Date girl for 4 years

You seem upset

Visit her. Broken people aren't usually so selfless. It's possible she's trying to get out of the relationship or has something to hide, but it's also entirely possible that she's really taking time off. You know her better than we do. Any evidence for either side?

You're in a position where you can visit her and see what she's going through, and if she decides to be weird about it, or is hiding something, it's her fault for not being upfront with you.

It's possible that you will grow apart in this time, but it's also not hopeless. My boyfriend and I broke up on amicable terms because we were both young and both needed to do some growing, but we kept in touch and stayed friends. Years later, after we had grown, we reconnected and ended up getting back together. We're married now, have been for years, and are still going strong.

My situation is definitely not a typical one, and with the way most breakups happen I would not expect things to turn out like this for most people. However, your situation has a very similar baseline of love and affection, relatively good terms, and needing to grow. It's possible.

She sounds like she has a very low sense of self-worth and this is tainting her opinion of herself and her impact on your life. This is something that can get better with therapy. Since you want to keep this going, be supportive of her and hang in there. It's a difficult situation but the best thing you can do is to show that you love her and are there for her, respect her wishes, and be patient. Things may turn around yet.

This is also a chance for you to make some improvements to your life, as well. She's working hard on herself, might as well use this time to do so, too. Is there anything in your life that you want to change? Anything you can deal with right now to keep yourself from swelling too much?

*dwelling. Stupid autocorrect

It's not, and I'm not trying to be rude, but you look utterly silly trying to suggest this is the case.
I've been told by her therapist that vising her would be a mistake right now as she's severely mentally broken right now. She (the therapist) says she is learning how to undo all the damage she's done to herself and the intensity has her extremely angry, hurt, in tears etc. If I visit her she would likely say something horrible, regret it later and be in extreme pain. I left her one of her favorite stuffed toys and some dessert I made her. Apparently that went okay.

I really don't think I can see her right now. Of course I would love to, but I believe the therapist. My biggest plight is dealing with my crippling sense of loss, wondering if I have any chance to ever be with her again. We were going to share the rest of our lives together. I don't really have anyone to talk to either. My friends live normal lives, my family are all dead.

>My boyfriend and I broke up on amicable terms because we were both young and both needed to do some growing, but we kept in touch and stayed friends. Years later, after we had grown, we reconnected and ended up getting back together. We're married now, have been for years, and are still going strong.
Did either of you see other people? How did you reconnect after so long?

I'm definitely trying my best to improve myself. I'm doing therapy too, god knows I have my own issues. I've also been going to the gym and convinced myself to keep going into work.

We did have a brief break midway through the relationship, which lead to a break up even though we still loved each other deeply. What happened was I worked really hard on myself to be happy and I guess that drew her back to me like a magnet. Unfortunately she didn't work on herself at all, which I didn't know as she was lying to herself and I. This is part of why she cracked.

>broken people aren’t selfless
Dude that’s the whole face of my mental illness. I don’t have any friends to be around because I’m worried I’ll hurt somebody

We did see other people, namely because we got separated through time and distance (4 years, 500 or more miles). We kept in contact, though. We actually reconnected after he had gone through a bad breakup, and just started talking as friends.

It sounds like you're handling it pretty well, then. It's still a difficult situation, and it's still going to hurt, so just do the best that you can.

If things don't work out, you Will find someone else that you will connect with. There's too many people, and life is too long, for you to never find anybody. However that doesn't mean you have to give up.

In cases like this, the motivation may be selfless, but it's also motivated by insecurity rather than pure generosity. Oftentimes people who feel this way end up hurting others because they prematurely destroy relationships with disregard to whether or not the other actually wants that to happen.

They can't imagine why anybody would want to be with them, so they drive away and hurt the people who actually do, and cause harm under the impression that they're doing good.

Id love to see your face when she admits she’s seeing another guy

Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it, user.

mortified for a few days or weeks is perfectly fine and miles better than scarred for life and crucified by a psychotic woman, trust me.