantrum instead of rationally discussing

man... i'm just reading this shit and even i dont like this girl, sorry to say. good luck with your startup though

If she's bad with money and has annoying friends, those are two huge red flags

Dump her now

Okay so you're saying you'll remember it but it's meaningless?

Ahh the she demon shows her true colors. Count your blessing OP, she just outed herself as a gold digger! Boy you are lucky, I wish my father got the same warning as you do.

This all sounds like she was dissatisfied before and isn't feeling spoilt enough

Usually arguments like this-- over money-- come from people who are used to being paid for when it comes to luxury. Gross

With "the day" most people mean the party, the celebration, the decoration, the dress and shit like that. It is completely meaningless.
I will remember the date and how we spent it, since it's an important event of my life. But it's not important itself, no. It's just a date. I'll remember because something important took place on that day.
I don't think spending several thousands dollars to throw a party is a good way to show "we love each other".
And everything but the fact that I promised my husband I'll love him forever is meaningless. If I did it at a airport chapel in Vegas, in a remote church or at a party with 600 people, the fact that I promised him I'll be his forever is literally the only thing that truly matters.

If that's her reaction then it's probably safe to say that she cares more about your money than you. You're right about the wedding being a lot for a day most people would forget (though it's ok to spend some money on it for yourselves). Sounds like her friends have a bad influence on her too. Next gf you get, after a time, tell her about it your money and gauge her reaction. Tell her it's staying in savings so she can't try to suck it out of you, just so she knows you guys are safe financially.

But yea. She will try to guilt you now into 70 000 wedding. do not text her or call her. Its like a runaway child - she either will come back or die near a road by a truck driver somewhere. Its that or the other.

I've got about ~3,000,000$+ coming my way in the next 10 years. I haven't said shit to my girlfriend on the figure. She's aware my family is wealthy, but she doesn't know I am getting the majority of the wealth.

I am not a spender. I don't ever plan to spend that money on fancy shit. I am a simple man. I feel like she understands that, but her family might not. Her mom especially whose wasted her "fortune" and is about to be broke in a few years.

I have literally never said in my posts you needed to spend anything or have a big party, I was just making the point that the actual day and what happens on it, that the event that actually takes place is special no matter what happens and for OP to say it is meaningless to his girlfriend in the original post is very very dumb. I also said as much in . If you're conflating the word "day" I used and OP used with the words "great big party" that is not my responsibility. It is an important and meaningful day where something important and meaningful happens and for OP to say words to his girlfriend that implies that the day is not a meaningful one, that is incorrect and can be hurtful if those are really the words he chose.

>70 grand on a fucking wedding

Lmao what the fuck is wrong with western women

> If you're conflating the word "day" I used and OP used with the words "great big party" that is not my responsibility.
Because that's what people mean by it.
Of course getting married is important, and people remember doing it. It's not like taking a dump, you don't do it every single day.
>one of them is a "party planner" and quotes £70,000 as a good price
>I say "fuck off" as it's too expensive, leads to an argument that I apparently don't want to have a special day with her
[...]
>explain I want something cheap as the day is meaningless and we should save the money for something that helps us
When OP said it's meaningless, he didn't mean that getting married is meaningless to him, and you're dumb if you didn't catch that. He just meant that spending 70k£ on a party is pointless to him, that having a big party is meaningless, that the special day should be about them getting married and not about a big party where they spend 70k£.
You're arguing semantics, or genuinely stupid.

>But yea. She will try to guilt you now into 70 000 wedding. do not text her or call her.
This. She's manipulating you by not responding to your texts. I've seen this before multiple times. It's a trap to make you feel guilty. You're supposed to feel empty without her, she's taking away her love, so when she does come back you're supposed to go "Oh baby I see it now, being with you is important and I want to make you happy blah blah let's have that big day you've been dreaming of, love, it's once in a lifetime"

Just dump her, man. She seems like the type that would take half of your income over the pettiest thing.

>Whilst the average British wedding costs around £23,000 and requires a fair amount of planning, an Asian wedding cost can be upwards of £50,000
It's not a problem with western women.
I spent around 5k$ from everything from dresses, to church, to restaurant, to honeymoon.

My girlfriend is Filipino, her mom says she might spend 100k$ on our wedding. USD. 100k. On a wedding. YIKESSSS

>23 grand on a fucking wedding

What the fuck is wrong with british women

What the fuck are you even spending all that money on

I had my dream wedding. Just us, immediate family, best friends. Literally 16 people. I was wearing my grandma's dress, he was wearing his dad's suit.
Had a small dinner at a nice restaurant we really like, then a small party at our house.

Dress, food, venue, church, decorations, entertainment, etc. And in most other cultures they spend even more.

i gotta say great dream wedding, user, i really like that and hope i can have something similar when the time comes

Surely all that doesn't cost 23 fucking grand.
That's an annual salary for a lot of people.

Thanks user!

Yeah it is.
Just dresses, make up, hair and shit get you to 3k$.
Photographer, vidiographer, photographer and band cost you almost 10k$ already.
Add food (around 70-80$ for each guest), venue (can be several thousands, I've heard around 10k$ for decent places), ceremony site, transportation, officiant, cake, etc.
Shit's expensive.

I’m arguing semantics because words matter, be precise with them or risk being misunderstood and hurting people and having to apologize.

It's a well known fact that businesses upcharge for weddings for literally no reason other than the fact that bridezillas will make it work.

Holy fuck, women are literally the perfect goyim.

She's not a gold digger, all women love money. BUT, and it's a big but, she's "high maintenance", she wants to spend big all the time, and has ZERO money management skill.
While she won't be solely with you for the money, she will be a leech that will always push for more shit she doesn't really need, and will just gather dust in your home.
I don't like letting women know how much money my family has.

You need to get out bro. It's already a bad sign she's bad with money. That'll just echo when you get married.

The average American wedding totals about ~26 grand. I've been paying attention to planning out my own wedding in the upcoming years. Trust me, it's not hard to hit that number.

Get the fuck out is what you do. That crazy bitch is going to try to take you for everything you're worth, especially knowing that you're worth more than she originally thought. She will make your life hell.

I'm not sure why you would want to marry someone you don't trust and who is not on the same page regarding spending but if you do, I would advise having an iron clad prenup.

You didn't trust her enough to tell her about your financial situation, so already there is going to be a wall between you two. It won't work out, you castle is being built on sand not stone.

Why does the financial situation matter but to superficially judge the other?
When you go out on a date, do you introduce yourself with your salary?

He should’ve told her some time after they got engaged. Financial situation matters when you’re planning to live with someone for the rest of your lives. It’s just unfortunate that the info came out while OP and his fiancee were already fighting about money

It's stupid to spend a lot of money on a wedding. Just go fly somewhere nice and tell those who love you to fly there (no gifts). Easy simple. I don't blame you for not trusting her with money, she doesn't sound like she is good with it and also it was wrong for her to bash your business. I usually take the woman's side but not here.

This pasta sucks. You faggots are so easily baited its pathetic.

Ceremony on a beach, reception in a restaurant

Honestly you are all retarded

They were engaged you idiot. By this time shit like this should be out in the open between them. Otherwise why are you planning on marrying someone you don't fully trust?

You need to consider her feelings more.

Yeah the wedding plan is over the top, but you do need to listen to her and explain yourself after valuing her more. Also technically yes the money is "our" money because in her mind she is already with you, meaning she wants to be with you so badly that she can't see any other possibility.

You did a lot of things wrong here and intelligently tried to play it off like she is evil when she is not. She's just a woman, and almost a married one at that. She can't provide when pregnant, breastfeeding, and rearing many children and women feel a lot of fear. You failed to cure her fear by not giving her the security needed.

I hope you can wrestle with your ego a little bit here and try to listen, understand, and accept her a little more. Again this doesn't mean agreeing to a huge wedding. But for example, seriously listen and emphatise with why she feels she needs a huge wedding. It's her honest and real experience, she is living her life and this reality makes sense to her. You just tore down her reality without valuing her experience.

>Why does the financial situation matter but to superficially judge the other?
Because you need to be able to trust the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with and be able to work together and overcome things only money can solve. Its not everything, but its important. You need money to live, the better you are at handling it the better off you will be.

Prove its pasta

>"you won't spend 70k to have a special day with me"
>"I think it's meaningless"

Would you rationally think
>he's saying marrying me is meaningless
>he is saying that throwing a huge party and spending all that money is meaningless
It's not semantics, it's just logic.
Makes sense she got upset if she's the most emotional child in the world and she wants to legitimise throwing a fit over not getting her stupid, expensive wedding paid for, but really no logical adult would think he's saying "oh I don't give a shit about our wedding day".

>Also technically yes the money is "our" money because in her mind she is already with you, meaning she wants to be with you so badly that she can't see any other possibility.

>your money is already her money too because she thinks it is somehow

what the fuck are you smoking

>She can't provide when pregnant, breastfeeding, and rearing many children and women feel a lot of fear.
Ever heard of M A T E R N I T Y L E A V E? There are also these places called D A Y C A R E S
Strike 2 for retarded

>understand, and accept her a little more... and emphatise with why she feels she needs a huge wedding. It's her honest and real experience, she is living her life
Yeah, just because you're breathing doesn't entitle you to have a 70k wedding at new hubby's expense
you're a woman, retarded, and I don't know how you found this place, but go back to instagram and pinterest

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OP here, it's not pasta but it is bait. I post a new bait thread maybe once a week. My go to is usually "I told my fiance I wanted a prenup and she got mad" but I wanted to mix it up this time.

It's just fun reading the feminazis defend the girl and the incels get mad at the feminazis

I also do "My wife confessed she cheated on me and the daughter I love isn't mine" and "My GF cheated and lied to my friends about it, should I just ditch everyone"

This pasta has been circulating Jow Forums for years. It always starts with a guy from a rich family who hides his wealth from his girlfriend (who is bad with money), they get engaged and she finds out that he has a ton of money then they get into a fight about it. Sometimes the pasta is about how he wants a prenup and sometimes the pasta is about how she wants to spend a ton of money on the wedding. At the end there's always a "slip up" and he accidentally tells her he's secretly rich. Sometimes there are slight variations but its always this specific series of events.

Real life hasn't hit you yet. Also I don't think any women love you.

I'm 27 and farther on in life. I understand people. Even when they are wrong or outrageous, I always understand them.

If my girlfriend asked me for a hyper-expensive wedding, and I felt it was impossible, then I would sit her down and listen to her. I would ask her every single reason why it's important to her. Even though I don't agree or naturally understand it, I respect that she is a woman and lives a different experience. I would treasure all her desires and, with that in mind, it would be easy to plan a wedding perfect for both of us. Not just one of us.

Here's a rough example.
Just an example, ok?

I listen to her. By talking to her, I realize the high price tag is mostly about memory. She confesses to me that she'll talk about this day for the rest of her life, show it off in photo albums, her diary, facebokk, and so on. The emotion is fear. She fears being outdone or selling herself short.

By listening to her I realize two things: she feels fear and is mostly concerned about the memory of the occasion, rather than the actual experience.

So I think about it. The I offer a suggestion to cure her fear: Why not hire a damn good photographer? Better yet, hire a social media expert. And that friend I know who works for the newspaper, I bet her could get us a small spot, with a picture and all. That way, the memory of the occasion will be beautiful and perfect, even if the wedding is just normal.

When she hears this, she is estatic. She calls me a genius. She jumps in my lap and gives me a huge hug and thanks me for not judging her and even apologized for demanding such a hugh price wedding.

In the end, we reduce a possible 70k£ wedding into a mere 7k £. We are both very satisfied with this arrangement. A fight was never necessary.

So there you go. It took me a long time to realize this. But you really do have to listen to women and value their experience, even if it's dumb.

dump her ass. and to anyone saying her reaction was justified, reverse the genders and ask yourself if any reasonable guy would have even reacted close to the manner she did

Is op, the girl?

T. Someone who has never ever spoken with a woman.

i'm in a relationship with one

I'm sure you are, m'lady

Not him but maternity leave only lasts so long, and in the US you're only entitled to 12 weeks and it's usually not paid during the whole time. most medical research suggests that you should breastfeed your child for at least a year in order to get the best health outcomes. This means the mom would be back at work attempting to pump enough breast milk to freeze and store so the daycare workers can thaw it throughout the day to feed the child. Inadequate supply also becomes more of an issue when the mother is not feeding the child directly and on demand, because she will pump less than she would breastfeed and seeing and holding the infant helps milk production by releasing hormones. So you run the risk of the mother's supply of milk running too low to feed the child if she pumps while at work, not to mention the costs associated with the equipment for that (pump, sterilization equipment for the parts that touch milk but aren't disposable, special hygienic disposable bags for freezing and thawing breast milk, etc..) and frequent breaks while at work to pump.

All this and a mother is missing out on critical bonding time with her child which not only is damaging to her relationship with the child, but being away from the primary caregiver and instead being cared for by a rotating staff of strangers for long periods early in life is also associated with impaired bonding for the infant and therefore worse psychological outcomes for them later in life.

And daycare is fucking expensive in most places if you want one that won't abuse your kids. It quickly eats up large portions of what the mother would make by going back to work anyway, while giving worse outcomes or at least putting the child at more risk than if she were to stay home and look after the child herself for longer.

I think that guy is reasonable in his assumption that a woman would want a man that could provide for her during this. Don't know about his other points though haven't read them.

>claims I was hiding it form her because I don't trust her
Apparently you were right.

I got married under $5k and it was the best day of my life. You have good intuition user, don't doubt it...

You'll never win arguing with a woman about weddings.

If she actually prefers a small wedding, fine. But anyone who wants a big fancy wedding and doesn't even get something approaching it is going to have that fester inside them the entire time you're married.

You may as well bitch about greeting cards and thank-you notes. Yes, it's a scam perpetuated by the associated industry. Yes, it's a waste of paper and there's no reason a well-written email shouldn't be at least as good as a two-sentence card. No, you're not going to get away with not sending one.

70k......on a wedding. What in the hell....im a woman i sweat spending 10k on a wedding. All you need it for is pics for when youre old.

>come from wealthy family, parents died when I was young and money is handled in a trust

>still get a good degree and work, have my own money saved up as well as working on a start-up with a friend

Not gonna lie, I thought OP was going to end the post by saying that he was batman and the startup was Wayne Enterprises or something along those lines.

Leave her duh.

She's a gold digger. plenty of gold diggers out there and a lot of them seem like sweet girls for a long time. But when they get funny about money then you know.

The signs are there. Pursue this woman and you'll be like every other divorced fool who had to give a woman a ton of money to go away.

Dude trust me. I have many divorced friends. And a couple of them were wealthy when they divorced. Once that card gets dealt you see a side of the woman you can't even imagine. Completely selfish and vile.

SO, be damn sure you have a woman that loves YOU and would be equally happy with no money in the picture. These women are out there.