We were bestfriends for so long before we got in a relationship. were both 21.
We just broke up last Sunday morning.
He says because he wants to be able to find himself and grow and is not ready to be in a relationship, he just wants to date and explore as well,not stay committed as of now. (which I understand, we lived together for 6 months and this was his first serious relationship so I understand why it was too much for him)
I am respecting his space and privacy so I have not reached out at all.
(yesterday, however i made a fucking stupid mistake because i accidentally sent him a snap meant for someone else, its because his name is on top of the list-- i hated myself for that -- i didnt wanna fucking sound like a desperate person. --- anyways, whats worse was i said,"wrong send" but he left me on read)
It has been 4 days without any word and as a person with anxiety, my bestfriend calms me down. So this is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard for me. I can't function well.
I miss him so bad, but I am doing this for him even though its hard.
I just want to make things clear between us (and atleast, save our friendship) because it all happened so sudden.
The previous days before the break-up, even the night before, we were doing so good! so happy! he even says things like he loves me so much
out of nowhere.... then all of a sudden, the next morning, all is gone.
I understand he wants space and time...what I don't understand and has been bothering me is that, it all happened so sudden.... how? why?
I want to sit down and talk with him.
I just want to understand more... and I miss him so much. And I also, want to ask him and try to save atleast, our friendship.
I don't care anymore if he does not want a relationship, I RESPECT THAT.
But I just want to ask him if our friendship can still be saved, even though it wont be the same as before.,..because,how can it all just be thrown away??
so when? when can i reach out?
the silence is getting so loud its killing me.
I miss my bestfriend
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There has to be an underlying issue there, there's no way someone would just walk out of it so sudden, the best course of action is to talk about the actual reason, maybe he found someone else or something along those lines.
Heartbreak at your age can ruin you if you let it. Tell him how you feel. Give him a chance to make it right between you. If he cannot, then you’re going to need to move on. It’s really hard. It can take decades if you wallow in it.
t. dude who spent 15 years grieving a girl who wasn’t worth it
Sorry to hear what you're going through. How did the breakup go, did you not make things clear there and then?
If not, just wait for a while - rather weeks than days - collect yourself and your thoughts, let him do the same, then reach out and tie up any loose ends. It's really important for yourself to get some new emotional perspective on things, you will see what's essential and what's temporary. There is going to be some distance between you that you will never be able to bridge. Things that move you, might not affect him at all. That's why it's important to wait and think, then talk.
It might not feel like it, but silence is your best friend. It will show you the truth, learn to love it and listen to what it says.
Let it go . i know it's hard but it's over. My ex vanished, we made love that morning and she said she loves me while looking me in the eye.
You're still in mourning because of how sudden it was. Give it a month, get back into a hobby, start exercising like a demon, be around friends. DON'T CONTACT HIM OR STALK HIS SOCIAL MEDIA!
It's not what you want to hear but you need to stay away from him and stay no contact for as long as possible. If you are correct in that you are dependent upon him for your anxiety issues then it's even more imperative that you learn to survive on your own.
Chances are very low that you'll be able to go back to being "just friends" if it is hitting you this hard.
Don't read into the "I love you so much" stuff. When people say that, it is usually out of emotion. I.E. I can feel like I want to cuddle the fuck out of my wife forever when I wake up in the morning and then transition into feeling like I want to strangle her (figuratively) by dinner time. Feels come and go, but actual love is a choice.
The fact that looking at random girls can make me diamond hard hasn't changed after I got married and it's pure bliss when sweet young things start wearing tiny skirts and dresses in the summer.
Just trying to communicate what seems like a simple point can make me want tear my hair out.
Trying to negotiate how we're going to spend our vacation days for the year can make me reconsider my life trajectory.
Hearing that she would rather pay double the price for international flight tickets because she doesn't want a 4 hour layover makes me wonder about the total cost of a divorce.
However I know I love my wife because I understand that these moments are fleeting and because I am choosing to stay focused building our life together. Your ex-lover and ex-best-friend doesn't love you because he chose the potential for strange pussy instead.
if he found someone, then okay. I respect that. I dont want to force him on anything.
I will be happy where he is happy, even if that means it is not with me anymore..
but, all I really really really want is to hear from him.
for 2 years, we're bestfriend. we talk almost everyday, from problems to stupid little things.
and now,not a word.
I can't take it. I literally can't physically,mentally and emotionally.
I'm trying so hard to wait and wait and wait to give him space and time.....
but when?
when is the appropriate time for us to talk again??
>when is the appropriate time for us to talk again??
As soon as you're able to genuinely phrase your thoughts about the relationship in a more calm and settled manner.
I know love is a decision and not just a feeling and that's why I am willing to do anything for him. and that's why I trying so hard to stay quiet and not reach out even thugh its hard. he knows me and he knows how hard this is for me..... but,i dont know.... i just really want to hear from him.
Alternatively you could also just try and talk to him again, but chances are high it's not going to give you the peace you're hoping for.
oh user, I've never heard silence this loud.
All I really want is to save whatever remains of our friendship.
I KNOW it won't be the same as before.and I know the relationship, maybe even his feelings is gone..
But the friendship is the most important thing for me...
We both moved in NYC from different state & countries and
He had no other friends but me and I got so close to him than anyone else.
We always hangout and talk and do things thats why we became bestfriends...
and now it hurts so much because, I just really want to save that. whatever's left of it.
Apart from the accidental (somewhat intentional?) snapchat thing, have you contacted him in any other way?
no. never.
not one bit.
like i said, i respect his space and time, and i always convince myself that its all going to be okay, that he will reach out when he is ready.....
but i dont know user.
Everything happened so sudden.
Everything is happening such a surprise lately that I don't want to wake up in a year and be surprised that he has not talked me still.
I want him to take as much time as he needs, but... at the same time, I also want....I guess assurance or closure?
That we'd still be bestfriends or friends.
I mean really, how can he just throw it all away in a blink of an eye.
Bump.
I am truly sorry, but I don't have any advice to give you as I am In a really similar situation with my best friend/ex gf.
Many things happened and now I just wish I were dead.
She has been my best friend for more than 5 years, she knows pretty much everything about me and I always felt like we were connected.
I miss her more than anything, it hurts so much knowing that she'll never care for me as much as I do for her.
We both made our mistakes but I will never hate her.
I hope you get the answers you were waiting for.
I mean you can try to reach out to him in a more sincere manner than an accidental snap. Ideally, try to talk face to face with him. Tell him that it all happened way to quick for you and need some appropriate closure. Collect the essence of what you told us in this thread and tell him that, but don't expect anything in return. That you respect his distance and at least ask him for the same respect about your desire for closure and whatnot. Ask him when the right time is.
Just reach out to him if it's so difficult for you at the moment, see what happens, that's all you can do.
Not gonna lie, everybody - myself included - talks about just cutting things off and have no contact and everything, because in the long run silence is the best thing to heal breakup. But I guess in the same manner it's also somewhat healthy to disobey this advice and just pick up some contact again. This will probably lead you to the same conclusion as everybody else here in this thread. There's a high risk that meeting him again will stir up more pain than you might expect, but it's good you experience that for yourself, as strange as that sounds.
I don't know, that's all I can think of for now. Wish you happiness and all, user.
I only read the first line. This is why you don’t sleep or get into a relationship with your close friends.
You don't have friends so I can't imagine you got to experience that. I have, and I got to keep the one that isn't a complete mistake. I'd say it worked out.
worst thing you can do is let his existence complete your existence, you are a person and he is half a person for having left you. One day he'll look in the mirror and miss your interactions and wonder how things could've been better with you. You need to get up and jog it off. Probably literally. Because if all you do is loath in sadness and pity you aren't going to appear ready for a relationship of any kind.
So my advice is to continue with life as normal. One day maybe soon he'll DM you with a long heartfelt apology. Or maybe not and the other anons are right about there being more to this than you're letting on.
I have friends and we treat each other like family. And not someone to hookup with, I still got mine.. you don’t. Good job.
I actually do if you read my reply dummy, and quit larping. the roastie and the bitch aren't my friends, the cute one who's nice is my bff.
I am just torn between wanting to give him his space and time and wanting to reach out too.
I dont know what to do.
I understand we need time from each other, but we also need to talk more than what happened.
well you should choose a person to reply to, so we know who you're talking to. Secondly you didn't answer my question.
baka you gotta be larping.
>That you respect his distance and at least ask him for the same respect about your desire for closure and whatnot. Ask him when the right time is.
Thank you, user. My friend who knew us both said the same thing. Maybe he is also having a hard time and do not know what to do or how to reach out and talk to me, my friend said.
>Wish you happiness and all, user.
thank you so much. this helps me a lot.
>Many things happened and now I just wish I were dead.
I feel that way. I am sorry for you.
>She has been my best friend for more than 5 years, she knows pretty much everything about me and I always felt like we were connected.
I miss her more than anything, it hurts so much knowing that she'll never care for me as much as I do for her.
you guys are not talking anymore....at all? not even an ounce of friendship is left??
I don't want that to happen between me and me :(
LOSING A BESTFRIEND HURTS MORE THAN LOSING YOUR BOYFRIEND.It's a way more different connection.
sorry, which one is your question again? and also this is my 3rd time in Jow Forums. I knew about it from my now ex-boyfriend. so i dont really know how this works as much such as to trace back which question you had.
>This is why you don’t sleep or get into a relationship with your close friends.
I know. But... I really have no regrets, not one bit. Because despite how this has ended, we had a great and healthy relationship. Infact, our friendship and everything else got stronger.
We knew each other more.
Which is why its devastating that it went away all of a sudden, but NO, I have no regrets.
I guess, the live-in situation was just too much for him and had not have him prepared to be committed, as he never had a serious relationship before.
>No.20626434
>My ex vanished, we made love that morning and she said she loves me while looking me in the eye.
That is so harsh and I am so sorry for you.
>Give it a month, get back into a hobby, start exercising like a demon, be around friends
I try to function normally, but its hard. But I try.
>DON'T CONTACT HIM OR STALK HIS SOCIAL MEDIA!
I don't. I left my phone at home today and went to college and work because I dont wanna keep checking my inbox for nothing.
>>No.20626420
>How did the breakup go, did you not make things clear there and then?
The break-up was calm. No fighting or screaming, which is good-i guess.
And yes, we talked and he did explained why he is doing this and what he wants. It was so sudden.
Also, if this is what he wants, I will respect it.
But, like I said, all I want is to save what little is left of our friendship.
because, really, we are long-time bffs before we got into a relationship. so having it thrown away would tear me in pieces more than this break-up.
>>No.20626428
It's not what you want to hear but you need to stay away from him and stay no contact for as long as possible
I really dont want to reach out first because I don't want to sound desperate and I also respect his space....
but, I also need to get my stuff out of his place.
So i think i have no choice but txt him.
would it be weird if at the same time, i would try and talk to him that day?...to clear things out.... is that too soon?
why did you break up? how long have you known each other?
So let me give you guys the tl;dr version
>roastie finds herself a chad who gives her attention for a while
>chad does what chads do and decides he wants to fuck some other coochie
>roastie has a mental breakdown
>will probably repeat this process soon again
Ya you brought this on yourself.
You're 21. I hate to sound so vicious but you need to get the fuck over it. I get it, breakups are hard, but wasting your time being miserable because he left is worse. Get your shit together and move on. Find your happiness without relying on a man.
>you're 21
For men this is already pretty old. For women this is fucking ancient. Good luck finding a man to take you under his wing now that you have lost the charm of youth
You're not gonna function "normally" for a while. You have to make a new normal
>>You have to make a new normal
A new normal. What strange way to put everything. From what felt like home, now feels so strange.
Thank you,user.