I'm a virgin straight girl. But I've always found women to just be visually hotter than men, and I often fantasize about them, though my fantasies have a lot to do with loss of control. I was okay with being a 'heteroromantic bisexual' or something for years. Then recently, I was in a relationship with a perfect, caring guy I could only see as a friend, and I happened to read some internet posts that say if you have more physical attraction to the same sex, you're probably repressed gay. These things broke me.
I went through what Jow Forums told me was homosexual OCD, which fit exactly. Every day I repeatedly interrogated myself about whether I'd fall in love with a woman in this or that situation and whether any of my attractions to men were ever real. I'm not homophobic, my parents aren't homophobic, and even after I told them I was bisexual, the label just felt wrong and I felt so much stress just from imagining myself dating a girl. I was especially terrified I was indeed a repressed lesbian.
I realized this was all about being uninterested in the guy I was dating and resolved to end it. That day I finally felt free and calm; still didn't know if I was straight or slightly bi but it didn't matter.
When I broke up with him I felt so guilty. I saw how I broke an excellent guy's heart just because of my stupid lack of attraction. I dove right back into anxiety and convinced myself in anguish that I was a lesbian.
On the one hand, I think I'm probably mostly straight. I've been truly in love with guys and have crushes on them, and this gay stuff is probably just guilt about this guy. On the other hand, I'm rationally pretty convinced by the idea that the gender you're more sexually attracted to is what you truly like.
With the guilt and anxiety I've never felt so incapable of handling life. I can't stop going back and forth on my sexuality. I've cried several times from thinking how much I hurt him.
It ain’t that deep ms. user. Find a decent guy and date him. Give him your genuine attention and do not use him as hetero assurance. You shouldn’t be thinking about others when you’re in a relationship anyway.
Gay converters will try and convince you to just have sec with a chick and “see if you like it” obviously don’t take that advice.
Luis Taylor
I don't have much to add but Im a guy who is kind of sorta in a similar spot. I have always been attracted to women, but I don't think as strongly attracted as other guys are. I find vagina's aesthetically unpleasing and somewhat gross. I have always been a bit of a feminine and skinny guy and my confusion in this area is only getting worse. I've started to like dick to an extent when I'm horny, but males are still entirely unattractive to me, physically and romantically (except the dick sometimes).
I'm a virgin too and I simultaneously crave physical contact with females and fear having to get up close to a vagina, to find out I don't really like it and either have to suffer through the experience or be massively rude or abrupt with the girl.
Wish I had more useful advice
Anthony Gray
I remember you. I'm in a similar situation from a fetish I have which causes me to question if I'm transgender. I know I'm not but the fact I get aroused by imagining being female can cause me to obsess and doubt myself. It sounds like you are obsessing over these thoughts/feelings and that is definitely bad regardless of if you are gay or not. You can try imagining your thoughts are like leaves on a stream and you can notice them but let them pass by, don't chase after them. Don't assign meaning to the thoughts just let them pass it will be hard but practicing this will likely help. Also you could try mindfulness meditation it can also be very helpful.
Jordan Powell
I remember you too. How's it going with your situation? Do you actually think you might be transgender, or are you just sort of angry at the people who insist that people with your fetish are trans? Like to an extent I'm like, "I know me better than internet strangers know me" so I'm rather upset that there are people out there who think I can't be straight despite my own self-knowledge.
Austin Morris
I'm doing a little better I did have it kind of bad a week ago. Also I am in the latter category, I found myself scouring the internet for information about my fetish and was very upset when I would see people claim you might be or probably are transgender to people like me. Also I know what you mean, really you have to listen to yourself you are the only one who can define who you are attracted to. I also believe if you have high anxiety it can be hard to tell apart some of these feelings. I've had mild HOCD as well and I notice I will sometimes interpret really little things as signs I'm gay like acknowledging when a guy is attractive and feeling something but nothing like wanting to date and have sex with him.
Juan Rivera
Yeah. I also keep seeking out articles that say things like it's normal for straight women to be aroused by women or that you don't have to identify by what you like in fantasy. Being so dependent on affirmation like this is probably no good for my obsession overall.
I'll try doing some mindfulness things as you suggested. I also tried paradoxical intention for a little while, where I consciously tried to feel as anxious as possible. Probably a big part of it for me is still guilt over not returning my friend's feelings.
Nathan Hernandez
>Being so dependent on affirmation like this is probably no good for my obsession overall. I find that's true as well. It's best to not look around the internet for answers. I also think if someone says something reasonable I would usually not feel a response from it like I would if someone said something implying you are probably transgender if you have the feelings I have. I think it is just the anxiety assigning more meaning to the scarier answer.
>Probably a big part of it for me is still guilt over not returning my friend's feelings. I don't have much experience here but I can see how that would contribute to it. All I can say is that if you didn't feel anything for him that's okay it doesn't have to mean you are gay or that he was a bad person sometimes the attraction just isn't there.
Grayson Ramirez
I didnt include it in my original post because I wanted to seem more relatable to OP, but Im also an autogynephile. The worst part is that Ive had crossdressing fantasies since I was little, so I know it's not just something porn-induced or similar. Ive been very skinny my whole life and do not have stereotypically masculine interests. People have always commented on my size/weight and even made fun of it, but I never took offense and kind of even joined in on it. Even the gym teacher freshman year of highschool talked with me and told me I would bulk up, Im that noticeably skinny. I never bulked up. Looking back, I don't know what this did to my psyche subconsciously. I never thought about crossdressing much past childhood until my very late teens.
Now Im in my early 20s and I was thinking about weightlifting and eating more for a long time (to seem more attractive to girls), but I realized it conflicts heavily with my inner interests. I like my skinny body and kind of wish I was girlier.
Im stuck in this place of low self-confidence, not feeling entirely heterosexual, and I never even got any experience, partly because I had terrible acne through most of highschool and college, leaving my self-esteem too low to pursue a girl.
Do you find yourself fully attracted to women or do you have hesitations like me?
Cameron Sullivan
Sexuality is who you are attracted to, not necessarily who you date/have sex with/marry/whatever. If you are a woman who finds other women to be sexually attractive then you are in fact a homosexual. If you are attracted to both women and men then you are bisexual.
That is all these terms really mean. People will try and tell you otherwise but they are just trying to label everything how they see fit. If you are in fact homosexual you can still have a heterosexual relationship with a man. It just means you don't find him sexually attractive. You can love him all the same.
James White
I do find myself attracted fully to women even in fantasies that don't involve autogynephilia. Although I don't think it matters if you like the look of vaginas or not if you like the rest of a woman's body. I've never actually crossdressed but have had thoughts and urges which never really started until my 20s. I still find the social anxiety I have gets in the way of basically any interaction. I think if you have social anxiety especially if it is really bad around women it isn't that surprising you might feel like interacting with women sucks and maybe you start wondering if you even want to. I think if you have felt attraction to women you are attracted to women and don't need to wonder if that's a lie or not. I have had thoughts of liking dick as well too but never found a man attractive or had a desire to pursue them. I think it is just the association of dicks with sexual pleasure that causes this since it is present whenever you fap also it might be just a thought you had and it isn't like it has to mean anything about your sexuality.
Wyatt Smith
That way of thinking about it does help. I'm sure I'm romantically attracted to men so that's who I'll go for. I also don't lack sexual interest in men; I've found myself to be turned on by guys I'm in relationships with, so that won't pose a problem. Thank you! It's nice not hearing "you're repressing romantic interest in women so you must go date some."
Aaron Jenkins
Thank you for the response, I think you are right about it not really mattering if I don't love vaginas, but I just wish I could be more fully attracted I guess.
I only actually crossdressed once, dressed by my sister when I was 4 or 5. I really hope it wasn't one incident that is causing this so many years later. I remember having a vivid dream where the world had changed to a pink satin and lacy world, like all the furniture and walls were like this, and everyone was made to wear pink frilly dresses. My brother hated it but I liked it. It is really odd how I had this vision as a child and those sorts of clothes and frills are pretty much exactly what you see if you look for sissy fetish clothing online. I had no exposure to this stuff but I still conjured this ultra-feminine vision in my dream.
I also have some social anxiety, but it has slowly improved over time as I learn how to make small pleasant talk with people just through experience. It has obviously gone far too slowly though since Im now 22 and still don't excel at even simple conversations. I have never truly flirted with a woman and I don't know how, have no experience there, and don't have the confidence to really try. I feel like I'll come off as a creep. I think the only good chance I have is to use tinder or something so I know a girl likes me before I initiate anything.
I definitely feel like the attraction to dicks has come from porn, but I also think it's the submissive nature of it. Dicks are naturally dominant and I feel rather submissive sexually, which I think goes hand-in-hand with AGP
Jaxon Gutierrez
I think you're making this harder than it needs to be.
You couldn't develop feelings for the guy. It happens. You can get all the way into a relationship with someone and your feelings never develop, and often in those situations it takes a while for your brain to catch up and realise that something is wrong.
You're possibly bisexual, doubtfully gay, but at the end of the day your relationship just wasn't working and that's fine.
Go kiss a girl if you want to know whether you're gay or bi, have sex with one if you like the kissing part. Else, you're straight.
>t. got curious, tried some gay shit, really obviously was not into it, solved that mystery
Jason Taylor
Well just so you know I'm 22 as well so you aren't alone in this. Also I believe I actually did crossdress once as a child in a similar situation to what you said but I was thinking more since I started masturbating. I will say I believe some of my sexual fetishes come from childhood trauma and in some ways facing that has been helpful at least to make me accept my feelings more. I only bring it up in case you feel it may apply to you as well. I think trying a dating website/app might be a good idea I also think just socializing through clubs/activities/volunteering is smart as well. I know what you mean about submissive nature, usually when I fap to thoughts of having sex with women it is a motherly women who is more dominant although not straight up BDSM tier.
Kayden Moore
If you don't mind, why do you think your fetishes might be related to childhood trauma? does the fetish somehow revolve around the trauma, or is it just a form of escapism?
I personally had a pretty good childhood until my preteen years when an immediate family member was on hard drugs and my mom passed away, but I don't really know if those affected me in this way. It almost seems like lack of a feminine figure could lead to this kind of fetish but I'm not too sure.
Jacob Ramirez
Well I hear they come from childhood usually although it doesn't have to be a trauma I just think it was in my case. I think so in part because a lot of my memories came back from masturbation because some of the fantasies reminded me of things in my past and I also had a fetish that really fit the definition of fetish for a long time as in I couldn't fap to anything else until about high school. It was a pregnancy fetish which did relate to the memories I have. I don't know for sure if the autogynephilia came from that or just like you said the crossdressing experience and being generally submissive. Also in general I think anxiety and depression is usually linked to trauma in childhood although it doesn't have to be anything really serious like sex abuse it could just be lack of love from family members growing up and bullying. Even those things can have a huge effect on a person.
Nathaniel Williams
Also I want to add having your mom pass away must have been really hard. I'm sure it affected you in some way it may not have given you this fetish but it probably did affect you.
Jackson White
interesting, I never had such a fixation when I first started masturbating. I actually didn't masturbate for the first time until I was 14, which I think is a tad late.
I definitely agree those smaller things can have an effect. Although it's pretty much impossible to directly correlate something, so Im always left wondering. My childhood definitely had many smaller imperfections I could look back on and wonder about.
The thing about my mom passing away is that it was right at the start of puberty for me so I don't and will never know what changes in my thinking were caused by growing up or by her death. I feel like a very different person, but I don't know if I would have changed anyway, or if I would still come to have as many negative thoughts and feelings as I do now. Its like the rose-tinted glasses of childhood were yanked off one day instead of fading over the coming years.
Caleb Russell
Yeah I've basically always had that fixation even now. I did start masturbating at I think 9 or 10.
It's definitely not easy to know what effect they exactly had but I think accepting the trauma was hard and played a big part in shaping you is important. At the very least just for the acceptance of your own feelings maybe not so much for clarity always.
Camden Gomez
Relax.
Two mainly external social forces are confusing you.
1. We are all, male and female, constantly bombarded with images of women as sexy and beautiful. Inevitably we come to accept them as our definition of beauty. Even 100% straight women look at movie stars and the like and register "beautiful". (If you have any doubts, compare today;s definitions of beauty with those of 50 years ago. By modern standards Marilyn Monroe would seem fat)
2. While men live in a culture that demonizes homosexuals and therefore have enormous difficulty dealing with any attraction they may feel toward other men, women do not have that same taboo and are therefore more free to consider even theoretically their sexuality.
Put them together and just about any woman will find moments when she finds another woman attractive, and will not have any internal censor keeping her from wondering if that's sexual attraction.
Elijah Mitchell
m-maybe you could try dating me?
William Adams
As someone who doesn't know anything about the matter, I'm inclined to just yell at the autogynephile guys that being okay with being a man sounds like it makes them not transgender. It doesn't seem that complicated? But then, by that, you could say the fact I don't seem to desire to date a woman means maybe I shouldn't.
I'm considering possibly dating a girl to see whether I like it and help get over my hangups about it, but I should probably wait until my bout of anxiety is over, which I very much hope is soon.
I get that, but I think I'm more into the female form than the average straight woman. Then again I'm a virgin, so my perception of what's sexy comes in large part from the media. I've read fantasies don't always match up with what you like in real life, but that just makes me nervous about what I'll discover when I start actually having sex.
Bentley Clark
The thing you need to realize is that woman are beautiful, more so than men You think because of that, you're attracted to women. All women get this to a certain degree. If your guy is boring, then that just means he's not right for you.
Christian Peterson
>being okay with being a man sounds like it makes them not transgender. It doesn't seem that complicated? Yeah I think it is mostly anxiety making me worry. But also sex is powerful and can make you feel weird wanting things that go against who you are. I'm trying to masturbate less to hopefully put less weight on sexual urges.
