>end up with the Stacey of the school >both male and female friends still get uncomfortable around her and go more quiet and closed off when she is around
I get that she used to be a bit of a bully towards them in highschool, I used to avoid her myself and didntnstart talking to her until grade 11 and that was just because I had no choice but to sit next to her during one of our classes. but it's literally been 10 years since highschool ended and my fiance tries so hard with them.
she even tried to do an intervention thing where she apologized to them directly for being such a cunt in highschool. they all seemed to have forgiven her but then they go back to being standoffish unless I'm around too. what can I do on my end? it's been going on for years and even now I can see how upsetting it is for her because she really does want them to accept her as a friend too and she tries real hard.
As someone who was bullied a lot in my school days, I would never, ever, forgive my bullies. Under any circumstances.
I understand she is your fiance now, but she fucked up, and now she has to deal with the consequences. Some things cannot be fully healed. They accept her presence, and that's probably the best she'll ever get from them.
Maybe one day it will stop, but don't expect it. She permanently marked their lives due to being a massive cunt, and nothing will ever excuse that. She needs to learn that her behaviour is why things are like they are.
Josiah Myers
+1
Evan Johnson
I was bullied in school, and another classmate accidentally managed to spray acid on my face, which gave me a permanent acid burn on my chin up around my left eye (thank God I used the safety glasses). It was during class, and he was careless with it.
I have forgiven the guy who was careless about his handling of the acid. I will never forgive my bullies. The acid may visibly mark me, but the bullies have fucked me up way more than the acid ever could.
I *wish* my bullies were miserable over their decade long bullying. They deserve it. And so does she. I hope your friends never forgive her, like you did. Assholes don't deserve forgiveness. Kudos to her for changing for the better, too bad it doesn't undo all of the psychological damage she have caused.
Just because you can't tell how badly this affected them, doesn't mean they aren't affected by it.
Angel Morales
She's done all she can, you can't force people to forgive. Hell, it's quite possible that they don't hold a grudge and still can't manage to feel enthusiasm about her.
Why is it so important that she be friends with these people specifically? The world is full of people who don't have a history with her. Is it just practical to be chummy with these people or has she not forgiven herself and looking to make things right with friendship? Because if so, that's a personal issue she has to work through.
Cameron Adams
They can say they forgive her and still avoid her. They see her as toxic and nothing will change that.
Jacob Wright
>Why is it so important that she be friends with these people specifically? Because she thinks she is entitled to their forgiveness.
Jordan Harris
This is a harsh assumption, if she's so entitled I would expect her to think people should "just get over it already" because it was years ago, rather than taking responsibility and admitting she was a shit person who mistreated them.
Logan Fisher
>she's so entitled I would expect her to think people should "just get over it already" because it was years ago >Arranges an intervention to make them stop being cold around her. She literally did exactly that.
Liam Williams
You'd know the answer if you were bullied in high school. The answer is no, they will never truly get over it.
I tried to forgive my bullies and really thought I managed to do it until I saw them at our 10 year reunion. All the rage and insecurities came flooding back and I just avoided them despite them being super nice to me in person. Sorry, OP.
Brody Ramirez
>They see her as toxic and nothing will change that.
thing is she isn't toxic at all, quite the opposite. and she pretty much mellowed out completely once we became a couple in our last year of highschool. everybody including teachers and her parents made comments how much happier different she was.
maybe it was just all teenage hormones/angst back then and from what I have seen the bullying wasn't anything too hardcore. it wasn't worse than the shit she used to give me. I was a bit scared of her initially and dreaded coming to that class when I first had to really interact with her cos she would still say dumb stuff at my expense in front of the class. but we ended up kind of bonding or getting used to each other during that class and saw a different side to her.
>Arranges an intervention to make them stop being cold around her. She apologized and owned up to being a cunt. It is possible that her underlying motive was to force them to be nicer but that's one explanation. A lot of people are either bullies or just assholes in their teenage years, very few of those will acknowledge it ten years later let alone acknowledge it was more than being young and dickish. I think based on that she deserves the benefit of the doubt and not for the very worst conclusions to be drawn based on this limited amount of info.
Lucas Long
Her being around is just a reminder of worse times, they may forgive but they wont certainly forget. Hell even if I had something like that happen to me, I still would always wish some sort of horrific downfall for them and their families in general.
>what can I do on my end? You let them fuck her and they'll come around.
Leo Anderson
Yeah, sorry. Bullies can fuck off, that’s a life sentence. I don’t care about their redemption.
Hunter Jackson
She was. And even if she changed, it doesn't undo the damage she did. She is solely responsible for her behavior, and she is now paying the price for it, just like her victims are.
>I think based on that she deserves the benefit of the doubt and not for the very worst conclusions to be drawn based on this limited amount of info. No you don't. You deserve absolutely nothing, after inflicting a decade of mental abuse on someone else.
It's great that you got over it. So did they, clearly, as they accept her presence. But don't expect people to fully forgive someone who was the literal waking nightmare for them.
It's great that she changed, and I don't care if she finds friends elsewhere. I don't even care if she lives happily ever after with you, and you get the perfect kids. She can have the happiness she creates herself, as she did with you. But she permanently hurt someone when she was younger, and she cannot fix that now.
Easton Stewart
Jesus it’s been 10 years why don’t you get over high school?
Lincoln Powell
>You deserve absolutely nothing, after inflicting a decade of mental abuse on someone else. A decade has passed. She did not harass these people for a decade.
>It's great that you got over it. I'm not OP.
Christopher Turner
This got a lot of negative comments last time, but as someone who actually managed to reconcile with my old school bully, it can work, but it requires way more than it sounds like she has currently done.
I only had 1, and he specifically sought me out for having targeted me quite explicitly. It has caused a social anxiety in me, and i struggle to relax around other people. I have spend years with psychological and psychiatric help trying to fix his insane jokes and pranks he pulled. It's worth mentioning that I'm a girl, and he effectively ruined all interactions I had with all guys for years after I finally got away from him after graduating from school.
He sought me out, he apologized and explained (to the best of his ability, bullies are retards, and don't actually think), and... I have forgiven him, honestly.
It helped me tremendously on my recovery, and I have had more progress since he got into contact with me, than I had before, and I have actually been able to think about my school time, and smile. Previously, it brought back nothing but horrific memories, and would guaranteed cost me a few hours of sleep. Him coming back to properly apolgize helped me immensely, and while this is still all his fault, I don't see the point in holding a grudge. I have forgiven him at this point, just because it doesn't make sense not to.
Of course, I haven't forgotten. I still have reflexes when he is around, things I do because I instinctively expect him to do something awful to me, and that will likely never go away. He originally explained that, part of the bullying was because he had a crush on me back then, and there is absolutely 0 chance of that ever happening. I have forgiven him, but forgetting is impossible. We are friends, and we even actively seek out opportunities to spend time together, but it is as friends, and nothing more, and he had to accept that certain things would still cause negative reactions from me, whether I wanted it to or not.
Andrew Rogers
>She did not harass these people for a decade. Pardon me if my school system works differently, but OP said this was all during high school. That usually means quite a few years, doesn't it?
School system in my country is 9 to 10 years with the same people.
Dominic Anderson
>why don't you get over losing your arm man, it's been 10 years.
Jordan Long
Get new friends AS you see from these beta cucks, nerds are not worth being friends with. They hide behind having been bullied and use it as an excuse for never evolving and keep being the trash they were bullied for being.
Connor Taylor
>dating the high school Stacy >marrying her
Whew lad, have fun with Chad’s used up human fleshlight
That it happened during high school doesn't have to mean that it went on for the very first year up until including the very last year. Even if only because the people OP is thinking of probably weren't in her class/grade the entire time.
Not to mention OP says she was a bit of a bully and that she had a bad attitude. There's a lot of difference between being rude and condescending towards someone on the rare occasion you happen to talk, or actively spreading rumors or following people home or whatever else.
Matthew Robinson
Gauging by the fact that she feels the need to throw interventions, it's pretty clear she did some shit to them, or they wouldn't be this distant.
If it was just passing rude behaviour, no one would care. It's clear that she did a lot more than that.
Hunter Murphy
>he thinks stacey ever fucked ""chad"" The value the common "Stacey" has, is that she is unattainable, so even if she is "dating" Chad, she isn't having sex with him, as that instantly labels her a slut, and demotes her from her top girl status.
Carter Jones
So I guess you’re not fucking her either right? Whatever helps you cope cuck.
I don't know, maybe I'm just resentful (though this thread is making me feel otherwise) but there's definitely people from my high school I'd treat coolly until convinced they'd changed simply because they were shitty to people around them.
Also at that age a cuntish attitude from someone considered hotter and more popular than you tends to sting that much more than the same remark from someone "like you".
Jose Bennett
I'm a girl.
I know this, because I used to be very good friends with a "Stacey" back during my high school years. She didn't even like him, it was just some twisted expectation they all had. He would claim to be getting "bases" with her, and somehow get streetcred with the other boys, and she just had to not give him what he wanted, and she would remain the girl everyone worshipped and wanted. By not letting Chad get his way, all the other boys felt they had a chance with her.
Stupid games.
Samuel Collins
Like a lot of people say here: bullies hurt in the soul so it wouldn't heal easy
>an intervention thing where she apologized An opcion that MAY work (but can make thigs worst) is smoking weed with all of them and be as open about thigs as they can. Is not the same as the intervention because the feelings would be out and they may be much more sensitive.
idk good luck but is also not needed to mix friends and her if they don't get around, forcing this gonna make things worse
>cuntish attitude you know this is subjective, like I was the withdrawn ugly duckling who never spoke and no one spoke to me but then puberty hit and got better fitting clothes and tried out for cheerleading and made the team. Suddenly all the guys were trying to talk to me and ask me out but inside I was still withdrawn and spoke little so everybody called me a cunt. I went from invisible to cunt and my behavior towards people hadn't changed
Mason Russell
I had the same, just because I was an early grower. By the age of 14, I had C cups, and it made me unreasonably popular with the boys, and I went from a friendless autist, to the girl the guys was gawking over, and the other girls hated.
I was a very confusing period.
Brayden Sanders
When I say cuntish attitude I mean snapping at or laughing at people for no reason, not being silent or even dismissive.
Nolan Jenkins
>By the age of 14, I had C cups, and [...] the other girls hated me Guilty.
I never grew anything. Even in my mid 20s, a bra is pointless, because I am literally flat. I fucking hated you girls who had grown up jugs at the beginning of your teen years. Seriously, that was so much unfair bullshit, and put those of us who didn't grow so far behind the curve, that it took an actual decade before guys started giving us attention.
The amount of bullying I went through for being flat, while that one cunt in class had huge breasts, was unreal. I know you didn't exactly choose this, but holy shit I was salty back then.
Adam Garcia
To be fair young girls with big boobs tend to also get harassed much more by older men.
I do kind of feel your pain though. I was a latebloomer who didn't have a semblance of breasts at fourteen and was so afraid of never growing them. I'm a little bi as it is and to me breasts were just the most beautiful, the most erotic, the most feminine thing imaginable. I wasn't even religious and I'd fall asleep praying to grow considerable breasts soon. I also looked much younger than my age and figured they would help get classmates see me as a girl/young woman instead of just a child.
Lo and behold, I actually did grow sizable boobs, a C cup which was much bigger than I had expected given how late they grew in and how lithe my frame was otherwise. And that's about when the ass craze hit and guys left and right were spouting off how overrated boobs were, how smaller boobs were perkier/more in shape, how asses were much hotter and big boobs looked like udders etc etc. Definitely made me very salty.
Daniel Rodriguez
Considering the tone of this post I doubt any girls had it easy in this period...it was just terrible no matter which side of the fence you were.
