Need ideas for seducing the bf

How many more obstacles are you gonna face? One? Ten? A thousand? Until when? Until you die? Or get tired?
Or maybe you think you will never get tired. Maybe you think your love is eternal and nothing can break it, not even your bf being a dysfunctional pussy. But the truth is, it's gonna haunt you eventually. That kind of life takes a toll on you, on your own mental health. Be careful who you share your life with.

Well I mean he's been with me for over 8 years and I haven't gained weight, so if he's not physically attracted to me anymore then I'm not sure what to do about that

Usually we shower together, but lately he's been trying to push to shower separately because it's cold out and he doesn't like being out of the warm water when it's my turn. That's great that showers and massages worked for you though!

OP WHY ARE YOU SU FUCKING POSITIVE, STOP BEING POSITIVE FOR FUCKS SAKE, HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE SO POSITIVE GO FUCK YOURSELF

I personally don't think there's a perfect match or a soulmate. I think it's just two people learning how to be with each other. It's never going to be perfect. There's always going to be obstacles. That also means there's always going to be opportunities to grow closer together, and that's what I want. We've been together a long time, and we've been through much worse than this. Idk, I'm just not the type of person to give up on someone I love because shit's hard

>Not having a job he likes, not making as much money as he wants, general depression, being addicted to weed, not being as in shape as he wants.

These things tend to run into each other. Is he doing anything proactive to address these things? It seems that you have a lot of external things that are affecting him and subsequently, your relationship. Do you live together?

>I've tried helping him with all of those things, but in the end it's gotta be him choosing those things and not me pushing him to.

This is a wise statement. I have a tendency to try to fix broken people sometimes, but at the end of the day all you can do is create an environment for them. They have to take the steps themselves.

>I'm trying to be supportive and sometimes it's hard, especially when letting him do what he wants still leads to him being unhappy and, despite what he says, not interested in being physically affectionate

Are you co-dependent? I have known a few women who really got down on themselves when their partner wasn't interested, taking it as something that was wrong with them. Does it have an impact on your well-being?

>and we've been through much worse than this
What, his heroin addiction?

We do live together, but that's been a fairly recent thing, less than a year. He's not really taking action to fix what he's unhappy about, but he's talked about his unhappiness about those things in his life and I know how depression can make accomplishing anything seem impossible.

I'd say I'm absolutely co-dependent. Our moods are very influenced by each other, and it's been hard on me with him either rejecting my attempts to initiate or just not seeming interested in me in general

It appears to me he's deliberately avoiding sex and no amount of hinting will get you laid. You need to talk to him. Don't let him dismiss you either. There is a problem somewhere and it's not going away without communication.

Lol no, his depression used to be a lot more about suicide than it is now, and we did go through a long long period of LDR that involved him cheating on me, partially because of me deliberately keeping him at arm's length emotionally. But despite how awful that sounds, we've actually grown stronger because of all of that, so I believe that we can get through something like this

How long have you noticed a downward trend in his mental state? Obviously it seems it is affecting his work and home life. Has he ever been overly emotional, staying in bed for long periods (beyond normal), or mentioned suicide (even jokingly).

>I'd say I'm absolutely co-dependent.

This is what I expected from your prior posts. You do have to understand that you have limits to what you can and cannot do for his mental state. Obviously, my above questions are trying to discern if you might be better served getting a little extra help. It isn't only for him, but for your own piece of mind, as you seem to be carrying this like a burden.

I've talked to him, and he says his self confidence is kind of shot, partially because he feels he's out of shape and doesn't look good, and he wants me to initiate kissing him and initiating sex and that kind of stuff. In all honesty, in the past it has been mostly him initiating everything, with me just showing interest and kind of inviting him to initiate, but I'm so nervous even thinking about just pouncing on him and kissing him or doing anything else that he doesn't want. I always want that kind of stuff, and I've always waited for him to show he's ready, so it's strange for me to try and just go for it regardless of if he wants it or not. Nothing is more unattractive to me than the thought of kissing him or doing anything else when he's not feeling it. I'd feel so embarrassed and humiliated, and I mean it's happened before, so I'm just very hesitant to actually be that bold

...how is this even a question.

Go up to him, give him a deep passionate kiss, run your hands all over his body, tell him you love him, then touch his junk, and if the nigga don't fuck you on the spot he gay now.

He was a lot more suicidal towards the beginning of our relationship, but the depression's been there from day one. Neither of us ever got confirmation from a doctor, but I'd say for sure he's got depression, and for me I'm not sure because I've kind of gotten a hold over it for the most part. He still has issues with his temper and he'll beat himself up and say he's a bad boyfriend and that kind of stuff. I tell him I see something very different, but from personal experience I know I can't just suddenly fix how he views himself, so I can only rely on how I consistently treat him and speak about him to try and get him to understand

Ok, you're a spineless masochist.
There is nothing for me here. Enjoy your existence user

Well one night a while ago, I put on some music while he was on the couch and I climbed on him and started kissing him. He seemed to tolerate it for a while, but then when I pulled back he started talking about how it was weird that he just wasn't horny at night like how I was. That did a pretty good job of making me feel like an idiot, especially when he lightly joked about how he could tell I was going to kiss him because of the music I'd put on. Honestly I'd say that's probably the last time I directly tried to initiate anything beyond hello/goodbye kisses with him. I want to get past it, I just don't know how

Either keep trying and be forward or give up and leave. You aren't going to change this loser, if he has his heart set on being a loser.

>I'd say for sure he's got depression,

This goes beyond your ability to heal. You can't correct true depression simply with enough love, even if it feels that way. While there are valid criticisms, counseling and pharmacology may be able to help him realign himself.

>and for me I'm not sure because I've kind of gotten a hold over it for the most part.

You've talked very little about your own state, aside from the libido and physical/sexual. How are you doing in life? Work? Education? Peace-of-mind? Health? Avoidance of one's own issues is also common when seeking help for others. However, often these things are intertwined.

>I consistently treat him and speak about him to try and get him to understand

You cannot convince someone who is not capable of thinking or responding rationally to whatever feelings you express. Though, while may be going a bit far about masochism, it isn't all that common for someone to be so giving of themselves. Simply to clarify, but your relationship is vanilla? If you don't know the term, no worries.

It's great that you're being supportive, but you're not responsible for fixing anyone else's mental problems. Unless he's actively trying to get better and improve himself every single day, he'll keep spiraling down and he'll drag you down with him like an anchor around your neck. The whole "caretaker" relationship dynamic never ends well for the person on the giving end.

Im sorry this is happening! Honestly i doubt its anything your doing!! I think it may just be underlying issues with his life. I dont think it has anything to do with him not being physically attracted to you, though. You two have been together for so long! I hope it all works out for you!!

>bf puts you off gently because he's not in the mood
>omg never doing that again biggest embarrassment of my life I'm so ashamed

Why the fuck are women so retarded?

Hey I was reading this thread thinking everybody's being a jerk to OP but you guys got her to admit that he cheated on her and she said it's her fault so yeah she's definitely fucked holding on to him like he's worth so much turmoil. I'd next if I were you sweetie but it seems like you're set on helping him.

A PIECE OF /ADVICE/ - YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES.

You could try talking, but actions speak louder than words. Be more forceful. Show, don't tell. Catch him off guard, even when he's asleep. Don't give him the chance to say no. The longer you can stay "in the moment" the better. Don't feel bad about being pushy. A man has a threshold he reaches where he no longer wants to turn back. Behave like this consistently and he will desire you more and more.