I need guidance

Thank you for this valuable input.

*posted in a gioyc thread*

>been together with wife for ~8 years now.
>wife has completely lost interest in sex and being intimate (stress related)
>she still masturbates alone (with vibrator) and usually to porn
>she has always masturbated to porn
>even when we first met and started to have sex....after I cum, she would usually pull tablet out, go to redtube and watch gangbang or double penetration + vibrator to reach orgasm.
>sometimes I find porn in history of tablet when I come home, I approach her for sex later that night and she says she's just not in the mood.
>wife has flat out told me to my face that she doesn't find sex enjoyable
>tfw..I will never be as good as her vibrator
>I ask what can I do to improve
>she responds that she shouldn't have to tell me and that it hasnt been a problem for any other guys
>develop ED issues because that's all I can think about now when having sex...how to please her
>she cannot reach orgasm through penetration. Absolutely requires vibrator...and sometimes she doesnt climax with that
>in 8 yrs of being together, she has only let me go down on her twice...both times, I had to try hard to convince her. She is super self-conscious about "being clean".
>she never lets me go down on her, so I cant practice and find what she likes.
>she will never just lay back and relax enough to climax through oral
>I cant stimulate her through oral, so I will never make her orgasm
>she thinks she's more sexually experienced than me because she had more partners in the past
>she had one long-term relationship that lasted longer than 6 months. this was when her ex-bf moved into her room, still at her parents house.
>all other sexual encounters were just hookups/no bf
>My first real relationship was ~5yrs long with a live-in gf.
>Ex-gf and I did every kind of foreplay, anal, outercourse, and oral sex possible for a year before we had had PIV (penis in vagina) sex
>I had waaaaayyy more sex than someone who is single

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>ex-gf could easily cum through penetration. Sometimes multiple orgasms in a single session. Convulsive orgasms/shaking of pelvis and legs. Would sometimes passout during sex
>ex-gf was also a screamer...used to gag her with her own panties or bury her face in pillow as to not disturb roommates.
>ex-gf and I had safeword and enjoyed light bondage/bdsm
>ex-gf intuitively knew when to "take over". Having sex was truly two people fucking each other
>wife is kinda autistic, doesn't pick up on non-verbals or cues.
>wife "hates being on top", just wants to lay there and put no effort into it whatsoever
>wife is very unresponsive...no physical touching, no dirty talk, no moaning or heavy breathing. Even when she uses vibrator, cant really tell when she's cumming.
>wife finds foreplay boring, doesn't like to be rubbed or touched...sometimes tells me "just stick it in already"
>Im pretty fit...60mins of treadmill/elliptical is no problem.
>the speed and pressure/force that she likes (I can tell she enjoys) is impossible to sustain for long. Literally fuck her as hard as I can for ~5mins and then lose erection because of literal bloodloss to penis. Heart rate is higher than 180 (exceeds HR during most intense exercising)
>she usually just pushes me off and says demeaning things. Doesn't even try to get me to regain erection
>ex-gf and I used to fuck for hours. When she wanted me to stay/get hard, would squeeze my dick between her tits and in general keep me going.
>Once again....wife thinks she's more sexually experienced than me because she had more partners in the past
>Back then, she weighed 115lb, now she weighs +200lb (I'm only ~170).
>Fucking her is literally a workout where she's left unsatisfied and I end up feeling rejected
>Because I'm working out, my testosterone levels are high. I am super horny all the time
>I want to masturbate, but don't really care much for porn.

>Because she has a long commute, works fulltime, and is going to school for PhD, I do the all laundry and general house work
>I see her panties alot
>Am very aroused at the sight and smell of them
>Have (once or twice) laid in bed with her panties on my face, ejaculated into the crotch area and rubbed my cum into it
>Fantasize about completely dominating wife in bed...i.e. tying her up to bed, teasing her, fucking her a bit then putting dick in her mouth, opening blinds (although no one can see in because its darker inside), titty fucking her, spanking her, forcefully going down on her, holding/pushing her down to bed, pulling arms behind back, pulling hair, light choking, verbally demeaning her (making her yell "fuck me" so that people outside can hear, making her say that she's a dirty slut, making her beg to be fucked, etc)
>I approach wife to "prime" her for this type of sex by saying that I want to have raunchy sex.
>She asks what that is, I respond that its sex where we need to establish a safeword. Rather than get excited, she says "i dont think that's in the card tonight, Im too tired".
>tfw lack of sex is driving me crazy
>tfw she has no idea just how sexually depraved I have become
>tfw I just want to have good sex with my wife
>When I think about something sexual. I have to suppress it because wife gets irritated by me "flirting" with her (grabbing her butt, whispering things into her ear)
>When this happens, I typically feel bad/depressed.
>Wife asks whats wrong and tries to get me to say how I'm feeling
>Was diagnosed with Bipolar last year and had a rough 2018 (was fired, out of work, found new job, etc)
>She's constantly trying to ask how Im feeling to see if I'm depressed.
>I've told her about me being sexually frustrated, but this made her upset
>Now I just keep it to myself
>tfw...wife asks how Im feeling because I seem depressed.
>I want to say how much I just want to fuck her brains out and how much I need sex for stress relief

Maybe try to have a serious talk with her? Find out what issues she's dealing with?
Honestly, I would consider divorce.

We went to a sex therapist.

We were fired as clients after 2 sessions.
Therapist had to repeatidly ask wife if she wanted to be there because everything (body language, tone, responses, etc) were a loud "No".

Tfw therapist refuses to take $150 per session because she thinks we would be wasting our money.

bro say the truth or you a bitch.

These are warning signs user. Take it or leave it

You need Jesus

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You know what to do. Or be unhappy and with blue balls for the rest of your life.

Leave her!

LEAVE HER OMG

>wife was molested
>has BPD
>will never change
>leave her

Havent asked her if shes been molested. Its possible...but generally she is brutally honest about everything (probably on the autism spectrum). I think she would have told me if she had been molested.

BPD (borderline personality disorder) is a high probability.
Parents divorced when she was very young.
She used to visit biological father almost every week until about highschool.
She had a very priveleged childhood. Father is/was literally a millionaire. They used to take vacations to bahamas and other places all the time.
When she turned 17, her biological dad literally gave her a blank check and told her to negotiate on her own (she bought it without him).

The stepmom is a massive manipulative cunt. Has 5 kids all from different fathers. Wife is only biological child from her father. Stepmom is a literal whore and drug addict who would give drugs to bastard children who lived with them. Biological dad is delusional. When stepmom was hospitalized from drug overdose, toxicology said she had like 5 drugs in system. Biological father blew up saying everyone including doctors were lying. When dad confronted stepmom, she "had a vision" from god and "miraculously" changed her ways.

Stepmom would trash letters wife would write to dad. When mail was certified, she would reject the letters. When proof of rejected letters was shown to dad, he said wife was lying.

Around highschool, dad nearly entirely cut contact to be with "new" family. Took money with him.

Dad originally promised to pay for whatever college she wanted. She got into an ivy league school. Stepmom convinced dad to renege saying "if god really wants you to go, he'll find a way for you to pay on your own".
Meanwhile, dad pays for kids to be bailed out of jail many times.

Wife gets first boyfriend after highschool. He moved in with then. He is abusive. Her stepdad and mom kick him out of house.
Last thing wifr said to him was "if you try to kill yourself again, do it right this time".

He did.

I very much love my wife and she loves me.
I know that shes constantly under stress from the 1.5he communte each way to work, work itself, her PhD program, and worrying about me (recent bipolar diagnosis).

I also know she is super unhappy with herself and her weight. She still mentally sees herself as this skinny/anorexic looking young girl.
She hates looking at the mirror and pictures of herself.

I got her and I memberships to a fitness class so we can workout together (its a start).

Even if she has BPD, i love her and dont think for a second of leaving her.

I know she feels bad about the lack of sex. And talking about lack of sex stirs up her unhappiness as well. Shes even told me that its ok to find a mistress. I told her that was ridiculous and i only have eyes for her.

I just wish i knew how to help her.

Then enjoy your non existent sex life. Bpd also is a fucking nuclear bomb. If she wanted things to improve she would take the steps. It's about compromise and she doesn't seems happy to meet you half way. Selfish bitch.

#

She tries and I see and acknowledge it.

For valentines...when i was cooking dinner for us, she came out wearing one of the outfits i bought for her saying she had a surprise for me (pic related).
She knows that i REALLY like lingerie, so she was obviously trying to please me.

I stopped what I was doing and paid her fully attention. Gave her kisses, hugs, etc and told her that as much as I would love to ravish her, i was in the middle of cooking and asked if we could have sex after dinner so its not rushed and i could take my time (didnt want to have a "quickie"...i wanted quality sexxytime). I went to our room and grabbed my warm robe and clothed her so she wouldnt get cold. I also took a viagra in anticipation for sex (once again...ive developed ED issues).

We ate dinner and watched a couple of youtube videos. While watching videos (no more than 30 minutes), she legit fell asleep on the couch still wearing the outfit.

I put all the leftovers away, got everything ready for bed, laid out her PJs, etc. Woke her up and moved her to the bedroom.

Had a massive errection from the viagra. There is only 1 solution (to ejaculate).
Was going to use fleshlight...but thought to myself "screw this" its valentines day.
She was still half awake...so asked her to turn over.
Pounded her from ontop/behind at my own pace and then went to sleep.

She tried...but ultimately it ended the same way. Her too tired for sex, me having to initiate.

I legitimately no longer have any expectations for sex...even for V-day.
My birthday is coming up this weekend, im not even going to try.

There is only so many times a person can get rejected before its more hassle than its worth.

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And this is how a man gets broken. Pay attention people.

>this doesn't turn me on

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Hey, femanon here. Your wife has been desensitised by the vibratior, (and also the porn, but in a different way. )
I had a similar issue. I used a vibrator to orgasm and watched porn growing up and I could never orgasm with just penetration. It effected my relationships a lot. I had to give up the vibrator and learn or orgasm without it and gain proper feeling back because the aggressive vibrations desensitises your clitoris making it unenjoyable to have regular sex

Bi polar isn’t BPD, retard

quads

sounds like my ex

had bpd, NEVER came from penetration despite my thick ass benis, always had to interrupt sex to touch herself, was the only way

>Your wife has been desensitised by the vibratior, (and also the porn, but in a different way. )
myths

>I had to give up the vibrator and learn or orgasm without it and gain proper feeling back because the aggressive vibrations desensitises your clitoris making it unenjoyable to have regular sex
The part of the clitoris that gets stimulated from cock isn't the same, since it's mostly on the inside.

I hate how 90% of people don't know what a clitoris actually is.

You make it get erect, the inside part, and that's when penetration feels awesome.

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>desensitized by the vibrator
What are you talking about..? I use a vibrator all the time and oral/rubbing still feel just as good. Actually one of the things to help me cum during sex for the first time ever. Without getting everything sensitive down there with a clitoral orgasm it sucks
Also, to OP's issue- if anything OP's wife is feeling disconnected from OP, she probably just feels like he just wants sex and is recoiling from any intimate touch at this point because she's thinking "ugh not now". Her husband's touch shouldn't make her react that way. I think OP needs to cool it with the crazy fantasies and constant horndog behavior and get his wife used to touching him and being with him without there always being an expectation of sex. They need to rebuild intimacy and trust without that looming WE NEED TO HAVE SEX SOON I NEED SEX NOW ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT SEX!! over her head. My old relationship ended becuase we got into this dynamic, I fucked up, it got to the point where he was like OP's wife thinking every touch was me wanting to fuck (honestly it was, I stopped being intimate with him, were disconnected, and was way too sex focused).

The whole desensitise thing is bullshit. People lose libido for other reasons, and they falsely attribute it to that. A simple case of misattribution in causality.

this doesnt sound like BPD at all

DONT FUCK THE CAT

>friend has female roommate
>literally waxes and wanes in her bed naked as fuck every time she leaves
>This goes on for three years, then he gets his own place
How did she not know? Arguably, it was hilarious (and fucked) that we'd be chilling, she'd leave, he'd do the deed and sprint to the shower shouting in Zulu while covering his balls.

Im almost certain id know if a bitch was going to town on my bed. What gives

OP and myself are different people*
Apologies for basically hijacking thread.

Your advice is pretty relevant.

A bit more info.
It kinda hit me in the feelz when she said "its never been a problem for any other guys". Not because i judge her past, but because ive always tried rreaaaaalllyyy hard to satisfy her. I know the problem isnt my technique.

I was able to make ex-gf cum everytime. I also had a hookup with a girl from craigslist before getting with my wife. We fucked twice in a single night and made her cum three times...hard. She wanted more, but i ghosted her.

My wife got her vibrator literally right when we met. She won it as a prize from an adult toyshop event. It was pretty cheapo though, and after a while, she had problems reaching orgasm with it. When we got married in vegas, i actually bought her a new and more powerful vibrator from lelo the night before (she didn't bring her vibrator)...so when we had wedding night sex she could atleast climax, otherwise she wouldnt through fingerplay....and once again she doesnt let me go down on her.

I make it a point to try and touch and be intimate without sex....but thats part of the problem.
I crave intimacy and physical affection. Wife couldnt care less.

When we sleep together, i have to explicitly ask her for cuddle time..otherwise she will just sleep with her body pillow between us (between her legs/arms...where i should be).

She always rejects massages (i offer when she says her back/neck is sore or has knots), rejects foot massages, when i kiss her she doesnt really seem to kiss back half the time.
When she comes home from work i greet her at the door, welcome her home, and give her a hug. Half the time she doesnt reciprocate/hug back.

Literally, she doesnt really want or seem to understand intimacy/physical affection.
Its either "nothing" or "sex" to her.
There is no inbetween.
My gut tells me she mistakes my affection for trying to "initiate sex" because she doesnt understand intimacy

I heavy suspect BPD because of the emotional avoidance/unavilability.

On rare occassions where we come close to "pillow talk" (just saying things like how much we love each other, how great each other are, etc)...inevitably and without fail she takes over conversation and starts to talk about work, other people, etc. When i called her out on it once, she got super upset and slept in a guest bedroom.

Its not like she didnt talk about her day/work earlier either...thats usually the first thing she does is unload all her baggage from the day onto me. At times, i just feel like a stress dumping ground.
Im a very empathetic/emotional person, so when people tell me stories its like i emotionally live it. On days where ive had a tough/bad day myself and try to reserve myself/not get emotionally invested she gets mad and says im not listening/dont care.

Anyways....Its like she hits a redline of "too intimate" and then a mental panic button is pressed and she starts to deviate/tries to redirect to something else.
I see it on her face, her body language, and directly in what she says.

Shes been like that since we met.
Always has me at an emotional arms length.

I suspect its related to BPD (undiagnosed) from her biological dad abandoning her and her first boyfriend being abusive and eventually killing himself after they broke up (after she told him to "do it right this time").

Why the fuck did you marry that crazy frigid cunt? Enjoy being miserable cause she surely is not interested in change.

>jerking off with CLEAN panties
What’s the fucking point? You’d may as well buy some fresh new pairs at the store.

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Knowing she wore them is hot

divorce, you muppet.
she's obviously not willing to communicate with you, that's a major red flag.