Hey Jow Forums I want to share something with you, I'm currently kinda drunk so I have it easy posting it (would never post this while sober)
for as long as I remember myself I have this feeling like someone is watching me i'll elaborate: > When I'm in my room I lock my door and close the blinds folds even if there is nobody home > Even when I do that I feel like there might be cameras and somebody is watching me > I know its probably not true, yet I act like I'm being watched
> When I walk outside, I always check over my shoulders (quite literally). > Sometimes i'll suspect someone is following me so i'll detour to check if they are following me > One time there was this one dude talking on his phone and I thought he was following me so I just booked it, my heart was like @ 200 bpm > I'm a 21 yo male, I'm pretty big (and tall) and confident in my ability to knock out most people, there is no rational explanation to my behavior ...
> I'm kinda tech savvy so when I'm on my PC Rarely do I identify myself online (out of the fear that the government will be able to track me down/someone will be able to collect info about me) so most of the time i go tor on a tails VM
> I can't trust a single person, I'm always sure they have some kind of an ulterior motive > I'll never talk freely to anyone, they might extort me later > I'll never ask favors, as people might use them to hurt me > my parents know absolutely NOTHING about me, and it doesn't seem like they give a fuck > my "friends" as well, I can't maintain relations cause I'm sure they are just pretending
The only thing distracting me from this is music, I can ignore everything if I listen to music, yet when I don't i feel like in 1984 for reasons I can't disclose I can't meet with a shrink as it will be VERY problematic. > Is it normal? do others feel like me? > Is this just a part of puberty? may it just be "it's not a phase mom!!"
Trust problems and paranoia, talk to a therapist immediately. It's not what you want to hear but I would not ignore this.
> OP HERE it only sounds bad, I don't feel like a crazy person, I'm a completely rational human being.
Even if it was that bad (and I'm sure it ain't), a therapist will not be able to help me. I'm working at a specific place where psychological integrity is an important trait as an employee, and they have access to my private psychological records. I honestly don't know what did I expect when i created this thread I guess I kinda hoped someone will say its normal
Well, if it helps you feel better at all, you're not alone. I suffer from a similar experience. Cheers m8
No it’s not normal you should see a shrink this is called paranoia.
>I'm kinda tech savvy so when I'm on my PC Rarely do I identify myself online (out of the fear that the government will be able to track me down/someone will be able to collect info about me) so most of the time i go tor on a tails VM
You realize running tails through a VM has serious security implications that any technically competent person could easily exploit...
And your normal right? no paranoia bullshit right? I can't, it only sounds like this, as I said I'm a completely normal human being, rational and all, I'm not like these basket cases. I'm normal. I'm capable of rational thinking, empathy, functioning as member of society.
Heck, I can even express myself in English pretty damn good while it is not even my native language.
Mild paranoia and trust issues. Go see doctor.
>You realize running tails through a VM has serious security implications that any technically competent person could easily exploit... IK, but guest-to-host vulnerabilities are pretty damn hard to find. And it is too damn hard work rebooting into live tails everytime I want to use the net, So a VM and a pure (no internet connection) snapshot is pretty damn good
It very rarely feels like you are crazy until it is much too late. I am speaking from direct experience. Listen to me if you want, I don't give a damn, but you need to get some help, however you go about it. Please don't ignore this.
You're paranoid and anxious, OP. How old are you? I was like this from about 12-30. It just kind of went away on it's own as I got older, but it's honestly no way to live and I should have gone to therapy for it. You should seek help, no shame in it.
Sorry, somehow missed that you stated your age. 21, so you're still very young. Get some therapy, user, so you can enjoy life without feeling under siege all the time.
would you mind sharing your story with me? I want to know how many things we got in common and what a shrink can help me with? even if I would risk my current job? what can a shrink help me with? I've been in and out since my sister died, what can they help me with, except asking stupid questions?
Everyday i ask myself lf why didnt I end it, i guess im a fucking coward. why am i even alive? my parents preferred my sister so why am i alive? not my fucking fault she fucking died i loved her more than anything and yet i feel guilty fuck this shit
Im not as bad, but ive gone through a similar phase. You just need to force yourself to realize the paranoia is bullshit and watch for actual logical signs of things going amiss. I doubt your a stupid person, so let your logic take over and push the over emotional stufd aside.
Are you military?
Paranoia, yep, go to a therapist or psychologist
Still with us, user? If seeing a therapist is out, how about a self-help book? The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns is popular enough that your local library might have it. If you're afraid of becoming a schizophrenic, that probably means you're not one. More than likely, anxiety is what's eating away at you, and turning your thoughts in knots. The book addresses thought patterns like this, then tells you how to correct the twisted way of thinking. Low cost; inconspicuous; and will familiarize you with the terms, questions, and statements you might bring up if you choose the therapist option after all.
Bring up a word document and write down your thoughts as you read it, as if you were actually talking to a therapist. Forcing the thoughts out of your head and onto paper is an exhaustive affair, which you may find more helpful than letting the damn things swirl and cascade later.
I don't really recommend this, but you could lurk on Jow Forums and see how they go about their lives. You'll see the behavior you described in the op in them, too.
I have the feeling I'm being watched all the time, too. Especially ever since the movie The Truman Show came out, I've been paranoid about it and it causes me to refrain from moving too much or speaking out loud or doing anything excitedly or with enthusiasm, even when I'm alone, so that the people who are watching me can't learn about me and use my interests against me somehow. Sometimes I'll see something I'm SURE I thought of first, like a product on TV or the melody of a song and it freaks me out wondering how the fuck they got that out of my head. Did I talk about it? Hum it? How?
I don't know, man. I never hear voices or visually hallucinate or anything but I have that constant fear in my head and those fucking coincidences. I guess it would make sense if I'm schizo since over the years I've struggled hard with drugs/alcohol, been on and off various meds for depression, anxiety, mood swings, been homeless twice, used to self harm, and have attempted suicide.
Somehow people still have the gall to suggest I shouldn't kill myself LOL