The first girl I like for 7 years. Go on two dates with her everything goes well, we talk a lot spend a lot of times together for just two evening.
When I kiss her goodbye she hold me.
She is kinda distant when text messaging so I don't press her.
I invite her several times she always has excuses. Two times she just tell me she is tired so I kinda sperg out and get a little bit angry
Next day morning she send me "My goal is not to make you angry"
She makes no more effort to see me and the two times I ask her she just say she has something.
I tell her that she could just tell me she doesnt want to see me anymore instead of slowly ghosting me.
one month pass and I still think about her. So I pitifully send her a message
She answer four day laters, I ask her to go for a drink she says she doesn't have time.
1 month later I ask her how she's been and then an unrelated question.
She doesn't answer me, then 3 days later at night (once again) she answer me. At the same time some guys I haven't seen for years like my old pictures and even share one of my old picture (2years more).
The two event are basically 30 minutes apart.
I ask him the next day and he says he doesn't know and his account go hacked or something.
Now everytime I go online on messenger they are either both connected or they have the same "last seen" time with a few minutes apart. It's been going on for few days
Wtf is she doing ? Why does she have to taunt me ?
Wtf am I doing ? It's the story of my life, I get a girl I like I get so close and then I get fucked and she goes with another guy way worse than me.
I fucking cannot take it anymore.
I never had a relationship with a girl I genuinly liked, everytime I makes them go away. No problems with the girl that don't interest me
Fuck this life
The first girl I like for 7 years. Go on two dates with her everything goes well...
Help I want to kys
I never felt so good and then so bad in my life.
I was so high when we were together and now It ss been three month and I cant move on.
It pisses me off so much
>another "guy puts all his eggs in one basket" thread
Uh-huh. Next time don't put all your eggs in one basket.
The only person who will be there for every year, month, week, day, hour, minute and second is you. Put your eggs in that basket, and if a girl is charming enough give her one or two to see if she'll put one or two back in yours.
This all-or-nothing with girls is awful, guys, you can't let yourself fall to pieces over another person.
How can I control my feelings ?
I just felt it in me. I tried to suppress it and think about other things but I kept coming back to her.
I made a lot of effort and I was pleased with myself. Proud even. But then she just made those feeling amplified by 10 and then crushed down everything I slowly built
Sheer willpower man, what do you want? A magic cure-all? A miracle solution? Nah man, that's all that contributes to 99% of human success (ignoring the Trumpsterfire that is the 1%)... you gotta just nut up the willpower and do it. It starts by telling yourself you're gonna do it, and you just push from there. Nobody (rightfully) says it's easy, they say it's worth it.
Read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. You can't control the world, but you can control your reaction to it.
It sounds like you fucked it up by being clingy and getting irrationally angry.
This doesnt help me.
I ve been stuck in a vicious circle of self hate.
I try to reason that shit was fucked up since the beginning she wasnt really that eager to see me but I cant shake the feeling that I fucked up.
Sometimes it just pop in my head like that and I feel bad.
Some morning I wake up and it s the first thing on my mind.
It s funny I was reading it when we were dating. But understanding something doesnt make it works like that.
I mean there wouldnt be any angry people.
Besides Marcus Aurelius had faith in a higher power. In this world we live in without a God I dont feel like his teaching are right.
He based his whole philosophy on it.
Attractiveness is inversely related to neediness for most girls. You invested all your hopes in this one girl, which she picked up on, and she lost interest. There are other possible reasons, too, like she found someone else who moved things forward with her faster so she felt like things "just clicked" with him more. Doesn't matter.
The result is the same. You need to focus on yourself, work out, and start putting yourself before any woman. No one should have that kind of sway over you that early on. I know it's hard, I've been with lots of girls and I still get stuck on ex's and shit. I keep going forward and being open to new opportunities though, and I try to catch myself when I start to fixate too much. It's hard, but you can do it.
>Attractiveness is inversely related to neediness for most girls.
Why would anyone want to live in a world like that ?
Shits fucked up brah
How would you define needy btw ? I felt like I wasnt doing it at all
Are you autistic? Like, not being an ass, I'm seriously asking. Can you not read non-verbal cues?
If a girl turns you down more than twice, it means she's not interested. It shouldn't require her to outright tell you.
It's a bit hard to define. “a generalized, undifferentiated dependence on others and feelings of helplessness and fears of desertion and abandonment, ” is a decent definition, I think.
Behaviors that come across as a turn off / neediness by a lot of women:
>> Not having your own friends / life
>> Being passive aggressive about her not spending time with you, or trying to bargain to spend more time with her
>> Putting her needs ahead of yours, you should be the center of your own life. Ex: You break your back trying to move your schedule around to fit hers
>> Liking too much on social media / demanding anything related to her giving you more attention on social media
>> Changing your beliefs to match hers or changing your mind because she disagrees
>> You make over the top gestures too early on like flowers
>> Excessive compliments or compliments you think will make her feel good but aren't deeply genuine
You should really value your time you give to someone. Time is the most valuable thing you can give someone and you should treat it as such.
Therapy. It takes a long time
Yeah ok I did none of that except for «bargainning» maybe but I did it funnily and I did saw her after that she even asked me out at that point.
>non verbal clues
>on a phone
If adult cant say to another one that it isnt interested I think I know who s the autist.
Its not like it costed me anything. Beside she was kinda talking to me inbetween the rejections. It wasnt clear cut
i'm in a similar boat OP
I went on 2 awesome dates with a girl i was mad for too, then ghosting, then reconnection over valentines, then her flirting with other guy and me simultaneously , and i can't say shit because we're not a couple and can't let go.
At least you reconnected lmao. I have none of that.
She did message me instantly when I texted her just before valentine though
I won't go on false hope though, I'll try and learn what they said in this thread
I think I'm gonna delete her facebook and her messenger
Nothing good will come out of it
Yeah well sometimes shit just doesn't work out mang, happens to the best of us. Gotta keep circulating and working on yourself. Even if there is some specific reason she's being flaky towards you, she won't tell you if she even knows why she feels that way, and you obsessing over it is not productive.
Check out Coach Corey Wayne on YT.
Reminder that such exorbitant self-loathing is just poorly-disguised narcissism. Self-importance is self-importance, no matter the connotation.
How can I work on my narcissism ?
By analyzing and reflecting on them. Think about your feelings and why you're having them. Why do you think these feelings are so strong? Ask yourself that and go from there.