25, recovering shut-in formet NEET here. Friendless, virgin, etc the whole package.
I recently went back to college to try and make something of myself, but it's killing me.
I had made peace with the fact I'll never have friends and I'll never be romantically involved with a female. I understood I had missed the train on these things, I had accepeted that while I was a shut-in.
But ever since I started college, it's like having a first-row seat to the things I can never have.
How do I deal with this? I don't want it affecting my studies, but it does.
25, recovering shut-in formet NEET here. Friendless, virgin, etc the whole package
25, recovering shut-in formet NEET here. Friendless, virgin, etc the whole package.
Maybe spend some time talking to a professional about whether it's true that you'll never have those things. You might change your mind.
You're not that old. People get re-married in their 60's. I only had my first GF when i was 27.
Speaking like your life it over is your main problem. You have lots of time if you make a little effort.
How did you get out of the hiki life?
Therapy helped me to stop being a shut-in at 25 and finally get my license and start working on getting a decent degree.
I even had slight hopes that I could end up having a normal social life before I started, but those hopes shattered when I actually went there and realised opening up to anyone would mean revealing what normies conceive as massive red flags.
Therapy and my depression becoming a bit less heavy after nearly 6 years.
>but those hopes shattered when I actually went there and realised opening up to anyone would mean revealing what normies conceive as massive red flags.
small steps. just talk to them and be friendly. Like anything with practice you will get better.
Oh, don't get me wrong, my 'fake normie' game is spot on. I've been reading up on various sportsball stuff so I can interact, and I actually like cars also pretty much most normies play videogames.
I dress well, I'm always clean, use perfume, etc.
I'd say I'm not sperging out too much, I can interact just fine and put on a fake smile.
But I didn't get in any of the cliques that formed in the start and most people had social lives outside that place in the first place.
Dude you're in an OK spot. I'm the same age and in work, never see girls at all now. Just linger around and girls will show interest in you. I'm kind of jealous honestly. Even if I went back to school for a masters it would be all dudes.
>Just linger around and girls will show interest in you.
Is that how it works? They're mostly 18-19....
Also, I was ok with the fact I will never be with a real female, I just want to be ok with it again.
This is NOT how it works. You should linger around, see which girls are also lingering around, then go talk to them. waiting around will keep you a virgin forever.
I was fine with being a virgin forever before.
I just need to be fine with it again.
>implying girls don't like older guys
I now they do most of the time, but the moment a girl gets close enough to realise I have no friends and no relationship experience, it's over.
>But ever since I started college, it's like having a first-row seat to the things I can never have.
and this will never end. somewhere down the road you will see how your classmates get better grades than you despite working less. you will see how they graduate earlier, how they get more money, how they have girls, how they seem to get it all, everything. you can't wish away the fact that you will always be surrounded by people who have it better than you. i am a social climber and ever since uni this has become a permanent part of my life. in the ghetto it's easy being the king because you've been living amongst borderline retards. but once you reach the normal world, you'll notice how things really are. you will notice how utterly outclassed you truly are. understand this: you have to accept this fact and stop comparing yourself to other people. your success has to be measured relatively to your past self. anything else will lead to despair. got your first degree at 30 while everyone else does at 21? so what. got your first girlfriend at 30 while everyone else does at 16? so what. i could go on but you get it by now.
I'm by no means outclassed in studies.
And no, I won't get my first gf at 30, or ever, because of the reasons I described in . I was fine with it before, but I can't make myself fine with it now.
Money can be acquired with hard work. Social and romantic experience is like a train, either you get on it on time or you don't and you're left out.
>OH FUCK THIS GUY IS A LONER VIRGIN GOTTA GO
is this really how you think it would play out?
I used to sit and stare at the wall and girls would talk to me. And that was as a skelly baby face who smoked cigs. The trick is you have to engage back which I never did. They only engage you once or twice before moving on, so beware.
You're not alone. Find something to distract you from what you cannot have. Personally I just tip my hat down listen to music until I'm no longer surrounded. IDGAF if normals think I'm creepy for it.
learning how to talk and attract girls is no different from learning fourier transforms. you're not that unique or "left out" as you think you might be. i know you because i once was you. at around age 25 it too hit me that i do need a girl and that the self-deception doesn't work anymore. do you despair and give up when thinking that you have to master some specific thing in uni? no, you learn and practice until you master it. please understand it, please read this sentence again and again: attracting girls is a SKILL that can, and must, be learned. teaching you this would require me writing 10k words but you'll get there on your own once you finally realize what it is. there is no "oh im abnormal nobody likes me im ugly etc.". but there is "i have not YET learned the SKILL!!! of attracting a girl". i know i write like a maniac but i don't know how else to imprint this message into your brain. start by learning techniques of salesmen, continue to practise these techniques in low-risk situations and from then gradually increase the difficulty until in no time you can ask out girls. because god dammit, this is like anything else in uni, a skill you just have to learn. i don't know, here's how it doesn't look like:
1. be ugly
2. never ask girls out because of 1.
it looks maybe like this:
1. aqcuire better attitude
2. learn salesmen techniques
3. learn cold approaching
4. practise cold approaching in the streets by asking strangers for the time or w/e
5. learn the art of body language
6. practice that
... x steps later
15. ask out a girl in uni
16. get rejected
17. ask out another one
you are a human that has yet to learn how to be a human. i dont want to hear any "but i cant..." from you anymore. you can do it. you must do it. i've been in your shoes once and PROMISE you that it works. if you only put in the required work.
>attracting girls is a SKILL that can, and must, be learned.
Don't listen to this idiot, OP! Love has become a minefield, and bouncing betty wont hesitate to ruin your life on a whim.
>I had made peace with the fact I'll never have friends and I'll never be romantically involved with a female.
>But ever since I started college, it's like having a first-row seat to the things I can never have.
This is corny delusional thinking. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I've heard this countless times: someone not having any friends is a massive red flag.
I also assume not having any relationship experience by 25 is also a big red flag.
Why would any girl at my uni be interested in an older guy if he has neither maturity nor experience?
I usually read LNs on my phone but sometimes I must keep up my 'pretend normie' appearances.
I appreciate it user, but I didn't ask how to approach girls. I'm not at a point where this is an issue.
My issue is being ok with the fact I never will have a social or romantic life. As i said, I used to be ok with it, but now that I'm out of the house it's hard to be, but the fact that it's impossible doesn't change.
How am I delusional? I'm just being realistic here.
It's like a job opening, that requires at least a few months of prior work experience, but you don't have that experience and they stopped giving out internships years ago.
I hear you normies say 'he has no friends, there's something wrong with him, stay away' all the time and then you turn around and spout bullshit like your post.
If I wasn't pretty good at keeping up my 'fake normie' persona at uni I'd probably not even interact with them at all.
'You have friends, bro?'
'Yeah but as we are getting older, with guys working all the time or being busy with relationships, it is getting pretty hard to meet up, kind of growing apart'
That was hard.
It’s no skin off my bones if you don’t agree. I can tell you’re doing this for attention.
By “doing this” I mean posting.
Noone will ask me that.
They will simply realise by my lack of social skills if I ever get in a situation aside casual uni interactions with them. And by my severe lack of knowledge of all the popular bars, clubs and other joints in my area, let alone events, that everyone seems to know, go to, and talk about.
And my severe lack of talking about my past social experiences, which normies don't seem to ever shut up about.
I'm simply too much of a 'background character' atm for them to pay attention to these things, but if I were to start hanging out with them, some would notice.
I know what you mean. I don't deny it, it's a kind of social interaction I can be honest in. At least answer the question, how am i delusional?
Friends and relationships are overrated. Learn to have fun yourself. Realize that friends and girlfriends will stab you in the back, and you can do things you enjoy and be alone without being lonely.
People will pick up on your independence and confidence with being alone and will want to hang out with you.
>My issue is being ok with the fact I never will have a social or romantic life.
you're wrong. maybe i misinterprete you and wrongly assume that you are exactly like i was. but if you are, then you only think like this to cope with the fact that you don't possess the skill yet to get a social and romantic life. you can. the very first step to this is admitting that you can. everything is not set in stone.
Lacking in social skills? Get them. I learned them in alright manner when I was 20. Start doing hobbies, parttime jobs or ask people from your class to have a coffee and do homework together or something.
Lacking in knowledge of popular places, ask people about it. Not having experiences in social situations? Back to first point, make some.
But you know what? You won't. You decided that there is absolutely nothing you can do. Your self-defeating mindset will prevent you from getting any better, dumb faggot.
The problem is that you say you're "ok" with not having it. Do some research online on how many ways a woman and destroy your life on a whim. Once you see them for the landmines they've made themselves out to be, the only feelings you feel around them is your instinct for survival. Only the ignorant tred minefields willingly.
You seem to have a magic crystal ball that only reveals pathetic, defeatist futures, and then you act like the phony revelations you have are some kind of prophecy. When someone calls you on it, you say, “Hurr durr, normies!!” so that you can continue living in a hollow life where you don’t have to expose yourself to emotionally unpleasant risks and realities. I don’t know for sure, but I assume that’s how you got here in the first place.
Everything is not in stone indeed, but even assuming it's possible, it would require time and work and I can't let it affect my studies in the meantime.
Well, the shut-in me from a year ago couldn't fathom that the me from now would be studying at uni, dressing well, driving a nice car, etc etc, not even in his wildest dreams.
In that sense, anything is possible and I did make a lot of progress in a small time, but in this matter I feel like it's hopeless because it's not entirely up to me and my own efforts.
I don't live in the US. The law here isn't as cucked (yet) as over there and some of the more cucked countries. Women are't as insuferable either, or so it seems by the little I can gather.
Despite that, I realise a 'sweet girl who will understand and help the lonely former shut-in' doesn't really exist, and even if girls in my country are generally not as bad, they're still normies and red flags apply.
I used to be a khv, too. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 28
You need to work on becoming a better person.
Improve yourself physically and mentally and cut down on unproductive shit in your life.
If you really put yourself to it, you can turn your life around
But it all depends on how much work you're willing to put in
They surely are defeatist, but they are based on logical conclusions. It's not like 'he has no friends therefore something is wrong with him' is something I made up.
I know there's nothing wrong with me, I know I can get a social circle if I get the chance, but I also know people won't give me the time of day of they realise what I am.
In the end, if i was completely defeatist and wanted to run away, I would have stayed a shut-in.
They never engage, though.
And that’s why the beliefs are delusional. You’re willing to distort what the word ‘know’ even means to keep telling yourself your sad story.
Where? In Commonwealth countries you're legally married by common law after being with a woman for two years and your consent is moot. Regardless, do not have faith in the legal system; it is designed to punish man. Forget not who holds the scales.
>I don't live in the US
fuck I was going to ask an off topic question about being an older student. At least I can ask this, are you a full time student?
I was a literal hikkineet for 5 years untill 6 months ago for fuck's sake, and now I got my driver's license and went to uni. If that's not turning my life around, I don't know what is. Being a khv doesn't matter at all, getting bothered by it matters, Or rather, by the inevitability of it.
What am I supossed to do then? Ask the normies out for coffee and spill the beans that I'm a loser with no friends?
Rather not say, I've figured out many of the kids in my class are unironical Jow Forumsacks and it's not a stretch to think they'd visit Jow Forums for relationshit advice and whatnot.
Not sure what you mean by that, but if you mean if I work on the side, then no, I don't. My family is more than happy to support me since I stopped being a shut-in.
I want to get a job or internship next year though.
Just jerk off man. You gotta keep your semen levels low or else your body is gonna scream at you to reproduce all the time.
>My family is more than happy to support me since I stopped being a shut-in.
oh I'm glad for you. If I had the balls I could proooobably leech of my parents even more while taking loans for the schooling. But I'm such a fucking scared loser. I'm not as bad as you were but I am as stuck in my position as you were.
I was a chronic fapper, 4-5 times a day easily, sometimes up to 8.
I limited myself to once a day when I started uni because I was tired all the time if I fapped more than 3-4 times.
but user...you are the normies
and then user was a zombie
>spill the beans that I have no friends
I’m surprised you think that the median person even gives a shit about your epic 32 book series “how I am a loser and stuff.” they might be a little moved by the fact you are lonely, or concerned about why you’re alone, but the honest solution to that is to stop acting crazy.
you said “nothing is wrong with me,” but you have a massive thread full of (you)s where you describe (with too much detail and repitition I might add) many things that are wrong with you.
of course, people can’t see everything that’s wrong with them. you might think your defeatist self-obsession and distortion of what the word ‘know’ means is completely rational, but it honestly looks like some disorder in your personality and indication of how the problem got this far.
I find it extremely goofy that you have partially discredited me on the basis that I am a normie, simply because I disagree with you and am giving relatively sensical feedback.
get real, son.
You didn't 'reddit space' your previous posts, but you went full reddit spacing on this one. Did you do it on purpose to see if I would dismiss your post with 'fuck off reddit spacing faggot' or something?
Well, you're right to mis-read my posts because I worded them weirdly. Nothing's wrong with me in the sense I can interact and hold a conversation with normal people without sperging out or spaghetti dripping too much.
But there's obviously tons wrong with me. I have no idea how to escalate these interactions and am also pretty convnced it's wise not to, for reasons I've repeated many times.
Look, I'm not him but he's basically saying that your defeatist mindset is your own worst enemy. Keep going to therapy please. I'm not saying this to say fuck off but you have already gotten this far, you know you can go further.
anyway, I have to go do something else. I’m sure you have been led to water many times over the course of years, because who hasn’t, but if you refuse to drink then you will get the consequences and there’s nothing especially tragic about that.
it sounds like you’re making very good progress in other aspects of your life. the way we relate to other people is much deeper, and it’s not really surprising that everything isn’t totally resolved yet.
I haven’t used Reddit for more than 20 minutes in my life, and I’ve been here 10 years (unfortunately). There’s no real grammar standard on Jow Forums, so if you don’t like mine, that’s tough tiddies.
What I’m saying is it’s wholly possible for you to wake up just like a nOrMiE and say, “I have some things wrong at the moment, but I’m going to work on them one day at a time. I’m a mere mortal, so I can’t totally predict the future. Life holds many surprises and I don’t see the harm in having a little hope.”
Better to die of thirst, than to drink from a poisoned well. I will take nothing if I cannot have what I want.
You know how buttblasted some people get over reddit spacing, I thought that post was spaced like that on purpose. I've been here long enough to not care though.
If I didn't have any hope, I would still be a hikkineet, fapping 5 times a day to big tiddie futa porn on sadpanda. I just want it to not bother me anymore, it's fucking suffering.
That's bullshit though. I don't believe that, I will take what I can, that's literally what the thread is about.
Only subhuman minds lack the will to resist physical releases and temporary comforts. The only bull shitting here is you.