Help me, was i really that bad, or is she maybe a little unhinged?
I had a college roommate 4 years ago but we only lived together a couple months. I was the one who voluntarily moved out. We were on separate lease so she wasn’t responsible for my rent or anything.
I apologized to her via message 3 years ago for treating her super badly as a roommate,then unfriended her. and then she just sent me all this today.
Was i really that bad?? I thought maybe she’d respond like this right after i sent it. but it’s been 3 years since i sent the original message..and i also havent seen her since??!
I stole her food and brought noisy drunk people over and wasn’t very clean. It’s not great at all and i know it was a shitty thing to do. but i dont think it was that out of the norm for college life, and we weren’t living in filth. I’m just really confused and a little shocked. I’m gonna not respond anyway and probably block her
>I only stole food and was a filthy fuck and made a fuckload of noise >but it's normal r-right guys?
You're the scum of the earth, literally kys.
yes you were bad but i don't necessarily think an outburst like this would be normal. so OP the fuck are you not telling us?
I meant to say that it was really bad of me but i thought it wasn’t something to be this upset about for 3 years? And we only lived together for 2-3 months max?
I stopped all that behaviour btw. I’m trying to be better i just need some help
Some of us can't handle living with people like you. There are people who would be okay with it, or indifferent to it, but depending on the way a person was raised and their own idiosyncrasies, living with someone who is messy and inconsiderate is just about the worst thing we could ever endure.
As far as apologising long after the fact goes, I agree with her. It's self-gratifying and has nothing to do with making amends.
OP can you send the messages in whole with the private shit blocked (or not ;))
Sorry. I’ll try to remember. I was doing drugs and drinking but i was mostly out of the house. No heroin or anything. Sometimes i brought drunk friends over but only to make a quick stop and grab something. We never stayed long. I think she knew i was selling xanax to friends, but i tried to keep it out of the house, and don’t think i ever did any deals in the house.
Her door was locked and i dont think anyone stole anything. She never told me if they did. There wasn’t anything to steal besides soap.
I didn’t talk to her friends or try to steal her bf. I didn’t really talk to her at all. I remember i brought in a mediator for us, because i was a shithead but i wanted to try and make it better.
I bought my own food but would also nick hers. She wanted the house to be sparkling clean. I tried but my mess was leaving my jackets somewhere and forgetting the dishes. I didn’t get ants, flies, or even mold.
That’s all i remember. I never fought with her. We argued about my mess but i didn’t yell at her or try to sabotage her. I kept to my room or was outside the house all the time
>we didn't get mold and that's the difference between being tidy and being messy
It's pretty unhinged of her to send this 3 years later. If this had been a week or so after the original apology I'd say she was well within her rights; nobody has to accept any apology after all.
But her waiting 3 years makes it seem like she's coocoo for cocopuffs. Why would she even think about it 3 years later, unless she was totally bonkers?
That makes sense, she was a very clean person. I genuinely felt bad for how i treated her after i grew up a bit. and thought i should apologize. It didn’t make me feel like i was a saint. I accepted that she would probably ignore it and never respond and not forgive me. And i was okay with that. And i removed myself from her life. But i dont think it was self gratifying?
OP isn't telling us something I bet.
agreed. Now OP what the fuck did you do?
It was self-gratifying because you apologised to assuage your guilt. You grew up and started to feel bad about it, so you apologised. An apology shouldn't hinge on YOUR feelings as much as it should on the other person's feelings. If you said something mean as a joke and the person you said it to took it seriously, you'd quickly apologise and smooth things over because you weren't looking to hurt their feelings or upset them, even though you don't feel bad because it wasn't intended to be mean.
I think you misunderstood. OP didn't wait 3 years to apologize, he apologized 3 years ago. The girl waited 3 years to reply to that apology.
Here I said everything i did in that post. For sure i never hit her or touched her at all, and i never threatened to. I don’t know of anything else i could have done to upset her beyond what i already said. Maybe i was a druggie but i’ve never been violent and all my drug highs consisted of me using downers and passing out in my room
She was a very very clean and type A person so it could have just been much worse for her? She was definitely not in love with me or anything. We just didn’t talk
Did you respond to her yet. If not all you can do is acknowledge how much of an asshole you were back then in your reply. You don't need to add an apology. Ex. I was a dispicable roomate... goodbye... don't say you're right or I know. or say it wasn't that bad. Just the truth from how it was for her. Things like that can really take a toll on someone.
>we lived together 4 years ago for a few months >3 years ago I apologised
It was still long after the fact and an apology is a tiny band-aid for months of injurious behaviour.
Waiting 3 years is still a weird thing to do.
You seem to have seen your mistakes I stole her food and brought noisy drunk people over and wasn’t very clean.
Tell her this, but phrase it so it seems less light hearted it will help your concious and she may see that you've come to understand your mistakes too. I'm old I've lived a long time. done things that would warrant a similar response, many years after it happened. acknowledging your mistakes sparing yourself no benefit of the doubt is about all you can do.
Okay, so should i just not apologize to people i realize i hurt? I thought you were supposed to own up to your mistakes?? We lived together 3 months MAX so i thought maybe she would appreciate an apology. Am i supposed to just ignore everyone i hurt?
I sent the apology to her like 4 months after i moved out, but it was around new years so sorry for the confusion.
Ask if you can stuck the stress out of her titties.
tellher to either fuck off or just ignore it. the fuck it matters to you unless u have feeings for her
are you fucking 14 user?
Just ask, it might work.
Thank you, i will keep doing my best to be a better person. She said she doesnt want me to reply so i will leave her alone. I don’t really want to reply anyway since she seems too angry for anything
It matter because i am trying to be a better person. And i wasn’t sure if i should feel much worse about being a bad roommate or if maybe i should just ignore her message because 3 years is weird. I definitely dont have feels
People with normal empathetic responses can see when they've hurt someone on the spot and make their apologies then. To live with someone for months and essentially bully them the whole time without ever feeling bad about it, only asking yourself 4 years later if your actions were "really that bad," is a special level of inconsiderate.
I'm not saying you shouldn't apologise, or that you even have to mean it when you apologise to someone on the spot, just don't go around saying you're sorry long after it's said and done and expecting the other person to just forgive you. The desire to own up to your past mistakes has a noble root but it does not entitle you to their forgiveness or understanding.
If it really was 3 years ago then don’t respond. It’s concerning that she waited that long to say something. Plus she also says in the message to not reply so yeah. Block her and be a better person.
I guess i don’t have a normal level of empathy. I tried to flip the situation around but i wouldn’t get the same level of upset at all if she bullied me for months and then apologized later. And i have been bullied before.
I also said i wasn’t expecting forgiveness. I never did. I expected that she’d just never respond and block me on everything, honestly. I expected that she would hate me. I didn’t think she’d send me this really upset and mad messages 3 years later.
I guess i phrased it badly but i don’t have a normal meter of behaviour, and i am trying to fix that. I thought maybe i should feel worse about what i did? I don’t know. I know i was a mean and bad person but i’m just trying to be better
Send her a dick pic.
Empathy isn't about flipping the situation and deciding how you'd feel if it were you, it's about seeing the other person's feelings and understanding them. You wouldn't have been as put out if the situation were reversed, that's fine, people have different reactions to different things, but that doesn't invalidate her feelings on the matter. Your job isn't to say "well if it had been me" so much as it is to say "oh I can see that I've made you upset and I know how it feels to be upset and I've done a bad thing by you."
charge your phone you dumb nigger
Thanks, this makes a lot of sense. I will try to see it from the other person’s side from now on. I took the ‘how would you feel if’ thing too literally. Ok. Her feelings are valid. I don’t think they’re healthy or rational after all this time, but i accept that her feelings are valid and that i have caused them.
>> say... I've done a bad thing by you." If you choose to respond wait a day or a little more. Its best not to respond right away.