Can we talk about how fucked up it is to ghost a person?

All you need to say when you don't think a relationship is going to work out is, "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now to be completley honest with you." and that's it. You could block them completly after that if you wanted.

i've had people hold my hand, tell me they like me, buy me things, and then suddenly dissapear. this isn't how you treat people its how you treat animals. its like when a kid sees a new kitten and then doesn't want to deal with the hassle of feeding it everyday as if its not a living breathing creature, and then just lets it outside to starve and forgets about it once the intial excitement fades away.

how do you deal with this?

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Ghosting isn't that bad desu. Just take the hint and move on.

>its like when a kid sees a new kitten and then doesn't want to deal with the hassle of feeding it everyday as if its not a living breathing creature, and then just lets it outside to starve and forgets about it once the intial excitement fades away.
And the kitty grew to be a big cat and it killed all the birds in the whole neighbourhood and it fucked all the other kitties and shit in peoples yards and stopped thinking about his dickhead kid owner as soon as he found out he can just kill birds for food.

fuckin based.

>All you need to say when you don't think a relationship is going to work out is, "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now to be completley honest with you." and that's it. You could block them completly after that if you wanted
This is wrong, though. When you reject someone, especially a beta who has to put a lot of effort in just to talk to a girl, they'll always come back with, "why, though? why not? what can I do better? n-not for you, but for the 'next time.'" on and on and it gets really fucking annoying. If you answer honestly, they'll try to turn it into some logical debate about how they deserve just a chance and it drags out longer. Then if you skip trying the "let down easy" approach, or you eventually tire of trying to talk them out of chasing you and tell them to leave you alone, or worse, then they start getting all agitated and offensive. "fuck you, I just wanted to know why, can't you just give me a chance? why are you such an entitled cunt? don't be so fucking rude, you're ugly anyways, you're a hoe, I just wanted someone to fuck haha slut..." and so on. Ghosting skips all of that, and your dumb feelings aren't important enough. Better to have you pissed off than to have both of us waste 5 days (or more) and end up pissed off anyways.

What the fuck is "breadcrumbing"?

I suppose I can see your point.

I do believe there is such athing as explanations making things worse. I had a guy once who I simply just told "Im not trying to hook up' and he got aggressive just because I told him I don't want to hook up and that i wanted a serious relationship.

I agree with this. Like, it's definitely "not all guys" etc etc, but at the end of the day ghosting is partly justified. lying though, is not. If you're gonna ghost or whatever, do it right by saying something like "look i dont think this is gonna work out I dont like you like that", or whatever. It kills any doubt in the other person's mind and you still get to ghost the person. Saying "Im not ready for a relationship" or something is something that's clearly bullshit or maybe the guy will get worried if he is that kind of person. Better to just be honest and then block or ghost/whatever. I have been ghosted when a girl was completely honest and it took me maybe a few hours to get over? But when the ghosting was done via a lie or left some doubt it took longer.


Anyway anoon ghosting is a part of life and people are gonna do it. Look at it as a way to develop a thicker hide for when actual bad shit happens to you

You realize that these people are assholes since they care about themselves infinitely more than other people. After that you realize you dodged a massive bullet.

You're really fragile if you take ghosting to seriously

maybe you pushed that person away with out knowing girls do that why don't you check on that person ask them how are you ? what have they been up to / ask them to hang out show them that yo care and you willing to take a step and if they don't do anything just forget about them you did what you had to do and you showed them that you care it's only fair that both parts care about each other the same level best of luck buddy

You're really illiterate if you use to where you should be using too.

Most girls are inconsiderate and would rather ghost you than break up with you.

There's nothing wrong with ghosting at the very beginning of a flirt.
Stop making a huge deal about it. Just move on.

OP I'm with you. It makes sense if you get ghosted by a person you don't know very well but getting ghosted by someone you know well is fucking rude.

You have to learn to move on. There's millions of people out there waiting for you.

I'm a huge culprit to this, I'm really fucking sorry. I try so hard to be honest and direct but I always end up attracting some really aggressive dudes who don't take rejection well. I feel guilty I can't reciprocate their feelings and I feel cornered if they keep flirting with me after I explain I don't want anything. I don't want to get yelled at and accused of horrible stuff I didn't do. I also don't want someone twice my size to show up at my door to confront me about my feelings because they are "better at talking in person". It's easier to ghost, avoid confrontation, and hide in a corner until it blows over.

This too, it happens too often.

It's always the girls that seem the most interested in me that ghost me the fastest.
Like this girl told me she wants to get married and have two kids within an hour of talking to her and then a week later she won't even read my messages.
What is up with this shit? Is it just a sick joke?
I really don't get it.

So you lead guys on and then ghost them when they have done nothing wrong? You sound like a horrible cunt. You don't deserve any of those guys you ghost.

It happens to me often when I think that things are great and she is very interested and enthusiastic. And when there is absolutely no reason for her to ghost me she does it suddenly out of nowhere.

No, you're jumping to conclusions. There are people who do that but that's not me.

These are guys I meet through mutual friends or at get togethers who latch onto me because of various circumstances. I'm extroverted and try to be friendly with everyone, especially shy people who keep to themselves in a group activity. I'll invite new people to big board game nights and help them feel included in the group. I'm not cozying up to them in DMs or doing anything to suggest I'm into them, it's literally "hey! catan was super fun, friend's hosting another game night next week if you want to join" or "hey user! I'm so glad you could make it, we're setting up over there if you don't mind helping Anon2". Do I sit next to them? No. Do I ask them for favors like driving me home? No. I can't turn off my personality just because some people mistake that inclusiveness for something more than it is.

I don't really know how to shut down advances toward me outside of running away from the problem if they can't take no for an answer. That's why I ghost. I'm sorry.

That's stupid though.
If the problem is that you don't want to explain why, then obviously it's at that point that you should disappear, not before.

>your dumb feelings aren't important enough
That's the truth of the matter. Ghosts have no respect for the feelings of others.

You guys make it sound like only girls ghost. You guys laugh about "pump and dump" and I promise that feels horrible and every guy I liked has done it to me.

Stop trying to find boyfriends on Tinder then.

Both genders can be assholes, but Jow Forums has a male majority of posters so it's natural that there'll be more anecdotal evidence of women behaving like shit-spackled prolapses.

Probably because you're fat.

Talking might be an option if guys would quit being pushy and try to change your mind.

Never used Tinder. Even I know it is only for hook ups. I never wanted a hook up but a guy to love me and they acted like they did but ghosted me after they sexed me. Even confirming plans as we parted but then nothing.

I read and hear men asking for tips on how to effectively lie, "game" you guys call it and that is intended to fool me only for sex when you never planned to stay around, ever. Its widespread among men.

Of course, ghosting is human nature and is done by everyone. People are just afraid of confronting others and would rather take the easy way out.

You're an idiot, I am not overweight. No guy would put much effort or come up with an elaborate ruse to have sex with a fat girl.

So coming up with an elaborate ruse to convince me you care just so you can sex me knowing you will disappear is human nature? No I think that means they are sociopaths

If you're after love, why would you have sex with them before making sure it's going to go somewhere?
Putting out early seems contradictory to your intentions of building a relationship with someone.

>elaborate ruse
If they genuinely liked you they would stick with you. Maybe you just are boring in bed and disappointed them.

>they acted like they did but ghosted me after they sexed me.
You're probably so bad at sex they changed their mind about love.

No, ghosting is human nature, what you described is its own thing. Those guys started the relationship with one goal in mind and once they got it they checked out. It's shitty, but there's not much you can do about it other than waiting awhile before having sex.

So its all on me to know when we are making out and he starts fingering me and telling me he loves me, he's lying?

>Maybe you just are boring in bed and disappointed them
And that justifies dumping me with no explanation? That actually means the only thing he wanted from me was sex in the first place.

It's all on you to not let it get to that point on the first date, yes.
It takes two people to fuck.

I cannot believe it was ever about love. You don't "pump and dump" someone you love. It is always about sex with men and its because they cannot form emotional connections with women they treat them so badly. Men treat their dogs better.

Its not always on the first date and never with a guy I just met. I agree it takes two to have sex but in your world the only person responsible for it going badly is the woman. God men are terrible

You already know that the guy wants to fuck. Whether he wants a relationship or to pump and dump you is irrelevant, guys are guys.
If you want a relationship, it's up to you to choose your partners are bit more carefully and weed out the one night stands from the boyfriends.
It's not rocket science.
Just like fucking, relationships take two people as well. Don't fling yourself headfirst into every potential relationship and you won't have this problem anymore.

Just use it as motivation to treat the next bitch horribly or however you want.

The thing is that the people who are going to go out of their way to be polite and respectful about a rejection are the people who are going to feel like they're stomping a puppy when someone tells them shit like "oh wow I thought we were really developing something special here" or "can't we try once more, I was so nervous, I think I made the wrong impression". Basically the people who grit their teeth so they don't have to ghost are the people who won't go "welp, let's just block this loser" when someone expresses their disappointment or tries to bargain.

Ghosting is rude and hurtful but really it is mostly rejection that sucks. When you get ghosted it is very tempting to think "if only they told me SOMETHING I'd feel better now". But the guy you text that you don't see it going anywhere wants a reason and is going to tell himself "if only she gave me a REASON/if only I got a fair CHANCE then I'd be alright now". I still think that you should avoid ghosting out of basic politeness but as someone who rejected a lot of guys rather than not telling anything, I honestly never got the impression someone was happy that I got back to them, just that they were angry/hurt/resentful there wasn't going to be more, which is also pretty understandable. It happened literally one single time that someone accepted gracefully and without asking questions, with a guy who obviously wasn't interested in me either.

I literally met a girl who ghosted me for a month and met again on dating apps. Called her up about it and now its just awkward. Whatever man, Id rather completely ruin something than leave it open ended.

Well of course rejection basically hurts. We can't get out of this, it will never be alright, it will never make people happy.

But it does hurt less when it's done in a respectful way.

How about men work on not being assholes to women? Hmmm. How about not encouraging each other with tactics to get sex from her or don't waste your time? How about not running away when you impregnate an unsuspecting girl. Men do this and yet you say if they do its my bad. No its men that are bad including those, like yourself, that give them cover.

It may hurt less but when I have tried to be honest they twist it and consider it unsettled and still have a chance. The best thing for women is to totally know the guy before ever going out with them. Its so much easier to say no up front than after. Once a guy thinks he had a chance he will never stop. Ever. A man can lock a woman in a basement, chained to a pole and be convinced she wants to be with him because she hasn't left.

>>your dumb feelings aren't important enough
>That's the truth of the matter. Ghosts have no respect for the feelings of others.

At some point you have to learn to prioritize yourself and your own well being over others.

I don’t agree with ghosting, but I also don’t agree that the other person has any obligation or responsibility to watch out for your feelings. That’s your own job.

I say this as a dude who has been “ghosted” before, and has even caught up with them and asked what happened, only to get some obviously bullshit excuse. I didn’t get offended or anything, I just said no worries and went my own way.

Really, if you’re getting that riled up about this shit, you’re probably going to react like one of the guys demanding mentioned, where you’ll basically become the nightmare that they drove them to start ghosting in the first place, and basically legitimized the practice.

Fuck did, I say this having had a bad moment where I basically became that guy too at one point. I remember I basically had to ghost *myself* in order to stop acting so insane—which I literally knew I was—and to move forwards with my life. I called myself on it, stopped, and learned from my behavior.

I can definitely see both sides, even having dated enough to be on the reverse side and meet a few people where I knew the only way to avoid the crazy was just to not interact, because I learned from the past that engaging and trying to be nice about it would only lead to even more hurt feelings and greatly escalated situations (I think that was literally my first experience dating actually lol... fucking A though... the sobbing drunken voicemails and drunken texts... felt like a fucking brutal introduction... tore me up with guilt and shame for a while.)

That’s why I think that when it comes down to it, the only think you can do is be responsible for your own feelings. Too much empathy can backfire at times.

Or maybe women can just choose guys who aren't assholes?

Setting for less attractive people will give you a better chance of getting someone to stay. Are you willing to do that?

Meh, while you're right that men can often not take a hint, you can always just ghost them after telling the truth. Block them, whatever. I am male but I have done this (long story) and it works out better.

On the other hand, I was ghosted by a girl who had a traumatic past and basically an hour before we were gonna go on our 5th date and make love (she actively said she was ready and I never brought it up out of respect for her traumatic past, I kinda just said im ok if she doesnt want to be sexual for the time being) she said the "im not ready for intimacy and a relationship" and ghosted me then and there. It felt really shitty. I ddin't try to bargain or anything but I did ask how she was like a month later. She never responded. So while I was actually worried about her, and had no expectation to get back with her, stuff like that happened. I'm not too bothered about it anymore but she stayed in my head for that month because I was worried about her when really, she most likely didn't like me for whatever reason and didn't want to be honest.

>It may hurt less but when I have tried to be honest they twist it and consider it unsettled and still have a chance.
If you can ghost them, then that behaviour is not a problem. Just do it at that point, after a clear rejection, not before.

> I also don’t agree that the other person has any obligation or responsibility to watch out for your feelings
Then you disagree with the most basic principle of social life. Yes you do have an obligation to be respectful to people around you. And of course that obligation grows with closeness.

>where you’ll basically become the nightmare that they drove them to start ghosting
You're just assuming this. That's a problem. Lots of people ghost others under the assumption that they will get harassed otherwise. Besides the disrespect, that's an unfair preventive punishment. I can only repeat this obvious truth : people shouldn't be punished for faults they're expected to commit. Wait until they do it. See my reply to that other user : if it does backfire, then anyway you can protect yourself immediately by ghosting the person. If it worked before it will work then.
Also that's a pretty sad picture of men that you're drawing with this. Believing that a whole gender is so full of assholes is itself a toxic stance.

> the only think you can do is be responsible for your own feelings
I agree. And so I want people to give each other the chance to be responsible and not impose their feelings on others : I want people not to ghost and not to harass others.
If we just protect ourselves, hide behind our negative expectations, and refuse to communicate, we are not taking responsibility, and we are teaching each other not to take responsibility. Then we get more and more assholes on both sides willing to protect their feelings by abusing the other's.

>Fuck did, I say this having had a bad moment where I basically became that guy too at one point.
Ah, so you are projecting

>Then you disagree with the most basic principle of social life.

No. I disagree with your interpretation of the principles of social life.

It is not an obligation. It is a social curtesy and etiquette, but it is not a mandated requirement. Believing that it is, is naive at best, and completely disregards the reality of social situations.

>You’re just assuming this
I’m not. I’m drawing that conclusion from personal experience. So are other people. My experience even encompasses all sides of the interactions, so I more or less can say I have a somewhat deeper understanding, or at least empathy, of the psychologies involved when it comes to both parties.

>Wait until they do it
In almost any other context, this is a fucking unintelligent stance.

If someone is coming at you with a knife, you don’t wait until they stab you to shoot them.

If someone is polluting the environment, you don’t wait until the eco system is fucked to respond.

If someone is repeatedly idling about a schoolyard, you don’t wait until a child goes missing to report it.

If someone is doing poorly in school, you don’t wait until they fail to start to help them.

Proactively responding is a natural and logical line of thought. It’s not always warranted, but it’s also not unreasonable, especially when personal safety is involved.

>believing that a whole gender is so full of assholes

As far as I’m aware, I did not call out all men I specifically called out the type of people who get so “riled up” (aka butt hurt) about the subject.

I’m done responding to you because on top of refusing to acknowledge that any other viewpoint exists, you’re the type that likes to pick lines out to pick fights with, disregarding the context and what was actually said

To remind you: I agree that ghosting is wrong. But it’s not unfounded behavior. Stop acting so entitled. As I said earlier, throwing tantrums about it does nothing but reinforce the reasoning.

>Comparing a knife attack to someone potentially being mean over text
>Comparing pollution to someone potentially being mean over text
>Comparing pedophiles and the safety of children to someone potentially being mean over text

Cope message to justify being a piece of shitting ghost

Just say "It's not gonna work between us" and if he (or her, let's be honnest women are worst at taking rejection than men) keep talking to you you ghost him or block him.

If he really was gonna overreact to a simple message he'll definitly overreact to a ghost.

Ghosting people is way worse than being honest

Grow some balls and stop living like you are 12 years old

>dumb reductive nitpicking

Actually... considering the worry is dealing with potentially unstable individuals who may be kidnappers, murders, or rapists in pretty much exactly the same vein as what was listed... the analogies actually fit pretty well.

The potential problems of false accusations and wrongful assumptions within those analogies also fit more or less perfectly too.

Your trolling failed here. Pretty hard.

But they don’t. When you ghost someone, it is over text. Do you honestly think that if someone was the type to show up at your house and be a psycho, ghosting them would reduce that risk? If they are the type to do that they will do it anyway, or it could set them off even worse. You’re clearly someone who has never had to deal with real crazy people.

Doesn’t matter if it would or not, the perception is what counts. The phrase “Out of sight, out of mind” applies here.

Ghosting is a very effective strategy for men to win an argument with a woman. Probably the only way for a man to truly win.
The theory is that: women crave attention. By arguing with a woman, you are feeding her desire for attention. By ghosting her, you're doing the opposite. She feels as though you dont care about her, you moved on with another woman, ect, regardless if that's true or not.
It's worth noting that this strategy can seem malicious if discovered so always have an excuse ('I was busy' is a classic because it's so low effort but also vauge enough to be passable). Also note that the strategy takes time. Falling off the radar for about a week is ideal imo.

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Ghosting isn't harmful by default I think. If we're talking about people who went on one date or the like then it's not that bad. Some feelings might be hurt, but can easily be gotten over by a healthy person. When ghosting is entirely shit is when you're in a commited relationship and out of the blue contact is broken off. At the point that the ghostee has gotten to know the other intimately a real love or concern has likely formed. So vanishing without a trace is going to cause a panic at first, then deep feelings of rejection.

For different people what counts as "commitment" can be different things, but the results stay the same. By ghosting someone who saw whatever relationship you had as a serious one then you deny them a chance of closure. I have no doubt they would likely beg and plea, but by at least giving cause to the breakup you give them a shot at closure. From that point it is indeed up to them to care for their own feelings.

Not making an attempt to say that things are over before breaking off contact is selfish. Not that being selfish is some inherent evil. That said, the considerate human wouldn't ghost unless they outright can't handle the emotional burden of confrontation. I can accept that being a reason to ghost at least.

That's a really retarded way of thinking.

>Men treat their dogs better.
Or you're worth less than a dog

I mean, we could, but my question is 'how do you end up in the thick of your 20s, compulsively lying?'

I ghost because I DON'T want to deal with these people. If I thought there was something worth it in the whole ordeal I'd work on it and have with many friendships.
If I ditch, I ditch because I don't want to stay there.

Man you are being dishonest.

Yes, it is a requirement to care for others and not be an ass. All usual interactions are based on this. Think of any human contact, you are expected to show that you recognize the others feelings. There are exceptions but those are dysfunctions, except in very particular situation like the army or jails.

>I’m drawing that conclusion from personal experience
Yes, and ? you're still assuming that everyone who doesn't like ghosting is like you or worse.

>In almost any other context, this is a fucking unintelligent stance.
Its your examples that are fucking unintelligent. They are all situations where the other began to show danger already.
If someone is coming towards you, you don't assume it's to stab you. You wait to see a knife. Same for the others.
For our concern, if someone is trying to talk to you, don't assume it is to harass you.

>I did not call out all men I specifically called out the type...
Well that's already unreasonable. Being upset about being ghosted (which is a very common thing) means just that. But I didn't say that you called out all men. I saw in your idea that ghosting is justifiable in general the unavoidable implication that men count among them enough assholes to be allowed to treat them all as such.


As for your personal accusations, they're wrong but unimportant.

This is the real answer. Getting ghosted sucks so hard but if someone doesn't want to deal with you then there's no point throwing a little bitch fit over it. Women have all kinds of justifiable to nonjustifiable reasons for it. Seen so many horror stories of guys throwing huge tantrums over a girl rejecting them that it's no wonder girls prefer ghosting.

That's life, move on. A guy who cares too much about that bs lowers themselves to middle school politics, or doesn't have a life.