I need advice badly for my current situation. Long story short
>29 >She is 36 >Great chemistry at first >3 week intensive contact >Recedes a bit when I come back from trip >Still hang but become mad clingy
This is the problem, besides confirmation that we are now only friends.
>In the office I feel obsessed. >MEGA MEGA MEGA CLINGY >Can't stand knowing she is meeting other people even though objectively she would want to and is spreading her wings >Can't focus at all, just want to talk to her >Finally get to talk to her >Infatuation dies, almost feels mundane
I even feel jealous when she says she gas been socializing with other colleagues without me knowing. It is not good. But now when I hang with her, sure we can chat, but not the intensity as we did and suddenly in the moment I begin to feel "meh". I even went out agsin to eat with her but the spark seems gone. We said a very cordial goodbye after she bolted into the taxi (she was exhausted), after I said "Goodbye femanon".
I suppose it makes me think WHY I feel this way and why do i even feel clingy or ocd when she is hanging with others.
Please give advice what is happening and how to fix my head.
You're obsessing. Sounds like you need to get at the root of why her perceived awesomeness matters so much to you.
James Sullivan
You are infatuated. She is not. It really is that simple.
What to do about it is more complex.
Christian Reed
She didn't meet your stupid infatuated expectations because she's actually a human being not an angel but your brain still associates her with the high of infatuation. You can still get things groovy again by leveling with her and demanding she either give you her love or leave you alone, or getting really trashed and do a bunch of drugs and fuck around where she'd notice and see you as some party animal Chad and regain interest while you numb yourself and make friends. You sound lonely desu.
Ryan Torres
Well what should I do about it? I need to come down user. I know I do. Its confusing me.
>You sound lonely
Maybe. But the infatuation was met after that 3 weeks. Honestly I think she might be in a similar boat.
>say to myself "time to get food" >her head shoots up >"you gonna get stuff? Can I come along?"
Or
>Leave together from work >Gonna drop her off to bus stop >Gets text from brit expats if our office for dinner >Invites me along >They go ahead without, asks if dinner together
Not sure but maybe she feels kinda sorta similar?
Jackson Morris
damn OP how many times are you going to start the same thread?
Lucas Peterson
Well its developed somewhat in terms of the aftermath. Should I go hard cold turkey and try to force myself to not care and focus on work?
Lincoln James
I don't know really. We just hit it off so hard initially.
Ethan Bailey
This Is A Repost.
Parker Roberts
I expanded it from the original. Some things have changed and I am looking for advice to overcome my infatuation.
Aaron Hall
>But now when I hang with her, sure we can chat, but not the intensity as we did and suddenly in the moment I begin to feel "meh". This is a good sign. Your infatuation peaked, and you’re starting to come down. When you have those weird obsessive feelings about her, just remind yourself that not only does she not like you that way, but also you don’t even really like her anymore. By forcing yourself to confront those truths, you’ll be conditioning yourself not to like her. And it goes without saying that you should see her less. Don’t say yes all the time when she calls.
David Davis
Thanks man. In a round about way I think we have also run low on conversation. But objectively id actually like to keep a friendship and also too feel i could use this as practice.
How should I maintain conversational topics with her beyond work? I think it could help improve my general social skills with women.
Bentley Stewart
Talk to her like a male friend. Bring up something you heard on the news, ask if she’s seen any good movies lately, literally anything. Although I must stress that you should really be keeping your distance from her. Do not try to turn her into a close friend if you are not fully over her.
Asher Miller
You feel clingy because feelings for someone don't just evaporate, while on the otherhand you feel 'meh' when talking to her because you've got a very mild case of heartbreak.
Isaac Davis
Fair enough. I was told that by one of my friends in person. He suggested to wait it out and if something concrete were to come out of it, it will happen. But that said what is your view on . Think she is confused too or just being nice?
>Mild case of heartbreak
Yeah, I got pretty upset the day after she said we were just friends.
Nathaniel Cooper
She's your friend dude. You're the one who got hurt, as far as she's concerned she's dealt with the "problem" of you being into her and now you two are free to be friends. Women really are that stupid about keeping male friends around.
Nolan Phillips
>He suggested to wait it out and if something concrete were to come out of it, it will happen Look I’m sure your friend means well, but imo that is poisonous advice. DO NOT become close friends with her because you think she will one day develop feelings for you. Your “friendship” would be based on a lie, that you only want to be her friend, when in reality you’re hoping she’ll give you a chance. >Think she is confused too or just being nice? Don’t do this to yourself. She is just being nice.
Ethan Watson
I suppose his logic was if things were to happen it would happen regardless. He was saying despite her being out of my league to be friends and if things reignite it will happen. Can you elaborate how its poisonous advice?
I suppose that makes sense. Heres hopes my office time today will be calmer upstairs.
Asher Parker
>I suppose his logic was if things were to happen it would happen regardless. Well yeah if it happens it happens but how does that help you? If something happens it’s because you have to make it happen. Don’t expect this woman to do all the work. >He was saying despite her being out of my league to be friends and if things reignite it will happen. Can you elaborate how its poisonous advice? It’s poisonous because like I said, you’re basing your friendship off of the hope that she will like you one day. That’s not a good friendship. That’s how you end up spending years of your life obsessing over this woman. “She rejected you, so do nothing and wait for her to not fall in love with you” is the worst possible advice.
John Gomez
Well how do I make it happen? I have treated her to meals, be nice, or as nice as one can be. I have expressed my interest in all but words though got clarity.
That said the method behind it was you treat her as a friend, see if anything happens. Both of us meet people but maintain it. If she meets someone or me fine but if we end up just gelling, so be it.
it was not entirely lay low. Live life, meet girls he said but see if anything happens in the interim while we get to know one another proper. If it works it works.
Elijah Cooper
>Well how do I make it happen? You don’t. It’s over. She doesn’t like you as more than a friend. The only thing you haven’t tried is confessing to her or unambiguously asking her out on a date, but it won’t do anything because, again, SHE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. >That said the method behind it was you treat her as a friend, see if anything happens. If you don’t see anything wrong with this, you are beyond help. Go ahead and stay “friends” with her hoping something will happen, but don’t expect it to work. You’ll always be just a friend, especially if you keep acting like a friend to her. And quit lying to yourself that you want to meet other girls while waiting for her. You act like you’re getting over her but in reality you’re still obsessed. Live life, but away from her.
Joseph Reed
I see. Well you got very grounded advice but still as a friend id like to build it. I see how it may seem wrong but i aint lying. It is hard to describe in text but i know how it may sound off.
Wyatt James
You already have her friendship. There’s nothing left to build besides your own false hope.
