Testing my understanding of human psychology by giving out advice here. Life advice, relationship advice, anything like that.
My first bit of advice however... If you want to be more confident in general, I recommend meditating for 10 minutes a day. I also recommend Sam Harris' "Waking Up" meditation app, as I believe it to be the best meditation resource out there. A free 30 day trial can be had here: reddit.com
Ask away!
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en.wikipedia.org
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POO POO PEE PEE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ABRBRBRBRBRBRBRBBRBRBRBRBRBBRVRBRBRB
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How do you deal with jealousy? Intellectually, I know that I don’t really have a right to be jealous, and that I shouldn’t feel this way, but god damn it I feel sick to my fucking stomach. I feel dizzy. I’m having intrusive thoughts. I want to hurt myself. I want to fuck someone. I want to hurt someone. I’m losing hope of ever getting better. I thought I was starting to and now I’m worse than ever. Please, please help me.
These all very natural feelings and thoughts. It's likely a product of evolution. The problem is that you are likely giving said thoughts far too much attention. Know that when jealousy arises in your mind and body, remember that the feelings will eventually pass, as all do. Next time you feel jealous, try to be curious about what that feels like in your body. Where do you feel jealousy? In your head? Your chest? How do you know that you are feeling jealous? Try not to react out of jealousy. Just be aware of it and understand that it will pass. I also recommend meditating for 10 mins per day.
I feel it in my whole body. Mostly my stomach. I know the feeling will pass but it will come back until the root problem is “solved” which just seems not likely to ever happen. I’m so fucking lonely no matter what I do, even surrounded by friends, and I’m fucking desperate for validation from women even though I try to reject that idea. I think I really fucked up.
I've already asked you to start a daily meditation practise, as I believe this can be extremely useful when dealing with difficult emotions. Please understand that what you are going through is very natural and that you are not to blame. Forgive yourself. Know that people Love you unconditionally, no matter who you are or what you've done. There is no need to "solve" the problem to be at peace with it. And the best way I know of to be at peace with things is to meditate for 10 mins per day.
Are you still around?
OP here! Ask away!
I had very terrible formative experiences with women and sexuality. Is there anything you suggest I can do to help myself be able handle sexual contact and have healthy relationships with women? I have a therapist
Usually, poor performance in this area of life comes out of a fear. Fear that you will not be able to satisfy your partner, fear that you will disappoint, fear of judgment, etc. Fear is absolutely crippling to your performance in almost anything you do, but especially concerning the opposite sex. Believe it or not, meditation is once again the answer here. It will reduce your fear and increase your confidence. But, another piece of advice I can give to deal with fear: One of the best ways to overcome fear is to just go ahead and do it anyway. This will train you to understand that the consequences of failure/disappointment aren’t nearly as bad as you think they are. In life, we all usually tend to overestimate how positive good-experiences will be, and conversely, how negative bad-experiences will be. Expectations almost never match reality.
It's a really, really deep fear. It's not garden variety fear of rejection. My experiences were pretty bad. There's legitimacy to doing it anyway, but trying to take the whole thing on at once is plain stupid. I need to do it piecemeal to be effective
I will reiterate my recommendation of a daily meditation practise, using the app mentioned in the OP. As you train in mindfulness, you will break down your fear, day by day, slowly diminishing it as your mind becomes stronger. Small steps are also good. Find one small thing that you fear. Maybe complimenting someone, even a stranger (do it with a smile!). And then go and do it. See what happens. If it all goes tits up, then so what, it’s just a stranger, carry on and try again the next day.
I'm falling for a girl I met on tinder while I was in Liverpool. We met once for a short date but we've been talking 12 hours a day for 2 months since then. She's literally everything I could ever want in a girl, and the first girl(I've been in multiple relationships) I ever felt this way about. She feels the same way about me. The problem is that I live in Austria, and the soonest she could move here or I could move there is in 3-4 years until both of us finish our degrees.
Is 4 years too long for our flame to survive, or can we somehow make this work? We currently agreed to gradually start talking less and less so we don't become bitter. Is this a good plan, or is there something better we could do?
I’m not sure I can provide you with a good answer here. The situation is complicated and long-distance relationships are always difficult. That’s not to say that they can’t work, but just that they are difficult. Austria is not incredibly far from Liverpool, and flights aren’t terribly expensive, but I guess you know that already. I have a friend who is in a long-distance relationship, they’re both in their early 20s and met on an MMO. They play vidya together and watch movies/tv shows together over discord. Is 4 years too long for either of you? That, I really cannot say, it is up to you and her to decide. Perhaps discuss with her if she would be interested in trying a long-distance relationship. They’re easier these days, but I still would not say easy. Luck to you, brother!
I just don’t know how to talk to the girl I like.I guess my cousin could help help because she’s her friend.
You cannot think of what to say because your mind is too busy filled with self-concern, likely. The moment you can stop worrying about what others think of you, the words will come. This is easier said than done, which is why we train it with meditation. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves if they know you’re an attentive listener and ask the right questions. Everybody's an expert on something, everybody has a hobby. Maybe ask your cousin what your crush's interests are and then do a little reading on it. People love others with common interests.
I don’t really need a advice but what is meditation on the most basic level and what must I concentrate on?
How do I improve my drive, motivation, and spark in life?
As a beginner, if you use the app I mention in the OP, you will be practising a technique called Vipassana to invoke mindfulness. Mindfulness is a clear state of mind not cluttered by concepts, you are simply paying non-judgemental attention to whatever arises into your conscious awareness. The app will explain it a lot better than I can. If you are interested, I suggest trying it for 30 days, 10 mins a day. At that point you will know if the practise is for you. The app will make sure you are doing it correctly. In the beginning you will only be focusing on your breathing.
A daily meditation practise of 10 minutes per day!
More like "Sleeping with Ham Sarris" amirite
By removing your trip
OP here. I'll be going to bed in a min, hope I managed to help someone today. If the thread is still alive when I'm home from work tomorrow, I'll be sure to check in.
Been getting into meditation. It's been helpful for my anxiety. I feel like I'm learning all these things that resonate with me (Present moment being the most important, imperminance attitude etc.) But I can seem to go deeper than understanding it conceptually. I can practice a guitar or work a muscle easily because the only hurdle I have to go through is not letting myself procrastinate on practicing. Practicing life like someone trying to awaken seems unclear and much more tricky.
Thanks for the resource recommendation, got any others?
The reason I consider Sam's app the best resource, Is because he is able to precipitate certain insights into the nature of the mind by simply talking at you. You will experience this for yourself in the app if you try it for 30 days. In his book, "Waking Up", he discusses studying under Buddhist Dzogchen masters, who carry out the "pointing out" instruction on their students. I believe this is what Sam is doing with the app.
en.wikipedia.org
At some level, it's just the passing down of knowledge from teacher to student. But it's very effective. I recommend pirating the app off of Mobilism or 1337x if you don't want to use the trial.
This blog post is very relevant to the app: samharris.org
"For the fact is that a person can embrace the Buddha’s teaching, and even become a genuine Buddhist contemplative (and, one must presume, a buddha) without believing anything on insufficient evidence."
^ A one sentence summary of the app.