I recently had a nasty breakup, found out she moved on very quickly while we were supposed to take time to think about our future. I cut off with her and I want to send her a last letter even though I’m quite bitter and sorry.
I don’t know the tone I should get, I don’t want to appear pathetic nor arrogant. Anyone has ever went through that ? How were your «last» letter/text/call ? Any advice ? I will send it with her stuff and everything she gave me.
Am I doing it right ?
>I don’t want to appear pathetic nor arrogant
So don’t write the letter. You don’t need this final “gotcha!” in order to move on
Honestly the best thing is never contact her again. A letter let's her know you're thinking of her, which pleases her no matter the context.
She'll feel more shitty if she thinks that she never crosses your mind.
>we were supposed to take time to think about our future
You fell for it buddy, sorry to tell you, and no amount of letter writing will change anything.
Girls have a much deeper need to be wanted than men do. This is usually expressed in their desire to be in a relationship. It's something they place a lot of value on.
So, when you're with a girl and things go south, she's suddenly without the thing which fulfills her primal need to be wanted, and they go looking for a replacement immediately.
Almost invariably girls will jump on the next dick way sooner than you'd have thought. It's probably some guy she had on her backburner for a while. It's just how girls operate.
In another 6ish months, regardless of whether she's still with the new guy or not, she'll start to slow down and realise that she never processed the breakup with you and those emotions will come back to fuck her up. This is the guilt phase, where the hurt they are finally feeling over the break up (dulled because it was a long time ago, after all) is translated into guilt over jumping on the next dick so quickly. Sometimes the guilt is because they feel easy or like a slut for having just gone out with the next guy in line, other times the guilt is because they know they ruined a good thing and replaced it with an insufficient band aid.
>I don't want to appear pathetic
Writing some letter to her will invariably appear pathetic. Your best play is to do nothing about it. Nothing hurts a girl more than you not caring. Keep your cool, give her back her stuff, be polite but not friendly, and leave without getting drawn into it.
Do not write a letter. 100% no.
Mail her shit and be done with that chapter of your life.
Smart user...
Quick story:
Ex wife and I were friends after divorce cause whatever.
Once she realized I didn’t give a fuck about her anymore she freaked out and I had to block her number and change jobs.
Women require male validation to fuel their happiness.
(spot on thanks)
Thanks for the quality contributions mates, somehow I knew it but the pain made me want to.
I have two more questions about this, should I send all the stuff she got me over our relationship as well (post cards, gifts, notes and so on) or keep them and get rid of them by myself ?
I also wrote her a letter before it went south that could have saved the relationship (honestly, I’m not fooling myself here), I should keep it too ?
I must add that I know it’s over, I’m just still processing it and I’m not looking forward saving anything, just enough to write a letter, which I won’t for sure now.
Just stop writing letters user. The 1900s are over and there is no world where giving a girl a heart felt letter has ever fixed anything. All you can do now is save your dignity by keeping your mouth shut and burning any thought of trying to write a letter to her.
Throw away the keepsakes or keep them to yourself, but don't send them to her. It looks bitter, and the objective here is to look as disinterested as you possibly can, because that's the only way you get out of this without becoming some funny story she tells about an idiot who was hopelessly in love with her.
Thanks user, somehow I want her to feel shit like I do now. Cutting off all contact would be the only chance I get ? Or’maybe It’s bad to think that
Much appreciated, it’s what I thought in the first place, funny how the pain got me down. Thanks user
It's bad to think that. If you insist on thinking like that, then writing her a letter is not going to have the effect you want. She's going to read it (solid maybe on that, it might just go straight into the garbage) and be creeped out that you can't let go to the point where you've written her a letter.
The only chance you have is of detaching from the situation. Process the emotions on your own and don't take them out on her. There is nothing you can do to make her feel your hurt because women just deal with these things differently. Her hurt is being turned into feelings for this other guy right now and it will bite her later. For now there is nothing you can do to imprint your pain on her in any meaningful fashion.
What about Christmas gift ? We were supposed to give them to each other, I told to keep the one for me. Should I keep the one for her ? And just send the one from my family ? They didn’t knew and we broke up 2 days after Christmas. Sorry if I appear stupid with my questions but I want a successful break up for me. Thanks for your post, most cheering words I read so far.
Send neither. Christmas is long over.
Unless you want to burn any connection to your ex, just forget contacting her and move on.
No! Stop this. Send her as little as possible.
Im temped to convince you to toss her stuff into a dumpster ot just donate it to the goodwill.
Stop being a bitch.
Yeah it's all been said pretty much.
Don't write her.
I'd say throw out/burn keepsakes.
Mail her belongings back to her.
>>becoming some funny story she tells about an idiot who was hopelessly in love with her.
Had a gf that said she loved letters, so I would write her. Mainly did it to make her happy as I'm not that great at, or interested in writing like that. Makes me wonder how much of that she used like you say.
Honestly, it never comes out the way you want. There's always more to feel, and when you feel you've said it all, you'll only realize there's more unearthed left to say.
Feel free to write about it, but nothing you can say to her will leave you feeling like you've actually achieved "closure." Closure never happens while you're thinking about it.
But, yes, I have done this exact thing. Tried to perfectly say it. It didn't come out right. It felt stupid immediately after it was done, and it put me deeper in the "getting over it" hole.
If you say anything, just leave her a note that says "Good luck" attached to her shit, and move forwards with your own life.
>>Im temped to convince you to toss her stuff into a dumpster ot just donate it to the goodwill.
Yeah, dude will probably break down and beg her to come back at this rate.
I don't know about getting them back with letters but I've wrote girls into bed. Notes and letters are my metaphorical knock out blow. It's a combination of handwriting, writing style and scent. Put some cologne or aftershave on the paper.
I have little hope for Op at this point to not roll overlike a fat fucking pig with a dogs jaws locked around it’s throat.
Have some respect OP. Your “beautiful lady” is busy getting her pink little pussy filled by some chad she met at the bar with the sand on the floor.
She
Does
Not
Care
About
You
Thanks for all your contributions anons, yes, have some faith in me because I definitively agree with you and I needed some sense. I’m doing this for me not her, as mentioned in a previous post, she’s already banging another dude. I’d rather erase her from my life than crawl back like a bitch. Not giving her my family’s presents as well, right ? Thanks all of you, your experience and the time you put to decode and share this knowledge with me is very much appreciated.
No user, you are doing it completely wrong. You moved on and you are beeing a whiny ass (which is ok) about it and even want to show her how miserable you might feel. This will only make her think less of you. Gere is what you have to do. Write that letter as honest as you can and than hide it. You might wanna do this for the common weeks. Give her the stuff back and that's it. It will get better user. We all went through this.
Alright, will not
It was my first feeling after the last time I had her on phone and realized we were done, didn't contact her since and I will not
Agreed, like previous user, I will keep the stuff and get rid of it by myself.
Good rundown, I'll follow that, plus I realized that when I was writing letters, nothing was worth it and it made me feel worst in the end.
Thanks for the feedback, I thought I would have followed that path but I won't for sure now.
I was about to, you're right but I decided to wait and asked for advice. I found out that none of them where relevant to me until I asked here. The mere idea of her probably breaking up after the ghosting make me feel great. I know she's prone to, I'll never know but I'm fine with that feeling at least.
I don't want her back.
Thanks for believing in me user, all your contributions helped me a lot. I feel far more relieved now. I will just pack and send her stuff back, nothing else, no gifts (mine nor my family) and not even a little single note.
Thanks user, I will follow your advice as I will follow the other ones. I am 31, I have to start it all over again, I know it's not too late just difficult. I will send her stuff back as quickly as possible.
>>There is nothing you can do to make her feel your hurt because women just deal with these things differently. Her hurt is being turned into feelings for this other guy right now and it will bite her later.
>Her hurt is being turned into feelings for this other guy right now and it will bite her later.
This rings true , can someone explain this to me?
is correct, except that I don't agree with the guilt part. It's more of a regret thing since
> they feel easy
> ruined a good thing
these are all selfish reasons, she won't care much for having hurt you
Ever heard of womens cheating reasoning from a women?
It is always sth like, "oh he didnt care about me anymore" "he ignored me and didnt put into the effort to the relationship"
Or even post breakup talk of "i have wasted x amount of time on him(this is stupid common where i am from)"
In both of these there is no blame/responsibility on the womens part. It is always the mens fault somehow. And as previous user said even a girl gojng over a relationship quickly to jump on some other guy is ewsentially escapism from the real problems coupled with the need to feel wanted. So instead them facing the real issues they make rash decisions that will hurt them in the future.
I did that OP
Years ago I told her we could talk in the future because I cared about her in my goodbye letter
Now I just live with knowing she has no more love or respect for me.
It’s easy to get caught up in it all
I was just so tired of all the advice from my friends who are more sexually experienced than me: (bro if you tell a woman you care about her or show the slightest form of interest in her she will literally cuck you out of pure hatred for your beta ass. You just gotta make her feel like you don’t care about her at all, that if she died you wouldn’t even notice brah. That’s how girls are dawg, they are hard wired to only love the men who they aren’t sure love them, my guy)
It was just so ridiculous and I just wanted to believe that this girl was a normal person and didn’t fall into this comedic description, this trajectory comedy of human relationships. After reflecting on it all, their advice sadly makes sense
Wish it weren’t this way but perhaps it’s for the best? Maybe my feelings of love aren’t the most productive nor the most healthy? Idk man. Don’t send the letter because you’ll regret it
>Any advice?
Don't.
Op here
Love your post user, I can honestly recognize myself putting no effort in the relationship but being cut off when I wanted to and find out she moved on at the speed of light with another guy. The level of denial and the low effort on actually facing our problems was so obvious. I wonder if it's the same for all the women though...
Thank for your advice and sharing your experience, from a man point of view, I find quite difficult to believe that woman can be so careless, I don't even know if it's the right word at this point.
I will not, for sure.