tl;dr: My girlfriend has a habit of (in my opinion) blowing things out of proportion. This weekend we had a pretty heated exchange over text about something I really don't think is an issue. Just about every argument ends with me apologizing to her, but I need advice. Am I right this time in thinking that this is not my fault, and she's being controlling and immature?
Background info: >Both 20, in college right now >Been together for a year >Started a job back in November to help pay rent >she asked once what my coworkers were like, and I got about halfway through describing them before the conversation went somewhere else. >She asked recently if I had any girl coworkers. I told her I did. >She started asking what they looked like and who they were, basically interrogating me and telling me it was suspicious I never mentioned them. >She's gotten upset over things I don't think are issues a few times now. Not the best strategy I'll admit, but I usually just end up apologizing and saying I was wrong. Here are some examples:
1. I went on a trip in June. Some friends and I spent 3 nights at the coast in a beach house. ONE of the nights we had a party. From the time I told her back in April, she was VERY upset about the whole thing, saying I shouldn't be partying with other people without her, especially when there are girls (that are completely platonic, been friends since 6th grade) 2.I went to a gaming convention in September. When I bought tickets back in June, I invited her as well. She was halfway through buying them when I mentioned I'd be going with friends. She cancelled her order and didn't want me going because we wouldn't be going together. 3.She's told me she's okay with me watching adult videos. I told her in passing once, I think as part of a joke, that I had browsed through nude pictures of other girls before (read:r/gonewild). She nearly broke up with me over this, saying that because I got off to another girl's nudes, I had basically cheated. (1/2)
I recently made a friend in one of my classes. She's a platonic friend too. A little awkward, but funny and seems like a genuinely nice person. I am not pursuing this girl, or flirting in any way. I didn't even ask her name until 3 classes in. I decided, because of how my gf treated the "female coworker" situation, I'd tell her. I thought she'd be happy that I'm not being "suspicious."
I'm posting our text conversation now. She's been on a vacation with fraternity/sorority friends all weekend, so I haven't talked to her face to face. I've just had all these thoughts swirling around in my head all weekend, and I wanna get them out. I need advice.
I want to put my foot down this time, and not apologize. I genuinely think she's being ridiculous. But, am I wrong?
OP your girlfriend is very jealous/insecure. You won't be able to live your life like you want to with her. I think the only way to get out of this situation after apologizing and giving in all the time is to break up. There's a chance that if you are honest about why you are breaking up she will reflect on it and change and you might be able to get back together with a version of her that's not a bitch but i wouldn't count on that. Don't let this woman control you so much but if she is saying shit, like threatening to talk to other dudes or whatever you might as well end it. You won't be able to argue with her or make her see reason.
Colton Peterson
She seems super controlling. She's like a pimple... You need to apply pressure to her. She will pop. Now, whether that's what you want or not, I can't say. She's easy to read though. She's very controlling and insecure. If you don't want to deal with it, or you want to regain your manhood, just start making friends name not telling her. Act like it's no big deal, because it isn't. And make sure she knows she's retarded for thinking it's a big deal.
Ayden Lewis
*Making friends and not telling her
Isaiah Gutierrez
Just from reading all your background stuff, your gf is really controlling. I know it’s sort of meme advice on here, but seriously consider breaking up with her. And this whole texting conversation is ridiculous. Not only is she upset that you have a female friend, she’s gonna not so subtly imply she’s gonna male male friends to spite you? If you want to stay with her you need to shut her down when she gets like this. Call her if you can and have the fight. You are in the right so don’t let her try to throw you off. Stay on point and hope she concedes.
Zachary Smith
Your gf is having sex with other men, you're also a beta.
Gabriel Russell
>Controlling >Jealous >Insecure >Basically threatening to fuck another guy just because you talk to a girl in one of your classes You picked a real catch.
Ayden Jones
Also, your responses are very demure and prostrate. You need to hit her back with fire when she's shooting shit at you.
Really though, you can find much better. But you have to earn it, be more powerful. Stop talking to her with responses that are dripping with supplication every time you text. Women detect weakness and have no respect for it. Trust me, it will kill a relationship.
David Brooks
Just reading these texts made me angry.
Jordan Bennett
Grow a fucking spine, dude. Your girlfriend is treating you with blatant, sneering disrespect and walking all over you like a fucking doormat and you're asking us if you have permission to stand up for yourself? Break up with the fucking bitch and find yourself a nice girl who isn't Borderline.
Nicholas Taylor
Lmao when you put it that way, she is a real piece of work. The thing is, most of the time she's amazing. She cares about me more than anyone ever has, and I do enjoy spending time with her.
That's just how I am, unfortunately. Passivity, self-doubt, and low self esteem are like, the 3 words I would use to describe my entire self.
Charles Smith
>she’s usually amazing I swear! It’s my fault for being like this! Mate you sound like a battered housewife. Either break up or confront her.
Nathaniel Perry
Man why are people like this. Can you really not see that she's being a control freak? What does she need to do for you to notice, completely forbid you from talking to any girls? Shit man.
I too have zero confidence in myself and non-existing self esteem, but I still wouldn't bend over to somebody who's trying to control me like this. You're not even doing anything bad. If you really like her that much I guess you could confront her and really explain that she's being unreasonable, that being insecure is her problem, and that this type of behavior is unacceptable. But I dunno man, she doesn't sound like the logical type. You should have told her to drop this bullshit the second it happened, might be too late now.
Jayden Cox
Breakup, fullstop.
Guarantee she’s cheating on you. I’m not projecting but you see how this came out of nowhere? Pro tip it didn’t come out of nowhere.
Break up and live your life the way you want to and clearly getting another girlfriend is going to be pretty easy for you.
Jaxon Diaz
fucking RUN jesus Christ she is insane leave her before she does something that ruins you like a false rape claim
Nicholas Ortiz
you'll be doing her a favor in the long run if you break up with her. After a year together she should be able to trust you around other people as much as you trust her.
Just make sure once its all said and done you dont actually get together with any of your coworkers or this new friend because she will use it to validate her behaviour
Chase Richardson
Its posts like these that give me hope that most women arent as bad as Jow Forums makes them out to be. Because the real problem is that men on Jow Forums are such pathetic cucks that they stay with garbage women and are suprised when they show their true colors,like pic related.
Aaron Stewart
Just by reading the screenshots alone i want to break up with her lol
Get out of there OP. You will just waste your time, people who are like that won't magically change when you bring it up.
Henry Ward
Man the fuck up user, you're in the right here so don't play along with her bullshit.
End it now and run. It's already beyond hope. If you usually end up apologizing you just made it worse and she thinks her behavior is okay.
Carson Anderson
Deadly red flag... Get the fuck out.
In my line of work Its an 80/20 split of female to male. I told my girl from the begining thats just how shit is. Signs of not supporting who you are and being manipulative is a should be a generic dealbreaker.
Adrian Taylor
holy fucking shit. I don't know how you don't beat the shit out of her
Elijah Peterson
I wish I could go back in time and not be cheated on by a fucking dumb bitch like your girlfriend, and to tell myself to stop being such a fucking pussy, but I can’t. So instead, I’ll tell you. Have some self respect.
Drop this cunt.
Blake Campbell
I am in a long distance relationship and I tell my gf about girls in my life and shit and she doesn’t care. We love each other and we have trust in one another. get yourself a girl that isn’t a bitch that doesn’t have trust in you don’t settle
Gavin Garcia
I think she is right, if you care about the male friends that she is making and freaking out then you shouldn't be making female friends
And usually these female friends are fall back plans or legit just friends if she is ugly asf
Elijah Jackson
Jesus christ, she's nuts. Controlling, manipulative, and she talks shit about you to other women who enable her crazy bullshit. Sounds like she's saying all this shit about making male friends because trying to find excuses to fuck other men, or she already has fucked another guy and she's waiting for you to cheat so she can blame you for her own actions. Fuck women who do that.
Run far, run fast.
t. am grill
Jordan Moore
Real man here. I always do what I think is right. I will change my position if I decide that I am wrong. I have nothing to apologize about. Never say you are sorry. Sorry is for scoundrels and pussies.
Samuel Reed
t. 13y old virgin
Wyatt Fisher
idk lad but unless you live togather you dont need to discuss porn and nudes with a girlfriend, remember they arent your friends, women want men and men want women grow up
Xavier Hernandez
Run OP Had the same kind of gf, I was blind for over a year as well. I got out tho. Do you wanna spend the rest of your life dealing with this bullshit?
Run
Carter Myers
I would date you and dont even know what you look like
Ian Carter
She just loves you and is really insecure by the most minimal even potential threat to your relationship. Duh be grateful she cares this much. She's prideful and wont admit she feels insecure, just try speaking frankly about it face to face. Don't listen to the silly anons above
William Miller
*sniff sniff*
Aaah, yes, that's the smell of borderline personality disorder, alright.
Caleb Ramirez
Wow i cant believe u went there
Dominic Long
you talk kinda cool, send more
Isaac Morales
his responses seem ignorant to the point it comes across as alpha, he did the right thing by not reacting to her bullshit.
Grayson Hughes
how is it wrong of her to be jealous?
Nicholas Long
Jeez anons this reminds me a lot of my gf, I'm not beta like this guy but she's extremely jealous and possessive in this exact same way.
One time I was leaving my gym and I met a girl I knew from elementary school, I told my gf that and she freaked the hell out, it was just a friendly talk, but she had to turn it into a huge deal.
I really love my gf and I always thought I could change this aspect of her, I've heard the classic "uhhgeh you can't change a persun.." and I thought I could go against it, but I'm losing hope. I'm only 20 though and we've been together for a year.
Femanon here... run! This is not the one for you. With that said, take the Mike Pence rule of thumb and never meet with a girl in private. That is to protect you from accusations.
Jaxon Richardson
Where? Into the truth zone?
Oliver Perry
It is not morally wrong to be jealous. No one stated that. But we are not discussing morals here. The discussion is about 'the best way OP can respond' to her.
John Reed
I've got a weird soft spot for jealous girls, but even I have to say that is a very rose-colored lensed view of the situation. OP's girlfriend sounds like a total vindictive bitch. OP made a friend who is a girl, and his girlfriend's response is to act passive aggressively towards him, and not so subtly imply that she's gonna start spending more time with other guys just to spite him. She seems like the type of girl to cheat on you as "revenge", for you so much as even holding open a door for another girl. You don't want this type of person in your life.
James Martin
You really can't change people, in terms of a relationship, all you can really do is alter your own behaviors to give them less reasons to be upset. I had a girlfriend who was extremely possessive of me, and was the most jealous human being I've ever met, to the point where I honestly don't think she'd ever have been able to date anybody else other than me, because no one would put up with her. The only reason she ever stopped being jealous was because she abandoned any sense of morality and consideration for other human beings & dumped me to go sleep with an older guy.
Christian Baker
everyone is telling him that she's crazy. shes just jealous, which is normal. why is he friends with girls?
Logan Walker
Look OP i have a vagina and a bf. Your gf infuriates me... Like wtf you cant help that you have female coworkers. & who the fuck cares if you hang with girls and guys at parties? I let my bf go to parties all the fuckn time with both genders. Maybe shes super insecure but damn... Drop her ass and tell her to be insecure with someone else.
Luis Parker
I used to hate girls like this but they would reign in their behavior if the people around them didn't constantly enable them. If you left this girl, you'd just find another like her. You can subconsiously sniff out girls like her and they can sniff you out. Anyone on the outside can see it's a toxic relationship but to the people inside it, it's just how things are supposed to be. You won't change your attitude until it causes a crisis, like finding out she cheated on you just out of spite or just outright drops you after all the shit you've put up with.
Jayden Myers
>let my bf go to parties he cheats on you.
Daniel Hughes
This is the kind of girl who will cheat on you to get back at you because your cousin Emma texted you twice. Don't do this to yourself.
Mason Reyes
Youre enabling her behaviour
Josiah James
Why can't he be friends with other girls especially ones from childhood? He's a grown man and can make friends with whoever the fuck he wants. You think that because he's in a relationship he's going to suddenly start pursuing girls he was friends with for how many years? Even if they liked him, he obviously never got the hint and he's not going to suddenly start getting it now.
Matthew Cook
people 'accidently' fall in love. they cheat. they find 'better'. its very reasonable to guard what you cherish.
Julian Wood
it’s almost like you intentionally tried to piss her off in the very first message. just don’t talk about other girls fucking dimwit. doesn’t matter if she’s your best friend from fucking preschool. DONT TALK ABOUT THEM TO HER. god how can people be this fucking dumb?
Bentley Roberts
You can do that without be controlling. No one has the right to tell an adult who they can and can't be friends with especially just to ease their own paranoia. You know what eggs on these types of situations where the bf/gf leaves their partner for a friend of the opposite sex? These ones right here. If a person's so insecure that they can't trust their mate to be around the opposite gender, then they shouldn't be in a relationship.
Jaxson Robinson
Did you miss the part where he didn't mention his female coworkers to her and she got super pissed because she thought he was hiding something?
Andrew Barnes
>read: r/gonewild That was your real crime, OP. Now go back, you fucking R*dditor.
Tyler Bailey
they have a right. you dont talk to people of the other sex, theres no reason to, unless its for work. 'friends'? with a 'stranger'? you think most people look for 'friendship' when they talk to a new person of the other gender ???
Colton Johnson
OP, looks like your girlfriend is here. Bud, it's not my fault if your only intentions with the opposite sex is to get with them. Having friends of the other sex is not weird or uncommon and the basis of that friendship is not only to try and fuck them.
Nicholas Edwards
This has to be the gf. Anywho, if they are friends from work its probably because OP works very closely with them. Going out with the sole purpose of making male friend to make your bf jealous is toxic. OP is not trying to make friends. He encounters them through his classes or work and develops a relationship with them through a common goal and he is pretty transparent about it. If he really was going to cheat, his gf would never even know the girl next door exists in the first place.
Logan Perry
most people's intentions are 'subconscious' and most people, if not all, are influenced by of course, their desires. most people are not monogamous so why let them cheat ?
Leo Green
You should try Jow Forums, everyone there is just as misanthropic and paranoid as you are.
Blake Hill
i was cheated on once before and ive asked peoples opinions and they seem to be complete animals. this one girl even said to me 'people are not suppose to be monogamous'
Jacob Johnson
Yeah because shes an indoctrinated dipshit. Try associating with normal well adjusted people instead of junkies hippies and conspiracy theorists.
Cameron Price
>how is it wrong of her to be jealous?
It’s not wrong for her to be jealous.
But she *is* acting like a bitch about it.
The childish passive aggressiveness is off the fucking charts with this one.
Michael Walker
>i was cheated on once before All I need to know. Listen, if you carry on with this shit mindset of people will cheat if they can cheat or that they'll never be satisfied with the person they're with, you're never going to have a good relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being jealous, but when you let that jealousy control how you treat others and try to force people to see things from your warped perspective, that's toxic. It's one thing if OP is actively going out to parties searching for girls, but he making friends at work and in class. There's nothing wrong with that. People need to learn how to have faith in their partners instead of pushing all these silly insecurities onto them. Some people will cheat. Those people are assholes. Not everyone is like that.
Henry Watson
Lmao you put up with that blatant manipulation? You’re a beta faggot.
Evan Fisher
i think everyone is selfish. you think too highly of people
Isaiah Reyes
Heads up, she might end up cheating on you. She sounds like the type that will cheat on you because she thinks you are cheating or will cheat on her. Either get your shit together and set up boundaries and get her to cool her jets, or leave. She needs a good kick in the ass to snap her out if it.
Ian Fisher
Looks like you're a pussywhipped faggot and she's looking for excuses to break up with you.
Nathaniel Baker
I guess your doomed to be alone than. Good luck with that
Matthew Mitchell
already am, better to be this way than be around people like yourself .
Ethan Watson
Lies
Ayden Phillips
You're very snide for someone who is not only incredibly stupid, but unhappy to boot.
Christopher Adams
low standards tbqh
Michael Flores
Well fellas, OP here.
Last night I basically told her she's manipulative and controlling, and the way she acted when I told her I made a friend was completely inappropriate.
We broke up.
She told me I was the most she had ever loved anyone, and she hated that it happened when our relationship was, otherwise, at its absolute happiest. I feel entirely the same way. But I think I got her to reflect on herself. She's not a bad person. The year I spent with her was the single best year of my life, but I think this is for the best.
Your first text is a convoluted mess. What’s worse, I think it might accurately reflect your thought process. Something in this relationship isn’t right, OP.
Cooper Morales
Good job user
Charles Scott
Attitude is their last bastion of refuge before admitting they're the cause of their own misery.
Isaiah Sanders
>Just about every argument ends with me apologizing to her I havent read anything else from the thread. You are in an abusive relationship with a toxic woman and you are a very needy man. Break up, work on your confidence and self esteem.
Bentley Reed
If you do anything but dump her, you’re an idiot OP. I’ve dealt with a girl like this before. You won’t fix her and you won’t get through to her, ever. Do yourself a favor and dump her. If you don’t then you’re a fucking idiot and you deserve whatever comes your way.
Cameron Green
user from post above, wtf my gf has said "noobody has ever told me worse things before in my life!" to me, god damn it I really don't want my gf to be a red flag
Thread is now dedicated to this user. We'll get though this together buddy
Zachary King
Good shit. Glad she's reflecting as well.
Gabriel Myers
Blablabla
Jason Bell
>"Can you please just leave me alone" >"The happiest we've been..." I weep for the relationship in which this constitutes your happiest time. You guys both need a partner who brings out the best in you, not the worst.
Lucas Nguyen
I guess I should elaborate.
Our relationship had been going really well since September/October. We hadn't had any major arguments until this one, and we had been spending more time together than ever before.
Jason Perry
She is fucking other guys and thinks you are fucking other girls. Get out asap this relationship is not healthy for any of you.
Jace Morris
Her last text(s) reeks of saving face, that's all.
Adrian Wilson
>Loads of examples of us arguing over things that are stupid and I apologise to her almost every time >I want to grow a backbone now that she is away with her friends despite me doing that with my friends in June It sounds like one of three situations is happening: your girlfriend is either cheating on you and pointing the finger to distract you you are getting shit tested repeatedly and failing the relationship isn't healthy, you stopped trying to win one another over and she is looking elsewhere
Women can be a little bit jealous as it is in their nature, but you won't have any issues provided that you actually maintain the relationship, your relationship sounds like a lost cause, was there ever a honeymoon period where there were no issues or jealousy?
Thomas Barnes
Glad you broke up, don't tell yourself it was the single best year or any stupid shit, she got jealous over the littlest things. It's a shitty move to bin her when she is on vacation, but at least now she can fuck the aussie guy and you will take her back when she returns knowing that you can't get upset as you weren't together.
I carried on reading the replies in this thread, I get that things had been bad for 4 months, the honeymoon period lasts around 9 - 15 months, it wasn't a great relationship by the sounds of things, stop telling yourself it was a great year and find someone who isn't as awful as her, on the plus side you know you can talk to women.
Matthew Richardson
Real man/13y old virgin here. You must put this in your arsenal of things that you will not stand for. Women and all their Barbie experience see a man as something they can change. I guess how a man may look at a car. You are in the development process and can make this a permanent aspect of your immovable morality. The right girl can improve what it is about you. Bitches need to know that you ain't gonna change to suit their fancy. The wise ones will recognize and respect that quality.
Leo Torres
OP dont listen to this cuck dump her like she was a turd.
Xavier Mitchell
didnt read thread, only your first 3 posts Your gf is crazy and you should run as far away as posible - she will mess you up lol
Thomas Edwards
Its not normal at all. Maybe in a sick twisted movie or for a borderline perspective itkt could be seen as romantic movie but def not normal for normal people irl.
Carter Evans
Girls with such a low self esteem should not be in relationships that goes for you to.
Matthew Davis
She fucked another dude. Your best of without her.
Adam Cox
What makes u say that ?
Connor Nelson
she basically said it when she said she met a nice guy last night. she cheated and was looking for a way out to make herself feel okay about it and make you the problem.
Ryan Watson
>our new "friends" >sounds like we'll both be having fun she's literally shoving it in your face
Stop apologising. It's a sign of weakness. You let a woman walk over you once and she'll continue to do so. Stand up for yourself. Fuck, she'll find you even more attractive after you show a little backbone.